by Bijou Hunter
33 Train Wrecks - Poppy
Mom’s butt is no doubt numb from sitting on the floor with me for so long. She doesn’t complain even when I repeatedly ask if she wants to sit in her chair. Rather than focus on her comfort, Mom only cares about mine.
My head rests on a pillow in her lap while she caresses my head and watches crappy horror movies with me. Jared sits nearby, staring at the TV and likely enjoying the shitty entertainment since he’s old enough to remember when these turds were new.
Thelma walks over and sits in front of my face. I pretend this is her way of showing she cares. If she claws out my eyes, I’ll know her feelings are of the romantic nature. Cats are tricky beasts, but I’ve learned they’re cool with me shoving them the hell out of the way so I can see the TV.
After Thelma loses her spot, she hurries toward the kitchen and nearly trips Justice rushing into the house. My sister dodges the cat, steadies herself long enough to set down a wiggling Ike, and then announces with as much drama as possible, “Emmett winked!”
“Is that code for he’s gone to biker heaven?” I ask, nuzzling my mom’s leg. “I hope they have plenty of potato salad for him up there.”
Justice shakes her head wildly. “No, Journey is coming home, and she wants to tell you, but I really feel like I should get to tell you since I didn’t get to go on the adventure to the dump motel. I mean, why did I have to stay home?”
“You claimed your vagina refused to ride on a Harley.”
“Man, was I glad to be here to enjoy that info,” Jared mutters at me.
“Shut up, old man,” I mutter at him.
“I’m letting that go because you had your heart broken.”
“But she didn’t!” Justice cries. “He winked! The queef sniffer winked!”
Felix enters with Otto and Matilda close behind. They stare at a bouncing Justice and then walk back outside.
“Their fear of drama doesn’t bode well for them lasting long in this family,” I tell Justice who shrugs.
Justice starts to open her mouth to babble more, but she hears approaching Harleys and makes a run for the door. I watch her hesitate when the summer heat slaps her in the face.
Ike ignores her and waddles over to where I rest on the floor. He curls up against me with his bottle and toy bear. I think to change the channel, but he turns away from the horror movie and nuzzles his nose against my chest.
“Ike loves naps,” I whisper to the sleepy kid.
My gaze returns to the TV where I watch the third Halloween movie.
“That actor was in Night of the Creeps,” I say, instigating our family game where Jared and I see how many movies we can name before Mom googles the actor’s name.
Jared nods. “He was also in Lethal Weapon.”
“Creepshow.”
“Escape From New York.”
“His name is Tom Atkins,” Mom says, putting aside her phone. “What do you think Justice meant by Emmett winked?”
After tucking Ike under my fuzzy blanket, I look up at my mom. “Journey will translate the crazy into something slightly less crazy that we’ll be able to understand.”
“Whatever she says, just know you’ll be okay.”
“Thanks, Mommy,” I say, nuzzling her closer. “I sometimes wish I could crawl back inside you where it’s safe.”
“There are no video games or TV in there, honey. You’ll get bored.”
“Christine, is that really the best reason you can come up with for why your eighteen-year-old daughter shouldn’t climb inside you?”
“Don’t come between us,” I warn Jared. “Or I will kill you in your sleep.”
“You’ll try.”
“Oh, I have it all planned out. Been thinking about doing it for years now.”
“Is that right?” he says, trying not to laugh.
“No, but look at how worried you are. How fricking sad are you, old man.”
Jared caresses his mustache while casually flipping me the bird. I laugh at his attempt to be smooth while Mom shakes her head.
“Be nice,” Mom says.
“I am nice. Just watch. Hey, Jared, thank you for servicing my mommy’s hooch again. You’ve made her dreams come true.”
“You’re welcome,” Jared says and then winks at Mom, “And you’re also welcome.”
“You’re both getting on my nerves now,” she says, waving around her water pistol threateningly.
“Let’s return to pitying me. Or we could admire my ability to forgive. Like how I asked Journey not to kill Emmett or remove both of his balls. I want him to find a woman who satisfies him like I can’t. Then Emmett and his whore can use his remaining testicle to make crappy babies that my better kids will one day bully.”
“That’s some sweet forgiveness there, kid,” Jared says, laughing.
“Thank you, Christine’s Hooch Cleaner.”
Jared laughs harder, but my mother isn’t amused.
“Pauline Adams, you better watch your mouth,” she warns while flicking me on the nose like I’m a bad puppy.
“Sorry, but I’m not wrong.”
“No, she really isn’t,” Jared says.
“The two of you better stop ganging up on me, or I’m asking Justice for help.”
Jared continues to chuckle while I’m too busy now focusing on a sleeping Ike to care about my mother’s temper.
When the house fills up with chattering people, Jared shoots them a pissed look, and their voices turn off immediately. I smile at his power, even while envious that I don’t possess the same skill.
Journey walks to me, squats down, and caresses her son’s sleeping cheek before whispering, “Poppy, we need to talk.”
I crawl over Ike and follow Journey to my bedroom where she sits on the bed.
“Did you kick his ass?” I ask, shutting the door.
“No. Well, a tiny bit, but he’s a big boy and can handle a little bitch slap.”
I stare at my hands and refuse to ask her any other questions. My heart still hurts whenever I think of Emmett.
“So your feces-face boyfriend thought he was protecting you by acting like a loser in front of his feces-face uncle.”
“Protecting me?” I ask, shaking my head.
“Yeah, he winked so you’d know he was pretending. Emmett’s an idiot, you know?”
Thinking back to Emmett’s behavior that day, I distinctly remember him winking as if breaking my heart was a damn joke. Except now I feel like a fool for not catching the punch line.
“What happens now?” I whisper.
“What do you want to happen? You’re totally in control here, Poppy. Emmett thought you were still together. He thought he was protecting you. Like I said, he’s an idiot, but he’s your idiot if you still want him.”
Tears burning my eyes, I feel so confused. The words Emmett said earlier have played in my head a million times, but now they’re different. My mind reels at how they weren’t the end, but his way of protecting me.
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, the idiot is coming over soon to talk to you. I told him not to show up right away so you’ll have time to adjust.”
Taking her hand, I whisper, “I’m scared to make the wrong choice. Emmett broke my heart, but he didn’t mean it. How do I know if he’s right for me?”
“Right or wrong doesn’t mean anything, Poppy. Your life isn’t something that ends once you pick a man and have a few kids. There are a million ups and downs. Look at Christine and the way she zigged and zagged through her life only to end up back here. But she didn’t make a mistake by leaving. She made a choice, and she lived with the consequences of that choice. Then she made a choice to return. That’s all you’re doing with Emmett is making a choice for today. Decide what you want right now for this Poppy and leave the future for tomorrow’s Poppy.”
“And you’ll love me no matter how much I fuck up?”
“Making mistakes doesn’t disqualify anyone from being in this family.”
S
miling, I hug Journey against me and keep her there long after the moment turns awkward. In her strong motherly arms, I’m ready to conquer the world. Only when she breaks free so she can check on her baby boy, do I realize I’m on my own with this decision.
34 Train Wrecks - Emmett
Driving around Tumbling Rock, I wait for Donovan to give me the green light to see Poppy. An hour passes and then another until I find myself riding back and forth in front of the Earlham property. As a grown man, I shouldn’t have to play these games. I want to see Poppy, and I should pull up to her house and knock on the door and do what grown men do by taking what they want.
Except I’m a dumb as a brick, cowardly fucker who somehow broke up with his woman without noticing.
When an RV roars down the road and nearly kills me, I drive up to Christine’s house. I won’t knock on the door. I’ll just wait safely nearby for whenever Donovan calls.
The family’s two dogs, Ugly and Uglier, rush from around the house to bark at me. I bark back, scaring off the uglier one. The second dog stops barking and watches me.
“You’re Donovan’s dog, right?” I ask the long-eared canine. “Go tell him to light a fire under her ass, will ya?”
The dog pants, scratches behind his ear, and licks his ass for a freakishly long time before staring at me again. So much for a man’s best friend.
“You didn’t wait for the call,” Donovan says, walking outside with Otto at his side. “Were you such a fan of Journey’s punch in the face that you want a redo?”
“Naw, man, but I need to see Poppy and this shit is taking forever.”
Otto frowns. “You’re not supposed to cuss in front of me.”
“Sorry, kid, but I’m not gonna say feces like your mom does.”
Smiling, Otto crosses his arms to mimic Donovan. They’re two peas in a pod against one antsy asshole. I wish I had someone on my side, but I fucked up, and this family holds a grudge.
“Hey, man, shouldn’t you throw me a lifeline here?” I ask Donovan. “We’re club brothers. I’d take a bullet for you.”
“Yeah, and I’d do the same for you, but this isn’t us against the world. This is us against the Earlham women, and I know whose bed I share at night.”
“Sure, I guess, but you could put a good word in for me. I didn’t mean any harm. I was trying to be a standup guy. You’d have done the fucking same.”
“Stop cussing in front of my boy!” Journey hollers while coming down the porch steps. “He doesn’t need your stupid rubbing off on him.”
“Are you gonna punch me again?”
“No, but don’t forget how I pulled those punches earlier. That was me being kind to a Rawkfist boy. Next time, I won’t have that problem.”
Smiling at her angry face, I see too much of Poppy in her expression.
“You and Poppy have the same frowns,” I say, and Journey’s anger fades a little. “Must get that from your ma.”
Journey sighs once, shakes out her arms, glances at Otto, and then sighs again.
“Poppy wants to talk to you,” she says, walking toward the house. “We’ll give you a little privacy, but not much. If she starts crying, I’m getting the gun.”
Otto glances back at me and smiles at whatever he sees on my face. Donovan follows his woman and kid, leaving me to wait alone with their dopey long-eared dog.
“Your name is Cat, right?” I ask the dog.
He doesn’t answer me, but I hear Poppy’s voice from the porch.
“His name is Kitty,” she softly says while holding onto the railing.
“I guess you didn’t name him since that’s a dumb name for a dog.”
Poppy watches me with her tired blue eyes. “So you winked.”
“My uncle is a piece of shit, and I didn’t want him getting any ideas about you.”
“Why didn’t you punch him in the face rather than lying?”
“I don’t know,” I say, stepping closer because we’re too damn far apart. “My family’s complicated and not like yours is. If I killed all the criminals in my family, I’d never stop burying the fuckers. I don’t got a single non-criminal in my family tree.”
“But they’re not all like Pat, are they?”
“No, but this was the first time he showed up and threatened something I needed. When it was money, I knew how to handle him. This time, it was you.”
Poppy hugs her body. “I guess. Just seems you could have been smoother about the entire thing.”
“Yeah, I know, and I’m gonna be kicking my ass over that for a long time, but I just figured you’d know I was full of shit since you’re my girl and I’ve been waiting to make that official for so long.”
“Well, to be fair, you did claim I was too young for you only two weeks ago.”
“I say a lot of shit, but I’m hooked on you.”
Poppy takes the three steps off the porch and glances around the hot day. She’s avoiding making eye contact with me. I have power over her heart, and she wants to keep it safe. While I don’t blame her for worrying, I need her to show me where I stand. I can’t wait another second to know if I’m still her guy.
“It probably makes sense for us to stay on the down low until Pat leaves town. That doesn’t change how I feel in here,” I say, patting my chest.
“What do you mean by on the down low?”
“You know what I mean.”
Poppy’s sad face tenses, and I catch a hint of her temper awakening in her eyes. “I feel like you’re still blowing me off, but you don’t have the balls to come out and say it because you’re scared of Journey and the Rawkfist guys.”
Unable to remain so far from her, I take a few long steps closer until we’re inches apart.
“You’re the only one for me, Poppy. If you and me don’t work out, any other woman will be a sad substitute.”
“But you still want to be on the down low.”
“Just with Pat around town. Anyone worth anything in this place will know the truth about us.”
“The truth being?”
“You’re my girl, Poppy Adams.”
Blinking away the tears threatening to fall, Poppy exhales hard. “You made me feel like crap. I don’t know how you fix the hollowed-out feeling I have in my gut.”
“Me either, but this ought to be a start.”
My lips are starving for Poppy. They cover hers and suck hungrily at the flavor they worried they’d never know again.
35 Train Wrecks - Poppy
On another hot summer day, the kids and I walk out of DQ holding our ice cream cones. I frown at the blindingly bright sun and hesitate walking out from under the restaurant’s roof cover. The kids don’t care about the heat. They’re only interested in the sugar surging through their little bodies.
I miss the kind of innocence when my entire day could revolve around a treat rather than worrying over what my boyfriend might be doing. Or if I’ll ever get enough money to fix Thor. Or even if I should give up on my beloved truck considering his never-ending need to break down on me.
Grownups have big problems. Money, romance, work, and even paying taxes drench my life in crappy thoughts. Oh, how I wish a simple ice cream cone could fix everything.
Under a flapping umbrella, we sit at a table on the DQ patio. Matilda and Otto talk about baseball while Felix stares at his phone. I ought to engage with them, but I don’t care about their kiddie crap today. It was my job to get these bored children out of the house. Now they can entertain themselves.
I hear a motorcycle approaching and get my hopes up. When I realize it’s only the Rawkfist MC’s old-man president, I frown at the passing bike.
“Miss your boyfriend?” Felix asks in his teenage mocking tone.
“How many times a day do you masturbate, kid? It’s a lot, isn’t it? I bet your room is a sticky mess but don’t worry. It’s natural what your hand and dick do.”
“Shut up.”
“Don’t be shy. We’re family, and family knows each other’s weaknesses. Yo
urs is blonde hooches with big butts.”
“Did you just say I’m hot for you?”
“No, I was hinting that you like chicks like your mom.”
Felix narrows his dark eyes and glares at me. I glare right back at him.
“My money is on Poppy,” Otto tells Matilda.
Felix grunts. “You don’t have any money.”
“I’ll give you some, Otto,” I say, immediately pissing off Felix.
The boy stands up and stomps off to bitch to his friends about what a nasty twat I am. I’ve seen the kinds of things he posts. Somehow, the boy has Earlham snark running through his blood.
“He’s mean,” Matilda says.
“Naw, he’s just learning to be a man. First, he was a wuss. Now he’s a jerk. Eventually, he’ll even out like Court. Until then, it’s our duty to mock him as much as possible. It’ll make his balls stronger.”
Otto frowns at me, probably too old to believe a word I say. Matilda is still young enough to trust my sage wisdom.
Hearing another Harley approaching, I prepare for disappointment. This time, Rawkfist MC’s old-man vice president rides by while I admire the sun glistening off his bald head.
“You miss Emmett,” Otto says, pointing out the obvious because he’s nine and that’s his job.
“Yeah, but don’t tell him that. He’s got a big enough head.”
“His head is big,” Matilda says, fighting to keep up with her melting cone.
“Giant. Humongous.”
Felix returns to the table and sits away from me.
“Was I a cunt or a twat this time?” I ask him.
“You’re not supposed to cuss in front of the kids.”
“Says who?”
“Journey.”
“She ain’t here. Maybe you didn’t notice that fact because you were too busy thinking about when you can sneak off to masturbate again.”
Felix glares ugly at me and hisses, “I hate you.”
“I’m mostly indifferent to you, Felix,” I say, refusing to laugh. “One day, you might be man enough for me to hate, but that day is far the frick off.”
