He blinked, and blinked again. Radha. He had to get Radha safe. With an agonising effort, he wrenched himself back from the dusty roads of Iraq. But the smell of smoke and screams of pain still lingered in his mind.
“Let’s go,” he choked, trying to push the memories aside.
He wrapped the duffel’s handles around his wrist, then grabbed Radha’s hand. He tugged her towards the door, taking a second for a cursory glance before stepping out and running away from the direction he’d come—away from the fire. He had to hope there was a corresponding terrace area on this side of the house to escape from, or he’d have to go back towards the chaos. A tremor ran through him at the thought.
The flames roared and crackled behind them, the faint smell of smoke already finding them on the opposite side of the house. Yells of distress could be heard, including the orders to evacuate. Good. Hopefully no one would be too badly hurt.
They reached the door that should have been an equivalent of the games room. Zack tried it, but as soon as it swung open he knew he’d guessed wrong. It was a storeroom with a tiny window like where they’d kept Radha.
He swore softly beneath his breath.
“Any idea if there’s an exit back here?” he asked.
Radha shook her head. “Maybe to the garage, but I’m not sure. I got really turned around.”
The smell of smoke was stronger now, overpowering. The fire must be spreading towards them, consuming everything in its path.
He turned back towards the flames, knowing it was smarter to head for a known exit than to go deeper into the house on a possibility. But his feet were locked to the floor. He swallowed, tears burning his eyes from the smoke—and something more.
The orange of the flames flickered in the distance, right at the edge of his field of vision, and Zack’s lungs seized in vice grip.
He was panicking. Shock slammed through him at the recognition—he never panicked. He was always cool under fire. But the thought of going back into those flames rooted him to the spot.
He didn’t want to be burned again. The agony of the flesh being charred from his bones, the endless recovery, the isolated existence he now led. He didn’t want any of it, didn’t want to go back.
“Zack?” Radha asked, tentative.
“I don’t—“ he gasped. “I can’t. The fire,” he managed between his futile attempts to gulp in more air. He was drowning—drowning in flames and he didn’t know how to stop.
His brothers-in-arms had died that day. Everyone had said he was the lucky one to survive, but he’d always wondered. He’d never forget the pain of being burned alive—it was written into his very soul.
Radha moved into his field of vision. She looked deep into his eyes, seized something there and didn’t let go.
“Hey, you can do this,” she said. “One step at a time.”
He nodded, tried to breathe again; this one came a little easier. He shrugged out of his hoodie and unstrapped the heavy flak vest and dumped it on the ground, sucking in a deep breath.
Radha stepped back, keeping the eye contact, and he followed her. One step at a time. If he focused on her instead of the past, the present, the wall of flames that lay beyond, it wasn’t so bad. He could block out the memories and the fears.
The stench of smoke grew thicker, and Zack coughed. They were nearly there, nearly at the mouth of the corridor. Fire raged over the other side of the entrance hall, dominating his field of vision. He stumbled.
“Focus,” Radha said, and he did. Which is why he missed it when a man rounded the corner, gun raised.
“Drop it,” said Diego, gesturing to the gun in Zack’s hand. “And Radha.”
Zack stared at him for a long moment, trying to get his sluggish brain to work, to think up a plan.
Eventually, his mouth spoke before his brain could think of anything to say, the words welling up from some primitive part of him. “I’m not going to leave her here to die.”
He tilted the gun he was holding up in Diego’s direction, wondering if he could get a shot off between Diego shooting him and him dying from the wound. He almost wished he’d kept the flak jacket.
Diego scowled at him, anger flaring in his eyes. But then Radha stepped forward, and Diego’s gaze shifted to her. If Zack had been himself, he would’ve taken advantage of the man’s inattention and grabbed his gun. Instead, he watched as Diego’s face melted into a melancholy resignation as he stared at Radha.
His gun drooped, then fell to his side.
“Go,” he said. “Get out. I’ll hold Victor off.” He disappeared into the smoke.
Zack didn’t question their good fortune. He pushed past Diego and into the entrance hall, coughing at the heavy grey air. His eyes watered, blurring his vision, as flames leapt and danced above them, casting an eerie red glow.
He squeezed Radha’s hand in a vice grip, trying to breathe normally, trying to ignore the roar of flames.
She tore open the door and they stumbled outside. Zack sucked in breaths of fresher air, but Radha didn’t stop, just pulled him forward across the grass to the crowd gathering past the gate. Zack was grateful she took charge, and allowed himself to be led along as they manoeuvred through the people watching the destruction behind them.
No one paid them any attention as they faded into the darkened streets to safety.
Chapter 21
Zack’s whole body shook by the time they made it back to the car. Radha eyed him curiously, but said nothing; Zack didn’t volunteer the answers to her obvious questions.
He dug the keys out of his pocket, dropped them, and then bumped into Radha as they both dived down to grab them.
“Are you okay?” she asked, still crouched in front of him.
He nodded and stood, holding out his hand for the keys. Radha straightened more slowly. Her gaze locked onto his, searching for something. An unsteadiness filled him, a certain vulnerability, as if he was about to take a step on uneven ground.
Rather than give him the keys, Radha stepped towards him and slipped her arms around his waist, burying her face in his shoulder. Zack froze, his mind going blank. Then, slowly, he wrapped his arms tightly around her and hauled her closer.
He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing her in. The scent of cardamom filled his senses. She was so soft against him, so warm and comforting. It filled a cold, forgotten part of his soul having her in his arms.
But the scent of smoke still clung to him, teasing his mind with thoughts of burning flesh and suffering. Who knew thoughts of fire could make him so cold?
He tried to push the thoughts aside, to focus on Radha, but it was too distracting. He needed something to block it out. He dipped his head, pressing his cheek against Radha’s, trying to get as close to her warmth as he could.
She turned to him as he turned to her and suddenly their lips were meeting. Soft, at first. The kind of kiss that could be laughed off as a mistake. But Zack was too desperate to be gentle. He kissed her hard and fast, and Radha responded in kind. Her hands wound into his hair, her teeth nipping at his lips.
She tasted like home, and Zack clung to that as he pressed himself into her softness, his tongue exploring her mouth.
The kiss was everything he’d dreamt of and nothing he could have imagined. She was so real in his arms, so vibrant. He wanted more, so much more.
But smoke still clogged his nostrils, and fire still leapt and burned in a distant corner of his mind.
Zack ripped himself out of her arms, backing away. Radha stared at him in confusion, her fingers pressed against her lips.
“I’m sorry?” she said, unsure.
“No,” Zack muttered hoarsely. “I am. So much.”
“Zack…” she said.
He held up a hand. “I can’t. I can’t talk right now. I need to get out of these clothes.”
Radha frowned in confusion. “What?”
He strode toward the car. “I stink of smoke and I need to get it off me right this second. I feel like I’m going mad.”<
br />
He picked up the duffel he’d dropped and tore it open. There was one more change of clothes inside. Zack sniffed them, determining they’d been safe from the worst of the fire while in the bag.
His shirt came off, then his trousers. Radha gasped, but Zack didn’t have the strength to coddle her over the quick glance at his scars. Instead, he threw the clothes on as quickly as possible and dumped his clothes and the duffel in the trunk of the car.
“Get in,” Zack said. “We’ll find a hotel room until we can figure out what’s happening with Victor.”
“Okay,” she said, still eyeing him oddly. They slid into the car, silent.
The worst of the shakes had subsided, for which Zack was glad. He pulled out into traffic with a steady hand. It was three minutes until Radha tried again.
“Zack.”
“Please, not now.” It was cowardly of him, he knew. He didn’t want to face her rejection, her telling him it had been a pity kiss. She’d sensed the desperation in him, and had no doubt tried to distract him with one of the few weapons she had. Unfortunately, it hadn’t worked.
If Zack hadn’t already known he could never be with Radha, tonight had proved it. He’d broken down and become completely useless in the middle of a mission. He nearly hadn’t saved her because of his weakness.
He couldn’t allow that to happen again. He cared about her too much to even attempt to saddle her with an ugly, broken man that couldn’t protect her. She deserved the world, and he couldn’t give it to her.
No matter how much he may want to.
They arrived at an anonymous five-star hotel after a car ride thick with tension. A scrolling logo proclaimed the name of the place in an elaborate font Radha was too tired to decipher. The lobby was rich with marble and gold, and the clerks were dressed in stiff burgundy uniforms.
“Why are we here?” Radha hissed to Zack as they traipsed into the lobby in their ugly, smoke-smelling clothing.
Zack didn’t look at her as he leaned closer, his voice lowered. “Until we find out where Victor is, we still have to stay underground. He might still come for us, particularly now that I destroyed his base of operations.”
Radha swallowed. “So, we’re not safe?”
“Not yet. Not until I know for sure.” His expression was deadly serious.
She nodded, even though he still wasn’t looking at her. “Okay, so why are we here?”
Now, Zack finally looked her way as they lined up at the reservation desk behind a handsome Asian man in a three-thousand-dollar suit.
“Last time we got sold out by an underpaid clerk. This time I figure we should stay in a place where the employees wouldn’t sell us out for their own mother. Plus, I thought you deserved to stay somewhere nice after what you went through.”
Radha’s heart kicked at the soft expression on his face. He turned away, hiding his thoughts from her yet again. Why was he acting so strangely? Had he not really meant to kiss her? He’d seemed enthusiastic enough at the time. And she’d certainly responded happily.
Maybe it was a residual feeling from his anxiety attack earlier. It had clearly surprised him that the fire had triggered some kind of PTSD reaction, so he might not be used to the effects. Hopefully once he calmed down they’d be able to talk about it.
The man in the fancy suit moved aside, and the two of them stepped up to the clerk. He gave them a brief once over with a raised brow, but said nothing of their dishevelled appearance.
“Can I help you?” he asked, professional smile sliding into place.
Zack gave the man a wry smile. “Yeah. Our house burned down earlier today. We need somewhere to stay for a while.”
The clerk’s posture relaxed slightly. “Of course.”
Radha couldn’t help but note the change in Zack in just twenty-four hours. When they’d signed in at the motel, he’d closed off and hid from the clerk. Now, he took charge, and didn’t even seem to be thinking of his face.
A swell of pride welled within her.
“Which room?” the clerk asked, subtly nudging a price list in their direction.
Zack didn’t even glance at it. “A suite, please. With a sitting room.”
The clerk blinked, but otherwise didn’t react. “Very good.”
Radha frowned. Why go to the trouble of getting a suite? They didn’t need the extra room, and surely Zack didn’t intend to sleep on the couch. Right?
The clerk typed a few strokes on the keyboard as Zack slid a black credit card in the man’s direction. Radha didn’t even bother checking the name on this one. She didn’t care who she was meant to be tonight.
Weariness dragged at her, the adrenaline from the escape having worn off. Her stores of energy were dangerously low, between the excitement, the lack of sleep, and—
Her stomach growled. And the fact that she hadn’t eaten in more than a day.
“Here’s your room key,” the clerk said.
Zack thanked him, and turned to leave. Radha leaned forward.
“Can you please have someone bring up whatever vegetarian meals you have on your menu? Like, four?” she asked.
The clerk smiled indulgently and nodded.
“Four?” Zack asked as they walked toward the elevator.
“I haven’t eaten, other than a tiny bread roll Diego snuck me this afternoon. I’m starved. Did you eat?”
“Yeah, I picked up some stuff at a gas station. Though I could eat again.”
His tone was light, companionable, and Radha hoped that meant he was getting back to normal.
When they entered the room, it was far bigger than she expected. The sitting room was grand, like a muted version of Victor’s throne room. Radha shivered at the thought of him, and how close she’d come to never getting out of there. Victor had been so unstable, unpredictable.
“Are you okay?” Zack asked.
“Just thinking about what might have happened. If you hadn’t rescued me.”
Zack’s expression softened. “Did he hurt you?”
She shook her head. “But I’ve had more guns pointed at me in the last twenty-four hours than anyone should ever have in their life.”
He slipped an arm around her shoulders. “Is there anything I can do?”
She swallowed and shook her head. “No, thanks. I just need a shower and some food.”
They were close, inches apart. Her gaze drifted to his lips, thinking, hoping, he might kiss her again. Zack cleared his throat and stepped away.
“You should have a shower,” he said, jaw tight.
She shot him a teasing glance. “I smell that bad?”
A dark blush spread over his cheek. “No, but—”
“I’m kidding. I’ll go, unless you want to go first?”
He shook his head. “It’s all yours.”
Radha could see the tension in him, but didn’t know how to insist he shower away the smell and experience of the fire without offending him.
She showered quickly, conscious of Zack waiting, then dried off and wrapped herself in a fluffy hotel robe that waited for her. She used the hotel toiletries to moisturise her face and brush her teeth, instantly feeling more human when she was clean and refreshed.
When she was done, she made her way out into the living room. Zack had barely moved, holding himself contained. His expression was blank, turned inward, but some life returned to him when she re-entered the room.
Radha gestured towards the bedroom—and the en suite therein—and Zack moved in that direction. While she waited for the food she switched on the TV.
A local newscaster was on, looking very serious in his camel-coloured overcoat. When Radha realised where he stood, she turned the volume up.
“…unknown how the fire was started, but police suspect it was deliberately lit. So far, two bodies have been recovered. Police haven’t released their identity or cause of death, yet, so stay tuned for further updates.”
Radha swallowed. People had died today during her rescue attempt. She couldn’t drum up
much care if one was Victor, but if one was Diego? Her heart ached at the thought. Despite the circumstances, he’d been good to her.
Dashing tears from her eyes, she jabbed the button to turn off the TV. She stood and paced the well-appointed room, peering into all the drawers and shelves. She wished she had a book or something to keep her occupied.
She saw the phone, found herself reaching for it. She desperately wanted to call her parents and check they were all right—and assure them she was alive and well. But she didn’t want to get her and Zack into more trouble than she already had.
A knock sounded at the door. Radha frowned at the sound before remembering the food she’d ordered. Still, she hesitated with her hand on the knob, then stood on tiptoes to peer through the peephole. A young man in a burgundy uniform stood outside. The trolley, if it was there, was out of sight.
“Just leave the food,” Radha said through the door. “I’ll get it in a minute.”
The kid paused, then shrugged. “Sure thing.” He was gone before she knew it. Radha waited for a full two minutes before she slowly, carefully, opened the door. She was mindful about what Zack had said—Victor might still be after them. There was no guarantee that the body that had been pulled from his house was actually him. Given how many people had been there during the fire, the odds were against it.
Nerves crawled along her spine. Would this be her life now? Constantly peering over her shoulder, waiting for Victor to strike? Surely Zack had a plan to get him out of their lives.
But Radha was deeply afraid that nothing would stop Victor now. Nothing except death.
She took a deep breath, determination filling her. She couldn’t continue on like that. She had to make a choice to keep living her life, regardless of what happened. And she was going to start with Zack. She liked him, and she was pretty sure that he liked her in return.
Now, all she needed to do was to get to the bottom of his hot and cold behaviour—to understand if he truly felt the same.
She’d have to be brave.
Chapter 22
The hot rush of water sluiced over Zack as he rinsed his hair for the dozenth time. He didn’t know whether the scent of smoke was an illusion or if it still clung to him, but he couldn’t leave the shower until it was gone.
Dangerous Victor: (Soldiering On #3) Page 14
