“But do you want to break up with me?” Aiko asked, running her fingers through hair. “Do you want me to go away? To never see you again?” Her hand lingered over her girlfriend’s ear. “Do you want to never make love to me again? To never talk to me? Or eat my dinners?”
That got a small laugh out of Reina, albeit a small one. “What does it matter how we feel? If we can’t eat, we can’t live.”
“Who says we can’t eat? You didn’t get promoted. So what? You didn’t get demoted either. And I’ll get a job if I have to.” Aiko cupped her hands around Reina’s face and forced her to look at her, lines, creases and all. “I won’t let you walk out of my life unless you feel nothing for me. Do you feel nothing for me?”
After a moment’s worth of brief reflection, Reina shook her head a final time.
Aiko lowered her voice, reclaiming the softness she knew penetrated her girlfriend’s thick skull better than harsh words. “So long as we care for and support each other, we can fend off almost anything. Even starvation. It may not be easy, but that’s the life we chose when we moved in together. Don’t throw it away because it got a little hard. And most of all,” Aiko lowered her hands to Reina’s shoulders, “don’t you ever, ever think I feel less for you because you have more obstacles at your job. I’m proud of you for working as hard as you do and will do my best to create a home for you to return to every day.”
Reina closed her eyes.
“Do you understand me? Don’t you dare leave me unless you don’t love me anymore.”
“I’m sorry.”
Aiko wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s shoulders and pressed their heads together. “Don’t scare me like that,” she said. “I don’t want to become like Mio, afraid to love again.”
A wan smile graced Reina’s coloring countenance. “I feel bad for her. Which is more than I ever felt for her, honestly.”
Aiko always suspected as much. “She doesn’t have to know that. Do you at least feel something for me?”
Reina returned her girlfriend’s frightened embrace. “I feel many things for you.”
Watching, feeling her frozen exterior melt away as she worked herself up to a confession was a dream in Aiko’s mind. “I feel many things for you, too. I love you. Don’t ever forget that.”
They kissed.
Aiko did not intend for it to go beyond a reassuring peck, and she figured Reina didn’t either – but it did, infusing their blood with desire and reminding Aiko about the pressing needs residing in her since the night before. She wouldn’t make love to me. Maybe she would now.
“Ai-chan…” Reina nibbled her girlfriend’s lips. “Gomen ne.”
With a loving kiss like that, her apologies were accepted. Aiko wanted nothing more than to thrust herself into her girlfriend’s arms, but there remained the matter of the large window that was the source of former ire.
“We can’t do it here,” she said, as Reina pushed her onto the floor and kissed her throat. “Somebody might see us!” Like Mrs. Uchiyama. Wouldn’t that be a pill or a whole bottle?
“I don’t care.” Reina pushed herself between Aiko’s legs, one hand shooting up her blouse and tugging on her bra. “
“You should care!”
“Nope.” Her busy mouth went straight to Aiko’s ear. The moment her tongue entered, Aiko almost forgot what she was so worried about.
But she remembered soon enough, when a car honking its horn at another crawled by. Aiko shoved her girlfriend off her and got up to slide the window cover shut. Like clockwork, Mrs. Uchiyama power walked by and waved. Aiko promptly closed the shutter, gaining a mystified look on her neighbor’s face.
Once the living area dimmed to darkness, Reina snuck up and embraced Aiko.
With no one to peer in at them, to judge them, or to make their lives hell for the fact that they loved each other, they both succumbed to the type of raw passion that only presents itself when emotions are high and sexual attraction is rampant. Aiko sank deeper into Reina’s arms, letting that flat chest swallow her head whole and that mouth explore her skin. Hands yanked on her clothing and dug into her breasts. “Reina,” she said, breath short, “I love you.”
They fell to the floor.
Reina wasn’t one to express herself with words – she preferred the age-old tradition of conveying her emotions through sex, the kind intense enough to brainwash a person into thinking sex was all that mattered in the world. Aiko found herself in that state now, her mind erasing everything making her upset from memory. All that existed now was her girlfriend on top of her, surrounding her, and becoming one with her. As we damn well should be.
Knowing she had come so close to losing Reina that day made Aiko equally involved in their lovemaking, wrapping her legs around her girlfriend’s waist and thrusting against her hips. She withheld her moans until Reina was finished with hers, and ripped and tugged at the clothing separating them. Below, her thighs surged in energy.
She used that energy to tumble onto her girlfriend, splaying her legs across Reina’s hips while catching her breath. As bony fingers fumbled with the button and zipper on her jeans, Aiko pulled her blouse above her head and unhooked the clasps of her bra. It fell from her chest and landed on the table, breasts hanging free.
Bending low to kiss her girlfriend, Aiko eased her legs apart before thrusting her hips against Reina’s.
“Kimochi,” she sighed, letting a small tingle of pleasure overcome her skin. She sat up, bracing one hand on the table and the other on Reina’s knee. Her ponytail swayed back and forth with every mutual thrust they shared.
When Reina tired of fruitless dry humping, she heaved herself up and recollected Aiko in her arms. They kissed with abandon, pitiful moans passing between their throats. Aiko yanked Reina’s sweater up until she held gobs of it in her hands. Reina broke their kiss long enough to shrug out of her sweater, their chests bare.
“You’re so beautiful,” Reina said, sparing a moment to kiss Aiko’s hand and lick her palm. “Ch! I’m such a fool to think I should break up with you.”
Aiko bumped their heads together. “That’s not the only reason, right?”
“Of course not. Like you said, I also love your cooking.”
“Yes, and what else?”
Reina kissed her girlfriend’s chin. “You know.”
A giggle shook Aiko’s ribcage. “I love that too.”
They sat and contemplated each other’s figures for another second before Reina heaved forward and shoved Aiko down to the floor. Their words were traded in for grunts and groans.
There were more comfortable places to make love in such a frenzy, but when confronted with impassioned libidos and hearts full of ardor, it was easy to forget the practicalities of lovemaking. Aiko couldn’t be bothered to concentrate on the stiff, hardwood floor or how her spine grazed against it; nor could she care about the clothing still existing between them below. Reina thrust against her as if they were naked.
“Ah!” Aiko filled with elation as her girlfriend bit her ear and pinched her nipple. “That feels so good!”
The teeth disappeared in favor of Reina’s voice. “You know what else feels good?” Her hand disappeared down the front of Aiko’s pants.
“That feels good…” Two fingers slipped down the front of her omanko as if they always belonged there. They do! They really do!
“What feels good? Tell me. In our house you can say whatever naughty things you want.”
Our house. The home Aiko wanted to create for them to share, for many, many years to come, the cosmos willing. We’ll grow old together and die in this house. She wanted to believe it. “It feels good when you touch me like that.”
“Touch you? Where?”
Aiko stilled beneath her girlfriend, searching for her ear so she could whisper her dirty confession. “In my omanko.”
“Ahh.” Reina pushed her fingers down farther, slipping into the wet hole. Aiko lay back and sighed at the sweet invasion. “Fancy that, I love touching
you there.”
She fell atop her again, kissing her above and stroking her below. Aiko clung as hard as she dared without hurting her girlfriend, but soon it was moot: between the finagled thrusts inside and careful licks outside, she soon came hard enough to leave a dent in the table.
After Aiko’s arched back fell back to the floor, Reina pulled her hand out and kissed her girlfriend one last time. “And now it’s my turn.”
Laughing, Aiko rolled out of the way. “Right here in the middle of the living room!”
“We should make it a goal to do it in every room in this house.”
Aiko mounted Reina again, her happy fingers playing with the zipper beneath her. “For every year that we’re together, we’ll find a new place in this house to do it.”
Reina stretched her arms out behind her and smiled. “Then it will really be ours.”
The zipper came undone with one yank. Aiko lowered her hand to reciprocate the lovemaking. “It already is,” she said, her lips searching for her girlfriend’s.
A splash of water nicked Aiko’s arm as a pigeon flew out of the fountain she sat on. She stared at the blip of water on her elbow, ignoring her girlfriend’s offer of a handkerchief.
“Mou, where is she,” Mari said, pacing before them like a worried lion. “We can’t get things set up until she brings the stuff!”
“Well, acting like that isn’t going to help, either.” Her sister popped a peanut in her mouth and crossed her ankles next to Reina.
While they bickered over what they should bicker about, Aiko drew her legs up onto the edge of the fountain and leaned against her girlfriend’s shoulder. It was the final day of Niji Matsuri, and before them along the main streets of Ni-chome hung rainbow banners and marched men in assless yukata. After much commotion over the past few months, everyone decided on the kissing booth. The small group of do-gooders were determined to make the best out of their peddled kisses and spent a full month preparing signs and token boxes. All of which Yatsumi had with her…somewhere else.
“She was really upset about something last night when I spoke to her.” Mio leaned against her elbow. “Bad news from home, I guess.”
Aiko lifted her head from Reina’s shoulder. “Huh? I don’t know much about her family.”
“Her parents travel back and forth between here and China.” When both Aiko and Reina stared at her, Mio continued with an exasperated look. “She’s half Chinese, you know!”
“What? No way!” How had Aiko never known that?
“I can see it.”
“No you can’t!”
“Yes I can! Now that she mentions it, I totally see where she’s half Chinese!”
Mio coughed into her hand. “Anyway, her mother’s family in Beijing have been calling her a lot lately. Maybe somebody died.”
Aiko frowned. “I hope she’s okay.” If nothing else, she hoped it wouldn’t spoil their supposedly festive day.
“Hope who’s okay?”
The sudden appearance of Yatsumi’s voice made Aiko jump five centimeters off the fountain. Kari and Mari both tackled her, rummaging through her boxes of things she brought. The rest of them remained seated, Mio smiling.
“I’m glad to see you’re all right after last night, Yatsu.”
Yatsumi scratched her head. She was in need of another bleach, although her blond hair was freshly tipped in hot pink. “I guess. Um, before we head down to the festival, I think there’s something I should tell everyone first.”
Mio’s smile disappeared and the twins stopped jumping up and down. Once everyone felt the gravity of Yatsumi’s stoic demeanor, they settled into a sitting position and gave her their undivided attention. Aiko squeezed Reina’s hand.
A big breath shot through Yatsumi’s rounded lips. She put one hand on her hip and considered the ground before her. “My mother’s family has asked me to come apprentice with them after I finish my schooling next spring. In Beijing.”
Pigeons continued to splash in the fountain and cars continued to drive by and honk. The twins instinctively clutched one another, and Aiko – who wanted more than anything to satiate her curiosity by asking what it was Yatsumi’s family did – kept her mouth shut.
Mio was so pale the wind could have blown through her.
“I’d be stupid not to take the opportunity. I’ll make much more money and have a more comfortable career in China than I could here.” Yatsumi avoided eye contact. “It’s an honor, really. My mother didn’t think they would ask me to come. But they did. For April.”
Six months. For Mio, who gaped at Yatsumi as if she had announced she had cancer, those six months would fly by, and then she would lose her best friend. And she’s already lost so much. Aiko squeezed Reina’s hand tighter.
“Yatsu…”
She lifted her head and met Mio’s eyes a few meters away. “I’m sorry, Mio-chan.”
Mio pivoted on her heel and buried her face in her hands. Her resolve kept her from crying in public, but the shock of Yatsumi’s words hit her all the same. Aiko looked away before she could see Mio shake and shudder.
Instead she saw Yatsumi blanch and hold herself back.
“Tell her,” Aiko mouthed.
Yatsumi shook her head.
“Tell her.”
Biting her lip, a tear streamed down Yatsumi’s cheek. “Mio,” she began, her voice cracking. “Mio!”
The twins jumped out of the way to admit Yatsumi, who sped by them with the force of a bullet train. She snatched Mio’s arm and embraced her from behind. “Come with me, Mio!”
Even Reina squeezed her girlfriend’s hand back.
“Don’t be absurd.” Mio sniffed up her tears. “I don’t speak Chinese.”
“I’ll teach you! It’s easy!”
Mio shook her friend off. “Why would you do that?”
Birds shot into the air. A crosswalk came to life with people and beeping alarms.
“Because I love you.”
As if possessed by a tacit spirit, Mio slowly turned. “What?”
Yatsumi took her hands. “I love you, Mio. I always have.”
Blinking, Mio looked at Reina once before regarding her friend again. “You’re serious?”
“I would never lie to you about that. Never.”
Yatsumi hesitated – her hands held Mio’s face, their bodies coming closer together. Finally, after their small dance of avoidance and acceptance, they kissed like two innocent lovers.
And then like two not-so-innocent lovers.
Their sudden eruption of passion blasted through the neighborhood square, rousing the amusement of gay men in their assless yukata and women stringing rainbow cords between each other. One woman whistled while others cheered. When Yatsumi and Mio held each other tightly, lips locked together, a small round of applause went up among strangers walking by.
It made Aiko tear up on behalf of them all.
“Come with me,” Yatsumi said again. “I want to be with you, always.”
Mio attempted to reply but choked on a happy sob. She melted back into Yatsumi’s hold, her face burying in the creases and folds of a gray sweatshirt.
“I don’t even care if you still love your unobtainable women. Or if you’re still in love with your old girlfriends. I want some of that love, too.”
Mio dug her fingers into Yatsumi’s back. “You’ve always had it.”
“Well,” Reina mumbled, releasing Aiko’s hand. “That was predictable.”
“Oh, stop.”
“I can’t believe it! I’m the only single one now!” Mari threw herself into her sister’s lap.
Kari ignored her twin. “This is beautiful and touching and really depressing because it means you’re leaving us soon, but today is today, and there’s a booth to set up! Come on, you can have sex later!” She stood up with a huff. “Seriously. Kids these days.”
But Yatsumi and Mio only had eyes for one another, their soft smiles lighting up the mid-autumn around them. Yatsumi’s blond tresses and Mio’s curly l
ocks blew together in a breeze that forced Aiko to find shelter in her own girlfriend’s half embrace.
“Come on, Mari, let’s go set up this stupid booth.” Kari tugged on her sister’s hand and dragged her over to the abandoned box full of supplies. “Although the kissing’s already begun.”
The twins hauled the goods down the street, squabbling with each other over whether or not Yatsumi and Mio’s blossoming romance was adorable. As for those two themselves, they had not a single care what anyone else thought of them. Not even Aiko and Reina, who remained behind by the fountain.
“Good for her,” Reina said. “She deserves it.”
Aiko flattened a crease in her girlfriend’s shirt. “I love you, Reina.”
Her girlfriend stuttered a response.
“Ara! Don’t make me think I’m struck with kataomoi!”
“Well, I am up first at the kissing booth. Is there going to be a problem with that?’
“As long as I get first dibs, I don’t care who you make out with today.”
“Do you have 500 yen?”
Aiko jabbed her in the side.
While Mio and Yatsumi continued to indulge in their newfound love for one another, Aiko and Reina joined Mari and Kari in the midst of Niji Matsuri. Beneath the rainbow banners and between the cries for love and equality, Aiko attempted to imagine a world in which kataomoi did not plague every denizen in some shape or form.
She looked over her shoulder and saw Yatsumi and Mio, still in each other’s arms and still basking in their reciprocated love.
Whatever happened, Aiko hoped none of them would ever have to feel the weight of unrequited love again.
Hildred Billings is a Japanese and Religious Studies scholar who has spent her entire life knowing she would write for a living someday. She has lived in Japan a total of three times in three different locations, from the heights of the Japanese alps to the hectic Tokyo suburbs, with a life in Shikoku somewhere in there too. When she’s not writing, however, she spends most of her time talking about Asian pop music, cats, and bad 80’s fantasy movies with anyone who will listen…or not.
Kataomoi Page 21
