“I…” Sinead looked over at Brigg and Minach, too taken aback to reply. It seemed a strangely forward thing to say. Yet she wasn’t offended, not exactly.
“Forgive my mate,” Minach said, smiling for the first time. For someone whose natural expression was so grumpy, the shifter’s face changed dramatically when he spoke of Amara. “She’s a Seer. Sometimes the words come out before she’s thought them through.”
“He’s quite right, of course,” Amara replied, laughing. She didn’t seem offended by her mate’s rebuke. “I do apologize; I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. “
“It’s quite all right. I’m just not entirely used to having anyone read me so quickly,” Sinead replied with an uncomfortable smile. Brigg had read her last night, but that was different. That was an intimacy not appropriate for kitchens.
“Listen, would you like to go for a walk in the garden?” Amara asked. “I’m afraid we arrived a little early, and it’s such a lovely, mild day out. I’d be grateful if you’d show me around before the meeting begins.”
Sinead nodded. “Actually, that would be nice,” she said. A relief, more like. Something told her that a wander with her new acquaintance might do her some good.
When they’d both put on their boots and jackets, Sinead led Amara out towards the well-tended but still wild English garden. Its greenery and colourful, exotic flowers were beautiful and surprisingly vivacious, given the March weather they’d been having. Either Brigg must have had a green thumb or a skilled gardener.
“I hope you’re having a nice stay here,” said Amara when they’d walked down the stone steps towards the entrance to the hedge maze. “I’m so sorry for what happened to you in the task force’s headquarters.”
“I’m assuming that you know about that because you…saw it in a vision?” asked Sinead. It was still so strange to think that others could wander into her head.
“No. I know about it because I was told,” Amara replied, laughing, “but if I’m to be honest with you, I should tell you that I can see it in you now. They drugged you, didn’t they? They took away your Lioness.”
Sinead nodded, a quick shudder consuming her body as the memory came to her. Twice in her life she’d been confined between walls, and twice in her life her déor had been stolen away from her. “They didn’t hurt me, at least.”
“Not in the physical sense, right?”
Sinead glanced over to see that Amara was studying her intently, her eyes alternating between light and dark. Her Wolf, like the men’s Dire Wolves, sought to protect, to reach out, to let her know of its presence.
All of a sudden the Lioness shifter felt her eyes welling up. Part of her wanted to tell Amara to piss off, to get out of her face and out of her head. But the truth was, it helped to know that someone else understood what she’d been through. She hadn’t talked about the experience in her cell, not really. Not even with the men. She hadn’t told anyone how she’d been certain that she would die down there, that she’d never see a friendly face again. She hadn’t admitted that she’d realized in those awful dark depths that the one thing she wanted in the world was to love someone.
They walked in silence for a few minutes before Sinead stopped and turned to face the visitor.
“You mentioned that I’m conflicted. Do you know why?”
Amara halted in her tracks. “You’re torn. Between the solitude you’ve always known, and the life that the world has offered you. You’re afraid of the unknown, because the devil you know is predictable. Loneliness is something you’re familiar with, and you know you can survive it. You’re not sure you can survive its alternative.”
“I don’t know how you do that,” Sinead replied, her heart rate accelerating as the truth came at her. “But I’d be lying if I said you’re wrong.”
“What can I do for you, Sinead? I want to help.”
Sinead’s fingers reached for the green tips of the hedge that stood to her right. She pulled off a cluster of soft, flat needles and caressed them with her fingertips. “Tell me,” she said, “can you see my future?”
Amara shook her head. “No, not exactly. I can only see a number of possibilities.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I mean that I can’t guide your future. I could tell you what I’ve seen in my mind’s eye, but that doesn’t mean it’s inevitable. You are the only one in charge of your life, Sinead. You control it. I don’t.”
Her words were like something Brigg had said yesterday. That he wouldn’t try to control her fate; that it was up to Sinead to choose her path.
“Would you be able to tell me what you see?” she asked.
Amara reached out and wrapped her fingers around Sinead’s forearm gently, as if to prepare her for a soft blow. “I see you running away.”
“From what?”
“I think you know,” said Amara.
Sinead nodded. “Yes, I suppose I do.”
“You could run, you know. You could dart away from this place and never see your two Dire Wolves again. You could deny yourself their affection, their devotion. But you also know that doing so would mean a passionless life, one without deep love, without the bond that you crave.”
“I don’t crave it,” Sinead protested, knowing full well that she was lying to herself as much as to Amara. “I’ve just…I’ve always been an outsider, done my own thing. It doesn’t make sense to me to try and fit into a shifter’s world, any more than a human’s. I work best on my own. Sometimes I think I’d be better off keeping it that way.”
“Well, all I can tell you is that you’ll have to make a choice, and soon. But I believe you will be pushed to the edge before you can make it. You will be tested.”
Sinead rolled her hands into fists at the thought. She’d been pushed to the edge too many times already. Forced to live a life that she didn’t want. Pushed to near-madness by parents who’d discarded her, by men who’d locked her up for who she was. She wasn’t sure she could take any more.
“I know one thing,” she said quietly, turning away from Amara to avoid her eyes. “I know that I do want those two men. I want them, but I’m so afraid. They make me happy, but all I can think is that the higher I rise, the harder I’ll fall. That I’ll break if I let myself love them.”
“Love is powerful, even dangerous,” Amara replied. “But so is fear. It consumes our hearts like fire. All I can tell you is that fate brought you three together, but fate doesn’t control you. You can pull yourself away. The choice is yours. Even if you bond with them, the choice will be yours to leave.”
For the first time in her life, Sinead didn’t want to be in charge of her own life. She didn’t want the dizzying responsibility of choice. Last night with Brigg had been so intimate, amazing, beautiful, erotic beyond words. Cillian’s kiss had sent her mind into another dimension. The thought of being with both of them at once was almost too much to imagine. She didn’t want to complicate any of it by being forced into making choices and committing to one life or another. All she wanted was to be as happy as she could be.
“What do you think I should do?” she asked, turning back to face the Wolf shifter.
Amara smiled warmly. “You know that I can’t tell you that. I can’t advise you; it would be irresponsible for every possible reason. But what I can do is tell you not to make your choice with your human mind alone. Let your déor help you. Listen to the animal inside you, whose instincts are good, and strong.”
“So you think I should ignore my fears.”
Amara shook her head. “I didn’t say that. I would say that you should open yourself up to the possibility of a life that may seem daunting at first. Because I’ll tell you something—every option will seem frightening to you. But sometimes the best things in life are the ones that mean leaping off a terrifying cliff, only to see if we can fly. The question is whether you’re willing to take the leap into the unknown.”
Sinead opened her mouth to reply when another voice interrupted her.
The two women stood on their toes and looked above the hedge maze’s rim, only to see Minach standing in the doorway that led into the house. “The meeting’s about to start!”
“I’ll be right there!” Amara called back. She reached over and squeezed Sinead’s hand, pulling the Lioness shifter’s eyes to her own. “Today will be a challenge for you, and there will be difficult choices ahead. Don’t forget that you have support. Whether you know it or not, you are part of a family now.”
22
Sinead pressed her face to the living room door, knowing perfectly well that eavesdropping on a meeting full of shifters was a terrible idea.
She could just barely make out the words spoken by the low voice of the speaker. She could only assume that it was Lumen—the Dragon Alpha—who was leading the proceedings. The man had a strangely appealing voice. Authoritative, controlling, and kind at once. His tone reminded her a little of Brigg, though she suspected that he was somewhat more terrifying. A Dragon Alpha had to be a daunting sort of man.
“What have you found out about the task force?” he was asking.
“A good deal.” This time it was Brigg who talked. “It’s as bad as we suspected. Shifters being rounded up and imprisoned without trial, without access to a lawyer, proper food, or even light. But that shouldn’t surprise us; there are no laws that protect our kind. We knew this might happen one day.”
“It shouldn’t have happened,” Lumen said. “The Guild’s power has grown. We’re strong, and we thought we had the city under control. But clearly we were wrong. We didn’t count on finding such a destructive enemy within our own kind.”
Silence met his words, and Sinead pressed her forehead to the door in frustration. She wanted to be a part of this. She wanted to help solve the problems facing the shifters inside that room. But regardless of Amara’s words—you are part of a family now—she couldn’t help. She wasn’t a mate, she wasn’t a pack member or a Guild member. She wasn’t included in the fold at all. She was just another shifter who existed outside of a community; one so foolish that she’d been caught in a trap laid out by humans. She was everyone’s enemy, and no one’s friend. She was nothing more than a part of the problem.
Another man spoke up now. “About that,” he said. Cillian, thought Sinead, her heart racing at the sound of his voice. He’s here. Yes, of course he is. “I’ve discovered that not all Grizzlies are our enemy. Not all of them are looking for war. I’ve found one who’s willing to negotiate, for a price.”
Sinead pulled herself away from the door. For some reason, she didn’t want to hear anymore about deals and shifter politics. Didn’t want to remind herself what an outsider she really was.
She just wanted to sit outside and ponder the rest of her life.
Sinead was sitting on the stone steps, staring out at the garden’s exquisite maze and the property beyond, when she heard the house’s back door open. Footsteps approached slowly, and Cillian’s familiar scent met her nose. Silently, he seated himself next to her.
She glanced sideways at him. Terrible idea, as it reminded her how handsome he was. He wore a white collared shirt, its sleeves rolled up to the elbows so that she could see his tattoos. His jeans showed off the curve of his thighs, the power of his muscles.
As usual, he was proving himself too attractive to resist, and she found herself wanting to kiss him all over again. Stop it, she told herself, tearing her eyes away to look off into the distance.
“Good meeting?” she asked. Her tone was measured, but not entirely cold. She didn’t want to be frosty to him, not after the way she’d treated him the previous day. He didn’t deserve it.
He nodded. “You know perfectly well that it was,” he replied. She could feel his eyes locked on her profile. Infuriating man. “You heard at least part of it, Lioness.”
Sinead spun around to confront him, only to see that he was smiling knowingly. There was no point in protesting; no doubt every shifter in the house had known she’d been eavesdropping.
“You picked up my scent,” she said. “I suppose the Guild members did, too.”
He nodded. “The Dragon Kindred aren’t fools. Not to mention the fact that their senses are about eighteen times as strong as mine are. Of course they knew you were there. The good news is that if they’d had a problem with it, they would have set your face on fire. But apparently they see you as one of their own, so no harm done.”
One of their own. The words were so lovely in theory, a sentiment that made Sinead’s chest swell with a warmth that she quickly doused with negativity. “Doesn’t matter if they do,” she said. “I kicked myself out of the house after a little. I felt like I didn’t belong.”
Cillian’s expression changed, his eyes going bright and narrow, as though he were trying to read her thoughts from inside his Dire Wolf. “But you do belong,” he said, steering his gaze to the woods beyond Brigg’s property. “You belong here, with us. I think you know it, too. You’re just in denial.”
Sinead’s heart leapt in her chest as the words embedded themselves somewhere inside her. She’d never found her rightful place in this world, not among humans, not among shifters. But here was a man—a man she’d come to adore in a very short period of time—telling her that she should stay in his world. So why did she want to push him away again? Why didn’t she just accept his words as truth?
“What did you talk about?” she asked, sharply changing the subject. “In the rest of the meeting, I mean. What was the outcome?”
“Ah,” said Cillian. “It’s a little complicated. The Grizzlies want something that we have, something that could help them. We’re willing to give it, if they’ll help us in return. The man who helped you and me in Trafalgar Square—Phair is his name—he’s a good guy, as you might have guessed.”
“What is it that he wants?” Sinead could only imagine that the bears were looking for wealth or homes, or some other material item. London was expensive, after all. It made sense to negotiate a financial deal with shifters as wealthy as the Guild and the Trekilling Pack.
“He wants our blood.”
Sinead let out a laugh. Well, that was not expected. “Wait—you’re telling me they’re…vampire bears?” she asked.
“Hardly,” he said with a smirk, leaning back on his palms and crossing his ankles over one another, showing off his long, muscular legs. “They just want the genes that their kind once had. Centuries ago, a mutation gave their ancestors size and strength. They were called the Béorn in those days. Massive creatures, allies to the Dire Wolves and Dragons alike. But over time, as the Béorn died out or bred with humans, they lost their power.”
“You think they can get it back?” Sinead asked.
Cillian nodded. “Yes, apparently it’s possible with the proper genetic treatment. Not long ago, a few Grizzly shifters abducted one of our own—our Alpha’s mate, in fact—to try and force her to give them what they need.”
“But she didn’t do it, I assume?”
Cillian shook his head. “No,” he said. “Funny thing. It turns out that our pack doesn’t respond well to extortion.”
“Negotiation, on the other hand, is a thing worth considering.” It was Brigg’s voice that spoke, drawing Sinead’s gaze to a place behind her. He stood on the top step, looking down at them. “Cillian and I have offered samples to help them. In return, they’ll stop their hostile behaviour and help in our fight. That’s the plan, anyhow.”
“I see,” said Sinead. “But you told me that the Ritual strengthens Dire Wolf shifters. You two haven’t come into your full strength yet. Wouldn’t it make sense to…” She stopped herself, realizing what she was saying. Either she was suggesting that they bond with her, which would mean committing to them, or that they bond with someone else, which would mean giving them up.
The first was more appealing than she wanted to admit to herself. The second was too painful to consider.
“Doesn’t matter,” Brigg said, slipping down
to seat himself next to them. “We still have the gene that makes our Dire Wolves so powerful and gives us the gigantism that the bears are looking for. The Grizzlies will regain some of their former strength, once we give them what they need.”
“I see,” she said. So, they were willing to sacrifice for the greater good. Her noble, protective men were ready to offer their own blood, a part of themselves, to turn a hostile force into allies. Together, maybe they could protect their own kind from men like Collins, who wanted only to lock them up and throw away the key.
Brigg and Cillian were the best men she’d ever met in her life. They were self-sacrificing, generous, kind and noble. Yet here she was, contemplating a future without them because she was too stubborn to admit her own feelings, even to herself.
Idiot.
She rose to her feet and looked towards the garden. “I think I need to go for a walk,” she said quietly. “I need to let my Lioness out and do some thinking. Is that all right?”
“Of course. Take your time,” said Brigg. “Cillian and I have a few things to discuss. We’ll come find you later.”
Sinead turned away and slipped towards the entrance, shifting as she walked through the arched green doorway. It was the first time she’d let her Lioness free since her imprisonment, and it felt good, like shedding layers of oppressive clothing on a hot day. She felt suddenly light, padding along on her elegant, soft paws, her eyes taking in the vivid colours of the greenery around her.
She inhaled deep, relishing the scent of pine and grass that met her nose. Something about the aroma was so pure, so delicious. It signified freedom, escape.
She felt like she’d found home. This heaven in the countryside cleansed her, made her grateful to be alive.
As she wandered through narrow passageways, she remembered that this really was her only home. The task force had taken her flat away. They’d stolen all of her material possessions, in fact. She had no job to return to, even. Nothing in London to claim as her own. She had no home on this earth except for this one. She had no real friends but the men she’d left behind on those stairs, the men whose scent she could smell on the air even now.
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