by Megan Derr
Outside, Terrell gulped air that was refreshing by comparison, although the city never smelled good even on the best of days. He stood there, dithering over his options as people milled around him, chatting, laughing, hailing cabs or walking to private carriages. Really, Terrell should just return to his rooms, crawl into bed, and try to get some sleep. He would need rest if he was going to endure the conversation looming over him.
Maybe a walk. It was late and a long walk home, but he had no desire to find his bed any sooner than he must. If he went to bed now, he would only lie there and be painfully aware of how empty it was without Edlin beside him—and how empty it would remain, because he could not stomach sharing, could not stomach that bedding him was merely a means to an end.
It made no sense! Edlin had not struck him as the type to do such a thing. He had seemed far more the type to end an affair once he was to be married. But maybe love was love and he could not bear to be parted from his damned actor. Terrell really needed to remember that their marriage was a business matter first.
He would definitely go for a walk. Maybe he'd stop to get a drink somewhere and finish the day off as impractically as he had begun it. Tomorrow, he would resume the practicality he never should have abandoned. Nodding to himself, he shoved his hands into his pockets and turned to walk down the street…just as Edlin came from behind the theatre with Pierre at his side, the two of them laughing together over something. Terrell stopped, startled—and realized too late that he was completely visible. Just as he tried to turn and flee, Edlin saw him. Surprise filled his face, then what Terrell wished with all his heart was genuine pleasure. Then he looked confused and abruptly dismayed, as though only in that moment did he realize his fiancé had just caught him with his lover.
Terrell again found himself wishing he was more like Kirian, was brash enough to run up and punch Edlin square in the face. Instead, he turned and ran, shoving people out of his way and losing himself in the crush, ignoring the sound of Edlin shouting his name. He didn't stop until he was well away, paying no mind to where he was or where he was going, desperate only to escape.
When he finally stopped, Terrell realized that he had probably only gotten himself into deeper trouble. But right then, he simply did not care what footpads might do to him.
Drawing deep, ragged breaths, he forced himself to stop being childish. Nothing would be accomplished by such ridiculous behavior. It was not like him. He needed to act like himself.
Unfortunately, that was not an option. If he acted like himself, he would go back to his rooms and contend with Edlin, who no doubt was going there straight away. He supposed he could go to Kirian—but at that moment, the very last thing he wanted to see was a happy couple.
The library. He had long ago been given a key so that he could access the library whenever he liked. He had always been a reliable, trustworthy, and so a well-favored student. He could go hide in the library and attempt to get control of himself.
Eventually, he might even feel like himself again. All he had to do was get over Edlin.
Refusing to think about the impossibility of that, Terrell quickly made his way to a more populated street and hailed a cab to take him back to campus.
Eight
Kirian drew Evelyn down for a kiss, and then swore as he heard a knock at the door. "Who the bloody hell is bothering us at this hour?" he snarled—but even as he said it, he realized it must be Terrell. Good—at least the idiot had come back. Maybe he was ready to let Kirian go find Edlin the Cheating Bastard and break his damn nose.
He righted his clothes before stalking to the door and yanking it open. He reacted without thinking, swinging hard and catching Edlin in the jaw, sending him stumbling back. "You have a lot of nerve showing your face here, you bastard!"
Edlin swore and picked himself up, gingerly touching fingers to his jaw. "I need to speak with Terrell, damn it. I cannot find him anywhere."
"Go back to your actor," Kirian said coldly. "It would serve you right if Terri throws you over."
"You don't understand!" Edlin snarled. "Pierre is not my fucking lover!"
Kirian moved forward to hit him, because the bastard had a lot of fucking nerve to lie like that. All he could remember was how devastated, how heartbroken and lost Terrell had looked, and now this bastard was lying to his face—
"Wait," Evelyn said, catching Kirian's wrist, his other hand falling on Kirian's shoulder. He frowned at Edlin. "Perhaps you should come inside."
"Perhaps he should jump off a bridge," Kirian snarled, but obediently moved aside to let Edlin in, allowing Evelyn to guide him to the sofa.
Edlin sat down in the armchair opposite them, all but crushing his hat in his hands. "Please—I do not know what happened or who put those damnable rumors in his head—"
"I did, I'm afraid," Evelyn said quietly. "But in our defense, what else could Pierre be? No man simply takes a good actor friend out to lunch at some of the finest clubs and halls in the city or goes to see his every opening night performance."
"I am not discussing this with you before I have spoken with Terrell," Edlin snapped. "He is my only concern right now. He is not in his room or my rooms or any of the other places I have tried to find him. When he saw us at the theatre—"
Kirian jerked to his feet. "That bloody idiot! I will—"
"Sit down," Evelyn ordered sharply, yanking him down again.
"He ran off and I could not find him, but the last glimpse I caught he was headed in the direction of Miles Street. I am worried that as upset as he was—" He buried his face in his hand, then raked his hand through his hair. It was clearly something he had done several times.
Whatever else Edlin was, his agitation was genuine. But was he worried about Terrell or worried about losing Fivecoats? "I'm not helping you until I'm convinced you give a damn about him, and not his fucking estate—"
"To bloody hell with Fivecoats!" Edlin bellowed. "He was upset and not looking where he was going, and we both know he will not fare well against footpads! I do not give a damn if he refuses to see me; I will address that later—I only want to know he is safe and not lying in a ditch somewhere! If you will not help me, then I will continue my search alone and may you rot for being a poor friend."
Kirian snarled and made to lunge, determined to break the bastard's nose—but once more, Evelyn held him back. Keeping a firm grip on his arm, Evelyn said, "Of course we will help. He was here briefly, hours ago. We thought he was still in his rooms."
"I never thought the idiot would go to the theatre or I would have knocked the idea right out of his head," Kirian muttered.
Evelyn snorted, looking briefly amused. "Come off it. You would have gone with him and started a fight right on stage."
Kirian grimaced, but did not bother to argue. He would not have stopped until the authorities had arrived and he was forced to run. "I will find him on my own; I have no interest in helping you. No one takes up with an actor and remains friends—"
"He's my brother!" Edlin snapped, tense and defensive—and miserable, Kirian finally noticed. He looked as miserable as Terrell had earlier. "I will say nothing further on the matter, because it is none of your bloody business. Right now, I want only to know Terrell is safe. The rest is between him and me."
Brother? Pierre must be a bastard. There was no way a Courtright would be permitted to take up acting if he was a legitimate son.
"Damn it," Evelyn swore. "I believe you would be within your rights to punch me, sir, for Terrell was working hard to convince himself that he was overreacting and there was a logical explanation—he still believed in you, until I told him about the actor. I apologize; I know better than anyone not to listen to gossip, yet I did anyway."
"Forget it," Edlin said tersely. "Just help me find him. I am off to see if he is anywhere around the museums and parks we visited. I do not know where else to explore."
"I'll check 'round our clubs and the campus," Kirian said. "I am sure you already checked the clubs, but the
y'll tell me things they would not tell you. We'll meet back here in a couple of hours, say?"
Edlin nodded and rose, putting his hat back on his head. "Yes. Thank you." Then he was gone, as suddenly as he had come.
"I hope we have not made such a mess it cannot be set to rights," Evelyn sighed, resting his head in one hand. "I feel awful."
Kirian tugged his hand away, grasping both in his own. "How the bloody hell was anyone supposed to know the damned actor was his brother? Half, I'd wager," he added. Letting go of Evelyn's hands, he cupped his face and kissed him. "Stop worrying upon it. There is nothing to be done now but to find Terri. After he and Edlin have sorted matters out, we will apologize and make amends. I'll be back in a couple of hours." He stole another kiss, then stood up and went to fetch his things and depart.
He decided to head for Goodwin House first—a club to which both he and Terrell belonged, but one they did not frequent as often as others, being a much stiffer, more academic environment. But it was somewhere Terrell would retreat, because he would not be troubled and no one but Kirian would think to look for him there. He doubted Terrell had ever gotten around to mentioning he belonged to it, they so rarely went.
Inside, Kirian quickly asked around, but it soon became apparent that Terrell had never been there. So perhaps he had gone to their usual club after all and instructed that Edlin not be told of his presence. But that did not seem Terrell's style. Terrell preferred to hide. He would be somewhere no one could easily get to—
The library, and didn't he feel the proper fool for not thinking of that first. Terrell would hide there, since no one else could get in and Edlin would definitely not be aware of Terrell's special access. It was perfect.
Relieved that they could quickly bring this whole disaster to an end and his friend would be happy again, Kirian turned to go—and nearly collided with someone.
Not someone, he realized as he took in the man glaring at him. The man before him was an older version of Evelyn—Lord Robert Thiering, the Duke of Pennington. "Your Grace," Kirian greeted politely. "I beg your pardon, I did not mean to run into you."
"So you are the one who married my son without my permission and obviously with every hope of getting his fortune. I see my son is still a fool," Lord Robert said.
Kirian frowned, but curbed what he wanted to say because this was Evelyn's father. "I beg your pardon, Your Grace, but I was informed that you did not care what your son did. If you took issue with our marriage, you should have addressed it when he came to you for help in getting out of it."
Lord Robert sneered. "He did not come to me about anything and well you know it!" He abruptly reached out, grabbing Kirian's arm and dragging him from the main hall into a private parlor, all but tossing Kirian into it. "Now, then. I was out of town during your farcical engagement and marriage; am in fact only recently returned and you know—"
"I know nothing," Kirian snapped. "Evelyn went to see you the night Grayson issued the ultimatum. He said you would not stand for it, but he later came to my rooms and told me that you did not give a bloody damn."
"I was not in town," Lord Robert returned coldly. "My son never spoke to me of it, never so much as sent a note. I returned from my business trip only yesterday to discover that the second time around, my son had succeeded in being a complete fool." He looked Kirian slowly up and down, as though looking at something recently unstuck from the bottom of his boot.
Kirian knew what he saw—a young man who, while respectable and presentable, was clearly not someone who should be married to a Duke's son. Never mind that he was at least as wealthy as Evelyn and wholly on his own merit, which was a lot more than Lord Robert could say.
Lord Robert finally looked directly at him again and said in bored tones, "So what will it be, then? I shan't pay a pence over a thousand, so you had best take that and go. I will attend to the paperwork myself and get this mess take care of."
"I do not want your money," Kirian said, fisting his hands to still their angry trembling. What in the world was going on? Evelyn had said Lord Robert hadn't cared. Kirian had simply assumed he was not interested in digging Evelyn out of yet another mess. "If you insult me again by implying that I care for money more than my husband, I will challenge you and I don't give a buggering fuck if you're a duke. I do not take insults to my husband lightly. Coming from his father, I take it as twice the insult."
In reply, Lord Robert only sneered. "Fifteen hundred, then, but if you try to press for more I will see that you regret it."
Kirian didn't think, only acted, lunging forward and swinging as hard as he could. Lord Robert bellowed and tumbled back, only barely avoiding falling to the floor by catching himself on a chair. The door burst open, a steward rushing in.
"Get out!" Lord Robert snarled, and when the steward only stood there, barked, "Now!" When they were alone again, he turned on Kirian. "You are out of control."
"I do not care," Kirian snarled. "Do not insult my husband by daring to imply that I would rather have money than him. I do not need your money and I would not take it even if I did. All I want is Evelyn. Good night, Your Grace." With that he stormed off, ignoring the sound of Lord Robert calling after him. Leaving the club, he made his way quickly back to his apartments, taking the stairs three at a time and bursting inside.
Evelyn looked up in surprise, dropping his book. "Kir? Whatever is the matter? Where's Terrell, is he all right?"
"I just ran into your father," Kirian said.
Flinching, Evelyn bent to retrieve his dropped book and said quietly, "I see."
"You told me he had no interest in solving your problems for you—but he claims he's been out of town until yesterday."
"I wish he had just stayed out of town," Evelyn sighed, closing his book with a snap and setting it aside. "Does it really matter?"
Kirian frowned. "I don't understand why you lied. You didn't want to be married any more than I, at the time."
"I—if I had gone to my father, he would have seen to it Grayson was fired and given you money to forget the entire matter, and I—you would have ignored me, avoided me, and I did not want to be hated by the one person I admire most. I admit it was overstepping my bounds to lie and go through with a marriage you did not want—" He stood up, accidentally knocking his book to the floor again in the process.
"Evie, wait—" Kirian caught him up. "I'm not angry, just confused. Of course I didn't want the marriage, then; I hate being forced into…" He stopped, as Evelyn's words sank in. "Admire most? You—you didn't admire me, then. You admitted you thought I was…" He trailed off again, something in his chest twisting as a horrible, impossible idea took hold. "You know."
Evelyn flinched and Kirian realized it was true.
"You always knew," he said, growing angry—hurt. "You always fucking knew I was Frederick Cloud! This entire fucking time!"
"Ow!" Evelyn exclaimed. "Let me go!" He yanked free as Kirian reflexively eased his grip, briefly holding a hand to his sore arm. "Yes, I knew."
Kirian wanted to hit something—this whole time, he thought he had managed—and Evelyn had just been after Frederick Cloud the entire fucking time. "How long?" he bit out.
Evelyn hesitated, and then reluctantly said, "I suspected it for a long time. Like I said, I noticed you. You're beautiful, vibrant, brave… One day in class, something you said reminded me so much of Cloud. It was the…cadence of your words, I suppose. I decided I was being silly. After all, why would you hide it when all of your problems would go away if you just admitted it? People adore Cloud. But the idea stuck and the more I watched, the more it seemed to fit. I didn't know for certain until after Grayson. You muttered that bit of poetry to yourself, the one you've been stuck on for ages…"
"So this whole time, you only went along with everything because of Frederick," Kirian said bitterly. "You never gave a damn about me—you just wanted Frederick!"
"No!" Evelyn cried. "I—I was curious, I admit it. I lied about speaking to my father because I di
dn't want him to drive us apart. And—and—" He stopped, looking frustrated.
But Kirian wasn't really listening. Here he thought he had convinced Evelyn to want him and the entire time Evelyn had known his secret. "All those letters—you kept writing to Frederick, even though you knew—"
"I wanted you to trust me!" Evelyn bellowed. "I kept trying to make it clear I wanted you, but you just wrote back and never told me anything. You keep your fucking secret and never let me in, and try so hard to hide Frederick because you don't trust me—"
"I wanted you to want me!" Kirian shouted right back. "To hell with bloody Frederick—but that is clearly who you wanted all along, to lie to your father and keep writing letters. If I hadn't been Frederick, you would have told your father and that would have been that. All you wanted was your gods damned poet!" He turned around and fled, hands shaking as he stormed out.
Outside, he debated where to go—then realized that he had gotten so caught up in his own problems, he had completely neglected Terrell. A fine show he was making. Sighing, he trudged down the street toward campus, then across it to the library. The door was locked, but it was a simple enough matter to find a window someone had neglected to lock and shove it open enough to climb inside.
Closing and locking the window, Kirian brushed himself off, and then wandered carefully through the library, heading for the corner where he knew Terrell would be hiding. Sure enough, he saw a lamp burning and a familiar head bent over a book that wasn't being read. As Kirian moved closer, Terrell looked up with a sigh. "I should have known you would find me."
"Of course I would find you," Kirian replied, going to sit next to him. "Look—we were wrong. Evelyn and I should have listened to you and been reasonable about the matter, because it isn't true. He's not seeing that actor—and I can't explain, because Edlin should, but you need to go find him and let him explain because we messed up badly and he is worried sick about you and I'm so very sorry, Terri."
