by Andrew Grey
“I’ll talk to you later. Right now this conversation is making me angry, and I have a friend over.” He smiled over the phone. “Yes, Mom, he’s a real nice guy. Actually, I think you might like him. … Yes, Mom. … Then maybe part of that attitude is why you won’t be seeing your son—the only one you have—for the foreseeable future. You’re so interested in looking to the church for answers and letting them run your life, I suggest you pray on that for a while and see what kind of answers you receive, because I’m afraid you’re not going to like the ones you’d get from me.” Dwayne placed his phone on the counter and pushed it away.
“I’m sorry.” Robin didn’t know what else to say. Dwayne had told him that he could understand the troubles Robin had with his parents, but he hadn’t really believed him. Not until now. “It hurts when they don’t take your side.”
“It does.” Dwayne turned to the stove and finished cooking, filled the plates, and then brought them to the table. “They don’t understand, and as much as I might want them to, I doubt they ever will. And I have to learn to accept it.”
“We shouldn’t have to. They’re our parents. All the stories tell us that they should love their children unconditionally.” Robin pulled out the chair and sat. “So what did we do to deserve this?” He’d been searching for that answer ever since the day he found himself on the outside looking in.
“I think that’s where you’re wrong. We didn’t do anything wrong.” Dwayne sat across from him but didn’t pick up his fork. Instead, he stared at Robin as intently as he had last night, only this time for a very different reason. “That’s the fallacy in all this. We aren’t the ones to blame. You and I didn’t do anything. Parents should love their children unconditionally, and because ours can’t doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you and me. It means there’s something wrong with them.” He reached across the table to take Robin’s hand, and Robin got the feeling deep inside he was seeing a part of Dwayne that few people ever saw. Dwayne was a strong man, yet this was a moment of weakness.
Robin squeezed in return. “It’s hard to believe that.”
“I know. But why?”
Robin blinked a few times. “Maybe because we relied on them so much growing up that we want to believe our parents are always right.” He sighed. “But they’re not. And neither are we.”
“Nope. But we do deserve to be loved and cared about for who we are, just the same as everyone else. You’re gay and I’m gay. That doesn’t mean we did anything wrong. It’s part of what makes us who we are.” Dwayne released his hand and picked up his fork but didn’t take a bite from his plate. “I was born this way… so, I didn’t do anything to make myself gay. They need to accept that because I’m tired of apologizing for it or thinking there’s something wrong with me.” Dwayne jabbed at the bites of ham he’d cooked into the eggs.
“There isn’t anything wrong with you. At least your parents want you to come home. They want you around.” Robin lowered his gaze and took a bite of eggs, but they tasted chalky on his tongue.
“They only want me there on their terms. Live alone and quietly, don’t make any waves, and certainly don’t have anyone in my life for them to have to see.” Dwayne ate his bite, then continued. “I can’t do anything about it, and I have to accept that.” It was clear Dwayne could say that as much as he wanted, but accepting it was much easier said than done.
“Who are you trying to convince?”
Dwayne nodded and pointed at himself with his fork. “Myself obviously. I can’t even do that, so how could I hope to convince anyone else?” He managed an uncomfortable smile and then lowered his gaze, digging into his food.
Robin hoped the discussion portion of the morning was coming to an end soon, and he began eating again as well. He knew Dwayne was right and the problem was really with his parents. At least he wanted to hope that was true so very much, because if it was, then he wasn’t the deeply flawed person he’d always been led to believe he was.
“Should we talk about last night?’ Robin whispered under his breath, without looking up. Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut and left things alone, but that was never one of his strong suits. If he knew what was going to happen or where he stood, he could take what life had in store. “Maybe I should find someplace else to live.” Robin could feel his cheeks warming like a portable heater, and he wondered if he was actually raising the temperature in the room. “I mean, you had a little too much to drink, and I guess I did too, and well—” His mouth was running a mile a minute, and he was more nervous than he had been at the club when he’d first taken that guy’s money.
“Robin.” Dwayne was right behind him, and he’d been so busy jabbering, he hadn’t seen him stand and walk over. “I don’t regret last night. Do you?” He gently ran his hands over Robin’s shoulder and then down his chest to his belly. Robin stifled the urge to laugh and tried to think about anything other than Dwayne’s hands on him. It was hard… and instantly so was he.
“No. But I didn’t know if you…. I mean, people do things they regret when they’ve been drinking.” He turned his head so he could see Dwayne.
“I’d only had a few beers, and while they might have greased the way, in a manner of speaking, I wouldn’t change anything that happened.” Dwayne leaned closer, and his hot breath touched Robin’s ear. “I wanted to spend the night with you as soon as I saw you at the club. Remember? You propositioned me, and damn, I took one look in those heavenly blue eyes of yours and I was half lost.”
“You spent that entire night dancing with those other boys.”
“Yeah. But I kept looking for you. And those boys all have partners, and they were being nice and making sure I wasn’t sitting all alone. That was all.”
Robin shivered and leaned into Dwayne’s warmth. “Did you come looking for me? Is that why you found me?”
Dwayne sighed. “No. Finding you in the alley in time was part luck and part police hearing. And probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me. So I don’t regret what happened last night, but if you’re uncomfortable with it—” He pulled away, his hands trailing up Robin’s chest and then to his shoulders. “—I’ll back off, and you can go back to sleeping on the sofa. I’m not into making someone do anything they don’t want to.”
Robin sighed. “I just don’t understand why you’d be interested in me.”
“Have you taken a look in the mirror lately?” Dwayne asked.
“Yeah. I’m this skinny guy whose mother doesn’t even want him. Why would a god in a blue uniform like you want me?”
“I don’t know what mirror you’ve been looking in, but I think you need to find a different one.” Dwayne gently massaged his shoulders, and Robin groaned softly. “Remember what I said about parents. I wasn’t just talking about mine. Accept that your mother has her own issues, and you don’t necessarily know what those are. But they aren’t your issues.”
“That’s easy for you to say. Your mother at least cared enough to contact you. Mine hasn’t even tried, and—”
“Okay. That’s true, but I want you to know that other people see things in you that maybe you don’t.” Dwayne lightly sucked on his ear, and within seconds Robin forgot about anything else. “Don’t worry so much about what your mother did or didn’t do, and concentrate on what you think would make you happy now.” He backed away once again and returned to his seat.
“Okay.” Robin breathed deeply and willed away the bubble of heat that surrounded him. He pulled at his shirt to get some fresh air near his slightly sweaty skin. “Did you really like me… like that, when you first saw me?”
“Yes.” Dwayne grinned. “Now go ahead and finish your breakfast. I need to go to the grocery store and run a few loads of laundry, but other than that, I have a day off and I thought I could show you around, and then let’s see if we can find something fun to do.”
“Like what?”
“I haven’t figured that part out yet. We could drive down to Gettysburg and have lunch.
If you want we could take one of the bus tours or walk through the cemetery. Maybe look at all the tourist stuff for sale.” Dwayne leaned over the table. “There’s a place there with the best ice cream, and they also make their own fudge.” He looked like a kid for a few seconds.
Robin smiled. “Sounds good.”
“Then finish your breakfast and we’ll get started.” Dwayne ate the last of his food and took care of his plate. Then he started the washing machine, and by the time Robin was done, Dwayne was ready to leave.
The trip to the grocery store seemed more like a sprint, and when they returned, Dwayne shifted loads of laundry and put away the groceries. Then he ushered Robin into the car and took off through town, heading south.
They drove almost an hour through orchard country, up and down, over hills and through valleys and around creeks, until they burst out of the country and into the center of a field of monuments. It was stunning. The woods were there, and they’d just passed farmhouses, and then the field where part of the Battle of Gettysburg had taken place, with its road lined with stone markers and cars moving as if in slow motion.
“Have you been here before?” Dwayne asked.
“Yes. But it was some time ago. Middle school, I think. One of my classes arranged a field trip.” Robin swallowed hard. “It was the year after my dad died, and I already had a stepfather. I asked Mom if I could go and she agreed. My dick of a stepfather said it was too expensive. Mom gave me the money anyway.” Robin paused. “I think maybe that was the last time she stood up to him.” He shook off the dark memories. There was nothing he could do about them, and he was here with Dwayne under much more pleasant circumstances.
“Did you take the bus tour?” Dwayne asked.
“No. We came in a bus, and the teacher gave us his own tour.” Robin smiled as they continued on toward the center of town. “I don’t think any one of us heard a thing. One teacher’s voice against thirty wound-up students? He finally gave up and took us to Little Round Top, where we walked around and climbed and let out our energy. Then he put us back on the bus and we went home.”
“You guys were bad.” Dwayne gave a quiet laugh.
“We were just a bunch of cooped-up fourteen-year-olds with too much energy for our own good.” Robin sighed as they reached the traffic circle in the center of town.
Dwayne parked and pointed to one of the restaurants. “I called ahead and made a reservation. We have enough time for lunch, and then our bus tour is at two.” He smiled, and Robin felt the heat rise to his cheeks. Why did he blush and his heart beat faster whenever Dwayne smiled at him? “Are you hungry?”
Robin nodded, got out of the car, and followed Dwayne into the restaurant, where they were seated right away.
“Dwayne,” a man said as he approached the table. He leaned on a cane, but from the looks of him, he didn’t let anything stop him. “It’s good to see you.” He turned to the server. “Give this man whatever he wants.”
She took their drink orders, hurried away, and Dwayne turned to Robin. “This is John.”
“I was in Carlisle about… what… two months ago, and my leg decided to give out. I was wondering how I was going to get home because I wasn’t able to drive that way. Dwayne here helped me out, brought me all the way back here, and then helped arrange for me to get my car back.”
“John, I was only trying to help.” Now it was Dwayne’s turn to blush.
“Well, now I’m only trying to feed you. So order what you like.” John clapped Dwayne on the shoulder and left the table, presumably to go back to work.
Robin opened his menu and looked it over. His tastes in food were not very adventurous, and when the server returned, he ordered the hamburger with everything. Dwayne ordered the chicken pot pie. She brought them their drinks and continued on to the next table.
“I really didn’t do all that much,” Dwayne said, looking around and shaking his head. “John has been trying to get me to come down to see him for a while.”
“Is that why you picked this restaurant?” Robin drank most of his Coke, and the server took his glass to refill it.
“Partly. I also know this is one of the best here in town.” Dwayne smiled once again. “So… before all this started… what was it you used to do for fun?”
Robin swallowed pretty hard. “I don’t know. I had a bike and I used to ride, but that was a while ago. Mostly I watched television when I wasn’t working. I know it sounds kind of lazy, and maybe it was. But I was never very good in school. Reading and things like that were always difficult for me. I could do math okay, but mostly I’d try to read something and then I could never remember what I’d read or what it meant. So I figured, after high school, I’d get a job and try to support myself.” He sighed loudly. “Things don’t always work out very well. I thought I could stay at home for a little while longer until I could get on my feet.” Thankfully the server returned, and Robin gulped from his glass. “I’m not very exciting, I suppose.”
“But you have a job now.”
“Yeah. And I’m going to do my best to make sure Terry is happy with me.” Robin smiled, happy. “I get to be near the water and can swim again. I was thinking of trying to train and seeing if I’m any good. It’s been quite a while, but Terry said I had a good stroke, so who knows.” Just the thought of being able to do something he enjoyed again definitely excited him.
The server brought their meals, and Robin inhaled the delicious aroma and wondered where to start. The hamburger was massive, with a mountain of fries.
“This is huge,” Dwayne said, looking at his pot pie. “I don’t know if I can eat all this, but I’m hoping I’ll need some energy later.” He winked at Robin, and heat built anew.
Suddenly Robin was thinking of last night, blushing again. “Dwayne.” He looked down at his plate and snagged a french fry. “I think we should concentrate on having lunch and then some fun.” He didn’t want to think about what was going to happen tonight, at least not now, or he wouldn’t be able to keep his attention where it needed to be.
“Okay.” Dwayne dug into his pot pie, and Robin ate his lunch. He found it hard not to watch Dwayne, and more than once they broke into smiles and then laughter for no reason at all.
“What’s gotten into you?” Dwayne asked as Robin chuckled once again.
“Come on. You’re eating that stuff and looking at me as though I’m on the menu. It’s sort of obscene.” He sucked on a french fry, and Dwayne coughed into his napkin. “Two can play that game.”
“You’re so naughty.” Dwayne returned to his lunch, and Robin did the same.
“Can I bring you anything else?” the server asked a while later, once they’d both eaten everything they possibly could. “I can bring the dessert menu.”
“Oh goodness, no. Thank you, but we’re both stuffed.” Dwayne leaned back in the booth and patted his belly. “I’m going to get fat.”
“I don’t see that at all,” the server said with a smile.
“I agree with that. It would take more than one lunch to put anything on that flat belly of yours.” Robin leaned over the table. “I really couldn’t eat another bite. Thanks.” He touched Dwayne’s hand and made sure the server saw it. She took their plates and hustled from the table, then returned with drink refills and the check, which it seemed had been taken care of.
“Did you enjoy your lunch?” John asked as he hurried to the table.
“It was very good, thank you so much,” Robin told him. “I thought Dwayne’s eyes were going to roll back in his head, he was loving the pot pie so much.” He pursed his lips to keep from laughing, and Dwayne shot him a look of mild amusement that lasted a few seconds before morphing into full-on, albeit restrained, mirth.
“That was very kind of you,” Dwayne said.
“Nonsense. You really helped me when I needed it, and it only took months for me to get you to come down to see me,” John said, clearly pleased. “Are you sure you don’t want some dessert? Our carrot cake is heavenly.”
“Thanks, John, but you’ve stuffed both of us, and we’re going to need to get moving or we’ll miss the bus for our tour.” Dwayne shook John’s hand and thanked him once again. “I promise I’ll come back down, and you need to let me know if you’re going to be up in Carlisle.”
Robin slid out of the booth, Dwayne placed some tip money on the table, and John led them to the door, still saying goodbye as they stepped outside. “He’s such a nice man.”
“He is, and I’m afraid if we’d stayed, he’d have tried to feed us dinner, and it wasn’t necessary.”
“To him it was. Sometimes people just want to find a way to say ‘thank you for helping.’” Robin took Dwayne’s hand. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to thank you for everything you’ve done.” He still wasn’t sure how he was going to do that. He didn’t want Dwayne to think he’d slept with him out of gratitude. Good God, what if that was what Dwayne thought? After all, Dwayne had helped Robin after he’d done the stupidest thing in his life and tried to trade a blowjob for a fifty. What if Dwayne thought Robin was now trying to trade sex for a place to stay? Robin swallowed hard and pulled his hand back, but Dwayne held it a little tighter.
“You don’t have to do anything for me. Okay? Sometimes doing something nice is just that. I don’t expect something in return.” Dwayne led him back to the car and actually held his door open for him. That was totally unexpected and kind of nice.
He drove through town and parked at the back of the tour center. Dwayne got the tickets, and then they waited inside with the others before the bus pulled up and they all boarded.
Robin took a seat by the window, with Dwayne next to him, and after a few minutes, the guide boarded, introduced himself, and the tour began. Robin tried his best to listen to the details of the three-day battle as they made their way out of town and into the countryside. But when Dwayne circled his arm around him, Robin leaned close and the rest of the world seemed to fall away, if only for a little while. He was much more interested in the way Dwayne smelled and how nice it felt being next to him and being the center of his attention than he was in hearing about battle strategy. But after a few minutes, he focused on the narrative, with Dwayne staying close.
