This is it. She stood outside a rusty door. I’m going to make friends again.
So she assured herself before turning the handle and stepping through.
A hush fell over the small group of women sitting in folding chairs, their heads craning to scope out who had entered their private domain. Anxiety exploded inside Aiko’s stomach; the paper crumpled in her hand; she forced a smile the size of her insecurity.
“Welcome!” A woman with long hair and a flannel shirt waved at Aiko. “I’m glad you were able to find us!”
Aiko stepped into the muted lighting and counted heads: eight women, not including herself and her acquaintance, Mayumi. They ran the gamut from feminine, to positively butch, to a strange balance in between. Aiko bowed and eyed an empty chair on the far side of the circle.
“Everyone, this is our newest addition, Aiko.” Mayumi gestured to the circle of curious women before letting Aiko introduce herself.
“Hajimemashite.” She felt like she should keep bowing until she got motion sickness. “My name is Aiko Takeuchi. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.”
The women mumbled a greeting back to her, some scratching their heads and others falling asleep. What kind of meeting is this? Aiko took Mayumi’s lead and sat in the empty chair left for her, next to a woman with platinum blond hair tapered with lime green dye. And what kind of people are these? Her future best friends, of course.
Mayumi resumed the head of the circle and began the meeting. Aiko, wide eyed and eager, dove into the opening discussions about feminism and the advancement of queer women in Japan and beyond. It left a tiny sky of stars in her eyes. She knew Mayumi from a volunteer organization trying to start up a LGBT resource center in the area, with an emphasis on advancement in the workplace and gender roles. I wish Reina had come. This was pertinent to her life! But Reina hated philosophical and take-action discussions both – she just wanted to reap the benefits of everyone else’s hard work.
As the other women talked about an upcoming event in which they already had assigned roles, Aiko sat back and wondered who would become her friends. It had been five years since she had any friends besides Reina, a feat accomplished due to fears of homophobia at her university. But now she was graduated, out on her own, and ready to have women she could gossip with and rant about her relationship to. Even if it meant volunteer work.
“Aiko-san?” Mayumi interjected her thoughts. “Would you be willing to help us at the intersectionality workshop? We could use more baked goods.”
“Oh, yes!” It took every nerve in her body to not leap up and proclaim her allegiance to every lesbian everywhere throughout Ni-chome. Reina’s beaten me to most of them!
Mayumi thanked her and continued the discussion, highlighting the other groups attending the impending workshop. Aiko was late to both this game and activism as a whole, so she sat and tried to understand all she could: something about new bills in the diet, equal employment opportunities for women, and marital rights…most things that had nothing to do with her.
Or most of the other women there.
“Hmph, please!” said the blond woman to Aiko’s right. “This is the biggest bunch of bullshit I’ve heard since my father once told me a rabbit lived on the moon.”
The circle fell quiet; Aiko shifted in her seat. Next to Mayumi, a woman with fluffy brown hair and glasses glared in her direction. “Yatsu!” she hissed.
“Whatever. You know this is bullshit. Those straighties don’t give a single grain of rice about our problems. They spend those entire workshops sneering at us and acting like the baked goods we bring are gonna turn them gay too.” The blond woman finished her spiel with a glimpse in Aiko’s direction.
Mayumi cleared her throat. “Feminism affects all women, Yatsumi-san, including us lesbians. Perhaps us the most.”
“Yeah, yeah, gender norms and sex roles. Because I haven’t lived that a hundred times. I’m not saying feminism is bullshit – on the contrary, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care – but hanging out with homophobic fuckheads who want cookies because they deigned to invite a bunch of dykes can kiss my ass.”
Wow.
The silence cloaking the circle could have choked an entire army. Finally, Mayumi crossed her legs. “Thank you for sharing your misgivings, Yatsumi-san.”
The blond woman slumped in her seat, silenced.
After that interruption, the conversation turned to other matters, such as local events like the upcoming summer festivals. Those were predominately male affairs, however, and the circle agreed to show up as a sign of solidarity – but would not strive to open any booth aside from a lesbian awareness stand. Is this their answer to everything? Show up but do nothing? No wonder Reina didn’t care for “activism”: there was no activity!
The second half of the meeting was personal discussions, like a support group for the lesbian lifestyle. Aiko sat up again and felt her feet tingle and her mouth water at the thought of finally having other women to share her life stories with.
Mayumi opened the conversation with a story about her current girlfriend, who was pressuring her to meet the parents and possibly move in together…in her parents’ house. “I feel that meeting her mother and father is already a huge step. They know she’s bisexual, but until now she’s only had boyfriends. She thinks if we move in together, it’ll help her parents financially. But I only see the end of a relationship.”
Another woman shivered. “Who wants to live with in-laws? That sounds like a nightmare for marrying a man too young. One thing I like about being lez is that I don’t have to worry about that shit.”
The others agreed, including one woman whom Aiko later learned was divorced from a similar predicament herself. “I will never move in with a lover again, unless it’s our own place,” she said. “Even if it’s a one-room apartment, I don’t care. I refuse to be put in that situation.”
Aiko nodded throughout the conversations, remaining respectfully silent. She was content this way, to listen and absorb the nuances of others’ lives – after all, she may be friends with them in the future – but soon discovered a spotlight swung in her direction.
“Didn’t you recently move in with your girlfriend, Aiko-san?” Mayumi asked during a small pause in the discussion.
After giving a small start, and realizing everyone’s eyes were on her, Aiko covered her mouth. “Yes, one week ago today. My girlfriend and I moved into our own house together.” The reality of it still had yet to sink in – every night falling asleep in Reina’s arms was a dream.
“A house!” The blond woman next to Aiko raised her eyebrows. “Which one of you is the millionaire?”
Nervous chuckling passed around the circle. Aiko laughed the most, her nerves unable to stop the moment they started. If only we were millionaires! “I inherited the house from my great aunt. All we have to pay for is the taxes and utilities.” Don’t ask me about the inheritance tax. Junko had finagled that.
The pause ensuing was not judgmental, but almost reverent. Even Mayumi sat with that wistful look of “What would it be like to have a real house of our own?” Aiko couldn’t blame any of them. She knew even straight couples didn’t have much chance in that economy to buy their own houses after marriage. Not that Reina and I could ever get married.
“You are so lucky,” one of the other women said. “I want to move into a house with my girlfriend.”
“Me too!”
Smiling, Aiko lowered her guard and let her words come out like vomit. “It’s really a dream come true! I’d been dreaming of having our own place for five years now. We’re still settling in, and I have to do most of it because she works every day…”
“Ah, you’re a housewife!”
That well-meaning accusation suited Aiko fine. Yes! It is my destiny to keep a happy home for my Reina. The praises for her cooking came like candy every evening, and knowing how hard Reina worked, Aiko liked knowing she could be there in their new home in case her girlfriend needed anything. The reminder she was suppos
ed to be looking for a job hung over her head like the grayest cloud. “Well,” she said, still grinning, “that is an interesting thing for you to say, because my girlfriend does work a salary job in an office building.”
A perturbed silence fell over the group.
“Is she a secretary?” asked one of the women, referring to the only “female” position.
“No,” Aiko maintained her cheerfulness, “she does the same work as the men.”
“Does she…”
Aiko remained clueless to the electrified tension in the room. They must be so impressed! Feminists loved the idea of women doing men’s jobs, after all. Reina and I are so progressive! Her smile warmed her whole body, her feet swinging beneath her chair and a tune readying in her throat.
And then she noticed.
The blank stares.
Even Mayumi looked askance at her, and the blond woman in baggy clothing stifled a snicker. On Mayumi’s right, the woman with glasses cleared her throat and asked, “Is your girlfriend…transgender?”
“Huh?”
“Mio-san!” Mayumi contained her hisses. “You know better than to ask people that!”
Transgender? Aiko knew what it meant, but had no idea what changing one’s gender had to do with Reina or her job.
“I’ve never heard of a lesbian working as a salaryman…”
“Wouldn’t that make her a salarywoman?”
“A term like that is much too progressive for business culture.”
“Oh! I know somebody working a salary job!”
Aiko turned to the woman on her left. Soon everyone else looked at her as well.
“Yeah,” she continued. “Don’t you remember? Reina-san works a salary job near here.”
To that, Aiko could not contain a gleeful grin at the mentioning of her esteemed girlfriend.
“Reina-san…” Mio, the woman with glasses, turned her glare toward Aiko. Her eyes seared from behind half-moon rims. “You’re Reina-san’s girlfriend?”
“Yes?”
“You mean she actually moved in with somebody?”
“She has a job?”
“Oh my god I remember when she worked at the strip club.”
“Work? You mean you remember fucking her at the strip club.”
The rabble degenerated into women talking over one another about their sexual experiences with Reina, and some trying to butt in and ask Aiko questions about their personal lives. She huddled in her chair and tuned out things like, “When she had long hair I used to pull it so hard she screamed like a banshee when she came.”
“Everybody!” Mayumi clapped her hands. “Let’s show some respect toward Aiko-san.”
The inappropriate discussions died down, but Aiko’s embarrassment never abated. And confusion. How did these women not know she was dating Reina? Had they never heard her name? Granted, since Reina started her job she partied in Ni-chome less, which meant fewer threesomes with old friends and random partners. But she hoped her name had become synonymous with Reina’s in the scene. Otherwise those women Aiko watched her girlfriend have sex with meant nothing.
Mayumi managed to wangle the topic back to home matters – Aiko tuned it out. She spent the rest of the meeting sitting forlorn in her chair, wondering what she had done to make the cosmos send her Reina Yamada as her lover. Everyone in this room has slept with her. Probably. It was a good bet.
The meeting finished with a debriefing of the responsibilities for the upcoming spectacle. For some reason, nobody thought to ask Aiko again if she would bake something. She got up and hung back as Mayumi and a couple other members chatted, but realized her search for friendship was for naught when the woman with half-moon glasses glared at her again.
Aiko felt like a dog squirted with water. She picked up her purse and shuffled out. Reina! That philanderer had left a trail of broken hearts in her wake. What were the odds that some of those hearts beat during that meeting? Pretty high. It didn’t matter how unfair it was that other women would take their jealousy out on her. That was it, right? They were jealous, right? Aiko didn’t think she could live with an alternative answer.
She popped into the alley, crestfallen and eager to find Reina – Reina! – and head home for the sex she was sure her girlfriend would want again.
One step later, a figure appeared from the shadows.
Aiko jumped and yelped, her brain firing off adrenaline like it was blood. A pervert! The only solution…until she remembered what neighborhood she was in, and realized this figure had a feminine build.
“Sorry for scaring you.” The blond woman. In the darkness she looked more male, but Aiko recognized the neon green tips and grungy black clothing. “Aiko-san, was it?’
She remained frozen in the middle of the alley, although her blood had begun to thaw in the humid night. “Yes. I’m Aiko.” She hugged herself. “You’re from the meeting.”
A snort shot through the woman’s nostrils. “If you can call it that,” she mumbled. Then, louder, “I’m Yatsumi Katsuragi. Nice to meet you.”
They bowed their heads in the customary greetings. Aiko took a step forward and admired the whites of Yatsumi’s eyes. “You were the one who had a few opinions during the meeting…”
“Well, that’s normal.” She shrugged, her baggy clothing frumping with a hefty breath. “It’s hard to find good feminist groups around here. I suppose they’re the best that take in a lez, but they’re mostly concerned with shooting themselves in the foot.”
“Oh...I admit, I don’t know much about feminism…”
“There’s not much to know. You either care about the way women are treated, or you’re an asshole.” Yatsumi crossed her arms. “You’re not an asshole, are you, Aiko-san?”
“What? No! I mean, I hope not!” What an odd thing to ask! And how blunt! We’ll probably become best friends.
Yatsumi neither balked nor smiled at her reaction. Instead she studied Aiko’s clothing, her hair, her nails, and the beaded necklace lying atop her breasts. Is she checking me out? No, there was nothing flirtatious in Yatsumi’s scrunching face. Her voice, when she spoke again, was warped. “You seem green.” More bluntness.
Aiko’s purse slipped off her shoulder and plummeted to the ground. After snatching it up again, she said, “Pardon?”
“Forgive me.” Yatsumi’s mien finally dropped into a pleasant state, her lips curling into a forced smile and her brows arching. The frame of her platinum blond hair hugged her heart-shaped face. “I was merely commenting on the optimism exuding from you. Not that it’s a bad thing. There are worse things to be than optimistic and green. Like an asshole.”
Aiko didn’t know how she was supposed to take that. “Have I somehow offended you, Yatsumi-san?”
“Goodness, no. And please, you can call me Yatsu. I’m sorry if I’ve startled you. It’s just that you intrigue me. I think I’d like to get to know you better.”
Purse strap secured on her shoulder again, Aiko blinked away her confusion and considered the statement put to her. Me? Intriguing? How could she be possibly more intriguing than this woman, with her colorful hair and interesting clothing? Perhaps that meant the feeling was mutual. Doubt still plagued her, however. “Does this have anything to do with me becoming the center of attention back there?”
A pause, and then low, muted laughter. Yatsumi’s smile was genuine for the first time. “It might have something to do with it.”
“You know Reina, don’t you.”
“Doesn’t everyone?” After Aiko bristled, Yatsumi continued with a gentler tone, “I’m sorry. Yes, I do. Not like that, though. I think I’m one of the only women she hasn’t slept with.”
“Oh, well that’s…” Again, Aiko didn’t know what to say. Good? Interesting? Relieving?
“Jya, I’m going to stop taking up your time now.” Yatsumi pulled a contact card from her pocket and handed it over. “I approached you because I wanted to invite you to a small group of mine. We meet most Friday nights to hang out and talk abo
ut whatever we feel like. And if we get involved with something, we give it our all, not this half-hearted tippy-toe bullshit.”
Aiko looked the card over, noting the phone number and email address provided. She rummaged through her purse to find one of her own. “I think I would like that. I haven’t had any fri…” She stopped herself. No sense making her sound like the biggest loser in front of a potential friend. “Here.” Her card landed in Yatsumi’s hand. “Please feel free to call me. I want to learn about new things.” I want to have a life outside of Reina again.
“Yatsu!”
That shocked, hair curling cry came from the doorway. Aiko almost dropped her purse again as she spun around, expecting to see the victim of a ruthless attack. But it was only the woman with brown hair and glasses, her body pointed toward Yatsumi but her wide, sickened eyes boring bullets into Aiko’s body.
“Hey.” Yatsumi closed the distance between them. “What’s wrong?”
The woman attempted to pry her judgmental eyes from Aiko, but only succeeded in scowling, her pointed teeth grazing her lips. “I’ve been looking for you.” Finally, she turned her attention to Yatsumi; her aggression instantly subsided. “You weren’t waiting for me.”
Yatsumi patted her frizzy hair. “I wanted to say hi to the club’s newest member.”
That malicious face returned. What did I do? She couldn’t remember a time when a stranger hated her so much from the beginning. Don’t tell me that’s her everyday face!
“Hello!” Aiko decided to put herself up for slaughter. “I’m Aiko.”
“Yes, I know who you are.”
Yatsumi nudged her friend. “Hey, don’t be so rude just because she’s living with your ex-girlfriend.”
A bomb dropped between them. The woman froze, horror covering the original feistiness; Aiko stood still as well, wondering what “ex-girlfriend” meant. Reina claimed to have only had a couple of girlfriends before Aiko.
Kataomoi Page 4
