by T. S. Joyce
Oh. His warm hand against her made it hard to think straight and her legs would buckle at any moment. “I haven’t been with anyone since Blood Den.” It’s more than he asked, but for some reason it felt important that he know. “It’s why he was so angry, why he wanted me so badly. I told him no.”
Pressing against her, he wrapped his arms slowly around her shoulders, as if trying not to frighten her. “What has you scared then? I need to know what I’m up against.”
She inhaled his earthy, animal scent, a smell she was growing to adore and depend on, even after such a short time. It meant he was around and she was safe. He’d fought Nathan for her. Equally slowly, she wrapped her arms around his waist, tracing the hard ridges of his muscular back. Dropping her head to his chest, her cheek vibrated as a soft growl rattled from him. “Because your animal has been in your eyes since last night. I’m making you defensive, I can feel it, but I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong to set you off. I’m scared because I don’t know how to be around you.” Little by little, her muscles relaxed as he held her.
His voice dipped to a ragged whisper. “I imagined all the things I was afraid of him doing to you. I couldn’t sleep, I was so sick with it. I was there when that guard told you Nathan would still expect you to go to his bed. I…it was hard for me to leave you knowing you could get hurt.”
“I was scared when I walked into his room, but Merit was there, seducing him. That horrid woman didn’t even realize it, but she saved me from him. Nathan told me my punishment would be that affection from the clan would be withheld from me, and he stripped my rank. I went directly after that to find Hannah.”
The tension in his back lessened and she rubbed it, amazed as he relaxed in her arms.
“I don’t mean to scare you but I should tell you this won’t be the mating you wanted. My body is yours. I declared that when I cut you, but it’s best if we don’t involve our emotions. I’ll provide you a safe home and defend you. I’ll make sure you are comfortable in Bear Valley, but I don’t want a relationship like Hannah and Riker. I never have.” He eased back and his eyes were a soft brown once again. “I never wanted a mate, Joanna. You would’ve been better off if one of the other shifters of our clan found you first, but it can’t be helped now. What’s done is done.”
His words broke her heart. Sure, he promised her beautiful things. Comforts she’d never thought she would have. But he denied her the most important thing at the same time. “Even with time, you don’t think you’ll be able to care for me?”
He cupped the back of her neck, much like he’d done by the pond and shook his head. “Not like that.”
Her eyes burned with tears and she turned away, but he pulled her back under his gaze. “I’ll do my best to make you happy in every other way.”
Every way but the one she needed to feel whole again.
She nodded and dashed the back of her hand across her damp lashes. “It’s more than I thought I’d have. Thank you for following through on your promise. I know you don’t want this, but you are a good and honorable man.”
She sidled around him and opened the front door, then strode toward Riker’s truck, the bag in her hand bumping her hip.
“What are you doing?” Brody asked from behind her.
If she spoke, her voice would shake and he’d know just how disappointed she was, so she ignored him and reached for the back door behind where Riker sat at the wheel. Brody pulled her hand and she spun. He pulled her against his chest and she felt like she was falling. She didn’t realize she was crying until his shirt was wet with her tears.
“I thought you would want me to ride with them,” she said, hiccupping on the last word.
“His arm jerked and Riker’s truck roared to life. Gravel dislodged and clinked against the under carriage as it pulled away and Brody just held her, rocking slowly from side to side as he backed her against the cold metal of his navy colored Dodge pickup truck. His thumb brushed her cheek and he eased back. Uncertainty knitted his dark brows and his face looked pained just before he lowered his lips to hers. She didn’t want to hurt him, and whatever this was, whatever they were, was pushing his animal to the surface.
She tried to pull back, but his fingers wrapped around the back of her neck and he tilted her chin up and lapped the seam of her lips with his tongue. Unable to fight the raw power that brushed her skin, she opened for him and he dipped past her lips, tasting her.
Helpless to the craving that overcame her, she wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on tiptoes, angling her head so he could kiss her as deeply as he pleased. His jaw moved rhythmically as he stroked his tongue against hers, and his grip on the back of her neck became tighter. Between them, his erection pressed against her stomach, hurting her injuries, but she didn’t dare ask him to stop. She wanted this too badly.
A phone beeped and Brody growled. When it beeped a second time, he pulled back and sighed. “It’s Riker. He’s probably texting to make sure we’re following behind them. He doesn’t want us split up.”
“Okay,” she said breathlessly. She cast a longing glance at the door of their hotel room, but the alpha was probably right. They were still close to Long Claw territory and shouldn’t risk being cut off from the rest of the Bear Valley clan.
Brody’s mask was back in place and her heart sank when she saw the emptiness in his eyes. Desperate to maintain the fragile bond they’d just forged, she clutched his hand. “I’ll try it your way. If you can’t feel more for me than friendship, I’ll still try.”
He reached behind her and opened her door, then offered his hand and helped her into the cab. No words were spoken between them but his gesture of chivalry said he’d heard her. It was her reward. As she watched him walk around the front of his truck, a faraway look in his eyes, she thought of Anya. Of how the woman would love a man until her dying breath who didn’t feel the same. Of how she’d pitied her for not being stronger.
Now she and Anya would be the same.
Chapter Ten
Joanna’s scent had Brody worked up to a blaze by the time they blew past the green Now Entering Madison County sign. He cast another glance at her and adjusted his erection for the tenth time since they had passed the Wyoming state line.
She slept soundly against the window, probably thanks to the painkillers he’d offered her at the beginning of the trip. She’d looked uncomfortable at every pothole they bounced across, and Daria had said to give them to her if she was hurting too much. Of course that meant a missed opportunity to get to know his new mate.
Mate?
He might never get used to that. He’d never in his life thought he’d be a part of a union like this and here he was, toting his new mate to his home. No, their home now. The last couple of days had spun out of control, and now he felt like he was toeing the edge of a drop-off on a windy day.
He tried to focus on the bumper of Riker’s truck in front of them, but it wasn’t a full minute before he was looking at Joanna again. Her brunette locks were fanned out across her shoulder and he’d been fighting the urge for the past hour to brush it back so he could look at the graceful arch of her neck.
That wasn’t what had him all worked up and ready to bury himself inside her though. Her scent was created to destroy men. A female in heat was like a shining beacon that she was ready to accept partners, and though Joanna hadn’t shown many signs of wanting to share his bed, she smelled ready just the same. It had been battering against his subconscious for the entire ride back to Montana. Now, he couldn’t think of anything but the fact that if her mouth had tasted so damn good, other parts of her would taste even better.
He threw a baleful glance at his boner, pressed uncomfortably against his jeans like it had a mind of its own. Stupid dick. She was sleeping and all he could think about was pulling this damned truck over and sliding into her just to relieve the pressure she’d been unintentionally building for the better part of six hours.
The woman had just been through hell and th
is was where his mind was? He was a monster.
He muttered a curse and pulled off the road and into the parking lot of a dilapidated gas station. Riker threw up his hand out the open window in a what-the-hell gesture, but he ignored him as the alpha blasted on past the main strip of the tiny town of Sheridan. Yeah, they were half an hour away from Bear Valley, but he was going to lose his mind before they got there if he didn’t get some fresh air and at least attempt to regain his discipline. Right now Dick was running the show and he needed to take back control before he showed up on clan territory again. He had a reputation to maintain and couldn’t very well go shaking everyone’s hands and smiling politely with a giant boner.
His mood fouled by the second.
Yanking the gear into park, he opened the door and cast one more glance at Joanna. He froze when he realized her eyes were open, and focused on him.
“Where are we?” she asked.
“Almost home. I just…I just need a minute.”
“Her eyes dropped to the bulge in his pants and her full lips mouthed the word, oh.
But then he realized how that probably sounded and he felt the rambling need to explain. “No, I’m not going to…you know.” He needed pheromone free air and maybe a cold water bottle dumped over his face, not a jerk off party in a gas station bathroom stall.
“Get back in the car,” she said quietly.
“What?”
“I’ll take care of you. Please get back in the car.”
Well, shit. Okay then. He slid back behind the wheel and shut the door more firmly than he’d intended. Dick was practically singing hallelujah as he pulled out of the parking lot.
He searched for a back road to pull off the highway but Joanna had other plans. The palm of her hand rubbed over his pants, and she unbuttoned the clasp, then unzipped him slowly. The relief of being free from the constraint of the tight jeans made him inhale sharply and grip the wheel. This was really happening. Her scent intensified as she gripped his shaft and kissed the head. He had to fight the urge to roll his eyes closed and lose himself when she took him into her mouth. Straining to stay in his lane, he gripped the wheel at ten and two until his knuckles turned white. He glared at the road, determined not to crash as Joanna’s head bobbed slowly against his lap. That would be an embarrassing police report.
“I want to touch you,” he rasped. He was close and desperate for more than this. Coming from blow jobs hadn’t bothered him before, but it was different with Joanna. It felt like he needed to touch her or it wouldn’t feel as good in the end.
She moaned and slid her hand between her legs and his eyes went wide. Damn, she was so sexy, just watching her rub her palm against herself brought him to the edge. “Wait. Stop, stop, stop.” His voice was airy and ragged, and his hips still bucked helplessly against her mouth.
She eased back just in time and his chest heaved, breath shaking with every exhale. Confusion swam in her gaze and her delicate eyebrows drew down, making him want to smooth them with his fingertip.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
He couldn’t think straight, rutting like this, so he rolled down the window and took a long drag of fresh air. “I don’t want our first time together to be like this.”
“It kind of already was.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to finish without…I want to make you come with me.” He sounded like an idiot and couldn’t match words to his actual thoughts, but the smile that formed on her petal pink lips said he’d done well enough.
“Okay. Can we go straight to your house when we get there? I need this too.”
He liked when she was direct like this, telling him what she wanted. He didn’t like games or hints. He’d been with women before who did those things and he found it tiring, always trying to figure out how to please them. But with Joanna, she had just told him exactly what to do to satisfy her.
There was a back road to his house he could take off the main one through Bear Valley. It would ensure they could bypass the welcome party for a couple of hours. It would probably be better if he didn’t go into the community with three stiff limbs to shake anyway. Joanna came up with the best plans.
“Yeah. I’ll take care of you as soon as we get there,” he promised.
****
There was absolutely no way to feel rejected when Brody explained it like that. Joanna knew what he meant. He wanted them both to enjoy the intimacy, and he was tied up with driving. She was pretty sure she’d never met a man who would stop her right as he was about to blow his load just to worry over her own needs.
And in that moment, she fell a little harder for Brody Bannister.
Tying her hair back into a ponytail with a band on her wrist, she squinted her eyes at the row of no trespassing signs that lined a fence. There had to be thirty of them. Overboard, yes, but as she rushed to read them, it seemed like some of them at the end had been created with a sense of humor. Get yur buns outta here, and your momma didn’t raise no trespasser warnings were painted in neon colors, like someone was just putting an obscene amount of them up out of boredom.
The road was long and washed out, and it seemed the rain had reached this side of the Big Horn Mountains too, because mud holes dotted the journey in. She began to realize the necessity for a fat tired truck out here. The land was beautiful. Pines that reminded her of Long Claw territory towered up toward the sky, but the terrain was hillier and everything seemed lusher and greener somehow. Maybe she just looked at it differently because she was with Brody, or because she didn’t feel scared coming here as she had been when she’d been brought to Long Claw land.
Green and brown and earthy, the landscape just outside would inspire artists if they saw it. She rolled down her window and held her hand out. The breeze caressed her fingers and she smiled. Not the polite smile she’d had to plaster on her face for the past two years to avoid trouble, but the genuine kind that felt good down to her toes. She laughed into the wind and leaned her head back against the headrest.
If Brody couldn’t love her, at least she could find solace in this place. He watched her with an unreadable expression. Amusement, maybe, or curiosity. She didn’t know but he could watch her all he wanted. Brody was it for her. The marks across her chest said it was so, and she would make the best of it. She couldn’t force him to love her, but he was a good man. Her instincts screamed that he was honorable. He’d be her friend and right now, after everything she’d been through, it was enough. If she couldn’t find love, at least she’d ended up somewhere she wasn’t scared. And that had to mean something. If not the measure of love, at least safety had to be worth close to that. She could be happy. Maybe not as happy as she’d imagined, but much more than she had really believed she would ever have. Her time with the Long Claws seemed to fade farther away with each mile of gravel under the tires.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Brody said, his voice quiet like he didn’t want to disturb the woods outside her open window.
Startled by the sound of his voice, she hesitated.
“Right now,” he said. “Just tell me what is running through your mind.”
“Okay. I was thinking I feel safe here and that maybe I could forget the Long Claws if I let the magic of this place in.” Heat flooded up her neck and landed in her cheeks. “Sounds silly.”
Brody rested his hand on her thigh and leaned closer. “You are safe now, Jo.” He squeezed her leg gently and she thought he’d pull away, but he didn’t. And just in case he got the urge from here to his house, she settled her hand over his to keep him in place. He splayed his fingers invitingly, and she intertwined them. Had she ever held hands with a man before? She couldn’t recall, but a shuddering sensation filled her stomach as the corner of Brody’s mouth turned up like he was pleased.
The truck rocked and jounced as Brody pulled off onto a path that looked like it wasn’t used often. Ferns had started to take the road back and tall grass grew up in the middle strip between the tires. After about a mile, he p
ulled into a gravel parking lot next to a pair of jeeps and cut the engine.
“Stay there,” he said in a gruff voice.
He walked around the front of the truck and opened her door, then grabbed the brown bag she held in her lap and offered her a hand down. Gingerly, she escaped the cab and moved to the side as he closed the door. The keys sat in the front seat and she tilted her chin so she could see his face when she asked, “Do you always leave the keys in your truck?”
“Yeah. Not everyone has a car here, and if they need to go into town, they’re free to use mine. Most of us with rides leave the keys.”
“But what if you needed your truck to go somewhere and it wasn’t here?”
He shrugged and led her to the top of a set of old railroad tie stairs. “Then I’d take one of the jeeps.”
Huh. She held onto the rusty metal railing as she descended to the trail below. She still felt a little woozy from whatever pain meds Brody had given her on the trip, but at least her skin wasn’t on fire at the moment. Thanks to her healing abilities, she wouldn’t even need pain killers by tomorrow and she sent a silent thanks to the powers that be that she’d been born a bear shifter. She’d survived a lot thanks to the black bear that slept inside of her.
The trail they walked was a good hike over hills and through a meadow. She adored the clean summer smell of the place. “Are all the houses so spread out?”
“No. I’ll take you around today and show you everything, but up at the main drag of the community is a stretch of houses. Hannah and Riker live there in the big house. When he made me one of his council members, Riker offered me one of the bigger houses near him, but I wanted something farther out. My bear likes solitude.”
He sounded troubled about the last part and she wished she could hold his hand again. She’d try not to bother him if it was his animal that demanded he prefer being alone though. Some bears weren’t made to be paired with a mate. Maybe Brody was one of them and that’s why he was struggling with the idea of being bonded to her.
