by Cassie Mae
I push up, my butt leaving the couch cushion so I can wrap my arms around his neck. His hands slide around my waist, creating warmth and comfort in places that have long been dank and dark.
Chapter 17
PRESENT DAY
I’m biting back every urge to tell Liz I told you so as we aimlessly wander around New York City and wait for a response that won’t ever come. I remember that when I asked Alec why he never pulled out his phone when we were together, he said, “Technological addiction is a thing. It’ll destroy relationships, one day, I promise you that.” I laughed at him, but over the course of our friendship I noticed that the amount of people on their phones increased dramatically, even those who were deep in conversation with their dinner date. Alec always kept his resting in his pocket. He was engaged and never dropped eye contact, and when I was with him, I never felt the need to check my notifications or missed calls. Those could wait, just like in the days of yore.
Liz growls, shaking Landon’s phone. Her fingers are blue from the cold; since she’s been typing messages for the last half hour, I’ve been keeping her gloves warm for her.
“He really needs to rethink his no-phone policy. What if someone’s dead?”
“Or stuck in the middle of nowhere with no money,” I say, chuckling at the visual of Jace stranded at a Burger King in nowheresville, Nevada, just last year. He spent all week trying to get hold of one of us; Landon finally checked his Facebook, and we all banded together to get Jace on a flight and poked fun at Alec for not ever answering his phone. Alec keeps telling us, though, that if he’d answered right away, Jace wouldn’t currently be fathering a child with the woman he fell in love with on that road trip from hell. Now that the romantic side in me has been reawakened, I can see his point.
“Sweet mother,” Liz gasps. I lift an eyebrow at the relieved smile developing on her face. “Fate is on your side today, my friend,” she says, pointing a chilled finger at a restaurant on the corner, where there are currently only two occupants on the outside patio.
An echoing gasp catches in my throat.
“That’s them, right?” Liz practically squeals. I shush her, pulling on her arm until we’re hidden behind a light post. I poke my face out, watching Rian swig her beer. Beer again, damn it. Alec really has a thing for beer drinkers. I personally don’t understand the appeal. Wine is so much better.
“Oh God, she made him eat outside…in February.” I laugh, trying to find fault in this date to make myself feel better. Alec despises eating outside in any season.
And Liz, being the supportive friend I need, shakes her head. “Amateur.”
The waiter comes over, and Rian leans in close to tell him her order. My jaw unhinges; what kind of person could flirt with someone else when Alec is sitting across from them? Then again, what kind of person turns down Alec when he professes his love? A flashing neon arrow glows over my head.
The waiter leaves, and Rian playfully shrugs, swirls the straw in her water, and licks her lips. I can’t hear a word, so I inch closer, hoping to catch at least some of their conversation. Her body language suggests that this date is going well, and the knots in my stomach get more and more tangled the longer I stand here and watch. Is he falling for this? Is he enjoying himself? Or is he rolling his eyes and counting down the minutes to midnight?
Gah…I wish I could see more than the back of his head.
“Theresa,” Liz whispers. “You do realize you’re talking out loud, right?”
I drop my voice to a whisper. “Can we get closer without being seen?”
Her brows pull together. “Don’t you want to—oh, I don’t know—interrupt and tell him how you feel? Grand gesture?”
My teeth tug on my bottom lip as I study Rian’s flirtatious eye flutters. My younger self wants to do exactly what Liz suggested, but the older, wiser part of me knows that I need to consider all the possible outcomes of that scenario. Alec’s too sweet and nice a guy to ditch the girl who paid four thousand just for a date with him, so all that would be left for us would be an awkward exchange, and a possible argument when the night is over.
Or maybe he’d be as thrilled as I am, and there’d be no argument at all.
The hesitation in my feet is all because I’m not sure why he left me to wake up alone those three weeks ago, and why he’s been so platonic when I thought we’d finally gotten past the platonic stage.
“I want to know how he feels about her first,” I tell Liz. She purses her shivering lips and nods once. Then she points to the thick shrubs surrounding the restaurant’s patio. Acceptable coverage, even considering the mass of Liz’s pink coat.
I try to look nonchalant as we inch closer. Rian seems like the kind of person who would point me out and make a scene if she spotted me. That might play in my favor, but since I can also see her grabbing Alec and kissing him just to spite me, I’d rather not draw any attention to myself.
I grab Liz’s arm and pull her down to a crouched position. She may have to crawl across the sidewalk in order to avoid being seen, and thank heavens I don’t have to actually tell her that out loud. She falls to her stomach and army-crawls, but she goes a bit closer than I intended. She waves me forward; feeling completely ridiculous and insane, I follow her lead and rest against the shrubbery.
“Is steak really your favorite or were you just trying to see if I eat meat?” Rian asks, her voice much sweeter and lighter than I recall it being. Also, steak is his favorite.
“Steak is the best-tasting thing at this place,” Alec replies, and my heart breaks and sews itself back together all in the same beat. He sounds like he’s amused, like he’s having a good time, but he also sounds like he’s trying to be that way. It’s not an effortless amusement.
Liz smacks me in the arm and mouths, “You’re…breathing…so…loud.” I push my hands over my mouth and try to hold my breath.
“You’re good at this,” Alec says, and I force myself to pay more attention because I am lost in the conversation. “What’s your secret?”
“I’ve been told I’m good at reading people.” Her voice is sultry and makes my gag reflex put in an extra shift.
“Bullshit.” He laughs, and before I can celebrate about Alec calling her out so boldly, Rian starts laughing too.
“Hey, you got one right.” She pauses. “Truth is, you’re extremely transparent, Alex with a c.”
Damn it, they must be playing some kind of truth-or-dare type of game. And he already has a nickname. I turn my head to try to get a visual on the situation, but I only get a mouthful of bush.
I slap at Liz, holding back the urge to cough. A loose, vindictive leaf has tickled the back of my throat so much that I know I’m about to go into a coughing fit. My eyes fill with water and my hands push against my mouth so hard my fingers are putting imprints into my cheeks. Liz wildly waves me away, gesturing for me to hide around the corner and she’ll continue eavesdropping while I gain composure. I nod, but before I can get two inches away, a traitorous cough escapes.
“You hear that?” Alec asks, and Liz reaches up and shoves my ass. I crawl as fast as I can around the corner, stuff my face into the crook of my elbow, and get the coughing fit out. My eyes are so watery now that tears have started to stream down my face. So much for a career in stealth.
Once I gain composure, I lean back against the building and stare at the clear night sky. If attacking shrubbery wasn’t enough of a sign to back out from this very impromptu plan, I’m not sure what will be.
Instead of crawling back to Liz, I wait for her. I’ve decided I’m going to put my foot down and tell her that it’s a Supernatural binge kind of night whether she likes it or not. I won’t think about how Alec will be kissing Rian at midnight. Or how he might even kiss her before. Or how she might take him to her place and it’ll be all punk or retro or artistic, but whatever it is, it’ll be interesting and clean and they’ll have plenty to talk about until they don’t want to talk anymore and they take advantage of the seven-minute pa
use….
I slam my hands over my face, pressing my fingers into my temples as if they’ll bore the images out of my mind. It’s no use, though; if anything I just make them more intense.
In a moment of complete insanity, I crawl back around the corner, just in time to see one of the images come to life. Rian’s leaning over the table, the neckline of her shirt gaping just enough to show off her cleavage, her lips full and puckered, and I can’t see Alec, but he’s not stopping her. No one’s stopping. Oh God, it’s happening and I can’t let it happen, no no no. My widened eyes meet Liz’s; she’s still crouched by that bush and can’t see what’s happening, lucky duck. And all I can think is that if they kiss this soon before midnight, what else is going to happen that quickly?
There are moments in life when you know that you’re not going to listen to logic and instinct seems so much more appealing. It’s the first stage in insanity, I think. And the insane voices in my head repeat Liz’s words from earlier. For all the nights I did nothing, it’s time I do something.
I break the record in crawling, jam my hand into the bush, and don’t stop until my fingers hit the soft fabric of the tablecloth. I yank so hard that along with the crash of plates and glassware, I hear the cloth rip. Then I grab Liz and pull her around the corner. My heart crashes in my chest, pumping a rush of adrenaline through my veins.
“Sweet Georgia pie,” Liz says, looking at me in some sort of shocked awe. “I can’t believe you just did that.”
I allow myself a small bit of laughter, trying to calm the beating of my heart. I’ve never interfered with fate before. I’ve always let things happen around me and go with the flow. I never realized how boring that is. Taking action to get what I want feels so much better.
Liz lets out one last surprised, hushed laugh, and a large smile forms on my lips. I chance a peek at Rian and Alec standing away from each other, wiping off their clothes. The mood has officially been killed, and I should feel bad about it, but I don’t.
In fact, I can’t wait to do it again.
13 MONTHS, 3 DAYS AGO: 10:45 P.M.
My best friend has turned into an unbearable shrew. She’s nearly five months celibate, the wedding’s not far off, and she’s had her future in-laws breathing down her neck, causing her to eat chocolate anytime she’s in my company. It’s partially entertaining, mostly exhausting. I get it, though; I spent the first year of my open relationship with only my showerhead and thoughts of a certain British actor to satisfy my carnal cravings.
Tonight, though, I’ve left Liz on her own to go to some random party in my downstairs neighbors’ apartment. I’m making out with some random guy, “having fun.” He slips his hand up my shirt, no hesitation as he cups my breast and kneads my nipple. I only had one glass of wine tonight, deciding to do this one more sober than usual to see if there’s a difference. There is—my head is too awake, and it tries to convince my body that I’m not into this as much as he is. But when he lets go of my mouth long enough to ask if we can head to my place, I don’t have enough reason to say no. Like alcohol, sex has the ability to make me forget for a little bit. And with Liz’s wedding coming up in just a few days, I’m ready to erase the fantasies I once had of my own young love turning into a forever.
I take him upstairs, and he has me naked and in my bedroom so fast I’m not sure if I locked my door. But before he tosses me on the bed, I find the clasp on my necklace and let it slide off. I carefully place it into its box and shut the lid, a deep rush of regret sinking in the pit of my stomach. A rough hand spreads out across my abdomen, and hot, anxious lips cruise up my neck, quieting my inhibitions. He gets me to the bed and I shut my eyes, turn off my brain, and just focus on the pleasure. For a few minutes the world isn’t so depressing.
—
The overhead light in my bedroom seems ten thousand times brighter than usual when it’s flicked on in the middle of my REM phase.
“Wh…what the hell?” I groan, covering my eyes against the blinding bulb. Something shuffles around my mess of a room, kicking random possessions under my bed. Liz’s arms fly to my shoulders, and it’s like an adrenaline shot right to the vein. She’s pressed against me, shaking hard, and I look up to the other person who’s entered the room with her.
Alec’s gaze connects with mine, his eyes wide. He’s shaking too—shaking so much that he clenches his hands into white-knuckled fists.
“Where’s Landon?” I ask, terrified of what the answer might be. “Is he okay?”
Sweet relief unfolds when Liz pulls back and nods. But then I think that if it’s not him, then…
“Jace?” I whisper.
Liz nods again.
Relief is replaced with confusion and I bring my eyes back up to Alec. He visibly swallows before he finds the ability to say something.
“Uh…your front door was open.”
My hand finds the soft down of my comforter, cool from lack of body heat. It’s not unlike the guys I bring back here to disappear in the middle of the night, though most of them have the courtesy to make sure the door is closed. I let out a breathy laugh, shaking my head.
“He must’ve left it open when he left. You’re both a couple of worrywarts.” Seriously, way to scare me to death over nothing. “Let me go back to sleep.”
“Theresa…” The corners of Liz’s mouth pull downward. “Your place is a mess.”
“Thank you, Mom,” I lilt. “What else is new?”
I look to Alec for a laugh, even if it’s just one to humor me, but instead I’m met with a flash of anger running across his face. He steps forward, and I flinch back, not comprehending the intensity in his eyes. I decide that sweet Alec can be quite scary when he’s upset.
“It’s ransacked,” he says through clenched teeth, his voice low but not as scary as the look in his dark green eyes. “Shit is everywhere, and I’ll bet you stuff’s missing too.”
I break eye contact and gaze around the room, noticing more things on the floor than there were. My dresser and nightstand drawers are pulled out, clothes and journals tossed carelessly on and around my furniture. The closet is open and contents from bins I kept in the back are strewn across the carpet. I try not to panic. Stuff like my iPod is replaceable, I tell myself. I’ll cancel my credit cards and…
Oh God.
I put a hand on my bare neck, heart pounding under my palm so hard that I can feel the palpitations. I rush to my feet, whipping the sheets off. I don’t care that I’m only in a T-shirt, that I’m exposed and tripping on things left behind from my random bang. I only want to get to that box I tucked away, that he saw me tuck away, and I know before I even open the lid that the necklace won’t be lying inside.
“What are you looking for?” Alec asks, and I close my mouth, just now noticing I was muttering under my breath. He’s so close that I can feel his body heat.
I stare at the empty box, running a finger over the velvet lining. “My necklace.”
Alec’s eyebrows rise, and his expression softens. I know he’s feeling the same pain that’s coursing through my body—a dull ache that’s growing and growing into sharp stabs of loss.
“What necklace?” Liz says, unburying herself from the sheets I tossed over her head. I look to Alec for an answer, but his eyes are on the empty box in my hand. My mouth opens, but no sound comes out. The price I paid for a night of passion that I tried to pass off as some sort of fleeting happiness was the thing that I cherished the most. Alec’s jaw clenches and unclenches, and I can tell his thoughts are swirling around and around, and I feel like I’m punching him in the heart all over again.
“Christmas present,” I whisper over my shoulder to Liz. “I didn’t have it for long, but I…” Alec finally looks at me, and he has no idea the weight of the words I’m about to say. “I liked it.”
Like always, our gazes meet and lock. I feel everything from pain to anger to frustration; I want to apologize to him, but the words won’t come out. He’s the first to look away, and I have to blink to re
member where I am.
I huff at the mess I can see in the hallway and rush past Alec to see what the damage is.
“That rat bastard!” I hiss when I see the empty side table in the living room. “He took my laptop, too.”
“Do you have your phone?” Liz asks, watching Alec pull his own from his pocket.
“Doubt it.” If he took the necklace, I imagine he’s taken everything else too. All I want back is the necklace, though. He can have the rest; I won’t call the cops if he just gives that back. I glance at the clock; the party downstairs might still be going on. I decide to go down and ask around. Maybe he’s dumb enough to go back there.
I search the floor for a pair of jeans and find some in the pile of clean laundry I have yet to fold. I stuff my feet into the legs and button them up. “I’m going to cut off his nut sack.”
Liz gives me a short nod and straightens her stance, because solidarity, sister.
I get halfway to the door before Alec steps in my way.
“You’re not going.”
My teeth grind together. “Move.”
Alec shakes his head, his blond hair disheveled, and my mind races to what made it look like that, which is ridiculous at a time like this. He brings his phone slowly to his ear, and before I can tell him my brilliant plan to get the necklace back, he starts speaking into it.
“Hi, I’d like to report a robbery.”
—
Under the sheets, Liz’s phone lights up with Alec’s next message. She’s sleeping next to me in her bedroom, and I’ve kept the ringer on silent so I don’t wake her up. I texted Alec about an hour ago, unable to sleep—not because of fear, but because I’m so upset with myself that I can barely shut my eyes without thoughts of self-abuse filtering through my head.
