by Lisa G Riley
“That’s not nice, Lee. She can’t help her overbite,” Lilliana said automatically.
“Braces. How about a nice set of braces? Hmmm? And you know she’s making mucho dinero! The heffa’s been working for Longmire since the Stone Age. Not married, no kids…uh huh, she got money, mami, trust me. She needs to use a few of those greenbacks and get her damn mustache waxed…with her ole evil self.” He quickly turned to his work when the woman turned her eyes on him, a deep frown settling across her mustachioed face.
“Lee,” Lilly hissed, trying to make him be quiet. If he kept on, she knew she’d end up laughing out loud and drawing more attention to herself and give Ms. Hillman a reason to come over to their cubicle.
“We’ll talk about this later!” Lee promised in a low voice.
She turned her headset on and listened to Kem croon low in her ears. Music always helped her work go by faster and she was surprised when they were allowed to listen to headsets in the office.
Lilliana happily began on the mountain of statements she had in her inbox that needed to be processed into the computer and bounced a bit in her chair as she worked.
“So…did you?”
“Boy, you almost gave me a damn heart attack! Did I what?” She’d been concentrating for several minutes when Lee plucked one of the earphones away from her ear and asked the question.
He frowned at her and poked out his lips and she sighed. “You are not going to let it go, are you?”
“No, I’m not! I just don’t think you have the balls to actually go through with it, that’s all.”
“Don’t have the what? Pulleeze! I not only have the balls to contemplate it…I did it! I took out the ad!” Lilliana stated proudly. She lowered her voice when a few co-workers turned their heads in her direction at her confession. “And not only that…it comes out in today’s issue of the Reader!” She smirked when Lee’s mouth literally dropped.
“Close your mouth, you’ll catch flies!” she laughed.
“I don’t believe it! Prove it!” he hissed back over the partition and promptly sat back down when Ms. Hillman came out of her office.
Lilliana dug out her bag from underneath her desk in the cubicle and plopped it into her lap. “I have the proof right here,” she said and rummaged around inside until she came out with a folded piece of paper. She wheeled herself away from her desk and toward Lee’s cubicle and shoved the cut-out to him. “Check it out!” she giggled.
Lee quickly scanned the contents of the ad and raised approving eyes at her. “Oh, snap! You did do it! Girl, I can’t believe it! Oh, how funny, Big Spankable Asses!” he chortled at the words she’d handwritten across the top of the paper. “Did your girlfriends do it as well? I want all the details and don’t leave anything out!” He settled back in his chair with an excited look crossing his handsome face.
“I’ll give you the scoop at lunchtime—right now, give it back! Ms. Hillman is headed this way.” She grabbed the paper and stuffed it into the top drawer of her desk and got busy before their supervisor busted them.
“Fine, but I want all the details!” He went back to work as well, before the woman reached them.
3
“Josh, I want you to take the Bradley case over from Ben,” Allen Longmire told his nephew as they left the top floor suite of offices and entered the elevator.
“No problem, Allen. Is Ben okay with that?” Josh asked and punched the elevator button for the third floor.
“He’s going to be okay with it.” The way Allen said it left no doubt in Josh’s mind that it wasn’t Ben’s idea to be replaced. “You’ve got a proven track history with these particular investments. Ben’s been fucking up lately and we don’t want to alienate the Bradleys. They bring big money to the firm. We need to keep them happy, and money keeps them happy. Making money keeps everyone involved happy, particularly this firm. You’ll do a great job with it, I have confidence in you, boy.” Allen patted his back as they left the elevator. Josh managed not to grimace at the hearty pat and the way his uncle called him “boy.” At twenty-eight, he’d left boyhood behind a long damn time ago. Actually, since his father left his mother when he was six years old, he hadn’t felt like a boy for what felt like eons.
“That’s fine with me, as long as you let him know it was your idea and not something I approached you with.”
“Of course I will, just leave Ben to me! I’ll take care of it.” His uncle patted him on the back again. “Look, it’s lunchtime, do you want to head down to grab a bite to eat in the cafeteria? I don’t have the time to go anywhere else today.”
“I was thinking the same thing. Let me go back upstairs, I need to grab my wallet.”
“I think I can afford to buy my own nephew a five dollar sandwich,” Allen laughed.
“Yeah, well, I have enough shit to deal with as it is, with some thinking I don’t really belong here. I can buy my own lunch, but thanks, Uncle Allen. Besides, I have an errand to run after lunch and I need my wallet,” Josh hedged.
“Hey, you deserve to be here just like anyone else. Nothing was handed to you. You work damn hard, make more money for this firm than any other senior exec, and to hell with what they think. Your father helped me build this firm and you have the same skill and knack for making money that he did…does.”
“I appreciate the words, but it won’t take long for me to grab my wallet from my office. I’ll meet you down there,” Josh said, avoiding his uncle’s eyes.
“Sure. I’ll meet you down there,” he agreed. Josh caught the flash of something in his eyes before he exited the elevator.
Wallet retrieved, Josh waited before he pressed the down button. When the second elevator slid open, he stepped inside and withdrew the badge from the pocket in his jacket.
“I wouldn’t have believed it had I not read it with my own two eyes,” Lee said around a mouthful of tunafish salad he was trying to swallow.
“Well…I’m not all that sure I believe it myself and I took the ad out!”
“But you’re going through with it, si?”
“You mean if someone actually guesses the right answer? Yeah, I think so,” Lilliana said and laughed. “But what’s the likelihood of that?”
“You mean of someone coming up with the right reply?”
Lilliana paused to take a sip her of green tea and answered after she swallowed. “I mean…who would guess?”
“Girl, you been away from Chi-town way too long! We got some serious freaks here too, just like Cali!”
“What? What do you mean, freaks here like in Cali?” she spit his words back to him.
“I don’t know—I guess I would say don’t be surprised if somebody guesses what B.S.A. stands for…or comes damn close. We’ve got some folks into the whole spanking thing, on the down low for real, chica,” he laughed.
“What do you mean? And why are they on the down low?”
Lee looked over the top of his slushy at her like she was crazy, and suddenly Lilliana felt just as crazy as she must look. “Lee! I’m serious! What is it?”
“Girl, I thought you were into the whole tie me up, spank my ass and slap a collar on me while you’re at it scene!” he said in a low voice.
“What?” she said and nearly choked on her tea.
Lee looked around as though he were making sure that no one was listening to them and leaned across the small table. “I just assumed from the ad that you were into spankings…maybe a little S&M too.”
“No, I’m not! Why would you think that?” Lilliana knew her voice was way too high and squeaky when several pairs of eyes turned in her direction in curiosity, but she ignored their looks and allowed her gaze to stay trained on Lee.
“Okay, for one, I thought you were into it because you took a frickin’ ad out asking for a man who knew how to spank your ass! And another…well who the hell takes an ad out asking a man to tap that ass if she didn’t want her ass tapped?”
“Tapped and hit are two different things! I don’t want some man h
itting me! I just left one who did that to me! Why in hell would I willingly ask someone to hit me?”
“Hitting and spanking are two different things, chica! Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.”
“What? You’ve done it? Let a man hit you?” Although the idea of allowing a man to willingly put his hands on her was abhorrent to Lilly, she found herself curious as to what Lee would say.
“Not hit me, Lilly…spank me. Two totally different things,” he told her with a smile. “Girl, no one’s ever introduced you to the sweetness of submission?” Lee laughed coyly and when she shook her head he looked around again, as though someone was trying to listen to their conversation. “Well, let me be the first to tell you. With the right person, it’s a feeling like no other.”
“Really?” Lilly asked in a hushed tone, completely forgetting to eat the spaghetti smothered in marinara sauce that she loved as Lee filled her in, with graphic details, on what he called the sweet side of submission.
“Honey, yes. A nice firm but soft hand, applying just the right amount of sting…chica, ummm…it’s off the chain.” He smiled what she thought was a very happy, reminiscing grin.
“It has to be with the right man. You’ve got to trust him, trust that he won’t hurt you,” he told her thoughtfully as he continued to eat. “Have some candles burning, some Hennessy, maybe a little Luther or Usher playing in the background, and a big beautiful naked man, hard and ready to lay it on you!” he laughed.
The handsome blond guy she’d seen on the elevator instantly sprang to Lilliana’s mind. She had no problem imagining how good he’d look, butt naked and standing tall, hard, and ready to give her what she needed.
“Tell me more and don’t leave out a thing,” she demanded, fascinated, wondering how it could possibly feel good to be totally at the mercy of a man’s hands during lovemaking, and enjoy it.
“Anything I can do for you, Mr. Longmire?” Josh nearly jumped out of his skin when the supervisor tapped him on the shoulder and asked the question.
He turned and barely kept the smile on his face when his eyes came into direct contact with Ms. Hillman. He struggled to keep a straight face as he stared at the floor supervisor’s obvious mustache.
“No ma’am, I was, um, just looking for someone.” Josh had no idea why he stammered, but there was something about the older woman that made him feel all of twelve years old with his hand caught in the proverbial cookie jar.
“Tell me who it is. I’m sure I can help you. Everyone has gone to lunch but I can show you to the cubicle of the person you’re searching for. Is there something I can help you out with?” She smiled, showing all twenty-eight of her slightly protruding teeth.
“Thanks, Ms. Hillman. It’s really not a problem—well, if you could show me where Lilliana Michaels’s cubicle is, I can take it from there.”
“Is there a problem? Did she do something?” There was a look of anticipatory glee on the woman’s face that Josh didn’t find particularly attractive.
“No, actually she dropped something and I simply want to return it to her.”
“Oh, well she’s out to lunch with that friend of hers, Lee Gutierrez. Her cubicle is down that aisle, second to last one on the right,” she said, pointing. “But I can return it, sir. No problem.”
“Thanks, but I’ll do it.” Josh was relieved when her phone rang and the woman left to answer. He quickly walked down the aisle as she went inside her office and closed the door to answer the call.
When he located Lilliana’s desk he smiled, noting the scattering of framed self-affirmations on her desk. She was obviously into the positive-thinking craze. He placed her name tag on her desk and was turning to leave when he noticed a crumpled piece of paper lying on the floor, slightly underneath the corner of her desk. As he bent down to retrieve the paper, it occurred to him that the woman sure had a habit of dropping things.
When he was about to place the paper on her desk, he glimpsed three words on it that got his attention, big-time. Damn. What in the world? Feeling like a snoop, he opened the crumpled-up paper and quickly scanned the contents.
BF in search of a real man, one who knows just what to do with a B.S.A! In order to prove you’re up for the challenge, be the first man to respond to this ad with the right answer and tell me what B.S.A. stands for and we can go from there. Respond at this e-mail address bsa1972@…Hurry up, the clock is ticking.
She’d written in a flowing script at the bottom of the page the words Big Spankable Ass, and Josh almost choked. Oh my God. This was way too good. Damn.
She’d written the answer at the bottom of the slip of paper, but the ad itself didn’t have the answer. The ad had been placed in the Reader, Chicago’s free popular weekly periodical. He looked at the date and realized that either she’d just put it in today, or it had appeared in a previous week, as the Reader only came out on Thursday and today was Thursday. He took note of the e-mail address, folded the ad, and placed it on her desk.
He looked around to see if anyone saw him and left the office. If the administrative assistant wanted her pretty brown tush spanked, well, Josh was just the man to do it. He laughed outright in a purely male chuckle as he made haste back to his office and his computer.
4
The walk home after she’d exited the bus was only two blocks and Lilly felt safe in the upper-end neighborhood walking in the light dusk of early evening. She counted herself blessed that she’d secured the cottage that she lived in and knew that she owed Melinda a serious debt of gratitude for finding the affordable little house for her.
As Lilliana walked the small distance she had time to think back on her very…enlightening…conversation with Lee and laughed.
When Lilliana had placed the ad, she hadn’t given it as much thought as she obviously should have. What in the world had Simone been thinking when she told them all to ask a man to figure out the acronym for Big Spankable Ass in an ad? Hmmm. Maybe Simone was doing some freaky shit herself on the down low, Lilliana thought.
She reached her small home, opened the door and walked inside. Once in, Lilliana let out a deep breath, kicked off her shoes, and tossed her bag on the chintz-covered sofa that she’d carefully reupholstered and glanced around.
The cottage wasn’t large, but it was perfect for her. The living area was large and airy and opened up into a sizable bedroom. She’d separated the two rooms with large bamboo screens that she’d found at a flea market, and set side by side. She loved the ambiance she’d created throughout with her other unique finds.
She and her girls, Simone and Melinda, had spent a weekend sanding and refinishing her tables and whatnot stands, despite the occasional good-natured grumbles, usually from Simone, about messing up manicures and causing calluses. They’d helped her to make the cottage feel like home. The only things not donated or bought used were her mattress and her laptop.
With a happy sigh, she padded barefoot to the kitchen to search for something to eat. She opened the refrigerator and took out the pan of enchiladas she’d made two nights ago and popped them into the microwave and set the timer.
As she waited for them to heat, she checked her voicemail and laughed as Simone’s voice came on, complaining about one of her employees, whose behind she was about to kick to the curb if she came in one more time smelling like weed and fried chicken.
The microwave dinged and she took out her dinner and blew on it as she walked though to her bedroom, where she had her laptop connected to the Internet sitting on the small desk in the corner of the room.
She sat down, placed the plate of food near the keyboard and logged on, then reached out to pick up the remote control to her small stereo system and hit the play button. The crooning, NuSoul sound of India. Aire came wafting out of the speakers.
Lilliana bounced her butt in her seat and sang off-key along with the singer as she listened to the music and waited. She wished she could afford to get the high speed connection the cable company offered, but she’d have to wait un
til her money wasn’t so funny before she could afford to do that.
“Let’s see what’s going on in the world,” she mumbled out loud as her home page filled the screen.
She read the headlines until she noticed the small envelope icon in the corner that notified her that she had e-mail. She clicked on it and saw a handful of e-mails that had come in response to the ad and felt nervous excitement pool in her gut. She’d created a second e-mail name, solely for the ad, that would redirect to her main e-mail address.
She clicked on the first e-mail from mrbiggs@biggiesworld. com. What the…?
Lilliana was almost scared to see what Mr. Biggs’ answer would be. Any man that had to tell you he was Mr. Biggs, she’d lay odds he wasn’t all that big in the places he wanted you to think he was.
Hey girl, I like what I read and I think I got just the answer for YOU! First let me tell you a little about myself. My name is Tyrese Bigelow, but they call me Mr. Biggs for short, and I bet you can guess why! But don’t let the name fool you. Just because I’m big don’t mean I don’t know how to be gentle. I’ll treat you right, baby girl! So let’s just cut to the chase. You say you’re a BF (black female) in the ad, so I’m guessing that B.S.A. stands for Black Smelly Ass! But girl, if I’m wrong I won’t tell nobody if you don’t. Wink! Hit me up at 555-1920 and we can discuss what you want me to do with that Black Sexy Smelly Ass of yours! I can smell it from here…girl, you’re ripe for me, you’re ripe!
By the time Lilliana read the last line she was laughing so hard she almost fell out of her chair. “Oh no, the hell he didn’t! Oh my God. Black Smelly Ass and I’m ripe for him?” But hell, it wasn’t any worse than what she, Melinda and Simone had come up with! Lord have mercy.
Okay, one down, two more to go. She opened the next e-mail. This one sounded halfway normal. At least he had a nice screen name, she thought—until she opened up the e-mail and got seriously confused reading the message.
