Today’s sisters still perform these rituals, which, according to Callais, encompass formal readings of passages, Greek letters on clothing, symbolic colors, “hymn-like Greek songs, and occasionally even drinking rites involving the use of loving cups.” These rites occur at initiation, formal meetings, and special events (such as candlelight ceremonies). Initiation ceremonies, which often include themes of truth, justice, love, and honor, can involve symbolic “ritual equipment,” such as flowers, jewels, candles, specific clothing, a ritual book, an altar, or other items reflecting ancient Greek mythology or religion. Sorority initiations are intended to transform pledges into sisters by teaching them the secrets of the sorority—such as passwords and mottoes—and having them pledge to keep these secrets within the membership. In the Greek community, it has been said if a sister chooses not to obey the oath throughout her time in the sisterhood, she should be asked to leave.
These oaths, however, are not necessarily steadfast. Many sisters I spoke to participated in rituals only because if they did not, the sorority imposed individual fines of up to several hundred dollars. Some women just a few years out of school had already forgotten the meanings behind their sorority’s phrases and symbols. Others shared their secrets. Most sororities, for example, have secret handshakes that are used in meetings. For Chi Omega’s secret handshake, sisters shape their right hand into a two-fingered gun (or the sign language letter “h”) and clasp hands. One sister taps the other’s wrist twice and says, “Chi Air”; the other taps twice and responds, “Offilimus.” “Chi Air Offilimus,” the secret meaning behind the letters Chi Omega, represents a “helping hand.” Delta Zeta has a sorority whistle, though it is rarely used anymore. Delta Zetas whistle two short tones, then two long tones (“Del-ta Ze-ta”) to the notes G, G, high E, high C.
Other sororities have secret knocks. In some Alpha Phi formal chapter meetings, the girls line up by pledge class in alphabetical order. The first girl in each class knocks on the closed meeting room door three times—to stand for “A-O-E.” An officer on the other side knocks back. When the first sister says “Alpha,” the door opens a crack. The officer replies “Omicron” and opens the door further. The sister responds “Epsilon” and the class is allowed inside. The letters stand for Alethia Orno Eteronis, Alpha Phi’s secret motto, signifying love. Alpha Xi Delta uses “TFJ” as a motto, which some chapters interpret as “Thanks for Joining.” Sigma Kappa’s “closed,” or secret, motto is “Thus we stand, heart to heart, hand in hand.” Alpha Sigma Tau’s closed motto uses its letters as an acronym for “All Sisters Together.” As part of Kappa Alpha Theta’s ritual, sisters begin meetings by reading aloud “The Love Verse,” 1 Corinthians 13. Some sororities find inspiration in the significance behind their symbols. For Alpha Sigma Alpha, the pearl represents growing beauty from ugliness (the oyster). Pi Phi’s official flower, the wine carnation, represents many aspects of the sorority. According to Pi Phi Forever, the publication given to pledges,
The roots of the flower are the Founders, for from them the whole plant grew, . . . the stem represents the Grand Council. It gives to us what was received from the roots. It gives us height and strength . . . The leaves of our flower are the alumnae. They stand nearest the stem and assist it in its work. They are in communication with the world and breathe in for us the best of the world’s ideals . . . the petals are red for the girls are loyal. As it is the rich, wine color which makes the flower attractive, it, too, is the warm fervent loyalty of its members which makes Pi Beta Phi beautiful in the eyes of everyone . . . The pistil is the spirit and the stamens are ideals of Pi Beta Phi. The petals stand closely united around these to defend and protect them.
Many sororities also have specific names for their chapter presidents, such as “Grand Hierophant” (Chi Omega), “Lady Superior” (Alpha Phi), and “Archon” (Phi Sigma Sigma).
Some sororities still use secret passwords. Kappa Kappa Gamma’s is “Adelphe,” Greek for “sister.” To get into chapter meetings, Tri-Delts greet their chaplain at the door to the meeting room by saying “Este laethes,” Greek for “Be true.” Phi Sigma Sigmas base their password on the pyramid, one of their symbols; their secret phrase is “LITP,” or “Love in the Pyramid.” Delta Zeta’s password is “Philia,” Greek for “friendship,” and its motto is “Let the flame endure forever.” Delta Phi Epsilon’s password, “jusilove,” is meant to remind sisters of the symbolism of the equilateral triangle on their sisterhood badge: the three points represent justice, sisterhood, and love. For Pi Beta Phis, the secret word is “worra”—the backward spelling of “arrow,” their symbol. When a Pi Phi sees a woman who she believes might also be a Pi Phi, she is supposed to say “W.” If the other woman spells the rest of the password, the Pi Phis know they’re sisters. Chi Omega’s secret dialogue is called the “watch”:
“What is it?”
“A good thing.”
“To be elected.”
“Can all be elected?”
“Hardly.”
In earlier days, the Kappa Kappa Gammas also allegedly had a procedure to ascertain whether someone was a fellow member. If a Kappa spotted a potential sister, she would rest her chin on the palm of her hand and stick up her index finger. If the target was a Kappa, she would respond by putting her chin on her palm and pointing up her middle finger. For obvious reasons, that practice has since fallen out of favor.
Initiation ceremonies for the various sororities are fairly similar. Many groups drape the initiation room in white, and most require sisters and pledges to wear only white. Called “The Temple,” the initiation room in some houses is intended to replicate the house of the Greek gods. In one chapter’s Kappa Alpha Theta initiation script, the initiates are to follow the lead of the “High Priestess,” who carries a ceremonial cup. Girls in some Sigma Kappa chapters must purchase specific white dresses (described by one recent graduate as “long-sleeved with a slightly dropped waist, heinously ugly, and very shapeless”). For Sigma Kappa, wearing white is mandatory and inflexible. In one Sigma Kappa chapter, when a national representative came to oversee a ritual meeting, a sister entered the room wearing white shoes with black toes. The national representative “had a conniption. She said, ‘You have to go home and change them,’” a participant said. Zeta Tau Alphas also “wear their whites” for initiation—“we couldn’t even have a button on them that was another color, all the way to our stockings and our shoes,” a Zeta said. During initiation, Zetas receive a blue ribbon representing their ties to the sisterhood; sisters are told to hide the ribbon, to let no one see it, and to keep it forever.
During the Delta Phi Epsilon initiation, the sisters and initiates form concentric circles according to pledge class. When Pi Phi pledges enter the initiation room, they are each handed candles—wine-colored or silver blue, if possible. Inside the room, the neophytes stand in a circle and sing songs. They must repeat an oath that includes the line “I pledge myself to Pi Phi.” Sororities consider these vows crucial to the bonds of sisterhood. As the National Song of Alpha Delta Pi proclaims,
We pledge once more allegiance now
With hearts as true and high
As when we took the sacred vow
For Alpha Delta Pi.
Both Chi Omega and Kappa Delta include songs with religious overtones, which some non-Christian girls refuse to sing. Chi Omega has initiates kneel on cushions in front of an “altar,” place their hand over a Bible, and pledge themselves to Chi Omega. In “hard-core” Chi Omega chapters, pledges are dropped into a coffin, pronounced dead, and then reborn as sisters.
Many sorority initiations occur in stages over the course of the pledge period. At Kappa Delta’s First Degree Ceremony, pledges receive their pledge pins and pledge themselves “to Kappa Delta and her ideals,” according to The Norman Shield of Kappa Delta, a publication for new members. After a retreat and a six-week education program (with sessions entitled “K∆—Simply the Best!” “Being Your Best!” “Becoming Your Best!” “Be
st of the Best” “Giving Our Best!” and “The Best Is Yet to Come!”), pledges reach the Second Degree, which is the First Phase of Initiation. The Second Degree Ceremony grants pledges a Second Degree pin and teaches them more about “the bonds of Kappa Delta.” The period between the Second and Third Degree ceremonies is known as the “White Rose Celebration,” “a meaningful time of reflection where you and the chapter prepare for the beauty of the Third Degree Ceremony and the true meaning of Kappa Delta.” At the Third Degree Ceremony, “the full significance of our sisterhood is revealed. You will learn . . . all of the other secrets of the ritual, which has remained virtually unchanged since 1897.”
After initiation, sororities give the new sisters a certificate and, eventually, access to everything from sorority ID cards to credit cards emblazoned with the sorority crest. The sisters also must purchase a pin, or badge, given to them at an official pinning ceremony; in some groups, a girl cannot be initiated until she has purchased this pin through the sorority. It is crucial that the pin not “fall into the possession of a nonmember,” according to The Key, Kappa Kappa Gamma’s magazine for the membership. The magazine includes a form that advises members to fill out and enforce with the assistance of a lawyer. The form’s “Kappa Kappa Gamma Badge Disposition Instructions” direct members to indicate whether upon their death they would like their one-inch golden key buried with them, returned to KKG headquarters, or left to a legacy, chapter, or alumnae association.
Now that the new sisters have been initiated, they are privy to secrets held supposedly only by their sisters and the sisters before them, secrets so sacred that at the National Panhellenic Conference Centennial Celebration and Interim Session in the fall of 2002, the delegates stressed, “Fraternity secrets must be maintained to maintain intimate association.”
Some of the girls I interviewed would disagree. “It’s kind of cool that the ceremonies have been going on since Beta Pi was created,” said Vicki, who laughed as she then espoused a view I encountered among many of the girls I spoke with. “But ritual doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s a hassle.”
APRIL
Most of all, “Kappa Delta” is the feeling you will now have when you drive down the highway, and see a Kappa Delta decal on the car in the lane next to you and try to speed up so you can wave to your new “sister”!
—Norman Shield of Kappa Delta, July 2003
Practically every girl looks better with some makeup. Just because you didn’t wear any in high school doesn’t mean you shouldn’t now . . . Do not wear bright-colored eye shadow. Do not wear too much dark blush applied in rectangles. Do not affect a tan with a dark makeup base. Do wear mascara, blush, and lip gloss at the least.
—Rush: A Girl’s Guide to Sorority Success, 1985
Rock Bottom
APRIL 7
Amy is not logged on
A FEW WEEKS AFTER Date Party, Amy was still aglow from what seemed to be a burgeoning relationship with Hunter. This was the first time that a date had wanted to continue seeing Amy after an Alpha Rho function. Hunter showed up at the house every few days and usually joined her at the bars, where once he happened to kiss her passionately right in front of Spencer, her old crush. Amy bloomed, putting her diets and her self-doubt aside. Several other girls had crushes on Hunter, who was increasingly in the campus public eye as a rising-star shortstop. But Hunter had chosen her.
Amy was so excited about the upcoming Alpha Rho Parents’ Weekend that she hardly noticed when Hunter hadn’t called in several days. Alpha Rho annually planned its Parents’ Weekend for the end of the first week of April, when the dogwood trees lining the streets were in full pink-and-white bloom. Amy’s mother had to stay home with Amy’s brothers, but her father was flying in to spend the day with her and escort her to the Alpha Rho Tulip Dinner at an expensive restaurant near campus. Amy, who rarely had the opportunity to spend time alone with her father, was so geared up she was practically bouncing off the walls. She couldn’t remember the last time she had spent a day with him.
Friday morning, Amy’s father picked her up in a rented convertible to take her shopping near campus. In Saks Fifth Avenue, Amy’s father stopped short at a shoe display. “Those are excellent shoes!” he said, pointing to a pair of pastel mules with kitten heels. “If I were a girl, I’m sure I would want those shoes.” Amy thought the shoes were somewhat impractical, and a little too low-heeled for her taste, but they fit and were comfortable. Her father looked so pleased that he had found something to buy her that she graciously accepted them and pecked a thank-you kiss on his cheek.
When they walked into the restaurant lobby, Amy was dismayed to find that of the eighty-five Alpha Rho sisters attending the dinner, Amy and her father were only the third family to arrive—and the first two sisters were Fiona and Whitney. Amy and her father leaned awkwardly against a wall while Fiona and Whitney and their parents studiously ignored them. Every now and then, they eyed Amy’s father up and down, smirked, and returned to their conversation, folding into a circle that excluded Amy and her father. Amy, who was used to funny looks when people first met her dad, stood close to him and put her hand on his arm protectively. While most sorority girls’ fathers, like those attending tonight, wore jackets and ties or sweaters and khakis, Amy’s father, his hair in a ponytail, was dressed in his usual Hawaiian shirt, gold chains, white pants, and loafers without socks.
When the hostess led them to the private party room with two long tables, Fiona and Whitney and their parents sat at one end of one table, while Amy and her father made their way to the opposite end of the other. Eventually, other sisters arrived to fill the uncomfortable gap.
“Daddy, they’re my least favorite two in the house,” Amy whispered, offering her father a mint.
Her father smiled. “I could tell you didn’t like the first two right away, and you get along with everyone. So there must be something wrong with them.”
Amy and her father spent the dinner chatting with Traci and her parents. While the parents inquired about jobs and majors, Traci started talking about Formal. Amy and her father stiffened, deliberately not looking at each other until the topic had passed. She had already informed him that she hadn’t yet asked Hunter to Formal and that she would be Jake’s date for the Mu Zeta Nu Formal two weekends later. Ever since their autumn argument about her inability to keep a boyfriend, Amy and her father had avoided the topic of boys. Amy didn’t understand why her romantic life mattered so much to him in the first place.
That night, after her father dropped Amy off, her mother called. “It meant a lot to your daddy that you invited him to spend time with you tonight,” she said in a velvety voice that matched Amy’s. “Don’t tell him I told you this, but you just need to understand. Honey, the only reason he’s pushing for a boyfriend is because he hates to see you alone. When your sister died, it broke his big heart to see you walking through the world without a partner. He’s just afraid you’re so lonely you’re like the last pea at pea-time.” Touched, Amy resolved to try even harder to find—and keep—a boyfriend.
A FEW NIGHTS LATER, AMY AND HUNTER STOPPED AT Hunter’s dorm on their way back from bar-hopping. Hunter introduced her to his roommate, who was thumbing through a textbook on the couch. The roommate chatted affably with Amy before turning to Hunter.
“Hey, Hunter, your girlfriend called again,” he said. Hunter’s head jerked up. “So when are you two getting married, anyway?” the roommate teased.
“What?” Amy said. She glanced at Hunter, who wouldn’t meet her eyes.
“Oh yeah, Hunter has fallen really hard for this girl,” the roommate said, evidently assuming that Amy was just a friend.
“Really,” said Amy, trying to mask the shock that pierced her drunken fog. “That’s news to me.” She looked again at Hunter, who couldn’t conceal his embarrassment. Amy left the dorm, already worrying about Formal. At least she had had the forethought to line up Jake as a backup Formal date in case a straight guy didn’t work out.
/> Back at her room, as soon as Amy took down her IM away message, Nathan, the Mu Zeta Nu brother who had date-raped her, IMed. “Hey, are you staying up for a while? You want to come over?” he wrote.
“No, I’m not coming over,” Amy typed back.
“Can I come to your place? I promise I’ll make it worth your while,” Nathan wrote.
“Try me.” As Amy typed back to him she wondered what on earth she was doing.
Five minutes later, she opened the door to the house and Nathan zoomed in, kissing her hard on the lips the second he was in the entry hall. He rushed her up the stairs and shut the door to her bedroom. Amy, still drunk, let him take off her clothes, still berating herself for letting him come over. She didn’t even like him.
When he was finished, satisfied where Amy wasn’t, she let him out of the house so that none of her sisters would see him. “It was a stupid mistake,” she told herself. “I’m an idiot.” When she woke up the next morning, the evening’s events suddenly hit her, and, disgusted, she buried her head in her pillow and cried.
The Gender Role
OF THE FOUR SISTERS I FOLLOWED, AMY WAS ALWAYS THE most enthusiastic about the Greek experience. She loved the trimmings of sorority life—songs, rituals, bonding sessions, sorority-themed decorations—and she proudly wore her letters around campus. Unlike the other girls, she attended nearly every event the sorority sponsored throughout the year. For Amy, sorority sisterhood was an opportunity to try to re-create a bond she had lost when her biological sister passed away. She craved the support system that she believed Alpha Rho could provide. As she learned, however, no institutionalized sisterhood could come close to filling the void left by her loss. Sororities do not offer unconditional love. Nonetheless, Amy was grateful for the connection she said she had with her sisters. “There’s a common bond through all of us,” she said at the end of the year. “Even with the girls I don’t get along with, we still share something special. If they heard something really good or really bad about me, even Fiona and Whitney, they’d tell me congratulations or be comforting.” I asked her what she meant by the “something special” they shared. “We all joined the same organization and whether they’re my best friends or not, we all love Alpha Rho,” she replied. “That’s the building of a sisterhood.”
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