It’s the first time in my life I’ve been able to stay outside without a breather for longer than a minute. From now on I’m going to spend all my time out here.
Alpha’s not the most interesting place in the galaxy in terms of topography. It’s mostly flat, with a high peak of about 6,000 ft. Hangar A, the enormous station where all the pods and most of the mission materials are stored, dominates the view to the east. It's just under a mile away at the other end of the levway. Everyone keeps telling me about a place called Geyser Crater. It’s north-west of here. Apparently hundreds of violent geysers erupt at about the same time every day, when the crater encounters the gravitational pull of Alpha’s Jovian parent, a greyish gas giant known as Mono (short for Monochrome). Sergei’s dying to lead an expedition to the geysers, but he won’t go until I’m strong enough to go with him. I think that’s endeared him more than ever to the others, especially Lys, who apparently kissed him on the lips for the first time the other day.
So, here I am, watching a pair of husky dogs chase each other around the cool empty desert in front of me. They’re the first animals I’ve ever seen out in the open air! They don’t seem to care they’re light-years from home. To them, this is home.
That makes me think of Abs and Mayor Prendergast. Did they manage to leave Mars safely? Where are they now? Will they ever set up roots again, like they did for so long in Gunther’s Folly? It’s only rocks and dust. I guess you can adapt to any place as long as you’re with people you care about.
Thorpe-Campbell comes to visit, brings me a litre flask full of the energy drink he used to sup when he raced in the Tonne, the annual orbital race around Earth he won, like, eight or nine times in a row. The drink’s pretty gross, but I don’t let on. He says he’s sorry he hasn’t been around more often—the Council’s probably going to strip him of his ISPA rank, suspend him from Binder missions for a while. He has that twinkle in his eye as he tells me this, as if he’s really thinking, What a bunch of black-hole a-holes. The only law I’ll be following around here is Charlie Thorpe-Campbell’s.
There’s never been anyone quite like him, I’m sure of that.
“Have you heard from O’see Hendron?” I ask him. “Wasn’t she up on charges too?”
“Exonerated. Her record’s been cleared. I’ve taken full responsibility for what happened, just like the O’see and I agreed before we set off.”
“Is she back in the academy, then?”
“Yep. Joint Overseer. But in her spare time she’s helping the xenolinguists communicate with Jiminy. They’re in the labs round the clock. The XLs want to learn as much as they can while they can. There's a whole new branch of science underpinning the Binder that we've somehow missed for the last century. We've been travelling through it at a fraction of the speed it's capable of carrying us. That's going to change our whole outlook. If it weren't for you and Jiminy, we might never have known about it. He isn't giving much away, though. He says he’s waiting for your mum to wake up. After that, we don’t know if he’ll stay or go. My hunch is he’ll stay with her. He seems very attached. The lengths he went to free her, there’s something profound there. As if her subconscious cried out to be free, and that woke him up somehow, altered him on a fundamental level.
“The XLs think the answer has something to do with empathy. The nanobugs didn’t understand emotion at first, they just fed off the stimulus she was feeling. But at some point Jiminy learned emotion. He realised that Marina’s emotions were crucial to understanding her dreams, her stimulus. It’s as if that made him self-aware, individual. An individual consisting of millions of atom-sized machines. But when he tried to convince the rest of the nanobug community to free her, they cast him out. They’d probably been marooned on that world for eons with nothing to do, nothing to fulfil their learning programming, nothing to stimulate them. So they would naturally become addicted to something as complex as human dreams; on their primal, unevolved level, being attached to that stimulus, any stimulus, was all that mattered.”
“I think I get that. But where exactly do I fit in?”
He pulls up a chair. “That’s why we need to establish a better means of communication with Jiminy. He has all the answers. But from what he’s said so far, and what you’ve told us, it’s looking something like this. When you fainted from loss of blood, when the nanobugs got inside your head, you were aware. Lucid the whole time. They weren’t used to that. For a while you thought it was all their simulation. The never-ending staircase might have trapped you forever if you hadn’t realised it was your dream, not their simulation. So you were able to take charge. Reshape the dream. They definitely weren’t used to that. We don’t think your mum was ever lucid; she just dreamed as any normal person would, night after night, on autopilot. Only for her the night never ended. They kept her in that state for nine years.
“But when you flew off the staircase, into the Binder like that, with all those powerful emotions, it must have blown the nanobugs’ collective mind. You showed them that not only is the Binder not dangerous, it’s exciting. It’s the ultimate stimulus.
“So how did we free Mum?” I ask.
“We didn’t. We’re not sure what happened exactly, but we think you made contact with her somehow, maybe through the nanobugs. They were probably linked to you and Marina at the same time, watching your dreams. And what you showed them, those amazing places through the Binder, those emotions linked to the Binder: you showed them that a conscious person is far more interesting than an unconscious one, that if they let Marina go, she had a chance of waking up too, then she could lead them on extraordinary adventures through the Binder. Unlimited stimuli. If they could only overcome their fear, like Jiminy did, if they could kick their self-destructive addiction, the universe would be theirs to explore. That’s what I think persuaded them to let you both go.”
“I didn’t know if I’d get through to them or not, but I gave it my best shot.”
“You did great, Jim.”
“I saw them as me and Sergei before the Hex.”
“How’s that?”
“You know, stuck in a rut. Kind of like orphans, left to make up their own rules. They were doing stuff they shouldn’t be doing because that’s all they’d ever known. No one was around to teach them any different. They just needed a second chance, that’s all. So I showed them what it’s like to take that chance.”
He nods in agreement. “I guess we all have to grow up some time.”
“You think they’ll make out okay?”
“I think that whatever happens, you and Marina have powerful allies out there. The Council’s already discussing it.”
“What? Allies for the war, you mean?”
“Uh-huh. Programmable matter fighting on our side—kinda mind-boggling, don’t you think?”
I tell him, “Yeah. But I think my mind’s been boggled enough, thanks.”
“Fair enough. Think you’ll be up for a tour of Alpha in a couple of days?”
“I...I guess. If they’ll let me out.”
“They’ll let you out. Doc Spillett owes me big-time for that merchandise I smugg—well, let’s just say he owes me and leave it at that.”
“Gotcha. Is Lys visiting later?”
“I think all four of them have an evening pass. You guys have a card game going, from what I hear.”
“No, no, we—”
“’S okay, Jim. Your secret’s safe with me. As a matter of fact, I taught Lys myself—blackjack and Cydonia Face. She’s even more gung-ho than me.”
“Hard to believe, sir.”
He gets up and ruffles my hair, then offers me his hand. “Take it easy, Jim.”
“You too, sir.”
His grip’s even firmer than Sergei’s, but I just squeeze right back. And for a few brief moments I feel like his equal.
“Oh, that reminds me, sir. I wanted to ask—it’s about the canyon, our final assignment.”
“What about it?”
“You never gave us the solu
tion. How were we supposed to escape?”
He crooks a corner of his mouth and says, “You ever figure it out, you let me know.”
“Wait. And the Hex scores, those crazy points totals. Lohengrin wanted to know…”
“About the Buggo Hall of Fame?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s just say all five of you have topped that and then some. Again, you figure it out, you let me know.”
“So I’m the teacher now, huh?”
“Jim, you’ve been teaching us all along, don’t you know that? You can’t help yourself.”
He flicks me a wink, leaves by the dusty main street. Meanwhile, the distant whine of a sand bike calls to me from somewhere across town.
CHAPTER 29
Trillions Plus One
It’s late morning on a Saturday, a few weeks into my post-coma recovery. Light drizzle mints Alpha town. I’m on my way back from the gym when the call I’ve been waiting for lights up and vibrates the tags around my neck.
She’s ready to see me!
Gah. One sniff of my armpits and I take off at Binder speed back to the gym showers. I hate, hate having to keep her waiting, but there’s no way her first impression of me after all this time is going to require a nose plug. It’s the quickest, harshest shower of my life.
By the time I’ve dried off, Alpha’s all abuzz. A number of the older recruits stare at me, muttering among themselves as they jog past. Outside, there’s a general migration to Medical as people of all ages and all ranks stream out of their buildings to see what’s happening.
Rachel and Lohengrin sprint across Main Street, dodging in and out of the thoroughfare. “Jim, have you heard?”
“No. I just got out of—”
“Come with me, you.” Rachel takes me by the hand and pulls me into the crowd. We have a date planned for Monday night—that movie date we never got to have at Cydonia Sights—but that isn't what's on her mind now. Her face sharpens with that Phi focus that leaves me uncertain and excited every time. I've only seen a small part of what she can do. Will I ever get to see the rest?
“What is it?” I ask her.
“They’re back! The nanobugs.”
“What do you mean? They’ve been here all along.”
“Jiminy’s been here, but not the others. Jim, they’ve all come—it must be to see your mum. Come on!”
As we weave through the quick-moving traffic, I grow anxious. What I had to go through on that angry planet, to save her...I never want to do anything like that again.
Medical is the last building on the western edge of Alpha town. Beyond it, there’s nothing except empty desert as far as the eye can see. That’s the view from the back porch I got to know so well during my convalescence. My favourite view.
Only...there’s a new building blocking it. A building that absolutely doesn’t belong. It’s a house. Quite posh, from the looks of it: solar-panelled roof, adobe bricks, twin balconies back and front, with a perfect emerald lawn, a silver picket fence, and a garage and small hover landing pad in the back yard.
I recognise it instantly as my old home in the mountain resort of Bowman’s Reach. The house I ran away from when I was five. The house that no longer exists. No, I haven’t seen it since then, except in my nightmares. It exploded shortly after I ran away.
The Alpha townspeople gather round it and gawp like it’s some sort of Holy shrine. A miracle home. But it isn’t. It’s just the old Trillion family residence.
Mum will have visited this house countless times over the past decade, imagining it just like this. To her, it will be a dream come true. It’s a present from the nanobugs, the ones who wanted her freed. They’re telling her how much she means to them, how glad they are that she’s awake at last.
Like me, they’ve come to see the mother of their dreams.
Waiting outside her room is nerve-wracking. Nothing prepared me for how self-conscious I am. Aware of every breath and every lip-bite and every finger tap sequence I drum on the door frame. What’s taking them so long? If she’s awake, for chrissakes, just let me in.
Two jabbering doctors exit her room, followed by Thorpe-Campbell. I think he’s the last. He’d better be. I try to squeeze past him but he snags me by the collar. “Ah-ah-ah. Hold it right there, Chief.” He lowers his voice to a whisper: “Before you go in, here’s a quick word of advice. Be gentle. I know you’ve got a lot to talk about, a lot you want to say, but for now, go easy on her. Just remember, she woke up expecting a day to have passed, not nine years. We’ve done our best to help her adjust these past few days, but she’ll need a lot more time to fully recover. For now, just be happy to see her. Remember, you’re the only one she has left.”
“I know. So how much have you told her?”
“Most of it. We had our top psychiatrist break it to her as gently as he could.”
“She knows about Dad and Nessie?”
He nods gravely. “Try not to dwell on that today. Think about something positive you can tell her. I don’t know; something really good that’s happened to you, something she’ll want to share.”
“Way ahead of you, sir.”
He gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Good for you.” Then he leaves.
The first thing I notice about Mum’s room is that it’s way bigger than mine was, over three times as big. It smells like a greenhouse. Bunches of flowers in vases—alien orchids of all colours—line the windowsill. There’s a grav chamber at the far end of the room. It helps slow down incurable diseases such as fragmentia, but Mum won’t have any need for that; she just has to build up muscles she hasn’t used in nine years.
“Jimmy? Is that you?”
I was sure I’d recognise her voice when I heard it, like I knew the butterfly house when I saw it come to life. But the words barely escape her lips, as if they’re afraid to let go of the breath pushing them out.
Several pillows prop her up; she’s not quite sitting but not lying either. She’s pale and thin. Really thin. Her nightgown slides off one shoulder as she puts a tiny hand to her mouth in surprise. I can see most of her collarbone. An arm so skinny it’s scary. The amazement in her bloodshot eyes.
She doesn’t look old, though. Her black hair has started to grey at the roots, but for some reason it appears more like a style than an ageing thing. How did she wear it when she was young? She must have been a knockout, because even now, with a pasty, sunken face and no make-up, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
“I didn’t think you’d be so...grown-up,” she says.
“I’m not. Not really. I’m the smallest one in my class.”
She smiles—a long-lost smile. It slides across so many emotions at once, I’m not sure which one I’m supposed to be feeling. All I know is I want to get closer to her.
She pats the bed next to her. “Come and sit with me.” I think she’s been saving me that spot—there’s a single upended pillow waiting. That makes me feel uneasy, wanted. I perch on the edge of the bed.
“How about all the way on. You’ll be comfier like that,” she says.
I hesitate for a few moments, then lift my feet, one at a time, onto the bed. We both just sit there for a while, not speaking. I can’t look at her—I don’t know why. She watches me all the time, though. I can sense her gaze weighing me up, trying to fill in the missing nine years as she imagines me at every stage of growing up.
She gently takes my hand. I let her. It’s warm and soft on the bed between us. Still I can’t look at her.
“Charlie told me how you two met,” she says. “He said you were brave. You saved his life.”
“I guess.”
“And what you did for me. That was brave too.”
“Mm.”
“And in the canyon? With the Sheikers?”
“That was all of us.”
“That was all of you, yes. Jimmy?” She gives me hand a little tug. “Please look at me, Jimmy.”
I look at her—a sad, frail shell of someone I use
d to know, but somehow glowing on the inside. Tear tracks glisten down her cheekbones. She’s been weeping without a sound all the time I’ve not been looking. Jesus, I’m such a jerk.
She dabs her eyes with the heels of her hand. “There’s something I want to tell you.” She sniffs, leans toward me as far as her weak muscles will allow—inches. I make up the distance—inches more. She says, “I’m so sorry I left you. My little boy. On your own all those years. I—I can never... God, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. You grew up, didn’t you. Saw Mars. Now you’re almost a man. And I missed it all. Jimmy, I’m so sorry. I should’ve been there. Believe me, I’d give anything to have been there.”
We touch foreheads, and I close my eyes as they begin to fill. “Mum?”
“Yes, sweetie.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t remember what you looked like.”
“That’s okay.”
“I—I always knew you were there, but it was only a feeling. All that time, I couldn’t see you.”
“Aw, my brave boy. You did more than that, so much more. You remembered me, you remembered what we had, what we’ll always have. You remembered us. And you never let go. You never let go...”
“No, Mum. I...I thought you were...”
Emotions flood in like the tributaries to that underground river deep in the canyons of Mars. The surge overwhelms me. I cry like I haven’t cried since the day I started running. From Dad, from Nessie. From the life that was torn from me.
A Trillion + 1.
This reunion isn’t what the killers had in mind when they wrote that fateful sum, but for now it’s my answer to it. And no one’s going to take it away from me.
Mum and I talk for hours, about everything we can think of. It’s strange at first, because I really don’t know her any more than she knows me. We’ve never talked this way before, as people. But it’s clear early on, around the time I tell her about Rachel, that we were always going to be friends. I think that was decided before I was even born.
Star Binder Page 36
