Lind hesitated, but he finally nodded. “OK. As you wish.” He winked at her.
He was clearly referring to the night when they had watched The Princess Bride together. Lind had outed himself as a fan of the movie, which had shocked Eve to the core. The memory of that night almost had her burst into a fit of crying. There was a pain in her chest so fierce that she felt like she might double over if she didn’t do something about it very soon.
There was only one thing she could do, and that was leave.
“I have to go,” she heard herself say. The words tasted like bile on her tongue and felt like razor blades in her throat. “I’m sorry.”
Lind nodded. “I know.” He reached out and stroked her cheek lovingly. “Goodbye, Eve.”
Eve swallowed hard. She felt like she was choking. “Goodbye, Lind.”
She stepped away. It took all of her physical strength and all of her mind’s resolution to turn her back on him and force herself to walk down the sidewalk. Her heart broke more and more with each step she took that took her away from Lind.
It felt wrong to leave him. But it also felt wrong to even consider staying. The whole wide world felt wrong, like her universe was suddenly askew. She guessed it was. And she had no idea how to right it again.
Her house was blissfully empty when she walked in. She was relieved to not find anybody there—not Alan, not her brother, not her parents. No one. It was getting dark, but she didn’t bother to turn on the light just yet. Let them believe that no one was home for just a little bit longer.
She threw herself onto the bed, face down. The tears came then, unbidden and unstoppable. She felt like she could cry forever. She didn’t try to fight it; she had tried to fight enough of her emotions for one day. She thought of Lind and of his touch. She thought of how she would never see him again and how absurd it all was. She thought about Jessica and she cried for her, and she thought about how absurd it was that she was crying for her. And then she cried because she had thought it may be absurd to cry for her.
Eve cried until she had no tears left. Then she slept, and she dreamed of the Viper.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Lind was no stranger to anger. He had spent most of his life with that bubbling, all-consuming sensation in his chest, threatening to take him and his life over. But he had never felt anger such as this. He was angry at the whole wide world. He was angry at the MC for giving him a life he simply could not bring anyone into. He was angry at himself for being angry at the only family he had ever really known. He was angry at Jacob for pulling that awful stunt on them. He was angry at Jessica for betraying Eve. He was angry at Eve for leaving. He was angry at himself for being angry at Eve—when he knew that she really had had no choice.
He thought about her every day, all day—and it was driving him mad. Still, he couldn’t help it. Lind was no stranger to anger, but he was a stranger to love. Sure, he had had women before, but nobody he had ever been in love with. He hated that Eve had gotten under his skin in such a short amount of time, and in such a way that he simply couldn’t get her out of his mind.
“Out of eye, out of mind,” they said, but it proved to not be true at all. Eve was definitely out of Lind’s sight, but he couldn’t get her out of his head.
It wasn’t just about how good they had been together physically speaking. It was about how she had made him feel. Like he was worthy. Like he was special. Like he was more than a common criminal. She had made him feel like Lind, not like the Viper. Eve had not cared about the Viper. She had cared for Lind, and for some reason, that was still completely out of his grasp. Nobody had ever made him feel like he was good enough. Eve had done that, and with her, that wonderful sensation of worthiness was also gone.
He tried to lose himself into the business of the MC, but it all seemed empty and futile to him now. He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Alec said that he should just resign himself to the fact that he would be miserable for a while, because that’s just what love does to you. Lind hated that. He was angry at love, too.
A few times he considered checking out Eve’s neighborhood and see what she was up to. A few times he got as far as a few blocks away before turning his bike around, telling himself he was being a crazy stalker, and leaving. He couldn’t stop wondering whether she had gone back to that fiancé of hers. Alan Sutherland. He had read about him in the paper; the guy sounded like a pretentious asshole. He didn’t understand what it was that she saw in him.
She saw nothing in him, and that was the problem. That was what was driving Lind insane. Eve saw nothing in her fiancé. She didn’t love him, and he probably (from the way she had been talking about him and their relationship) didn’t love her. Why was she with him?
Lind knew that he couldn’t be with Eve. He knew better than delude himself. He knew it couldn’t possibly work. But he wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to be with someone who made her happy. He wanted her to be with someone whom she loved and who loved her. She deserved that. He hated the thought of her stuck in a dull, loveless relationship.
He didn’t know when he had started to think so much about love and relationships and emotional fulfillment. But he had, and he had begun to think about that for himself also. Could he really be destined to be alone for the rest of his life, just because his life was of the dangerous kind? Alec was having a family, and he seemed happy, and no one had kidnapped Linda so far.
Why couldn’t Lind have that? He couldn’t really see himself having kids, but a woman…well, why not?
He tried. After parting with Eve and coming to the conclusion that he would have liked to find that kind of companionship again, he tried—much to the hilarity of his pals from the MC. He went on a few dates. He slept with a few women. He tried to talk to them. None of them had worked out. No matter how hard they may try, none of them had given him that thrill that Eve had given him without even trying.
Lind was no stranger to anger. He was no stranger to pain. But he was a stranger to longing. He had never allowed himself to want anything or anyone in his life before, let alone long for anything or anyone. But he longed for Eve. He longed to have her by his side. He longed to have her in his bed. He longed to feel her skin and taste her mouth. He longed for their conversations. He longed for mundane things like watching a movie together. He longed for kisses that did not necessarily have to lead to anything else. He longed for breakfasts. He longed for days and nights spent together.
He longed for her. Period.
Alec said it was just a matter of time. Alec said the pain would fade eventually. Alec said he would find someone else. Lind was beginning to think that he would feel like this forever. He didn’t want someone else. He didn’t want anyone else. He wanted Eve. He couldn’t have her; he knew that.
So, he would just live in his anger and pain and longing to the fullest. Just like Eve had taught him to.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Eve was a complete stranger to anger. She had never experienced that bubbling, all-consuming sensation in her chest that threatened to take her and her life over. Sure, she had been mad before, from time to time. But she had never felt anger such as this. She was angry at the whole wide world. She was angry at her father for giving her a life that she could not bring just anybody into. She was angry at herself for being angry at her family, who had done so much for her. She was angry at Alan for not loving her, and she was angry at herself for not loving him. She was angry at Lind for letting her go. She was angry at herself for being angry at Lind when she knew that he really had no choice.
She thought about him every day, all day—and it was driving her mad. Still, she couldn’t help it. Eve was a stranger to anger, but she was no stranger to love. She had men whom she had loved before; she knew about heartache. And yet, it was never like this. She had never loved and lost like this. She hated that Lind had been able to get under her skin in such a short amount of time, and in such a way that she simply couldn’t get him out of her mind.
“Out of eye
, out of mind,” they said, but it wasn’t true at all. Lind was definitely out of her sight, but she couldn’t get him out of her head.
It wasn’t just about how good they had been together, physically. It wasn’t just about how great the sex had been. It was about how he made her feel. Like she was worth it. Like she was special. Like she was one of a kind. Like she was more than her dad’s money. He had made her feel like just Eve, not like Eve Robinson. Lind had not cared about Eve Robinson. He had cared for Eve—although the reason why eluded her entirely. No one had ever made her feel like she was good enough on her own, as herself. Lind had done that, and with him, that wonderful sensation was gone, too.
Eve tried to lose herself in her job, which she continued to do. She simply did not have the energy to turn her life around right now. How empty and futile it all seemed to her now! She couldn’t wrap her mind around all that had happened. She tried to tell herself that it was only a matter of time. She tried to tell herself that she would be miserable for a while—because that’s just what love does to you—and then it would pass. Eve hated it all. She was angry at love, too.
A few times he considered casually dropping by Lind’s neighborhood, but she always changed her mind at the last minute. She would be too conspicuous there; people knew her now. She couldn’t stop wondering whether he had found someone else by now. She had seen the women who gravitated towards him; they all seemed like empty-headed whores.
When these thoughts struck her, Eve would think about the men gravitating towards her. About the man. Alan Sutherland. She tried to make a list in her mind of the things that she saw in him, but she always came up empty-handed. She saw nothing in him, and that was the problem. She saw nothing in her fiancé. She didn’t love him, and he probably (although they never had this conversation) didn’t love her. Why was she even with him?
Eve knew that she couldn’t be with Lind. She knew better than to delude herself. She knew it couldn’t possibly work. But she wanted to be happy. She wanted to be with someone who made her happy. She wanted to be with someone whom she loved and who loved her. Lind had made her see that she deserved that. The thought of being stuck in a dull, loveless relationship for the rest of her life was terrifying.
She didn’t know when she had started to think so much about a loving marriage that would give her emotional fulfillment. God knew she had never believed in that. But she had started to believe now, and she had begun to want that for herself. After all, could she really be destined to remain loveless for the rest of her life, just because her world had rules? Her parents were happy. They loved each other. Why couldn’t she have that? Why not?
She tried. She tried to make things work with Alan and when she couldn’t, she tried to work up the courage to walk out on him. She couldn’t do it. No matter how hard she tried, she didn’t have the energy. She tried to fall in love with him, but she couldn’t do that either. He simply didn’t give her that thrill.
Eve was a stranger to anger. She was a stranger to gut-wrenching pain. But she was no stranger to longing. She had always embraced desire in her life, and she was prepared to allow herself to long. She longed for Lind. She longed to have him by her side. She longed to have him in her bed. She longed to feel his skin and taste his mouth. She longed for their conversations. She longed for mundane things like watching movies together. She longed for kisses that did not necessarily have to lead to anything else, but that she wouldn’t have minded if they did. She longed for breakfasts in bed. She longed for days and nights spent together.
She longed for him. Period.
She tried to tell herself that it was just a matter of time. She tried to tell herself that the pain would fade eventually. She tried to tell herself that someday she would find someone who made her feel that way again. But she was beginning to think that she was just fooling herself. The thing was, she didn’t want Alan or anyone else. She wanted Lind.
She knew he couldn’t have him. So, she would live in her anger and pain and longing to the fullest, and she would try to convince herself that she was worth being loved, just for her. Just like Lind had taught her.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
There was a pile of paperwork waiting on her desk, but Eve just couldn’t bring herself to care. Contracts, tenants’ applications, contractors’ bills, clients’ demands…she could not care less about any of it. It wasn’t that she wasn’t trying. She tried very hard to reconcile her old lifestyle with who she had become after her brief but eventful encounter with the Diamondbacks.
Her experience with the motorcycle club had given her a glimpse into a raw, unforgiving world where real things mattered. Where problems were actual problems. Where emotions mattered in their rawest, most unabashed state. Where formalities were a surplus and manners were a waste of time. Where survival wasn’t a given and instincts were skills to be developed and not nuisances to be suppressed. Ironically, for all of its violence and danger, the world of the Diamondbacks was a lot purer and more honest than the corporate, high-end world Eve came from.
And then there was Lind. Eve also tried very hard not to think about him, but not a day went by that he didn’t enter her mind. Most nights she was in his arms, their bodies entangled. It had been four months, one week, and two days since she had seen him last. (But who was counting?) That was a lot of unbidden thoughts and wet dreams.
From time to time Eve would entertain the thought of going back to her secret nighttime life. She would toy with the idea of driving over to the Cobra to ask Gary for her old dancing job back. She knew it was not possible; too much had happened. She could probably find another nightclub if she really wanted to, but the thought of starting her transgressions from scratch somewhere else was simply too exhausting a prospect.
So, Eve stayed put and tried to fit back into a life that did not fit her anymore—if it ever had—and she tried not to think about Lind.
She jumped when there was a sudden knock at the door. Eve sat up straight and tried to appear like she was doing something other than daydreaming about a world that, while it could be found just on the outskirts of town, may as well have been thousands of miles away.
“Come in,” she called, grabbing a pen and the first sheet of paper from the pile and doing her best to look like she had been pouring over it.
She tensed as soon as the door opened and the man walked in, her stomach tightening in an all-too-familiar knot of apprehension. It wasn’t that Mr. Wilson was a bad boss—in fact, he was an excellent one. It was that he had begun to notice Eve’s struggle, and he had let her know in no uncertain terms that he didn’t like it. Eve also tried very hard not to let the man down, but it was proving more and more difficult to do. Her head just wasn’t in it, and her heart…well, her heart was on the outskirts of town, with Lind.
“Mr. Wilson,” she said, pasting a smile onto her face that did not even begin to reach the eyes. “What can I do for you?”
As Eve knew him, Bob Wilson was a polite gentleman whose gallant ways seemed to come from another era. However, he could be stern and was known for not beating around the bush. There was a serious expression on his face, as he took a seat on the chair across from Eve’s desk. His gray eyes bore into her.
“You could try showing up for open houses.”
Eve looked at him uncomprehendingly.
“The Millers’ duplex?”
Shit. “That was today?” Eve blurted out before she had the chance to think of any damage control options.
Mr. Wilson’s eyes flashed. “Yes, Miss Robinson,” he said in a too-calm, too-controlled voice, “that was today.”
Eve felt mortified. Her brain had been utterly scattered lately, and nothing she did seemed to help with that. She took a deep breath. She couldn’t panic now.
“I’m so sorry, Mr. Wilson,” she said, calmly but sincerely. “I really have no excuse.”
“No,” he said coolly. “You really don’t.” He paused. “You know, Miss Robinson, you really are starting to make me regret havin
g kept your job for you.”
Eve cringed. It had been relatively easy to get her position back after she had gone M.I.A. for almost a month while she helped Lind and the Diamondbacks discover who had attempted to gun down their leader one night at the nightclub. The MC had phoned her work for her and made up some personal emergency story that she wasn’t quite clear on. She had come back to find that her job at the luxury real estate agency was still waiting for her. She strongly suspected her father had a hand in that, just like he’d had a hand in getting her the job in the first place. Bob Wilson was a real estate agent who started out small, creating a modest agency that later went on to become a real estate empire in upper Los Angeles. Harold Robinson had been his financial advisor since he had expanded. Eve knew the only reason why she had not yet been fired was out of Mr. Wilson’s courtesy for her father, but she had the feeling that it was about to end.
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I know I have been very off my game lately.”
Untouchable: A Dark Bad Boy Romance Page 32
