by Maisey Yates
“And you never took them again?” he asked.
“Mostly,” she said, the admission costing her, he could tell. “I threw them away. I kept a couple emergency pills. I used them, because sometimes...I could feel the numbness splitting open and without it there was just pain. I spent the year working my way off of them, but nothing was ever as bad as it was that day.... I just felt bad when I took them after that. Like a failure. Restarting the clock on your sobriety is tough. You get so many days, so many months...a year. And then you go back to zero because you were too weak to stop yourself.”
“But you didn’t share it with anyone?”
She shook her head. “I don’t have anyone to share things like that with. I take care of my brother. I don’t need him to know how tragically human I am. I don’t want him to know I did that stuff because I don’t want him to think that people in our position have to. Because we don’t. But I’m part of the very large percentage of kids with our background who did get sucked in. But I got out. I’ve shared part of my story, not all of it. Because...I’m not really sure how to explain to people the way I dealt with my issues. It’s certainly not healthy.”
“All right, how did you deal with it? How did you quit?”
“Life hurts. It’s so hard and...I was using pills to dull that. But then...then I got angry. I figured out how to cover it all up with that. Every other emotion was like white noise because the anger was just so strong. And I decided that I was going to do everything in my power to make Jason Treffen pay for what he did to Sarah. To make sure the entire world knew he was the man responsible for her death. I had her letter, and even though it was hard to make sense of, I felt like I had an idea of what she’d been dealing with.”
“So instead of wallowing in pain you went out for revenge.”
“Without something to drive me I just sort of marinate in the bad stuff. Not that revenge is good. But my only regret now is that I wasted any time in going after him. Though, I couldn’t leave Connecticut until Trey was in school. Still, I started strategizing even then.”
“You’re frightening. And kind of incredible,” he said.
“Just angry. Anger is more productive than grief.”
“Yours is, anyway.”
“So,” she said, lying back on the bed and picking her phone up, before dangling her arm over the mattress and dropping it onto the floor, “the odds of us not having sex tonight are extremely low, so what do you say we don’t even pretend it’s not going to happen and just get down to it?”
He almost choked. “What?”
“Come on, Austin. We’re in this room. I just opened up to you. I’m feeling very vulnerable. There’s only one bed....”
“All the more reason for us not to have sex. It’s practically forced.”
“Good. Please just push me down and screw me senseless. That’s what I want.”
“What?”
“I need you to take control. I need...I need to not hurt. I just...hurt so bad. I’m afraid. Of what’s going to happen to Trey. What’s going to happen to your mom and your sister. And to me. When you touch me, when you take command, you make it all feel manageable. You make me feel like pain is a good thing. When you...spanked me...for a second it was like I could breathe again. It hurt, but only my body hurt, not my...not my emotions.”
“That’s not normal.”
“Who cares? It works for me. It’s about the only thing that’s worked for me other than drugs and being numb. I like what you make me feel a whole lot better than I like being high. I like it even better than being numb. Who cares if it’s normal? My whole life isn’t normal, so why should I care if the sex I want is normal? There’s no one else here. Just you and me, and I know what you want isn’t normal. You know it, too.”
“No, it’s not. I want to own you. I want you to obey me. To be here for me. To do exactly as I say, no matter what. And what does that make me? My father? A monster of another sort entirely?”
“What does it matter, if it works for both of us? Because tonight, I’d rather be yours than just plain me.” She rose up onto her knees and cupped his face with her hands. “I’m so tired. Make me forget it. Make me forget how much it all hurts. Make me forget I’m me. Take it all away until everything I am belongs to you.”
Something inside of him broke free. A beast on a leash that wouldn’t be kept back any longer. She wanted it. She wanted to be his.
And he wanted to make her his. There was no room for civility, or concern about how something might look. No thought given to what was politically correct or strictly acceptable in polite society.
This wasn’t polite society.
This was his domain, because she’d told him it was. She’d handed him the power and he would damn well use it.
“Don’t hold back,” she said. “I’ll know if you do. I don’t want your restraint. I don’t want that white-collar bullshit. I don’t want you to be all starched and together. Take what you want. Not what you’re supposed to want or allowed to want. Make me yours. Make me beg.”
Her eyes were level with his, no shame on her face, no hesitation. And he wanted to give her everything. He wanted to obey her in his domination of her, and if that didn’t sum up their twisted little relationship, nothing did.
She was demanding his domination, and in return, she would offer perfect submission. But he had to rise to that challenge. Give her what she wanted. If he didn’t, he failed, because he was the one in control.
He had failed too much lately. He would not fail again.
“You want it all, Katy?” he asked. “Every dark thing in me?”
“Every one.”
“New rules tonight, baby,” he said, starting at the buttons on his shirt. “‘Stop’ won’t be good enough.” Adrenaline fired through his veins, his body on fire, burning with need for her. It had never stopped. Every day since the last night they’d been together he’d wanted her. But he hadn’t allowed himself to cross that line.
Now he couldn’t remember why. Why the idea that he might somehow beat this need for her had ever been a serious consideration. Why? When he could indulge it. When he could use her as he saw fit. Tie her up and pleasure her until neither of them could think, much less hurt.
But first, he had to get to the rules.
“If you need me to stop, I want you to say ‘Help,’ not ‘Stop.’ If you say ‘Stop,’ I’m not going to. That’s part of the game. It’s a test of our trust. But if you need help? If you need help I’ll always give it. Say ‘Help,’ and I will. Do you understand?”
She nodded slowly, her full lips parted slightly, her beautiful eyes round. He hoped he wasn’t pushing it too hard. Hoped that he hadn’t abused his power.
That was the thing with being in charge. He had to make the moves, but she had to allow him. His control was nothing more than a vague facade around them.
If she said no then he was the one left standing there with a hard dick, looking like an idiot.
“I understand,” she said.
Her acquiescence was a weight lifted off of him. A gift he needed, so very desperately.
Katy felt a shot of adrenaline spike through her, a desperation that made her shake. This was what she wanted. For him to take her like this. To make her feel something that took over her body, so that she didn’t ache quite so much inside.
So she didn’t feel so much like the Katy Michaels she’d always been.
So that she could choose to give up her control and have it feel good, instead of having control wrenched from her and getting nothing back but devastating consequences.
Life stole her control and gave her nothing but heartbreak and loss. Austin took her control and gave her pleasure that shattered her world.
She didn’t wait to be asked to remove her clothes this time. She knew what he liked. Knew he liked
to watch as she took off each piece of clothing.
When she took off her bra, his eyes dipped to her breasts and his tongue slid over his top lip. But he didn’t touch her. He only looked, his power leashed, his control held tightly in check.
She unsnapped her black dress pants and pushed them down her legs, taking her panties with them. She wasn’t embarrassed to be naked in front of him. Not when the glint in his eyes made it very clear that he not only liked what he saw, but he was also starving for it.
“Now...give me your hands,” he said.
Katy stretched her hands out in front of her. They were trembling, not from fear, but from excitement.
He stripped off his tie and, like he’d done their first time together, started binding her hands together. This time he looped the heavy silk around her thumbs, then around both wrists, up her forearms before tying it off.
“All mine,” he said, the roughness in his voice, the feral light in his eyes, sending a sensual shiver through her body.
He leaned in, his rough cheek scraping against hers, the day’s growth of beard thick and nearly painful against her skin. He followed up with a light bite on her jaw, then one on her chin.
He wrapped his hand around her arms and pulled her so that she was up straight, before guiding her onto her back on the mattress, her arms stretched high over her head, her breasts offered up to him like a sensual sacrifice.
“Stay just like that,” he said.
She loved him like this. His jaw set, his sexy mouth set into a grim line. Every part of him was devoted to it. To her. To being the master of her body. There was no hint of teasing, no hint of the man he could be, so sophisticated and polished.
No. There was no room for that man here.
He bit his lip, as if he were concentrating on making a very important decision. And the second it was made he acted. He planted his hands on her knees, driving her legs apart, exposing her to him. Utterly. Completely.
He leaned forward, his eyes never leaving hers as he bent to touch his tongue to her clit, circling the impossibly sensitive bundle of nerves.
Her hips shot up from the bed and he grabbed on to her thighs and pulled her back down to the mattress, pulled her hard against his mouth as he continued to pleasure her. Deep, long strokes of his tongue sending sharp, white-hot sparks of pleasure through her.
He pushed two fingers into her, working them in time with his tongue, pushing her higher, harder, then drawing back, stilling his movements entirely. Just enough to let her blood cool a little bit, before he started again, pushing her even higher, even closer to the edge before pulling her back.
She was so close, and he was arousing her even more intensely than she’d imagined possible. The pleasure was so acute it was almost pain. And when he added a third finger, it was pain. Not because it was too much to handle, but because the well of need it opened in her felt too deep to satisfy.
Because she was close to satisfaction, and yet so far, she thought she might die.
“Austin...” she said, the word a sob she didn’t want to get out all the way.
He kept on going, his fingers working in and out of her, his tongue keeping time.
A rush of arousal hit, sensations that ran down deep beneath her skin. In her blood. It was too much. She didn’t think she could handle it.
She knew what to say to make it end. But she didn’t want it to end.
“Oh, please...” she said. “It’s too much.”
He didn’t stop. He didn’t have to. And she couldn’t force him. And that turned her on even more, pushed her over the edge, her orgasm crashing over her like a wave. Her internal muscles contracted around his fingers. She tried to grab on to the blankets, to something, to hold her to earth. But she couldn’t because her hands were bound.
Because he’d seen to that. That he could control everything.
“Oh, Austin...” He continued to pleasure her, pushing her further, harder. She was too sensitive. She wasn’t ready. “Please, st—” She cut the word off. He’d promised he wouldn’t stop, but she had to be sure he wouldn’t. She needed him to keep going.
But she wanted to see what he could do. What he would do.
He growled and hitched her legs over his shoulder, withdrawing his fingers from her and holding her to his mouth, focusing on using his lips and tongue.
She couldn’t even protest now, nothing more than sobs escaping her lips as he pushed her over into another climax, her breath stopping in her throat, everything going dark for a moment as it hit.
He moved away from her then, reaching for his wallet and a condom, and shucking his clothes. She couldn’t do anything but lie there, her hands bound, sweat beading over her skin, her hair sticking to her neck.
“You’re mine,” he said, rolling the condom onto his length, his hand moving slowly, methodically, over the hard length.
Her mouth went dry watching. Her desire rising already. Impossibly.
She shouldn’t be able to come for a week after what he’d just done to her, and yet she found she wanted more. Wanted it all.
“Yes,” she said. “I’m yours.”
“Did I make you forget yet?” he asked, leaning in, his lips close to her, his arms on either side of her.
“I can’t even remember my own name,” she said. Except she could. She could still feel the darkness creeping in around the edges.
She pushed it away and focused on him, only him.
“Katy.” On his lips, it didn’t sound the same. It sounded new. Unfamiliar and filled with possibility. This Katy could be something else entirely. Whatever she wanted, because from him, the name seemed new.
When he pushed inside of her, there was no room for darkness. Because Austin filled her.
“Katy,” he said again. And she faltered.
She remembered who she was.
He kissed her neck, his teeth scraping her skin.
“More,” she begged, fighting against reality. Against the pain that was pushing again.
“More?” he asked, dragging his teeth along her neck again.
“Harder,” she said.
He bit down, a shot of pain going from that point down, sending a dart of pleasure to her core. “Yes,” she breathed, as sensation that came from Austin took over, getting rid of all the rest.
Then he was moving in her. Hard, fast, one hand beneath her ass, and one covering her breast, teasing her nipples, squeezing them.
“Austin, please.”
“Not yet,” he said, his teeth gritted. “Not yet, baby. It has to last.”
His movements slowed, and she could feel each inch of him as he slid out, then back deep inside of her. Exquisite torture. Perfect and cruel.
He kept her from coming again, kept her poised on the brink. Their pleasure in his control, and he knew it.
She arched her back, tried to urge things along, but he stopped her, holding her hips steady with his hand as he kept his thrusts measured, until sweat broke out on his forehead, the cords in his neck standing out, his muscles shaking.
“I can’t hold back,” he said. “Oh, Katy.”
“Then don’t.” She was desperate for release, desperate for him to lose his control now.
He growled, lowering his head, his movements turning hard and erratic, pushing her over the edge.
She let out a hoarse cry, her orgasm tearing through her like an animal. No sweet crashing waves, no ebbing and slowing pleasure. This was a living, breathing beast intent on taking over her entire body.
On consuming everything in her and leaving nothing behind.
When it passed, she quieted, satiated for now. She lay there, trembling, Austin’s arms around her. He held her close, his hands moving over her body.
“And tonight,” she said, “don’t leave.”
> “I don’t have anywhere else to be, my Katy,” he said, kissing her temple, untying her hands and throwing the tie down onto the ground. “After I take care of this.” He kissed her again and walked into the bathroom, returning a moment later with the condom taken care of.
Then he lay down behind her, his arms around her. His chin resting on her shoulder.
From him, that was romance. She wasn’t sure she wanted romance, but it made her feel all warm inside. Made her feel kind of fuzzy. And that was as unfamiliar as the screaming physical pleasure.
Being in Austin’s arms made her feel safe and cared for. She wanted to be Katy. If she could be his Katy.
And for tonight she wanted that. Needed it even. And that brought a new guilt, pushing at the edges of her euphoria. She shouldn’t want this. Not with him. She shouldn’t want this with anyone, not when there was still work to be done. For Sarah. For every woman Jason Treffen had hurt. Later there could be rest, but she shouldn’t be allowed this now.
Still, she was stuck in a blizzard. And they couldn’t do anything tonight. She couldn’t fix it tonight. Not for Trey, not for Sarah.
So maybe...maybe it was okay to rest in this tonight. To be his tonight.
He slid his fingertips along her arm. A soothing touch that had more to do with connection than sex. It was such a strange and powerful thing. To be in someone’s arms. To be touched by them. Really touched. With purpose. With desire. Even unconsciously, nothing more than the drifting of his hands over her skin.
It was connection on a level she’d never experienced before. But it was always like that with Austin. From the moment she’d met him, before there had ever been physical contact, there had been a bond.
She couldn’t explain it. Couldn’t even begin to try. And she wouldn’t want to, because she’d sound like a nut-bag. But then, she already did. She was sure of that.
