“Actually, Ella, it’s very possible for ladies with PCOS to have babies. It’s very, very common. It doesn’t mean you can’t have children at all. It just means it takes a longer time to conceive. This is why you’ve been sick, why you fainted. Your body has taken a huge shock, and the pregnancy added to you collapsing. And I’m guessing by the look on your face that this child wasn’t planned.”
“Of course not!”
I feel angry. I feel angry at everything. Why has God blessed me with a life when I’ve just lost one? I see a small glimpse of happiness, just for a second, before I remember Jade. My body jolts and then my tears come hard.
“I suggest we book you in for a scan after Christmas. We’ll be able to determine how far along you are. I’ll get Mr. James,” the nurse says, and leaves.
I pull my knees up to my chest and hug them. I feel like a child. Like a scared, frightened child.
“Hey. Hey, little lady, shhh.” Luke’s arms wrap around me, soothing me in his warmth. “We’re going back as soon as we’re out of here. To Charlotte, I mean. You need to be with your family.”
I nod beneath my tears, angry with myself for not fighting more for Jade. For being stupid and having unprotected sex with a man who doesn’t love me anymore. “How can one day go from being so perfect, to so broken?”
Luke holds me tighter and rocks me backward and forward to soothe me. “I guess we have no control of this, baby. We are powerless to destiny and its decision. We are helpless.”
I sob into his still damp cotton shirt and mourn the life of my favorite person. I mourn the happy memories, the sad memories, and the ones that made me happy during my dark time. Today I lost my best friend, but I also gained a love. One so deep I can’t ignore it. I have my love for Luke, which I’ll never lose. But now I have a baby to grow. I have to look after this baby, make sure I can do everything in my power to keep him or her safe. I have to be a strong woman, not the withering mess people will expect to see. I have to be a mother. I also have to tell Luke. I can’t keep this a secret – it’ll eat me alive.
I stare out of the hospital window, mesmerized by the blue sky. Only moments ago it was raining. Maybe it’s because my mood has reflected my thoughts, and maybe it’s because I realized I have more to give now. I have someone new to love. Someone new to care for. Luke still rocks me, the smell of his cologne lingering on his skin mixed with the sweet smell of rain. My lips gently press a kiss to his neck, and he pulls me back carefully. His lips land on my mine and kiss them softly for a few moments before pulling me back into an embrace.
“I’ll take care of you,” he whispers against my hair, and kisses the top of my head.
I am safe now.
****
I’m greeted at the airport with a smiling Luke, and he takes my luggage and hands it to a guy behind him. He grabs my hand and pulls me into his body, meeting his lips with mine, and kisses me breathless. My lungs struggle to take in air when he pulls away.
“Wow.” He laughs. “I never want to stop doing that.”
“Me either.” I smile at him.
His arms stroke up and down my biceps. “How are you feeling today?”
“Pretty bad. I’m sure I’ll be better once we land in Charlotte.”
“I’m here. I promise.” He leans his arm over my shoulder and guides me inside the airport. “Coffee?”
“Sure. Get me a blueberry muffin too. Starving.” I rub my stomach and give him a giggle as he walks over to Starbucks.
I watch him walk away and pull out his cell. I wonder why he’s done that. I know he can’t have possibly seen Leona yesterday, and if he did… I can’t ignore that pang of hurt in my heart. I’m distracted by a masculine voice behind me.
“Ms. Stone, please let me formally introduce myself.” He’s pretty damn tall. I look up to meet his deep brown eyes. Oh. I know this guy; he’s the one who saved me from the guy in the club.
“My name is Harrison. I’m Mr. James’ personal security.” He holds out his hand.
“Hi. Please call me Ella and not Ms. Stone. I hate that formality.”
He smiles. “Of course, Ella. Please, follow me to the lounge reserved for Mr. James. Don’t worry, all security checks still stand. That will happen in due course. Luke is waiting for the pilot to return from Los Angeles. He dropped off his wife last night.”
I swallow the biggest fear down my throat, his words taunting me, working their way through my system. “Wife?”
Harrison looks at me in confusion, and if I didn’t know by his eyes, I wouldn’t have guessed. “Yes, Ma’am.”
I barely whisper my okay, and Harrison guides me to the exclusive lounge. I sit on a plush white leather sofa and focus on the glass of water in front of me. It’s so pure, so beautiful. I bend to pick up the glass and take a drink. It’s my first drink since yesterday. After the hospital Luke made me drink a liter of water, his care and worry so clear, so definitive. He was sure of us yesterday, as was I. But if he is married, I can’t do this. I wouldn’t have pursued anything. A kiss lands on the top of my head, forcing my eyes shut at the romantic gesture. I exhale the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, and Luke sits next to me.
“I got you a latte. I wasn’t sure what coffee you’d want.”
I stare at him and he blanches at my stone cold reaction. “Are you married?”
He grabs my hand. “What? Ella, no. Why would you think that?”
I pull my hand back and pull my jacket tighter around my body. “Harrison said the pilot who is on his way here dropped off your wife last night.” I swallow back my emotion.
Luke starts to laugh at me. “Are you kidding?” He’s in hysterics.
“I’m glad you find this funny.” I’m so angry right now and his laughter is irritating me even more.
“It’s just-” Luke looks back at Harrison who shrugs his shoulders. “The pilot – Damien. He was dropping off his wife. Not mine. I wouldn’t jeopardize us. Not now. I just got you back.”
I sigh, angry with myself for assuming. “I’m sorry.” I pick up my latte and take a sip. “I’m just scared of losing you again. I lose everyone I ever care about. I can’t lose anyone else.”
“Come here.” He wraps his arms around me and holds me tightly. “I promise you won’t ever lose me.”
He smells safe. His heartbeat is my safe haven. He is my safety net. We sit like this forever. I glance at my coffee and the steam is no longer escaping from the top.
“Are you ready to go?” he asks me softly. I pull my head from his chest and stare into his eyes. I nod, and his fingertips lightly touch my cheek. He leans down and kisses my lips, and we head to the plane.
As we walk up to the plane that has Luke James scrolled across its body, I stare in awe at the wealth Luke has. He really can afford a seven hundred dollar shirt. He can afford to fly wherever, whenever he wants. I stare at the plane and Luke tugs on my hand when I realize my feet have stopped moving. I continue to follow, and step slowly and carefully up the stairs toward the plane door. A stewardess greets us. I gasp as I enter the plane. It’s all white, beautiful. I follow Luke and we sit opposite each other on white leather seats, with a black table in front of us. The table has a glass of champagne for each of us, and some snacks. I lose myself in its beauty before I realize Luke is talking to me.
“Baby? Are you okay?”
I look up to meet his gaze. “I’m not okay, but I will be.” He undoes his seatbelt and holds his hand out to me. I undo mine too, and walk around the table and grab his hand. He pulls me onto his lap and holds me. His arms snake around my waist and I bury my face in his neck. This is home to me. This is my security blanket. My Luke James. I kiss the skin on his neck a few times before I pull back and take his mouth gently.
“I need to be with you,” I whisper against his mouth, and he pulls me away gently. I stroke my fingers down his cheek and look longingly into his confused green eyes. “I have to feel you. I have to feel safe.” I kiss him again and he picks me up
. He starts to walk me to the back of the plane, me suspended in his arms, feeling completely loved.
“Mr. James,” Harrison says from behind us, and Luke stops and turns his head. “We are scheduled to leave in ten minutes.”
“Make it twenty and I’ll pay Damien extra. Hold the damn plane. Ella needs me right now.” With that, he continues to walk me to the back of the plane, and opens a door which leads into a bedroom.
“Wow,” I whisper as he gently lowers me to the floor. “This is incredible.” I make a full circle and as I turn and look back at Luke, he lets his fingers dance along my cheek, treating me with such tenderness. His fingers continue to ghost along the lines on my face, his index finger tracing my lower lip. I close my eyes and bite the pad of his finger softly, and he groans. His hands cup my cheeks and he kisses me with passion. I moan under his attack and relish in the desire blooming inside me. I twist my hands through his soft hair and he pushes me backward. The back of my knees hit the bed and I fall back gently. He’s climbing up my body, watching me in sheer enthrallment as he kisses my lips again. He opens my legs with his knees and slips his tongue back inside my mouth. They dance and twist together perfectly. This is the man I have to have for the rest of my life. I need to forget, and he’s helping me in the only way I know how.
He tenderly and lovingly strips me of my clothing; he always stares at my body in such wonder. It turns me on so much. He hovers over me and breathes against my lips. Our eyes connect and drown in each other. I start to giggle and he puts his fingers to my lips.
He flips me over so I’m on my knees. “I can’t wait to be inside you. You’re my perfect fit.” He slides in slowly and I groan with his fullness. “This pussy belongs to me, Ella. It’s all mine, and I can’t wait to make love to you every day for the rest of our lives.”
His thighs slap against the back of mine and it’s hard, carnal. My pussy stretches and combusts around him, my muscles tightening on every push into me. I scream when he starts to build up his pace. His fingers push hard into my hips and it makes me more turned on knowing I'll have bruises in the morning.
"Luke...."
"Yes, baby. Feel it all. Feel my rock hard dick fucking your tight, perfect pussy. God, you're so fucking beautiful." His voice is dark and full of desire.
My insides begin to build; the orgasm is coming hard and fast.
"I'm coming," I whisper, and he pulls out of me.
What?
"Turn around," he commands and I comply immediately. I feel hurt; I desperately needed to feel that with him. He steps toward me. "Hey." He brushes his fingertips down my cheek. "Together. I'm not ready yet. I still want to play with you."
He drops to his knees and I stare at his length, still hard and beautiful. "Spread your legs, right now. I want to taste your fucking desire, baby. I want to lick you until you scream. Until you no longer remember my name."
His tongue strokes upward, working through my folds until he reaches my nub. "Shit, you taste amazing," he whispers against my pussy. His tongue begins its glorious torture. I lace my fingers through his hair and push him closer to me. He groans and that tips me over the edge. I come hard. My eyes roll back and I concentrate on his tongue. It feels so fucking good. I scream, and my fingers end up on his shoulders, digging in and marking.
"Oh God, yes, baby. I want to hear you come because of me. Every. Damn. Day."
After the orgasm shifts from mind blowing to remembering, I try to steady my breathing. His tongue is poking at my hole and he pushes it inside before he stands to his feet.
“You taste so amazing. I want that taste in my mouth, always.” He leans over and kisses me, and I try to regulate my breathing.
“I think we’ve been longer than twenty minutes,” I whisper against his mouth. He lifts up his wrist to check his watch and laughs.
“So we have.” He smirks and my heart jumps.
“I’m so in love with you.” I smile and cup his cheeks. “I’m never going to stop loving you.”
He rests his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry I wasted so many years without you. I love you, my perfect woman.”
I smile then push him onto his back and straddle his hips.
“Ella.” He groans as I slide onto his length. I tilt my head back and feel my hair tickle my back. I move up and down and groan every time he hits me dead on.
We make love until both of us are pushed into our own version of heaven.
CHAPTER TEN
I swim in the blue eyes staring back at me, and fall into the arms of someone I haven’t seen for over a year.
My sister.
Holly holds me with such grace, and I look down to her left and notice a stroller, which I’m sure holds my niece. I want to cry but I won’t. I can’t believe I left it this long before coming home.
“I’m so sorry,” Holly whispers into my hair, and I hold her tighter. She has absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I’m so fucking angry with myself for not coming home more regularly. When Faith was born, I should’ve been there, holding my sister’s hand and helping her.
I pull away gently. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry I never visit.”
She pulls me back into her arms and holds me for a moment longer. “I’m sorry about Jade,” she murmurs, and releases me. She puts one hand on the handle of her stroller and smiles at me. “You haven’t met your perfect niece yet, have you?”
I shake my head and look down at the sleeping baby. “She’s more than perfect.”
“You can hold her if you want.” Holly unclips her and picks her up. She stirs slightly, but Holly passes her to me.
I take her in my arms.
“Make sure you support her head.”
I look over at my sister and raise an eyebrow before looking back down at the perfect little human in my arms. Her skin is so soft and clear, so fresh and new. I kiss her forehead and she opens her eyes. Her eyes are as blue as my sister’s. I fall immediately in love with her.
“She’s perfect,” I repeat, and kiss her forehead once more.
I guess I should’ve come home more often. I should’ve been there for the people who care for me most in this world. But instead I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, contemplating my happiness over everyone else’s. I should have been there when my niece was born. I should’ve held my sister’s hand and told her everything would be okay. I should’ve been the sister I was born to be. But I can’t dwell on my could haves. I have to look forward and focus on all the positives in my life. I look down at Faith and imagine myself holding my own child. It feels so natural, and so, so real. My stomach begins to reel, and I swallow back the bile trying to fill my mouth. I hand Faith back quickly, turn around, and head towards the trashcan we passed when we exited the airport. My hands grab either side and I let the retches take over my body. Luke comes over to me and soothingly rubs my back.
“It’s okay, baby. Everything will be okay.”
Once I’ve finished, I turn back to face him and take some steady breaths. He hands me a tissue and I wipe my mouth. “Thank you.”
He smiles at me, his smile knocking me off my feet. “You’re welcome.”
“Must be all the stress of the last day. I’m sorry.” I look down at the grey sidewalk and he tilts my chin up. His eyes are piercing emeralds today, incandescent, ready for me to fall into them, to forget all the things that don’t matter.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Just leave it all behind in New York, okay? Spend the weekend with your family.” He notices my blanched reaction and cups my cheeks. “I’m not asking you to forget Jade. I’m asking you to save yourself before that black hole you know so well comes back and swallows you. Have happiness with your family, if only for a couple of days.” He leans forward to kiss my forehead, and the smell of his cologne settles in my lungs, my brain memorizing every moment I have with him. “I’ll be at my apartment all weekend, so if you need me, ring me, okay?”
I nod. “I’ll miss you.” He wraps his ar
ms around me, and the warmth of his body makes mine mold to his perfectly.
“I’ll miss you, more than you think. I’m here, always and forever, Ella. I promised.” He pulls back and wipes away the tears that are softly falling from my eyes. “Call me, okay?”
I nod again and he lets me go. He whispers something to Holly, who has already put the stroller and Faith into her car ready to go. She smiles and nods. I watch him walk away towards a long black Mercedes. His long, lean body effortlessly climbs into the car, and I feel sadness as it drives away.
“What is going on there then, missy?” my sister shouts over to me. I run back to her and climb into the passenger side of her car. I settle and secure my seatbelt, and when I look up I’m met with Holly’s blue glare.
“What?” I laugh.
“What? What? Luke James? He broke your heart, or have you forgotten?” A dagger of pain hits me square on in the gut as I think about Jade’s last conversation with me. Tears come fast, and Holly grabs my hand. “Hey. It’s okay, Els. Everything will be okay.”
Everything will be okay.
****
I dial.
“Hi, you’ve reached Jade Michaels. If you could leave me a message, I’ll make sure I get back to you as soon as possible. “
I hang up.
I dial.
“Hi, you’ve reached Jade Michaels. If you could leave me a message, I’ll make sure I get back to you as soon as possible. “
I hang up.
This becomes an obsession before I take a deep breath, and laugh softly. I dial again.
“Hi, you’ve reached Jade Michaels. If you could leave me a message, I’ll make sure I get back to you as soon as possible. “
“Hi, Jade. I know you won’t ever hear this, and I’ll keep paying your phone bill so I can hear your voice every time I need to. I can’t cope here without you. There is no place for me in Charlotte without you. I spent my life with you here.” I hold back my sob. “I will get them Jade. I’ll make them pay for taking your life. I’ll get them for stopping your beautiful heart beating. I will. I promise.”
Always and Forever (Always #2) Page 8
