She lowered the blinds.
“On Nightbomb there was a man. He lay on a red velvet couch. A woman nearby was smoking.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
She wiped her wet hand on the couch. He made a face. “Don’t touch it. It’s a rental.”
The skyscrapers in THE DISTANT CITY gave off a low hum like dying insects. A bowl of gladiolas on the table. Sometimes the radio played and sometimes there was static.
He tied his tie, then frowned and undid it.
He tied his tie, then frowned and undid it.
He tied his tie, then frowned and undid it.
“I want to be the actress who is still expecting,” she sobbed.
He tied his tie. “You know what I’d like?” he said. “I’d like to have a family of five kids, all of them cute as a button. And then I’d kill them with hatchet blows to the skull and neck and we’d all die in a fire together.”
She wrung her hands together. “Why won’t you tell me?”
He closed the blinds.
“Are the children dressed?” he said.
She shook her head. “On Nightbomb there was a woman. Who smoked,” she insisted. “Her lipstick was smeared. A man lay on a couch.”
He shook his head, impatient. “A man lay on a couch.” He laughed and laughed and laughed.
“Why did you tell me that?”
He put his cigarette out on the skin of her shoulder. She made a face. “Don’t touch it. It’s a rental.” Then she laughed, too.
She fell down. The buildings of THE DISTANT CITY fell down. The radio was static all the time now. The sky was orange and then it was dark blue again. The people who were watching stopped watching.
FRIENDSHIP IS NICENESS AND IS
SAM PINK
A restaurant. Six a.m. Satan and Khhkr sit at a table. They’re tired-looking, him and her both. And just outside the window, a planter levels the wall. The planter is empty, except for dead roots and small gray leaves. And snow comes down lightly, and some hits their window.
SATAN: [looks from empty planter to Khhkr] The planter is empty. Nothing grows there now [moves face closer across table, smiles] What’s your favorite kind of jelly? I want to know things about you so I can recount them and act like we have a bond, even though it is only time that makes us similar.
KHHKR: My favorite kind of jelly is the kind that has your ground-up heart in it [makes kissy face—then concerned] I keep thinking I am about to laugh, but it will not happen for some reason. There is probably a huge laugh in my body somewhere all lost and confused. I feel pity for it.
Satan looks out the window. He stares, touching some hair on his face. The snow continues down with the same infrequency.
SATAN: Breathe out onto this window and see if you can find the laugh, and if the laugh is there, take it out and laugh it. That’s what I would do. And that’s what you should do.
Khhkr looks around the restaurant, extending her neck.
KHHKR: Maybe someone here stole the laugh then. Someone has to have it. Should we look for it?
SATAN: [still staring out window] I don’t want to get up. Let’s just sit here [long silence] Stop talking to me.
KHHKR: Ok. Tell me if eventually you are wanting to get up and help me look for it though [pause] A fire’s best friend is a big enough hole to hold it and make it look brighter and meaner. Do you get that? Do you see what I’m saying.
Satan nods. He drinks his water. Sees his empty glass and seems to panic but remains still. Remains still and slowly hides the glass behind the napkin holder to avoid alerting Khhkr. And puts his hands on the table. Amused.
SATAN: I would say that apple jelly is my favorite [hits both hands on tabletop hard] Apple.
Khhkr picks up her fork and touches the prongs to Satan’s face. He remains as amused, both hands still on the table top.
KHHKR: Oh yeah? That’s your favorite?
In the street directly outside, two construction workers are talking. The one laughs. The other continues to talk, placing a hand on the laughing man’s shoulder. They are close to each other and they are saying things, things that the other can respond to and add to and eventually walk away from, done. Satan watches them.
SATAN: I’m not listening to you. I’m watching the construction workers talk. For some reason right now I envy them.
Khhkr takes the fork away from his face. Then she crosses her legs and dumps a sugar packet out onto the table.
KHHKR: You’re so cute [moving sugar grains with two fingers] Every time you smile, I have to change my underwear.
She spreads the grains around and clicks her tongue a little. A child passes them, holding a plate.
CHILD: [stopping] The laughs are everywhere. You have to steal them. They don’t come to you [he walks off]
SATAN: Sorry about not wanting to help you get your laughs back. They will come somehow [blowing the sugar onto her lap] Just don’t be mean. You smell so nice in the morning and your eyes are always just the right amount of puffy. Why be mean? Why ruin that?
The waitress comes. They both order.
WAITRESS: [raises eyebrows] Is that all?
Satan looks at his lap.
SATAN: That’s all.
The waitress collects the menus.
WAITRESS: Ruin as many lives as you can and be an artist about it [putting pen in front pocket] I’ll be right back.
She leaves. Through the window the sky is purple, and from the purple comes the snow—paced the same, slowly. They both watch, trying to trace flake paths but really just staring. And at one point they accidentally look at each other. When this happens Khhkr opts for staring at the table, and Satan stares out the window and sometimes at his lap.
SATAN: I think that each snowflake feels cheated no matter where it lands [clears throat] Or it should.
KHHKR: It should. And I love you. And we are snowflakes.
She touches Satan’s hand across the table. He puts his other hand over hers.
SATAN: At night your breath is my blanket [grabs glass] It is the only thing I still enjoy [takes small sip of melted ice] Do you still want me to cut your hair today?
KHHKR: Yes [pause] Yes I do. I want that.
SATAN: Would you like that?
Khhkr nods. Their meals come and they eat in silence. Stare the meal to completion. Satan keeps looking at the dead plants in the planter.
SATAN: The construction workers are gone.
KHHKR: They are at home in their closets, hanging from electrical cords.
Silence again. Khhkr opens more sugar packets, distracted. Some people get up and leave from a table nearby. Another family walks past, towards the open table. The entire family stops, and looks quietly at Khhkr and Satan. The entire family shakes their heads no. Then they take the open table and converse quietly with each other.
KHHKR: [flicking sugar, watching fingers] When I was walking home yesterday I walked across a parking lot and there was a children’s book in a puddle. It was this book where there’s a frog who learns about friendship by becoming friends with a fly named Chad. I learned how to treat you by reading the book. I just sat in the puddle and read the book and learned how to be your friend. I want to burn animals. Ok? Ok, good.
She leans over and tries to kiss Satan. Satan moves. Then stares out the window.
SATAN: Don’t touch me. I’m too happy to enjoy it [craning neck] Where did the construction workers go? You need to tell me.
KHHKR: I wasn’t going to kiss you, I was going to bite your face off and suck out the laugh you stole. You thief.
SATAN: I didn’t thieve anything [folds hands on table, assured] I think I want to be a construction worker.
KHHKR: [pouring out more sugar] I’m horny. I want you to fuck me a lot today. I mean, like you don’t even know me. Will you fuck me like a stranger?
SATAN: [nodding] Yes I will. You mean like holding you down and screaming louder when you start to say ‘ow’?
KHHKR: Yes, like that. Then we
can sleep until the sun is gone [laughs]
They then take turns blowing and flicking sugar at each other. Snowflakes hit the window and melt. Full daylight. The construction workers return. They talk and point different directions down the roads. Their mouths are quiet, they are distanced. Muted.
SATAN: You’re pretty.
KHHKR: Blah blah.
SATAN: No you’re a pretty person.
He blows a hard breath and all the sugar goes onto Khhkr’s lap. Then he surveys the other customers. A hideous woman some tables down is bringing a bite of pancakes to her mouth. And the syrup falls onto her sweatshirt. She looks down at the syrup, her neck folding out. She looks at the syrup, chewing. And Satan watches.
SATAN: [playing with his straw] I want to ask the hideous woman if she thinks about how many people are embarrassed by her presence [lifting thumb from end of straw and letting water drop onto table in single drops] I want to ask her if she worries about being immortal. That is, if she were immortal, exactly as she is right now, would it be agonizing? Is she having a good time? Is she really excited and happy about eating pancakes? Is this fun for her?
Satan turns back to Khhkr when he feels sugar particles rain on his lap.
KHHKR: Blah blah [getting up] Let’s go.
A very pale, fat man with fetal alcohol syndrome works the register. Purple rings round out his eyes. He takes their bill and looks at it.
EMPLOYEE WITH FAS: Tank ewe.
KHHKR: [staring at him, pointing] You don’t have any friends.
He smiles back.
KHHKR: [evenly] You don’t know anyone that would willingly spend time with you, and that is because you are terrible. I am embarrassed standing in front of you. The way I am supposed to keep my opinion, my disgust towards you, covered. That seems wrong. I know how pathetic you feel [tapping fingers on counter] What do you do when you leave this place? You hang up your nametag and walk home, right. There is nothing at home that you want or care about and you only go there because you paid for it. Did you pay for it? Does your mom pay for it? Is your mom still alive? Did your mom love you? Have you ever thought you loved another human? Have you ever experienced happiness? Do you like to have change in your pockets or not? Did you enjoy buying the shirt or pants you are wearing? When you were in the dressing room, trying them on, did you silently celebrate? Do you enjoy having those glasses that like, get tinted when it gets dark? Have you ever wanted to just run into a tree headfirst and sleep for a while? How many people have called you stupid to your face, and how many times have you openly agreed? How many times have you agreed quietly? If we were playing a board game, would you look at me or just look down at the pieces? Have you ever been up really late and thought to yourself, “How am I going to stay alive when I hate myself this much?” How many times would I have to hit you in the arm before you cried? Have you ever hurt someone’s feelings and then regretted it? Or do you only get your feelings hurt, but then apologize for other people? [nodding] Yeah, that’s you. That is you.
The employee with FAS leans over the counter on his elbows, and he looks at the bill. He tries to raise his glasses by twitching his nose. His shirt is way too big. His name is written on a plastic tag. And next to the register, there are some homemade cookies with smiley faces painted on them. A waitress comes out from the backroom and stands by the register. Khhkr grabs a smiley face cookie and slides it forward.
KHHKR: And one of these please.
EMPLOYEE WITH FAS: Hi. Tank ewe.
He points at the amount on the register and sniffs. Khhkr gets out her wallet and gives him a twenty, looking from the waitress to him.
KHHKR: You can keep the rest.
EMPLOYEE WITH FAS: Ok. Tank ewe.
Khhkr touches his hand.
KHHKR: [softly] Run away with me. Let’s get married [touches his chin] I love you. Hey look at me. Look at me, I love you. Leave with me. We can share everything. I’ll make you happy. I promise. We can live on smiley face cookies.
EMPLOYEE WITH FAS: Ok. Ok tank ewe.
KHHKR: I’m average in a way more painful than being below-average.
WAITRESS: [to Satan] Your friend’s an asshole.
SATAN: Yeah, but so are you. And me too. What’s left? Are we done?
Satan smiles at both employees and takes a mint and leaves.
[Later]
A small bathroom. Satan is cutting Khhkr’s hair. She sits on a folding chair with a cape of old newspaper and he stands behind her. There are loud crunching clips.
SATAN: [sprays her hair] What kind of shampoo do you use? It’s making me hard. Is it some kind of raspberry?
KHHKR: [chin against chest] There is only one kind of raspberry [pauses] There is only one raspberry and it will dominate us all with its giant fists.
They both laugh.
SATAN: [shaking some wet hairs off his fingers] Now I am imagining you standing on a huge raspberry with nothing on but white socks. White socks that are kind of worn-looking and half pulled-off [clips, shakes hair off fingers] On the huge raspberry, you are smiling. Your legs are sinking into the raspberry and there are drops of juice on your knees. You are dying and sinking into the huge raspberry. It’s ok though. You’re smiling.
KHHKR: [laughs] You are imagining one mean-ass raspberry [shivers, hair clippings hit Satan’s feet, he shuffles] Will you defend me from this mean-ass raspberry?
Satan snips his own knuckle.
SATAN: Fuck [puts finger in mouth, spits out some hairs] It depends.
There is silence. During the silence they both think about what it depends on. Clipping sounds.
SATAN: [clears throat] I still have the brownies you made when I first visited you [combing her hair, clipping] When I first went to your house I thought your house looked shitty from the outside. Like I thought an actual piece of shit would answer the door [snips] And I was right.
They both laugh.
KHHKR: [still laughing] Awww shit [stops laughing, brushes nose with hand] I made you the brownies because I thought you would interpret them as a bribe to leave and never come back. Like payment in advance [wiggles toes, looks at them] I figured we would set up a relationship in which I would leave brownies out on the front step and you would take them with the agreement that you were never to see me again. It didn’t work out that way and you kept coming back. That’s fine. It’s fine. Blah blah. It’s like Chad the Fly said.
SATAN: Who?
KHHKR: Chad the Fly, from the book I told you about. He was friends with the frog even though he knew the frog was going to eat him. He knew he was going to die. Chad the Fly said, “Friends are the dead bodies for the larva of relationships.”
Satan lifts her hair. He looks at the back of her neck. He clips her hair then combs it. The quiets are very quiet.
SATAN: [clears throat] Don’t turn around and look at me while I am saying this [clips] Ok?
KHHKR: [pause] Ok.
SATAN: When I got home that night—with the brownies—I took them out of the glass tray and wrapped them in an unfolded napkin. Then I put them in the fridge [pause] They’re still there. I just can’t throw them out. I can’t throw out the brownies you made. You made them so good I think [clips, shakes scissors off to the side] Sometimes I open the fridge and think, “It’s time to throw them out.” And I even reach in like I am going to do it. But I don’t. I never do. Really though—they’re too nice. They’re too nice to throw out. If those brownies were real people, I would like, take them to a dance or ask them out for dinner [stops cutting] The brownies, they are nice to have to look at when I can’t help but notice that I am alone in my apartment—and I start thinking, what if that is the only nice thing anyone will ever do for me? Really though [resumes cutting] they’re way too pretty. And now they’re all thin and hard, wrapped in a napkin deep in the back of my fridge. I look at them every once in a while because I just can’t throw them out. Or eat them. They’re too pretty. Really. I think maybe something like that is impossible to explain [puts a wet cli
pping in his pocket] Tonight when the sun sets I will lay my head on the horizon and wait to be crushed. Don’t come and get me. Don’t come and sweep me up. Don’t do anything except be the greatest [laughs quickly] Did Chad the Fly say anything about greatness.
KHHKR: Your fingers are cold [shivers then straightens] Cut my hair so close that it disappears and never comes back. I’m too pretty for you [evenly] Too fucking pretty.
SATAN: You could pretend I am hair and do that to me, if you want to. I’d let that happen.
Khhkr catches clippings in her overturned palms. She looks at them. Then turns her hands over and drops them.
In Heaven, Everything Is Fine: Fiction Inspired by David Lynch Page 6
