“You felt guilty,” she finished for him.
“I did.” Didn’t even bother denying it, either. Her chest hurt with that admission, her breath came in weird, stuttering spurts.
“And you still feel guilty. It’s why you’re with me. Some sort of weird obligation you feel you have toward me. Because what happened to me you believe is all your fault.” She stood, ignored the pain radiating throughout her knees. “I don’t need your guilt, Cam.”
“I’m not with you out of guilt, Chloe. You have to know that. Right? After what happened last night…” He stood as well, tried to take her hand, but she pulled away from him.
“I don’t know anything anymore.” The tears flowed freely now and she still didn’t wipe them away. “I’m so stupid. I thought you cared about me.” Her voice hitched and she tried to fight past the sob that stuck in her throat.
“I’ve been all twisted up over you for the last two months. Spending all this time with you, talking with you, falling for you…” He thrust both hands in his hair now, pulling his forehead taut, his eyebrows raised as he watched her. “I meant to tell you. I swear.”
“What, right before you left Lone Pine Lake? You never talk about leaving anymore. I secretly believed it was because you had a reason to stay now. And that reason was me.” She shook her head, sidestepped him when he came toward her and tried to pull her into his arms. “No. Don’t touch me. I don’t need your obligation any longer, Cameron. You can take all your shitty guilt and leave.”
“Jesus, Chloe, don’t do this.” His voice ragged, he dropped his hands at his sides, and she swore she caught a hint of moisture in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
“I don’t want you feeling sorry for me. That’s what this entire so-called adventure has been about, right? You feeling sorry and guilty over the accident and that you were the reason I was so distracted that night.” She turned away, kept her back to him. She couldn’t stand looking at Cameron anymore.
It hurt too much.
He remained silent and she hated that. Had he given up defending himself because she was right?
“You were bored, I asked you for my stupid, lame sweet summer romance and you thought why not? I couldn’t get too attached to you, right? You could give me what I wanted, relieve some of that guilt that has been hanging so heavily on your shoulders and you’re absolved of all your sins.” She snapped her fingers. “Just like that.”
…
She made it sound so easy, so logical when it hadn’t been like that at all. Maybe at first, he’d been motivated by guilt. He’d nearly gotten her killed. Slung harmful, shitty words at her carelessly and sent her off, upset and freaking crying in that stupid sensible car that had turned out to be not so sensible after all.
Cam had wanted to do right by her after everything that happened that night, he couldn’t argue with that.
But it became so much more with Chloe. As he spent time with her, he grew to genuinely like her. And the chemistry between them…he couldn’t deny it had been off the charts from the moment he kissed her at Jane’s wedding reception.
How he wished he would’ve told her last night. Then none of this would be happening. Too late for wishes, though.
He screwed up a good thing. What else was new?
“Just like that,” he murmured. “You make it sound so simple.”
“Sometimes the truth is that simple.” She still kept her back to him, those slim shoulders trembling, and he knew she was crying. Which slayed him. He wanted to comfort her but she’d shrug him off and he couldn’t take that.
And their truth wasn’t that simple. This relationship with Chloe had never been simple and that was exactly what he loved about it most. “So this is it, then.” Only a few minutes ago, he’d felt happier than he’d ever been in his life. Relaxed after a shower, starving after a night of endless sex, he’d planned on making her a late breakfast, the only meal he was any good at cooking.
And after that, he would’ve taken her back to her bedroom and had his way with her. Then a shower—together. Then back to bed. Where they would spend the rest of the day tangled in the sheets.
Instead, she’d walked into the house looking like a zombie and rocked his world completely off its axis.
She finally turned to face him, her eyes rimmed with red, her cheeks flushed. “Isn’t this what you’ve wanted all along? To be rid of me for good? Unfortunately, it took you a couple of extra months to make that happen.”
Anger burned inside of him. Warred with frustration and sadness. That she would give up on him so easily, distrust him because of one stupid mistake…
He guessed he deserved it.
“I’ll leave, then,” he said quietly, starting toward her bedroom. He grabbed his T-shirt, pulled it on, stuffed his feet into his shoes. His wallet was still in his back pocket, his truck keys in his front along with his cell, which, thank God, was still holding a charge. He’d have to call someone to rescue him or walk back to The Tree, which he didn’t look forward to.
No way in hell would Chloe offer him a ride now. Her days worrying about his safety were over for good.
He came back out into the living room, paused at the front door, his hand resting on the handle. She sat on the couch once more, her posture straight, her gaze distant. Like she didn’t want to look at him.
And that hurt more than he cared to admit. “I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you.” He opened the door, needing to say more. Afraid she wouldn’t care anyway but he had to do it. “And even though you think I did this out of some sort of weird sense of guilt, that’s not true. I let down all my walls and let you in. I never let anyone in. You know that.”
She sniffed, turned her head away, so all he could see was her profile. “Good-bye Cam.”
He waited, hoping like hell she’d say something else, but he was greeted with nothing but cold silence. “I love you, Chloe,” he whispered, just before he shut the door.
And walked out of her life.
Chapter Twelve
The job offer came five days later, after Cam put some feelers out. An assignment for a national news magazine accompanying a reporter interviewing young war veterans, it would be a compelling piece that had the potential for award nominations and plenty of accolades from within the industry and the general public, his agent had told him excitedly.
He’d accepted it without hesitation. Was flying out to New York the next day in preparation before he went on assignment, which meant he had to get to Sacramento at the butt crack of dawn to catch his flight. Mindy volunteered to take him.
Jane and Mac weren’t really talking to him, which was fine. He didn’t need Jane’s guilt trips, since she was still angry and he’d already apologized to Mac, who accepted it stiffly. He was clearly still mad, too. He’d taken Chloe’s side. Cam knew this because he’d driven by her house yesterday and saw Mac’s car parked in front of it.
The urge to bust into her house and break up whatever little emotional pow-wow they were having had nearly overwhelmed him. But he drove on, pissed that he tortured himself so easily. The jealousy still lingered, thick and black, darkening his mood until he snapped at everyone who came near him.
His mother had tried to talk to him about the accident in Afghanistan, about Chloe, about everything that had happened to him the last five years of his life and he’d finally told her to back off. So now his mom was mad at him, too.
Great.
The only people not angry at him were Mindy, his dad, and the checker at Hillside Market who had openly flirted with him when he’d gone in earlier that afternoon to buy a frozen pizza for dinner. She’d asked if he had anyone to share it with.
He’d had no answer, stunned she’d said such a thing. He, the king of flirtation, the master manipulator of women, had walked out of the store with his tail tucked between his legs.
He needed to get out of this town and quick.
Someone rang the doorbell and he went to answ
er it, warily peeking through the peephole to see his older sister standing on his doorstep, sans kids. He opened the door, saw that she held a plastic bag stacked with takeout containers inside. “Where are the monsters?” he asked, referring to her two sons.
“With their dad and his bimbo.” Mindy’s lips thinned. “He’s taking them to Santa Cruz for a few days. He’ll spend a ton of money on them and they’ll come home with stomachaches from too much junk food and expectations I can’t meet.”
“Sounds great.” Marty, her soon-to-be ex, was a complete asshole. Cam opened the door wider and she walked in, the scent that wafted from the containers making his stomach grumble. “Whatcha got there?”
“Chinese. Figured you could use a real meal before you leave us for good.” She went to the kitchen, set the bag on the counter.
“I was going to have a frozen pizza for dinner.” He shut the door and started for the kitchen. “And a real meal would’ve been one you cooked for me.”
“Ha. I cook for no one at the moment, not even my kids.” She paused. “And I heard all about the pizza.”
He stilled. “How the hell did you hear about that?”
“I went in to Hillside before I came here and bought some beer. Said I was going to your place and Debi mentioned you were having frozen pizza for dinner. I think she likes you.”
He wondered how many people Debi the checker told about his pitiful dinner for one. “Well, I don’t like her. And where’s this beer you speak of?”
“Oops. Still in my car. Would you be a sweetie and go get it for us?” She batted her eyelashes at him.
He went and grabbed the beer, which sat on the passenger side floorboard of her ten-year-old minivan. A minivan that was an absolute disaster, he realized as he looked around. It looked like she hadn’t cleaned it in more than a year. If he wasn’t leaving tomorrow, he’d clean it out himself.
“Your car is disgusting,” he said as he walked back into the kitchen, the beer clutched in his hand.
“Thanks,” she said sweetly. “Blame my monsters.”
“You can’t make those monsters clean up after themselves?”
Tucking a few wayward strands of hair behind her ear, she glared at him. “My dirty car is the least of my concerns. I would think you of all people would understand that.”
Point noted. “Sorry. I’m in a bad mood.”
“Cameron, you were born in a bad mood.” She pulled the containers out of the bag and popped all the lids open. “Get some plates, will you?”
He grabbed the last of the paper plates that sat on top of the fridge and tossed them to her. They served themselves, both of them piling it on, each grabbing a beer before they sat at the kitchen table and started eating in companionable silence.
At this moment he was thankful for Mindy and her nonjudgmental acceptance. He’d beat himself up enough over what he’d done to Chloe. And instead of sticking around and trying to make it right with her, he was running.
As per his usual operating mode.
“I guess you were hungry,” Mindy said pointedly after he consumed his plate in record time and went back for another serving.
“I haven’t eaten much these last couple of days.”
“Gee, I wonder why.” The sarcasm in her voice was beyond evident.
He went back to the table and sat, his gaze meeting hers. “You think I’m a chicken shit for leaving, don’t you?”
She shrugged. “I’m not going to judge you. I don’t know exactly what happened between you and Chloe, but if you feel like you have to leave, then you need to leave.”
He stared at his overloaded plate, all of a sudden not hungry anymore. Hearing her name had a way of zapping his appetite, ruining his mood. “She hates me.”
“I think she loves you. That’s why she’s so mad,” Mindy said quietly. “The two emotions run relatively close to each other, you know.”
He stared at his big sister, feeling like a world-class jerk. “I know she loves me. She told me so.”
Mindy sighed. “And what did you tell her?”
“When she first said it, I didn’t tell her anything. But she wasn’t expecting an answer, either.” He remembered the look on her face, the tear that had slipped down her cheek when she told him. How he kissed her, made love to her after that admission. In that one single moment, he’d felt so close to Chloe. As if they understood each other, as if she really got him. He’d never felt like that before. “Hearing those words from her was like a punch in the gut. I didn’t know what to say.”
“Oh, Cam.” The look his sister gave him said it all. She thought he was an idiot.
“I did finally tell her, though,” he admitted.
“Tell her what? That you love her?” Mindy looked incredulous.
He nodded, pushed the plate away. “Right after we fought. When she accused me of spending all summer with her out of guilt. Just before I walked out the door, I told her I loved her.”
“Then why are you leaving? Why aren’t you fighting for her?”
He’d pondered that very thing the last two sleepless nights he’d suffered through and still didn’t have a good enough answer. “She doesn’t want to hear what I have to say.”
“Have you tried talking to her?”
“You didn’t see her, Mind. She was so cold, so void of emotion. It was like talking to a brick wall.”
“Sounds familiar,” Mindy muttered.
“What? Are you referring to me?”
“Um, yeah.” She shook her head. “You’re not known for showing much emotion. It can drive a person crazy sometimes.”
So he’d received a dose of his own medicine. Great. “There’s no point in staying here. I don’t deserve her anyway.”
Mindy slapped her hand on the edge of the table, startling him out of his own misery. “I am so sick of hearing you say that. Why are you constantly putting yourself down? Why do you hate this town and your family so much that you can barely stand the thought of being here?”
“I don’t hate you.” He stared at her, surprised by his sister’s outburst. She looked furious. “It’s not about you guys. It’s me.”
“What about you? Why are you always running? Why can’t you let down your guard and relax for once in your life? What the hell happened to you? We were raised in the same house but you sure love to act like you’re the long-suffering brother while the rest of us had idyllic childhoods.”
“That’s not true—” he started but she cut him off with a glare.
“It is so true. Always woe is me, poor me. It’s bullshit, Cam.” She forked up a piece of sweet and sour chicken and pointed it at him. “You need to grow up.”
“Grow up?”
“Yes, grow up. You act like a spoiled, miserable teenager who can’t get his way. It’s pure crap. That you finally find a woman who not only tolerates your issues but got you to get over them—and she’s a pretty amazing woman, I must say, sweet as pie and she has to be feisty as hell to put up with you—and you’re walking away from her.”
“I thought you weren’t going to judge,” he said, his voice hoarse.
“I’m not judging. I’m calling it as I see it.” She set the fork on her plate. “Life isn’t perfect. I know you always seemed to think it should be, but guess what? It’s messy and ugly and mean. You just have to make the best of it and find the good where you can.”
“I never thought life had to be perfect.”
She rolled her eyes. “Give me a break. Becoming a photographer is all about trying to control how you see life unfold around you. Or your interpretation of life.”
“I’m not trying to control anything.” He sounded defensive even to his own ears.
“Please. You’ve always tried to control everything. That’s why you close yourself off. If you don’t let anyone in, then we can’t screw you up, right? On the other side, you can’t screw up if you’re alone so in your mind, it’s the perfect solution. You can go on living and be what you think is the best you can be, bu
t really you’re just a shell of a person.”
He rubbed at his chest, her harsh words stinging. “Thanks a lot.”
“You can be such a bone head.” Reaching across the table, she grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m trying to tell you that being with Chloe brought you back. Brought out the real you again. There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable and letting someone see who you are, scars and all.”
Mindy was right. He knew it, had essentially thought the same thing. Being with Chloe, he felt like his true self.
Being with Chloe was real.
“You should tell her you’re leaving,” Mindy said softly, breaking through his thoughts.
“I don’t know.” He stared at the beer bottle in front of him, his stomach turning at the thought of facing Chloe again. Of seeing all the hatred and disappointment in her gaze, the possibility of hearing her sweet voice asking him to go and not giving him a chance to explain.
He didn’t think he could face it.
“She’ll hate you more if you leave and never say a word. You should at least try.”
Cam sighed. “When did you get so wise?” She’d always been wise. He’d just been remiss in telling her.
“Trust me, it took a while.” She drained her beer and stood. “Want another one?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I should be sober when I see Chloe.”
A little smile curled her lips. “I’m proud of you, Cameron.”
“Let’s see if you’re still proud of me after I try and talk to her.”
…
Chloe had great friends. She knew she did and she loved them for all the support and guidance they gave her, especially the last few days, which had been particularly rough.
Tempting Cameron Page 14
