And I couldn’t stand it. I just couldn’t stand it.
“Hey, girl,” my dad said, “Can you grab me another beer?”
“Me too,” Tyler said.
I suddenly heard Sebastian’s voice in my head, coming out of nowhere. I wasn’t a servant. They weren’t just my duty and my responsibility. They were my family. This was supposed to be a relationship.
It wasn’t, and it was partly my fault.
I simply snapped.
Instead of replying, I strode to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, grabbed the remaining bottles, popped them open and poured them out in the sink.
My dad had an indirect view of the kitchen from his seat and, when he saw what I was doing, he burst out, “What the hell?”
I came to the doorway and glared at both of them. “This is over. I’m not working my ass off so the two of you can sit around like selfish slugs. I can’t stop you if you want to throw your lives away, but I’m sure as hell not going to pay for it anymore. If you want to get it together, I’ll be happy to help you out.” I looked at my dad. “But you’ll have to go to AA or something and really start to look for a job.” Then I looked at Tyler. “And you’ll have to start working at school and do some things to help around the house. I’m not your servant. I’m part of this family. And you both have responsibilities to me because of it—something neither of you have bothered to acknowledge.”
They were both staring at me in astonishment. I was speaking so loudly that Rosie must have heard from her room, because her door open and she stood in the doorway, listening.
I glanced over at her and my heart almost broke at her expression. It was like she’d been waiting for me to do this.
It encouraged me enough to continue. “I’m sorry you were treated unfairly,” I told my dad. “I know how much it hurt you, and I know how little it was deserved. But now you’re treating us unfairly—particularly Rosie, who needs you more than any of us. So, if you both don’t get it together, then I’m just done. I’ll work for me and for Rosie, but not for both of you to just trash all my love and hard work.”
I went over and grabbed the half-eaten bag of chips and the remote. I clicked off the television. “These are my chips. And that was my beer. And this is my TV. I paid for all of them. And you’re not getting any of them unless you get off the fucking couch.”
I stomped with the remote and the chips back into the kitchen, and I started washing the dishes, mostly because I couldn’t stand the evidence of how I’d let things get so far out of control.
Tyler and my dad were still sitting in the living, evidently dumbfounded by my outburst. I didn’t know whether they believed I was serious or if they would put up a fight. Right now, evidently they were too surprised to do anything.
Rosie came into the kitchen and started to help by drying the dishes I watched. She didn’t say anything immediately, but I could see from her expression that she had something to say. I didn’t push her. Just waited until she said it.
Finally, when we were almost through with the dishes, she said, “That was awesome.”
I almost laughed, feeling genuinely pleased with myself for the first time in a long time. “Let’s go shopping tomorrow. I got a bonus from my boss to buy me a dress for the gala, and I’ll have enough extra for a dress for your dance too. Sound good?”
Her face broke into a smile, transforming it completely. “Sounds great.”
***
The next day Rosie and I were trying on dresses at an upscale department store in a nearby mall. Despite Cheryl’s insistence, I was focusing on the designer dresses that were discounted at least a little, since I couldn’t see myself spending a thousand dollars on one dress.
We found Rosie’s dress almost immediately—a little blue number with thick straps and a kick in the skirt—but it took longer to find mine.
I kept wanting to buy black or navy blue dresses, but Rosie kept foisting red and bright pink ones on me.
Finally, she dug up a deep purple strapless evening gown with a ruched bodice and a soft full skirt that wasn’t too over-the-top. It had gorgeous beading at the waist. It was discounted only 10%, so it still seemed inordinately extravagant. But I could pay for both this one and Rosie’s dress with the money Cheryl had given me, so I couldn’t make the excuse of it being too expensive.
“You look gorgeous!” Rosie gushed, as I came out of the stall to do some circles in front of the three-sided mirror. “That’s definitely the one.”
“I like it too,” I admitted, almost shocked by how pretty I looked and how the dress made me look like I had a fantastic figure. “It is pretty expensive, though.”
“It’s not too expensive. It’s worth the money. You have to buy it.”
“I guess I will.” There was no way I wasn’t going to buy it. It seemed to be made for me, and I didn’t even want to take it off. “And I guess I’ll be able to use it at other formal events, so it’s not like it’s just for the one gala.”
“That’s right. It’s a really practical purchase.” Her eyes gleamed mischievously at me.
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Your guy is going to be totally knocked out by it,” Rosie said, in a slightly different tone.
“What?” I froze when the words registered.
“Your guy.”
“What guy?”
“I don’t know what guy, but I’m not stupid, you know. I know you’ve been seeing a guy.”
I didn’t want to lie to her, so I just said, “I was seeing someone. But we broke up.”
“Is that why you’ve been so down?”
“Yeah.”
“What happened?”
I shook my head, not even sure I could explain it. How could I explain that he was just seeing me to “get laid”?
I said, “I don’t even know.”
“You know something.”
“Maybe I was expecting it to be serious too soon. But it felt serious, you know.” I’d been thinking about it a lot, so the answer seemed right to me. “But I think I expected too much too soon. I shouldn’t have had such hopes and…and dreams.”
“Maybe you should have given him more time. Guys seem to run if you try to trap them too soon. Maybe it was just too soon.”
“Yeah. I know. But it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t like he was trapped. It was like I just wasn’t important enough to him.”
“Oh.” Her expression changed. “Then I guess there’s nothing to do about that. Nothing’s worse than a guy who is only thinking about himself—what he wants—and doesn’t think anything about what you want and need.”
For some reason, the words struck me strangely. I stared at Rosie for a minute.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Did I say something stupid?”
“No. No. You’re right.” I felt rattled, so I moved back toward the changing stall. “I’m going to change back to my clothes real quick.”
As I took off the beautiful dress and put back on my jeans and top, I kept thinking about what Rosie had said.
She was right. Nothing was worse than when someone you were supposed to be in a relationship with thought only about himself and just used you to meet his needs. I knew this from experience—with my dad and Tyler.
And I realized then that I was just as guilty of this as they were. I was every bit as guilty.
I’d done the same thing to Sebastian.
***
After dinner that evening, I drove out to Sebastian’s hotel. I didn’t know if he’d be there or not, but I was too nervous to call first.
I didn’t know if he’d want to talk to me at all, but I needed to say something to him.
I saw his SUV in the parking lot, so I pulled my car in beside it and then made my way to his door.
I stood in the hallway in front of it for a full minute, trying to catch my breath, trying to keep my hands from shaking.
I didn’t exactly succeed.
Finally, I was so nervous that I almost just ran back
to the elevator, so I made myself knock on the door to keep from retreating.
The door swung open just after the knock, and Sebastian stood before me. He wore a pair of sweatpants and nothing else. His hair was slightly mussed and he needed to shave. There were shadows under his eyes, and his green eyes were full of astonishment as he registered my appearance.
“Hi,” I said stupidly.
He didn’t reply immediately, just kept staring at me.
He was so big and strong and rumpled and masculine and confused and dear that I completely lost it.
I burst out, “I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I know now that I wasn’t fair to you. I was expecting you to sacrifice everything for what I wanted to happen, and I wasn’t really thinking about you. About what you need. About what’s important to you. I know your family is important to you, and you can’t just give them up because I want you to. It’s not fair to you. I wasn’t fair to you. And so I really need to apologize.”
If anything, he seemed more frozen than before as he listened to my rambling words.
I took a ragged breath and continued before I lost the courage. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t think I’m really a selfish person. I was just so…so desperate. And it seemed like the way to fix things finally fell into my lap. So I just assumed you would help me, without thinking about what it might mean to you. I don’t know why. I’m really sorry about that. No matter how much I was falling in love with you, I shouldn’t have assumed you were there just to please me or fix my life. I know that fixing things can’t be so easy. I’m trying to start. With my family and everything.”
Sebastian still didn’t say anything. Still didn’t do anything but stare. I didn’t know if he was stunned or confused or just cold to me now.
The words kept spilling out. “It’s like you said before—I need to treat my family like a relationship and not like I’m their servant. It’s getting better, I think. My dad went to his first AA meeting today. So I think it can get better. I know, to you, we were just having fun. I blew the chance to even have that much. I know it’s over. So I’m not asking for anything. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”
I took one more breath and concluded. “So that’s all I came here to say. I’m really sorry. Despite how I acted, I do care about you. And I hope you work things out with your family too.”
I saw his brows draw together, and I was suddenly terrified. That I’d said too much. Exposed too much. Made a complete fool of myself.
I was glad I’d apologized, but I felt like I was stripped completely naked and now he was going to reject me.
After all, if you were just “getting laid” with a girl, then you wouldn’t necessarily want to hear her pour out her whole heart.
So I turned on my heel and hurried down the hall
.
Twelve
Sebastian
“Wow. It’s nice that they let you dress up in a tux tonight.”
I was scanning the perimeter of the room as guests were starting to arrive for the Gentry event, and Declan had just positioned himself behind me. “And what’s that supposed to mean?” I asked—knowing full-well that there was a smartass response coming my way.
“I just thought that they’d want you decked out in your ‘dress’ rent-a-cop uniform.” He stepped around so that he was beside me. “I was hoping to get pictures.”
Part of me wanted to punch him in the throat. Part of me wanted to laugh. I opted for the laughter. “Fuck you.”
“Sorry, dude. I keep telling you that you’re not my type.”
“Shit, are the two of you discussing why you’re not a couple again?” Cole asked, approaching before either of us had seen him. He laughed at his own comment as he came to stand beside us. “I’d kill for a drink right about now.”
“You’ve only been here thirty minutes,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, but I’ve been in this damn tux for an hour, and it’s choking me.”
Declan shook his head. “So uncivilized. It’s like you were raised by wolves or something.”
“Screw you,” Cole said, but there wasn’t much behind it. “So what’s the plan? We just supposed to stand around and people watch all night?”
“For the most part. I’ve got secondary people positioned around the house to make sure that no one goes to any of the restricted areas or snoops around. The four of us should mainly stay here in the main ballroom. Use it as an opportunity to schmooze a bit, make connections, while making sure that nothing happens that isn’t supposed to.”
“What the hell does that even mean?” Cole asked.
Declan elbowed him in the ribs. “It means make sure that no one acts like a jackass.”
“Well, then why didn’t he just say that?”
“Probably because his rent-a-cop training has taught him the art of being vague.”
I glared at the two of them. “Don’t you assholes have something to do?” I was about to give them a couple of suggestions when Levi strolled over with Harper on his arm. It was hard to scowl when you looked at them. Out of the three of us, Levi definitely looked the most relaxed. He was happy. He had Harper.
“How is it that you got to bring a date to this thing?” Declan asked, clearly not feeling the happy-vibe coming off Levi and Harper because he was scowling.
“I managed to score an invite-slash-press-pass,” Harper said, smiling. “Technically, I’m here to write a story. The fact that I get to be here with Levi and we’re all dressed up and get to dance and drink champagne is just a perk.”
Cole mumbled something inappropriate under his breath and stalked away. Declan wasn’t quite so secretive about his comments, but at least he ended it with well-wishes for a good time before walking away.
“What about you, Seb?” Levi asked. “No snarky comments?”
“Really? You think the ‘rent-a-cop’ has the right to say anything?” I joked.
Both Levi and Harper laughed before Harper excused herself on the pretense of going and talking to some colleagues. I knew it was a ruse because, as soon as she was out of earshot, Levi stepped in close. “Seriously, are you okay?”
“What? With you having a date while the rest of us are here alone? Sure. Why not.”
He rolled his eyes and then met mine again. “Not with a date, asshole, but with this whole situation. Everything going all right?”
I shrugged. “I told you all from the beginning that this was basically a no-brainer. The protesters at the gate have been peaceful the entire time. They weren’t a threat in any way, other than drawing some negative attention to the gala. But really, Gentry was the reason for all of the negative attention. It just gets downplayed because he’s doing something great for this charity. And we both know that it’s not his doing, but his wife’s. His name just garners more attention.”
Levi nodded. “So you think this was all a waste of time?”
My first instinct was to say yes, but then I realized that, had it not been for this job, I never would have met Ali. And even though things hadn’t gone quite the way I had hoped, I still wouldn’t trade having her in my life. “Nah,” I finally said. “I think that, if anything, this was good training for us for future events. We’ll consider it a practice run for an event with real threats.”
“Okay. Good.” I knew Levi well enough to know that he still had more to say. So I waited. “You seem different,” he finally said. “Like something’s changed. Did I miss anything?”
It would be easy to just tell him what had transpired, but I was keeping it to myself for now. By the end of the night, I might want to talk about it, but for now it was something I was holding close to my chest. “No. Nothing to miss. I’ve kept everyone up to date on what was happening.”
“Well, yeah, with this job but…did something happen with your father?”
Was I that freaking transparent? Rather than answer, I shook my head and began scanning the room again. It was filling quickly, but a flash of pu
rple caught my eye, and I felt my heart kick in my chest.
Ali.
I had been to countless formal events in my life, but never had I ever witnessed a true Cinderella moment. It was the only analogy that came to mind because, as Ali walked into the room, it was as if everyone else ceased to exist. There was only her.
I couldn’t help but stare as she smiled nervously as she greeted people. I knew she wasn’t comfortable in the least with the attention she was garnering—or with being dressed up so spectacularly—but only someone who really knew her would even notice.
She continued to move through the room—politely declining offers of food and drink from the passing butler service—and to the casual observer, she was a guest of the event. For the first time since all of the planning had begun, Ali wasn’t dressed like one of the workers who were trying to blend into the background. She looked regal, beautiful, and sexy as hell.
Beside me, Levi cleared his throat. I barely spared him a glance, and thankfully he took the hint and walked away. Good. I didn’t want to focus on him. On small talk. On anything except the woman who turned my life upside down more times than I cared to admit.
Since the night she showed up at the hotel last week and confessed her feelings to me, I couldn’t think of anything else. It would have been easy to call after her and drag her back into my room and make promises and then make love to her all night as I’d ached to do.
But the timing wasn’t right.
In order for us to move forward, other things needed to be settled first. They just weren’t settling fast enough for me. I wanted to walk across the room and have the right to go up to Ali, to kiss her, ask her to dance. And someday, I would. But for now, I had a job to do.
***
I had no idea why I needed to be standing up on the platform, two feet behind Gentry. It was nothing more than the return of the dog and pony show, and I could see my buddies all smirking because I knew they were thinking the exact same thing. It was ridiculous. Not quite as ridiculous as the long-winded speech Gentry was giving, but close.
He must have thanked about a hundred people and then shared an almost-touching story of his personal connection to this particular charity. I knew how fake the words were, the emotions were, the man was.
Honor Bound Page 13
