“What you and I can do can literally kill people or get people killed, Anastazia. I’m sorry, but I didn’t want to explain to that guard’s wife and kids why he died if you sent the wrong thought to him. I haven’t managed to stay unmolested for centuries by going around controlling people. I did it by maintaining an extreme level of self-control and discretion. Something that, up until now, you were a master of.”
He let her go and sat back. “She doesn’t even remember me saying it. I wouldn’t have done it. You should know that.”
Taz felt horrible, heartsick. She knew he was right but didn’t want to admit it. “No, I don’t know that.” She hadn’t considered the full ramifications of what she could do, and would hate herself if anyone got hurt because of her.
And if anyone dropped to their knees for Matthias Hawthorne, she wanted it to be her.
The burger did smell good, especially since it was hours since she ate. She took a bite—it was the best burger she’d ever had. “That’s my whole point, Matthias. I don’t know you. You’re forgetting you have the advantage.”
“My point was, and you are the one who accused me of being narcissistic, I don’t choose to have a woman just because I can. As you saw, I can. She’s happily married for over fifteen years, has two kids, and you saw what happened. I’ve made sure the women I’ve been with in my life always genuinely wanted to be with me. I refuse to use my skills like that. I have a conscience. Your problem is you hate not being in control.”
She glared at him. “Fuck you, Matthias.”
“I hope so.” He smiled. “Someday. Whenever you’re ready.”
Before she could find her voice to reply, Robertson and Albert appeared on the patio. As if by magic, the waitress brought two more buffalo burgers.
Taz remained quiet while Matthias went over their arrangements with the other men. If Robertson could tell something happened, he wasn’t letting on.
A few times she looked over at Matthias and shot him angry thoughts. He didn’t react, so she didn’t know if he could hear her thoughts or was just ignoring her.
She also didn’t like the guilt, and the jealously, rumbling through her gut.
Asshat.
Chapter Seventeen
Matthias held the Land Rover’s passenger door for Taz then climbed behind the wheel. Albert and Robertson followed close behind in a second Rover, with three heavily armed guards.
Taz didn’t speak, choosing to watch the passing scenery. Driving into the park, the harsh, arid mountains gave way to timberland, and then they were in Mammoth Hot Springs.
“Do you want to stop?” he asked.
“Why?”
“I thought you might want to use the bathroom because we’re driving straight through to Old Faithful. I want to get there before dark.”
She snorted. “Isn’t that kind of ironic? A vampire who wants to be inside before the sun goes down?”
“A vampire with some insane creatures coming after him and someone he cares deeply about, yes.” He pulled into a parking space in front of a store. “I’m going in for some drinks. Want anything?”
Someone he cares deeply about. The words echoed through her soul. She shook her head, and he left her standing on the sidewalk next to the SUV.
Albert and two of the guards followed Matthias into the store. Robertson and one of the guards stayed with her. Robertson handed her a digital camera. “What did you say to piss him off?”
“Piss him off? He—you should have seen—” She stopped, not knowing how to continue. “Oh, forget it.”
She walked around the Land Rover and looked at the small town. Under different circumstances, she’d enjoy walking around—
hand in hand
—with Matthias.
Oh hell with it, he was far enough away he couldn’t hear her thoughts. Right?
When Matthias returned, Taz walked into the store, used the restroom, and bought herself a bottled water. She didn’t know what made her more upset, that Matthias was so right all the time, or that he could read her thoughts.
Could he tell the sick feeling twisting her gut at the restaurant was jealousy? Insecurity?
How many women had he been with? Fifty? One hundred? The probability of a higher number made her ill. What straight, single woman wouldn’t jump at the chance to hop into bed with Matthias Hawthorne, even without his freaky vampire charm?
She’d slept with four men in her life. Now what made her sicker than her jealousy was the thought that maybe her lovers hadn’t been with her because they wanted to, but because they fell under her weird vampire aura.
Oh, yuck.
She practiced keeping a bubble around her thoughts the rest of the trip south. Matthias didn’t speak, and she worked at ignoring him. He gave her a park guidebook he bought at Mammoth, and she buried her nose in it, reading facts about Yellowstone.
The land was beautiful. There were still plenty of reminders from the 1988 fires, even over twenty years later, but new-growth trees were everywhere. They spotted bison just south of Madison. She didn’t resent it when Matthias wordlessly pulled over at her thought about stopping to take pictures.
The sun dipped behind the trees before they reached the Old Faithful Lodge. Matthias disappeared inside with Albert and returned a few minutes later with keys and paperwork.
They drove around to the old cabins, and she realized each building contained three or four rooms. They had two cabins, and no one consulted her when they pulled up to two adjoining cabins and the men unloaded luggage.
She got out and reached for her bags, but Robertson beat her to them.
“I’ll get them.” He picked them up, and she realized he was heading for the same room as Matthias.
Taz balked. “Oh, no. I’m not sharing a room with him.”
Matthias turned from the stoop, where he was unlocking the door. “Why not?”
Speech briefly escaped her. “Why not? You have the nerve to ask that?” He did, it seemed.
“You need to be protected.”
“I’m not sleeping with you!” She realized she’d nearly screamed that, and a couple of kids playing outside a few cabins over looked up. She took a deep breath, stepped closer to him, and hissed through clenched teeth. “I’m not sleeping with you!”
“I’m not asking you to. There are two beds.” Matthias took his bags inside the cabin. Taz fought the urge to scream in frustration.
She tried to grab her bags from Robertson. “Taz,” he said quietly, “please. Don’t do this. He wants to protect you.”
“I can protect myself.” He gave her the knowing-father look and she deflated. “He can hear my thoughts,” she whispered. “Why can’t I share a room with you?”
God, I sound like a whiny teenager.
“Because, I’m not as fast as he is with a sword.”
“We’ve got half a SEAL team with us. Why can’t I share a room with one of them?”
He looked down his nose at her. “Do you really want me to answer that?”
“What?”
He glanced around before stepping closer. “Haven’t you noticed none of them will look at you or meet your gaze? They’re under strict orders not to. He’ll fire them on the spot. He needs them clear-headed. If one of them shares a room with you, Matthias will have to peel him off you. Think about the guard at the house. Your powers are awakening, and it’s like dogs after a bitch in heat until you learn how to control them.”
“Oh nice, great. Thank you. Now I’m a bitch—hey, wait!” He was already mounting the concrete steps with her bags.
The room was small. Not small as in small, but small as in the master bathroom at her LA condo was larger than the entire room. The bathroom sink was affixed to the wall outside the bathroom. The bathroom was smaller than most closets, with barely room to turn around between the toilet and shower.
There were two beds, one double, one single. Matthias placed his bag on the single bed. He opened his bag and rooted through it, looking for something.
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Robertson put her bags on the double bed and looked at her.
Behave, he mouthed, chucking her on the chin like he did when she was a kid.
Terrific.
* * * *
Taz refused to speak to Matthias and positioned herself between Robertson and Albert when they walked as a group down the boardwalk, past the geysers, toward the Old Faithful Inn for dinner. At the table, she sat at the far end on the other side of the guards, hoping it was far enough away to protect her thoughts. She refused to look at Matthias throughout dinner. She sensed Matthias stole glances at her.
Tough. Let him look.
She still didn’t know what they were doing there. He needed to meet with scientists at the USGS, something about a computer system. Fine, great. Why bring her? Why not leave her at the house with an army of guards?
She tried to ignore his smirk. Oh hell, he can still hear my thoughts.
Taz was betrayed on the walk back to the cabins. Matthias came up from behind, and Robertson deftly stepped out of his way. Matthias cupped her elbow in his hand and gently propelled her a few steps ahead of the others.
“Hey, let go of me.”
“Not until you promise to quit acting like a brat.”
She mentally shot him a few choice curse words. “Did you get that?”
“Yes, I did.” He kept his voice low. The hired guns hovered a discreet distance behind the group. “I’m sorry, Taz. Really, truly sorry for all this. Would you please stop being mad at me long enough to talk?”
“No.” She shook his grip and tried to walk faster. He matched her stride, catching her elbow again.
“Taz, please.”
“Is this some sort of game to you? Do you really think you’re going to woo me into bed, and everything’s going to be hunky-dory between us?”
“No. Frankly, I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted anything to do with me again.”
She stopped in her tracks, and Robertson nearly ran into her. “What?”
“I said—”
“I heard you.”
Everyone stepped back, and Matthias guided her to the edge of the boardwalk, out of the main line of traffic. He kept his voice low. “Taz, I’m sorry. Truly, deeply sorry. Contrary to what you might think I don’t have a lot of experience with this. I’ve never done this before.”
“You’ve had a lot of women,” she shot back. “You said so yourself.”
His eyes narrowed, and his face hardened. “That’s not what I meant. There is a vast gulf between having and loving. And, if you remember, I’m a lot older than you. For your information I haven’t ‘had’ a woman in over ten years.”
Matthias walked away before she could conjure a response. Something in the set of his shoulders told her she’d crossed a line, maybe hurt his feelings. She knew she was being a bitch, and she couldn’t help herself. This wasn’t like her at all.
Albert walked up behind her. “He’s only loved one other, dear. He is as lost as you are.” He followed Matthias.
“Give him a chance, Taz,” Robertson said. “He’s trying.”
She walked back to the cabin, trailed by the three guards and feeling guilty.
Chapter Eighteen
“Why are we here?” Taz thought to Matthias.
Matthias lay on his bed, reading. He was still dressed, but shoeless, and making a concerted effort to ignore her.
Finally, she spoke out loud. “Are you ignoring me?”
He didn’t look at her. “I was under the impression you didn’t want me to speak to you. I was trying to give you some privacy.”
“Why are we here?”
He still didn’t look up from his book.
Frankly, she couldn’t blame him.
“I have some meetings,” he said, “and I need to keep you close. I’d rather have you here, where I can protect you. I have a lot of contacts in this area, and if someone tries to get into the park who doesn’t belong, I’ll know about it.”
She tried to wrap her mind around that. “Uh, so they wouldn’t possibly sneak in through thousands of miles of unwatched park borders? They’d come through one of the main gates?”
Snarky much?
He looked at her over the top of his book. “When I give you information, you get mad at me. When I withhold information, you get mad at me. So what would you have me do? Nothing I say to you is right.”
“What happened to bringing me into the loop?”
He put the book down and sat up. “I mean it. I don’t know what to say to you. I’m screwing this up, and for once in my life, I can’t fix it.”
She sat on her bed and didn’t reply. He watched her, saying nothing.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin. And then to hear you talk about your harem—”
Matthias threw his book across the room, and she flinched as it bounced off the wall by the door.
“Goddamn it, Taz! Would you quit thinking like that? Stop it. I can’t help that I had partners before I met you. I had sex, yes, I did. I’m not a virgin. So did you. If anyone has a right to be pissed, it’s me. It’s been ten years since I’ve had a relationship. You were still in college the last time I got laid.”
It took her a moment to digest what he said. “Wha—how dare you! How was I supposed to know I’d meet you?”
“Exactly my point.”
She stared at him, her eyes narrowing, comprehending what he meant. “You mean you were planning on meeting me all this time? All this time? Ten fucking years?” There was something both romantically sweet and totally creepy about that.
“No, Jesus, that’s not what I meant.” He stood and paced, which in the small room meant two strides one direction, turn, and two strides back across to his bed. “That’s not what I meant at all.” He stopped and closed his eyes, as if trying to put his thoughts together.
“Taz, I didn’t deliberately set this up as some sort of diabolical plan to sleep with you. I keep telling you that, and I wish you’d believe me. I knew you would need to be near us for protection and training. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to you. You are a beautiful woman. And yes, I could probably work on you and take advantage of you and talk you into bed. If I was going to do that, don’t you think I would have done so back at the house, when you were physically and emotionally vulnerable and throwing yourself at me? Not to mention do you think I would get a cabin with two beds?”
She had to admit, it wasn’t the most romantic of arrangements.
“Right. And yes, I did listen to your thoughts that time.” He sat on his bed. “I’m not going to beg you. I won’t grovel. I’ve apologized for the way this has unraveled. When I find out who’s behind it, they will pay, I promise. I know you’re upset and confused. Part of that is stress, part of it is you’re tuning into your powers for the first time and you’re probably having difficulty maintaining some semblance of control over your emotions. But believe me, if you tell me you never want to sleep with me or have a relationship with me, okay, fine, I can deal with it. Like it, no. Accept it, yes. I would never force you to have a relationship with me if you didn’t want to.”
She stared at him. “I’m sorry,” she softly said. “I think I need sleep. Maybe tomorrow we can start over. You’re right, I don’t feel like myself.”
He took a deep breath and let it out before replying. “I think that’s a great idea.”
He found his book, straightened a few bent pages, and didn’t look her direction for the rest of the evening. She took a shower, finding it hard to move in the tiny space. When she turned off the light and tried to go to sleep, she watched his face, illuminated by moonlight streaming through the window over his bed.
His handsome profile looked old and weathered in the shadows.
How does he put up with me? I wouldn’t tolerate this shit from me if I was him.
The corner of his mouth curled at that last thought.
Taz rolled over and closed her eyes, wishing she could read
his mind and really see what was going on behind those gorgeous blue eyes.
* * * *
Matthias had already showered when she got up the next morning. He must have arisen before dawn. The light outside was chilly and grey when she emerged from the bathroom. He wasn’t in the room, and she heard him outside talking in a low voice with the other men.
She grabbed her jacket and joined them and thought she caught the briefest of smiles from Matthias.
“Good, you’re here,” he said. “Let’s get breakfast.”
He led the way with long strides, Albert at his side, not waiting for her. She followed, Robertson beside her.
“Well,” he said in her ear, “at least you’re not screaming at each other.”
“Shut up. I’m still mad at you.”
“No you’re not. You’re mad at the situation.”
She hated when he was right. The more she thought about what she did to the guard, the sicker it made her. She hated to admit it, but Albert did the right thing. If their circumstances were reversed, she would have done the same.
In a heartbeat.
Albert stopped her before anyone got hurt. She never thought about it, that she could hurt or kill someone with her thoughts. It explained why during the demonstration with Mayfield that Matthias stood at her shoulder, carefully controlling the situation.
Breakfast was good. Matthias never looked at her, didn’t speak to her, giving her space. She received the itinerary from Albert and Robertson and was able to watch Old Faithful erupt. The guards flanked her as she sat on the bench next to Albert while Robertson went with Matthias. Apparently their meeting was in one of the nearby buildings because they didn’t take the Rover.
“What did Matthias mean when he said he’d know if someone got in here who didn’t belong?”
Albert looked out over the geyser field. “Just that.”
“How come the Others can’t just hike through the woods to get here?”
“What do you smell, Anastazia?”
She sniffed. “I don’t know. Pine. Place smells like Christmas trees. And whatever the geysers are putting out, rotten egg smell. This whole place is a huge supervolcano. I saw it on the Discovery Channel.”
Dalton, Tymber - Love and Brimstone [Brimstone Vampires 1] (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 14
