by A'zayler
“I know it ain’t easy right now.” Killian sighed and hugged her even tighter. “But… just hold on to me.”
“I am, as hard as I can.” She sniffed, and Killian wished he’d just gone home without his milk.
He could act as hard as he wanted to, but her crying was going to break his heart. He knew that without even seeing her tears.
“I keep remembering all of the stuff about us. Our words, our touching… the way you feel.” She sniffed again. “It won’t go away. I keep trying to make it, but it won’t, and I don’t know how to make it go away.”
“It don’t need to go away. Let it stay.”
“No!” East raised her voice and stepped away. “If you don’t want me, I don’t want you either.”
Her face wasn’t as peaceful as it had been in Walmart, and Killian felt bad. Instinctively, he reached for her again, but she moved her hand.
“It’s me and you, Killian. You don’t have to do this, but you’re doing it. If you wanted us to be together, we’d be together. I’m not doing this.”
East wiped her face and walked back around to her car. “But you better keep your car away from me. I can’t promise you that I won’t fuck it up.”
Killian watched her hop into her car and drive away before getting into his and doing the same. The drive home was too long and too crazy. His mind was all over the place, and it was too overwhelming. He hated to not be in control. That was another reason why he’d stayed single for so long. Women had a way of making you do and say dumb shit. Stuff you would never do regularly. Stuff like pulling up at your homeboy’s house, walking in without knocking, bypassing him and his wife, and heading straight for his wife’s crybaby ass cousin who you’d fallen for like a fool.
“Look, I want you. Bad as hell, but my mind is fucked up right now. When I say hold on to me, just do that shit. I’ma come back to you. I promise I am… just not like this. You got me barely able to sleep and breathe and shit, and I have to get a handle on myself.” Killian touched the side of his head as he leaned down so that he was face to face with East. “I can’t lead you if I’m lost too.” He grabbed the bottom of her face and kissed her mouth hard. “Keep your heart with me, I’ll be back.” Killian pressed his forehead against hers.
He could hear her soft sniffles, but he ignored them and walked back out of the house. He didn’t stop to say anything to Jaylen or Onyx upon his departure. He didn’t think another logical thought until he was driving away. Being too close to East put him under a spell that he couldn’t break. The further he got, the more relaxed he became. When he was finally able to think straight, he closed his eyes and slouched down in his seat. Parked in front of his house, Killian mentally regrouped. That girl was a damn drug, and he was strung out like a muthafucka.
5.I’m Crazy, and I Don’t Care
“I swear, Onyx, I’m screaming inside of my head right now.”
“I knew this was going to happen. I ain’t cut out for this love shit. Ain’t nobody trying to rock on no forever shit with my black ass.”
The sound of Killian’s pained voice floated through East’s head repeatedly as she sat in the parking lot of the apartment complex she was about to rent. She’d been there all morning and had been doing just fine until Jaylen had called her. Killian had been at their house talking to Onyx that morning, and Jaylen had come through with the steal.
After whispering for East to mute her phone and be quiet, she placed her cell on speaker and allowed East to eavesdrop as best as she could. At first, she’d been all for it, but after hearing Killian tell Onyx how bad he’d been going through it since he and East hadn’t been talking, her heart had literally been in shreds. Assuming it and actually hearing it were two different things, and hearing it was definitely worse.
Since ending the call, she’d wished a thousand times that she and Jaylen had just left that conversation private. Everything about Killian was different, and she could tell that just from the tone of his voice. Some of the things he mentioned didn’t help. The main ones being the worst. She’d been unsuccessfully trying to rid her brain of them all morning.
East had been on the verge of gouging her heart out for making him feel like that. She knew firsthand how that kind of stuff could make you feel, and the last thing she’d wanted to do was give Killian that notion about her. She was different. She was his forever.
“Ugh!” She hit her steering wheel before wiping the stupid tears that kept trying to fall from her eyes.
After he left Jaylen and Onyx’s house that night, she’d assumed that would be it, and that they would be over their feelings for each other in no time, but oh how wrong had she been. Had somebody told her prior to their Vegas trip that she in fact harbored deeper feelings for Killian than just on some cut buddy stuff, she would have sworn them down that they were lying.
“You know what? Fuck this.” East picked up her phone and dialed Killian’s number.
It rang twice before going to the voicemail. She called right back three more times only for the same thing to happen.
“Oh, you think you’re about to ignore me? Wrong woman.” East dialed Onyx’s number next.
He answered immediately. “What’s good, cousin?”
East wasted no time. “Where your friend at?”
“He in Best Buy. Why? You good?”
“Hell no. He’s not answering for me. You better tell that nigga to answer for me before I pull up on his ass.”
Onyx chuckled. “That’s a grown man. I can’t make him do nothing he doesn’t want to do.”
“See, you think this is funny. I’m not playing with him, Onyx. I will pull up and slap the fuck out of that nigga. I’m real live crazy. He better answer that damn phone and stop playing with me.”
East heard Onyx laughing, but he’d soon see that she wasn’t Jaylen. She wasn’t on that happy go lucky stuff. It was nothing for her to pull up on her man. She’d done it before and was well on her way to do it again. Now, backing out of the parking spot she’d been in, East headed to Best Buy. If Killian and Onyx thought she was something to play with, they were about to learn today. Luckily, she was in the vicinity and would be there before they had the chance to leave.
“Aight, li’l homie. I’ma tell him.” More laughing came from Onyx. “Y’all need to get this shit together.”
“That’s that fool. I’ve been trying to talk to him, but he wants to keep showing out on me.”
“That’s Kill. He’s just like that. For real, for real, you might have to pop up on his ass. He’s stubborn as fuck, and I don’t know why.”
“It’s alright. I got something for him. Don’t go nowhere.”
“Wait, you on your way here?” The shock in Onyx’s voice was comical and even caused East to laugh a little bit.
“Yep, so don’t move, or I’ma slap you when I see you too.”
More laughs came from Onyx as they held the phone, neither of them saying anything.
“Hurry up and get here because that nigga just walked out the door. We gon’ look stupid just sitting here for nothing.”
“You good. I just pulled in.” East’s eyes scanned the parking lot for either of their vehicles.
When she spotted Onyx’s truck, she swerved up on it, almost hitting Killian’s long legs in the process. He turned around with a scowl on his face, probably ready to go off on whoever had almost hit him, not realizing it was East.
She threw her car into park and got out before he could utter one word. “Why you ignoring my calls?”
“Mannn.” Killian shook his head and tried to suppress the smirk on his face. “Girl, get your crazy ass on. Popping up on me and shit.”
East walked right up to him and got into his face the best she could since he was taller than her. “And I’ll keep popping up on your ass if you think you’re going to ignore me. I’m not none of these other bitches you’re used to fucking, Killian. I will pull up and beat your ass.”
The black hoodie and jeans looked so simple and se
xy on him as he towered over her with one hand in his pocket and the other trying to hide the smile on his face.
“I don’t know what’s so funny to you because I’m not playing you.” East stepped closer in his face, trying to grab the neck of his hoodie.
Killian grabbed her hand, trying to push her away, so she grabbed him with the other. The fitted cap on his head hid most of his eyes, but she could still see the smile that she’d fallen in love with. Clearly, he thought all of this was humorous, but she was the furthest thing from it.
“Man, get your crazy ass on with this shit. I’m not fucking with you.”
That one statement got East going, and she was back trying to fight him. She was pulling at his hoodie and trying to grab his face all at once. Being that Killian was much stronger than her, she wasn’t able to do much with the grip he had on her hands.
“Stop!” He roughly snatched her to him, more serious than he had been.
East stopped moving and stood before him breathing hard. Only then was she able to hear Onyx behind them laughing. She shot him an evil look before looking back at Killian. He was staring down at her with a frown on his face. The initial smirk was gone and was replaced with narrowed eyes and a flat mouth.
“If I’m ignoring you it’s because I don’t want to talk to your ass.” He snatched her closer to him so that they were face to face. “Leave me the fuck alone, East.”
“Fuck no,” she sassed while trying to snatch out of his grasp again. She wanted to hit him so badly, but he wouldn’t let her.
His chest touched hers when he exhaled roughly. “What the fuck is wrong with your li’l psycho ass? Don’t you know I will beat you up? You won’t fucking win. Now, be your muthafucking ass still.”
“You ain’t gon’ just make me start loving your stupid ass and think I’ma leave you alone.” East shook her head in a matter of fact motion. “Nope. You gon’ love me back, and that’s the end of that right there.”
Killian’s head jerked back some as he looked away before sniffing hard. When he looked back at her, his eyes looked different. She’d seen them like that before, but she’d been able to do something about it. Right then, he was angry, and she couldn’t comfort him with her body like she had done previously.
“Get your ass away from me.” He roughly pushed her away from him, and she went right back.
East was swinging at him and snatching his clothes at the same time while Killian did his best to hold her away from him. East was sure people were probably watching, but Killian was her man. If anyone was willing to get an ass whooping about something that belonged to her, then so be it.
“What you keep running back up on me for?” he yelled in her face once he had her hemmed up again.
“Because you mine!”
The smirk returned, this time with a light chuckle accompanying it.
“Cuz you hers, nigga.” Onyx egged on from the front seat.
Killian looked over his shoulder at Onyx and laughed. “Boy, fuck you. You think this shit funny and this girl out here acting an ass.” Killian looked back at her. “Crazy ass fucking girl.” He spoke rhetorically but looked at her while he said it.
“I’m glad you know.”
The space between them could be called anything, dressed up any way they wanted it to be, but at the end of the day, it was love. He could deny it if he wanted to, but East wasn’t a fool. A nigga acting as butt hurt as Killian had been since Vegas was notably in love.
More laughter came from Killian, but East was too riled up to find anything funny. “Now, do you want to answer your phone when I call, or do you want me to keep swerving on your ass? Because either one works for me.”
The perfect white teeth that defined his Colgate smile lit up her world as he smiled down at her. East wanted to stay in crazy mode until he complied with her ultimatums, but his face made her weak. She had it bad for his crybaby ass.
“You’re so beautiful, Kill.”
His change in demeanor and mood was like a bolt of lightning. It happened fast and shifted their aura in the process.
“Fuck out of here.” He pushed her away again.
This time, she didn’t try to fight him, but she didn’t walk away either. He stuck both hands in his pockets and just stared at her. His coal-colored skin, always shining, always smooth, beckoning her lips, so she obliged. He could be a jerk if he wanted to be, but she was about to make her visit worthwhile. East’s hands and mouth were on his neck before he could stop what was happening.
With one hand, she pulled his head to her while using the other to guide his neck to her mouth. The moment her lips touched his neck, all was well in her world. She needed him.
“You’re a fucking vibe, Kill.” She pecked his throat again. “And I fucking need you.”
His chest drooped some, and moments later his hands rested on both sides of her small hips. He didn’t move them or push her away; he just held them there.
“Why you won’t just leave me alone? I’m doing my best to stay away from your ass.”
“Because I’m more real than you.” East stepped back and looked at his face.
Her eyes found his while her hands grabbed both sides of his head and pulled it to her. She kissed his lips, not allowing the fact that he wasn’t kissing her back to deter her in the least.
“You more real than me?” he questioned when she finally released him.
East nodded.
“How you figure?”
“Because ain’t none of these raggedy ass people out here about to make me leave you alone, and that’s on me.” East kissed his lips once more and stepped away from him. “I’ma let you have your little time to cry and act like a hoe, but you coming back to me, and I mean that. You ain’t got no other choice.” East looked him up and down once more before walking around to the driver side of her car. “You better be glad we’re in public, or I’d make you come fuck me. Standing there looking all sexy and shit but the got the nerve to keep pushing me away.” East sucked her teeth. “Nigga, you must be crazy. You mine. Next time I have to pull up, I’m getting some dick for my trouble. Now, bye! And, answer your muthafucking phone when I call!” East yelled again before hopping into her car and peeling out of the parking lot.
The smile on her face was broad and matched the one that had been on his. She’d checked his face in her rearview mirror as she pulled away, further solidifying his feelings for her. That nigga was smiling hard as hell. East was so high off her stunt that she needed to call and share it with somebody.
Jaylen picked up on the first ring.
“Bitchhhhhhh! I fucking love you.” Jaylen screamed as soon as she answered the phone.
East fell into a fit of giggles as she drove.
“I already know why you’re calling. I watched the whole thing. You know nosey ass Onyx Facetimed me.”
“Jay, that nigga thinks I’m playing with him.”
“Oh, I think he knows now. I don’t know which part was my favorite. When you told that nigga he was gon love you back or you when you told him you were going to let him have his time to cry and act like a whore.” Jaylen was laughing again. “East, I hollered. You’re so damn crazy, girl.”
“He is going to love me back. I’m not about to let him come start some mess with me and think he’s not going to finish it.”
“I knew you were Killian’s number. He’s so accustomed to running the women he’s with that he probably doesn’t know which way is up when it comes to you.”
East smiled as she thought of the look on his face when she pulled up on him. “Man, Jay, I couldn’t sit still. I kept calling him, and he wouldn’t answer. Had I not known he was with Onyx, I probably would have been stuck, but since you have that well-trained man, he knew not to disobey me. He stayed his ass put until I pulled up.”
The girls continued their playful banter until East got back to her apartment complex.
“By the time you get done popping up on Killian, he’ll have his act together too.”
Jaylen squealed with laughter.
“That was a crime from the beginning. You know how fine Yeshi is, Jay?”
“Nope, I’ve never seen him before.”
“Baby, you’re missing out. Fine as fuck with a dick like a horse.”
“Hold on, whore. How do you know?”
East grinned to herself. “I felt it. We didn’t have sex, I don’t think, because a nigga that size is bound to leave some damage. Trust me, I know. Killian’s ass be wearing my poor little body down, and Yeshi ain’t too far behind if he’s behind at all.” East looked out the window as she recalled the feel of Yeshi’s body on hers. “We kissed, and if you tell Onyx, I’ma kill you.”
“I’m not going to tell him that.”
“Just letting you know. I know married people tell each everything, but we kissed and touched a little bit. It was on my thigh and bitch…” East sighed. “Bitch.” East snickered. “That’s all I can say.”
“Damn,” Jaylen spoke with feeling.
“Right. So, I’m really starting to believe it didn’t go any further because honey, I would have had a stomachache, a limp, some vaginal bruising, or something after coming in contact with that monster.”
Jaylen was cracking up at East.
“I’m for real, Jaylen. I told you, Killian’s dick is a fucking alien, and I be real life holding my stomach the next day. Sometimes I have pain in my back and stuff too, so when I woke up the next morning with none of that, I concluded that nothing happened. Now, that marriage, that’s different.”
“I told you to call somebody up there and get a marriage license.”
“I don’t remember anything, Jaylen. Like nothing at all, so I can’t possibly know where I went to marry him at to even call for some answers.”
