Shannon, a recently graduated West Coast Delta Zeta, remembered this time of year fondly. During Shannon’s tenure, several weeks before Home-coming, fraternities would call the Delta Zeta president and tell her they wanted to invite the sorority. As part of the courting process, each fraternity sent representatives to bring gifts and entertainment to the sorority. In front of the sorority membership, the men had to sing songs, read funny poems, or perform a skit, and bring ice cream or extravagant floral arrangements. Usu-ally the Delta Zetas would have quite a few of these offers to sort through. But if a fraternity they considered beneath them courted them, they would laugh. “As soon as they left,” Shannon said, “we’d say, ‘Oh, how cute that they asked us. How sweet and pathetic. There’s no way in hell we’re going with them!’ We would pick the fraternity by how cool it was, not by the gifts we got.”
“Serenades” are a popular form of this kind of courtship: the fraternities are expected to sing to the sororities and vice versa. Some sororities take this opportunity to adopt a sweetly teasing tone, as do the girls who serenade with “Pink Pajamas”:
I wear my pink pajamas in the summer when it’s hot,
and I wear my flannel nightie in the winter when it’s not,
but sometimes in the spring time and sometimes in the fall
I jump into the covers with nothing on at all.
Don’t you wish that you could be there,
Don’t you wish that you could be there,
Don’t you wish that you could be there,
In the spring time and the fall (clap, clap)
With nothing on at all (clap, clap)
I’m sure we’d have a ball (clap, clap)
With nothing on at all. (clap, clap)
Other groups opt for a more delicate, ladylike tone, such as that of an Alpha Sigma Alpha chapter’s serenade:
Take me up to a fraternity house,
take me up to your room.
Buy me some beer and vodka too.
Get me drunk and I’ll surely screw you,
for it’s grunt, grunt, grunt goes the Alpha Sig as the [fraternity name] shoves it in.
For it’s one, two, three times a night, thanks for getting me laid!
Many sororities and fraternities use similarly sexual songs—the more boisterous, the better—and incorporate suggestive gyrations into the routine.
The Courting Fiasco
SEPTEMBER 14
AMY’S IM AWAY MESSAGE
longest meeting ever
AT STATE U, ALPHA RHO WAS ON SOLID GROUND THIS YEAR. Last year the sisters had done Greek Week with Delta Lambda, always a fairly strong house. This year, the girls expected to be courted by multiple groups, so they weren’t surprised when Omega Phi, a decent fraternity, stopped by on Monday with a rose and a note for each of the 130 sorority members. On Tuesday, Zeta Sigma came over and spelled out “Zeta Sig craves A-Rho” in protein bars on the patio. By the time the boys left, they had also hung sloppily sketched posters saying “Zeta Sigma wants Alpha Rho!” on the columns in front of the house. The girls were delighted—house chatter all week revolved around the two fraternities vying for their attention.
Most of the Penthouse girls were rooting for Omega Phi. Fiona, the Penthouse gang leader, had a boyfriend in Omega Phi who was always visiting the room. Bitsy, the pierced Pent, constantly reminded her sisters that she had recently hooked up with an Omega Phi who was “so incredibly hot.” Even Charlotte, the president, had a crush on an Omega Phi. As a result, Omega Phi was quickly becoming known as the “hot” house. Sabrina, Amy, Caitlin, many of the juniors, and the girls living outside of the house were leaning toward Zeta Sigma. Zetas’ gifts were, as the sisters described with their preferred adjective, “fabulous.”
On Wednesday, Omega Phi sent over tubs of gourmet ice cream and boxes of popsicles. Zeta Sigma delivered a gorgeous bouquet of two dozen red roses, which the sisters proudly displayed in a Waterford crystal vase just inside the front door. For the girls in the house, it was like the captain of the football team and the student body president fighting over who would take them to prom. Well, not quite—Omega Phi and the Zetas were probably more like the baseball captain and the vice president. But the brothers were nice, the gifts were flattering, and the girls were tickled by the attention.
By Saturday, the girls were jittery with excitement because of circulating rumors that they were going to be serenaded that night. Sororities were allowed to serenade fraternities first to invite their courtship, but Alpha Rho hadn’t bothered because the sisters didn’t think they needed to. If a fraternity serenaded them, it meant that the boys were officially asking Alpha Rho to match with them for Greek Week. If the girls sang back their chapter’s official serenade—whether right away or later on at the fraternity house—it meant they accepted the offer. The vibe was that the house was split pretty evenly between the Zetas and Omega Phi, so the decision would come down to a vote in the house that evening after the serenades. The arguments about the two houses were growing so heated that Amy expected a blowup at the vote meeting that night.
At 9:15, Amy beamed and excitedly grabbed another sister’s hand when she heard the Zeta brothers chanting: “Alpha Rho, Alpha Rho” from a block away. Fraternity serenades at State U, as at many schools, consisted of crude rewritten lyrics about sex, smoking, and drinking, sung to the tune of a nonmelodically challenging pop song. To a Justin Timberlake song, the Zetas sang the lewdest lyrics Amy had ever heard—something about going down on the sisters—but the girls laughed and clapped along. Sometimes for the sisters, these serenades were like watching an embarrassingly bad episode of American Idol (featuring contestants reeking of beer), but the Alpha Rhos never laughed at the brothers as long as they made an effort. In this case, the Zetas were a good group of guys, friendly and funny, and though they couldn’t hit the notes, they were clearly excited and sang happily about how attractive the Alpha Rho girls were. Flattered, the Alpha Rhos responded with a rousing cheer for Zeta Sigma.
About an hour later, dozens of Omega Phi boys chanted at Alpha Rho’s door until Charlotte let them in. Inside, they clustered around the TV room and handed a cute, inexpensive necklace to each girl. Delighted that all of her sisters now had matching accessories, Amy began to ponder voting Omega Phi instead.
After Charlotte quieted the crowd, one brother formally stepped forward. “I am the president of Omega Phi.”
Charlotte, cool and confident, her neck straight beneath her carefully arranged pearls—the symbol of refined sorority sisters everywhere—stepped forward. “I am the president of Alpha Rho.”
Another brother stepped forward. “I am the Greek Week chair of Omega Phi.”
Caitlin and her co–Greek Week chair stepped forward. “We are the Greek Week chairs of Alpha Rho.”
The group clapped as the officers stepped back into the crowd. Omega Phi finished the presentation by singing Omega Phi lyrics to a Limp Bizkit tune. The brothers marched out in unison to the girls’ cheers.
Afterward, the house had a meeting, attendance mandatory. The girls had a huge decision to make: they knew the fraternity they chose would affect how much fun they would have during what was supposed to be the most enjoyable week of the year—and how much of a chance they would have at winning the top Greek honor at State U. First, the song chairs taught the girls the song they would use when they went to the fraternity house and indicated their acceptance by serenading. It was their traditional song: sweet, Daddy’s-girl lyrics about love under the stars.
Then came the drama. The girls, about equally divided, started to compare Zeta Sigma and Omega Phi.
A senior cleared her throat. “Let’s not rule out Delta Lambda.” The younger sisters were perplexed. Some of them snickered, thinking it was a joke. They had just done Greek Week with Delta Lambda last year.
But the other seniors backed her up. “Yeah, girls, we really need to go for Delta Lambda.” Some of the underclassmen stopped smiling as they wondered if the seniors were s
erious. Nobody had so much as mentioned Delta Lambda all week.
Now Whitney, the most crotchety of the seniors, spoke sternly. “It would be awful,” she said, “if our chapter thought that the best thing for us would be to choose a fraternity other than the Delts.”
The room fell hushed for a few beats as the underclassmen’s jaws dropped. Delta Lambda hadn’t even registered on their radar that week. The Delts had serenaded Beta Pi, the Alpha Rhos’ next-door neighbors, that evening, and Beta Pi hadn’t sung back. Word was that Beta Pi had rejected the Delts for Kappa Tau Chi, a bigger, more traditionally popular house. Groups weren’t allowed to serenade more than one house per night, so Delta Lambda was scrambling to find an acceptable house to sing to on Sunday. But the underclassmen hadn’t realized until now that Alpha Rho would be the target of the Delts’ desperation. Delta Lambda had called Charlotte a few minutes before the meeting to tell her that the boys wanted Alpha Rho. Until now, the president had shared this information with the seniors and no one else.
Now there was chaos as the juniors shouted at the seniors, and the sophomores looked on in bewilderment. “Delta Lambda didn’t give us any gifts this week! They don’t want us, so we don’t want them!”
“Why would you drop this on us at the last minute?”
“We did Greek Week with the Delts last year!”
“They haven’t even serenaded us!”
“Just because you’re seniors doesn’t mean you can do this!”
“Okay, everybody quiet!” Charlotte broke in, smoothing her Armani skirt and tossing her meticulously highlighted hair as she tried to drown out the girls’ side conversations. “Seriously, everybody shut up!” The room quieted, though sisters still glared at each other. “We’re going to have to two-two-one.”
Known in some houses as “Dissension,” 2-2-1 was the way many sororities across the country ran debates and discussions. Amy sat next to Sabrina and settled in for what she figured would be a long meeting. During a 2-2-1, five girls were allowed to speak their opinions, one at a time: two positive points (pros), then two negatives (cons), then a positive. But the president was the one who chose exactly which girls would get to speak—and Charlotte was known to play favorites. Amy knew Sabrina, who was busy examining her braids, wouldn’t bother raising her hand. Charlotte never called on people like her.
First up was Delta Lambda. Amy waved her hand, newly painted nails flashing, but Charlotte pretended she didn’t see her. Amy was good at these; and Charlotte must have known she would be a negative.
“Pro: According to Greek politics,” one senior said as she stood up, “Delta Lambda is a stronger house than both Zeta Sigma and Omega Phi.”
“Pro: Delta Lambda has more brothers than the others,” said another sister.
“Con!” a junior shot back. “The Delts didn’t show any appreciation or interest in the form of presents.”
“Con,” another junior said. “Beta Pi was clearly their first choice. Why would we want to be someone’s second-choice house—especially when their first choice was Beta Pi, of all people?”
“Pro.” A senior sneered at the junior. “All the seniors want the Delts for a reason. It will look better for Alpha Rho if we match with them. Obviously,” the senior sniffed, “the most popular girl wants the most popular boy.”
The room broke into pandemonium again. “This is important,” the seniors whined. Amy, Sabrina, and Caitlin didn’t worry much—there were only twenty-two seniors, by far the minority.
“Next round: Zeta Sigma,” Charlotte said, and selected the next group.
“Pro: Zeta Sigma is just as strong as Delta Lambda and it is steadily climbing the ladder of popularity.”
“Pro: They have a house near Sorority Row, and the Delts don’t,” said a sophomore.
“Con:”—the debate was rapid-fire now—“Some of the guys are rude. They could reflect badly on our chapter.”
“Con: More of us are dating Omega Phis than Zetas.”
“Pro: The Zetas did a lot for us this week.”
“Last one, Omega Phi.” Charlotte seemed to be getting weary. The juniors wondered whether she was going to vote with the seniors just to get this over with.
“Pro: Omega Phi is as strong a house as Zeta Sigma.”
“Pro: Omega Phi did a lot for us with the gifts and are a very supportive house toward us,” a sophomore said. “Shouldn’t that be what matters?”
“No.” The senior who spoke was getting angry that the other girls couldn’t see the importance of choosing the biggest house possible. “You guys don’t understand. Omega Phi was so small last year it had to double up with another fraternity for Greek Week. When a house first becomes big enough to not double up, it’s matched with the worst sorority. That’s not us.”
“Listen,” Whitney responded out of turn, “this is our last Greek Week, so out of respect for your older sisters, you should vote our way. We’ve all been here longer than you, so we know what’s best for this house.” She paused, found some uncertain wide-eyed faces staring back at her, and looked hard at them. “And if you want the seniors to be active sisters this year, you will do this for us.” The underclassmen gasped.
Amy raised her hand again. She didn’t want to cause trouble, but she hoped to raise the point that it would be generous of Alpha Rho to accept a lower-tiered fraternity as an escort, thereby raising the boys’ status. While waiting to be formally acknowledged, she told this to the juniors around her. The seniors overheard her whispering and shifted their seats so they surrounded her. By drowning her out and blocking Charlotte’s view of her, they made sure the president wouldn’t allow her to speak. Frustrated, Amy said, “Y’all, can I say something real quick?”
The seniors shushed her. “Enough talk,” one of them said. “We’re voting now.” Charlotte nodded and distributed the ballots. Discussion was closed. The executive board left the room to tally the votes.
Going Through the Motions
SEPTEMBER 15
VICKI’S IM AWAY MESSAGE
i mean does any of it really matter?
THE BETA PI HOUSE WASN’T NEARLY AS CONFLICTED AS Alpha Rho. All week the Delts had made it clear that Beta Pi was their first choice and heavily courted the sisters with notes and presents. Beta Pi considered the Delts to be only an “eh” house, but had serenaded them to be polite. The girls were much more enthusiastic about the biggest fraternities—last year they had gone with Iota, in their eyes the top fraternity, and now several girls were dating brothers in another popular group.
Frankly, Vicki didn’t much care when, with little fanfare, Beta Pi ended up choosing Kappa Tau Chi, one of the top three houses, composed of guys who could keep up with the sisters at the bar. She hated the serenading, surviving it only by mouthing the lyric as far back in the crowd of sisters as possible. She wasn’t much for events like Greek Olympics, either, which usually consisted of such scintillating displays of athletic prowess as the Guy Has Peanut Butter on His Face While Girl Chucks Cheerios at Him event. Especially at times like these, Vicki was embarrassed that she was a member of a sorority. She never wore her letters outside of the house. When non-Greeks asked Vicki where she lived, she told them she lived in an off-campus house without saying which house it was. If pressed, she sometimes admitted she was in Beta Pi, but only if she accompanied her confession with a face that let the inquirer know that she wasn’t really a sorority girl.
Vicki spent most of her time in the house talking online or on the phone to her friends back home, whom she believed were more similar to her than her sisters were. After she begged them for several days straight, her parents reluctantly agreed to pay for a cell phone plan with enough minutes to cover her nightly calls to her friends.
Now that she was single and willing to date fraternity brothers, Vicki found that the sisters were friendlier to her, though they were perplexed by the way she was chatty on the phone to her friends from home yet reticent in the house. Vicki, who was particularly timid around the
cliques of older girls, wasn’t daunted so much by the fact that the Beta Pis were mostly pretty and thin—Vicki herself fell into those categories—as by their ease and comfort with sorority life. With a Screw Your Sister event coming up in a couple of weeks, the sisters were working hard to set Vicki up with the right date. The point of Screw Your Sister was to set a sister up on a blind date with a fraternity brother who was either terrible (screw her!) or terrific (get her screwed!). Because Vicki had just broken up with her boyfriend, her roommates were being overly sympathetic. Vicki hoped they were going to set her up with William, the Iota president whom she had met at the club.
The Escort Revealed
SEPTEMBER 15
SABRINA’S IM AWAY MESSAGE
Thank goodness for marijuana
WHEN THE ALPHA RHO EXECS RETURNED, THEY AVOIDED EYE contact, except for Caitlin, who shot Amy and Sabrina a worried look. “Omega Phi: forty-three votes,” Charlotte read. “Zeta Sigma: forty-one votes.” She paused. “Delta Lambda: forty-six votes. We will be matching with Delta Lambda.”
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