by J. S. Scott
“I do care about you,” I argued.
“Christ!” he cursed. “I should have known. You’re a fucking shrink. I call bullshit on the claim that you weren’t here to make things all better for the addicted, fucked-up Sinclair brother. I never asked, but I can only imagine how much you were paid to fix me and make me all better again. What was the final bonus if you kept me sober? That’s really what you’re here for, right? I bet the final payment was going to be more than enough to let you buy anything you want. Tell me. How much was my staying clean worth to my brothers?”
Xander grasped my shoulders and shook me, but I lifted my chin and looked up at him. “Nothing. I had nothing to gain financially. In fact, it was difficult to lose my income from the clinic in New York. I made good money.”
He let go of me with a slight push that nearly knocked me off balance.
“What other reason would you have?” he asked in a bitter voice. “Everything that happened was all bullshit. Is the story about your parents even true?”
I flinched away from him, his question hitting me straight in the heart. Damn it! I knew he was hitting out from hurt and a sense of betrayal. But I was hurting now, too. Even after the time we’d spent together, even after I’d opened my heart, he was immediately persuaded that I was nothing more than a gold digger. My eyes welled up with tears.
I never should have let him in.
I never should have allowed him to get to me.
“You really think I’d lie about something as horrific as what happened to my family? I wasn’t here for the damn money,” I cried out, feeling like a wounded animal in pain.
Xander moved back from the table, tipping his chair over in the process. “Do you fuck all your patients, Dr. Riley, or was I just special because of what my brothers are paying you?”
I was trained not to respond to those kinds of taunts, but Xander wasn’t my patient, and his words cut me to the bone. Before I could think about it, I slapped him, the sound of my hand connecting with his face ringing through the room.
Tears were pouring down my cheeks as I glared at him, every emotion I’d been trying to hold back suddenly released. I’d never resorted to physical violence in my entire life. I hated it. But his remarks had hurt me so badly that I hadn’t been able to stop myself. “I thought we trusted each other. I trusted you, Xander. It’s too bad you never trusted me,” I told him angrily.
I had to leave. I had to get out of the house before I let fly exactly how I felt in front of his entire family.
I’d crossed way too many lines already, and it was my own fault that I was left vulnerable and bleeding. I knew better than to get emotionally involved with a man who was still recovering. But I really hadn’t been here to counsel Xander as a therapist. I’d just wanted to help him, and maybe be a friend he could relate with since I’d gone through traumatically losing my own family.
I was so stupid. How did I let him get past my defenses?
I did the only thing I could do right at the moment.
I turned around and raced through the house, out the door, and into the dark night, feeling more alone than I’d felt in over a decade.
CHAPTER 17
XANDER
“Goddamnit!” I cursed, starting to follow Samantha. I wasn’t done with her yet. I wanted to know the price that had bought her, convinced her that coming to Amesport to deal with an alcoholic and junkie was worth the hassle of dealing with a scarred-up bastard like me.
My whole body was shaking with rage when Micah and Julian grabbed me from behind. I fought to escape, and I nearly pulled away, but in the end, both of them were too much for me, even if I was fighting with rage.
“What in the hell are you doing, Xander?” Julian asked in a graveled voice as he wrapped his arms around my chest from behind. “Have you lost your mind?”
“Fuck you,” I told him, shrugging off his hold when he finally loosened his grip. “How much were you paying her? What was the final payment?”
“Dumbass! Listen to me,” Micah grumbled as he backed off. “There was no payment.”
“I don’t believe you,” I answered, furious with my brothers, my sense of betrayal so damn painful that I wanted to start taking swings at both of them.
Tessa and Kristin had disappeared into the kitchen, so I was only confronting my brothers as I turned to face them in the dining room.
“Fuck you, too,” Micah responded. “I’ve never lied to you, and I don’t deserve this bullshit. Yeah, maybe Julian and I did want you to have somebody to clean up after you and keep you company. So hate us for that if you want. It certainly didn’t hurt that she was a psychologist. In fact, that was probably the deciding factor on hiring her. But never once did she promise she could help you heal, and she would only accept a minimal payment that a housekeeper would make. It’s a pittance compared to what she was probably paid in New York as a psychologist. We don’t know why she wanted to be here. She told us it was private, and that she was considering moving to Maine permanently, so she wanted to check out the area. And honestly, we didn’t give a shit. We just wanted the best possible person we could get to stay with you.”
My entire body was shuddering with emotion as I let what Micah was telling me sink in. I believed him. Now that I was starting to calm down and could see through the veil of blind anger that had seized me when I thought I was being betrayed by everyone, I knew my brothers wouldn’t lie to me. Not about this. “Why would she come here?”
Julian responded. “He already told you—we don’t know. Believe me, we checked out her references and did an intensive background check. She was so squeaky clean that we couldn’t not hire her.”
“What you just did to her was way out of line,” Micah said gruffly. “She’s done way more for you than we would have expected. Hell, I don’t think she’s ever taken an entire day off. She’s been cleaning up after your sorry ass for weeks, and she’s so highly educated that it seems almost criminal that we aren’t paying her more. But she wouldn’t have it. Said she didn’t really need the money, and that she’d be okay on what we offered for a housekeeper over the summer.”
“Are you being straight with me?” I asked cautiously.
“When have I not been straight with you?” Micah asked angrily. “I’ve been there for you every damn time you needed me. And every damn time you did something stupid. To tell you the truth, I’m pretty pissed off right now that you’d even accuse me and Julian of paying her a fortune that you didn’t know about. If we’d thought she was in it for the money, we would have told you. And don’t get me started on the way you just humiliated and hurt a woman who has never wanted anything except to help you. I have no idea why in the hell she cares for you, but it’s obvious that she does.”
The tense muscles in my body started to relax, and I cringed as I thought about what I’d said to Sam. I had no idea what her motives were for being here in Amesport, but it obviously wasn’t money. “I care about her,” I explained.
“Well, you certainly have a really ignorant way of showing her how you feel. First, you accused her of only caring about money, and then you called her a whore,” Julian said irritably.
“She didn’t tell me she was a shrink,” I complained. “I trusted her.”
“Oh, for God’s sake, Xander. I love you, but you really need to grow the hell up,” Julian exploded.
Neither one of my brothers had talked to me like this for a long time. Both of them had treated me like an invalid. To be honest, I preferred it when they were calling me out for doing something stupid.
“I’m sorry,” I told my brothers remorsefully. “I just reacted. Sam makes me crazy, and the thought that she didn’t tell me more about her real life . . . hurts.”
“Did you ever bother to listen?” Micah asked. “Personally, I believed her when she said she was going to tell you. She really has nothing to hide, and nothing to gain. And you definitely make it known that you have nothing but disdain for anybody who works in mental health. Maybe
she was afraid you’d blow her off if you found out she was a therapist.”
I released a heavy sigh. Admitting I’d fucked up wasn’t easy. I’d been so full of anger and pain at the thought of Samantha betraying me. I’d jumped the gun, thinking the worst because that’s exactly what I’d done for the last several years. Maybe deep down, I’d never been able to accept that a woman like Samantha was starting to care about . . . me.
“Now what in the hell am I going to do?” I muttered. “I said some horrible things to her.”
“I suggest groveling,” Julian said drily. “She’s innocent of everything you accused her of doing. Okay, maybe she didn’t tell you about her life in New York. But it’s not because of money.”
“I have to find her,” I told them in a desperate tone. “I hurt her.”
“Yeah, that was pretty obvious when she ran out of here crying,” Micah said sarcastically. “You deserved that slap. I actually wish she’d gotten in a couple more shots. To tell you the truth, I’d kind of like to slap you up alongside the head myself right now.”
“Later,” I told him as I raced to the door. “Right now, I have to find her.”
“Do you need help?” Micah called as he and Julian followed me.
I shook my head as I opened the door, amazed that even after all the crappy things I’d said, they were still willing to help me. “No. I caused this mess. I’ll deal with it. I have to. I can’t lose Samantha now.”
I closed the door behind me and then started to sprint down the driveway. Sam and I had decided to walk here to Micah’s place because it was a nice evening. I was pretty sure she must have headed back to my place. Where else would she go?
I took off at a flat-out run, not stopping until I’d raced the short distance to my house.
Sam had her own key, but I didn’t even know if she was in the house. Since she didn’t really drive anywhere, I’d let her put her car in one of the garages.
I stood on the porch for a minute, trying to figure out what I was going to say.
Really, what could I tell her except I’d been a complete asshole? Maybe I could start there and improvise.
I knew I couldn’t let her go. I had to find a way to make her understand that my behavior had been a gut reaction, leftover baggage from the damaged, addicted junkie I’d become.
I didn’t feel like that man anymore, and I had Samantha to thank for that. She’d been the one to reach inside me and pull out all the misery and replace it with hope.
I’d changed.
However, there was still some of the old me left deep inside. I regretted that I’d let out my anger before I’d even heard Samantha out. I’d also hurt my brothers, a fact that I’d try to make up for as soon as possible.
I startled as the door in front of me opened, and I was suddenly face-to-face with my greatest fear. Samantha was there, pulling her suitcase behind her.
Don’t go. Please, don’t go.
“What are you doing?” I asked in a calm voice.
“I’m leaving,” she informed me curtly.
“Don’t,” I requested. “Can we talk?”
“There’s no point,” she answered. “It’s obvious you don’t trust me, and you hurt me, Xander.”
Sam was straight to the point, and I felt like she had sucker punched me in the gut. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt her.
“I’m sorry,” I said sincerely. “I just reacted. I shouldn’t have said any of those things. I think I was upset because I realized I didn’t really know anything about you.”
“You knew enough. So what if you didn’t know my occupation? I told you things I usually don’t share with anybody,” she contradicted.
“You’re right,” I agreed. “I should have trusted you.”
She brushed by me to get out the door. “It doesn’t matter.”
I caught her gently by the arm. “It does matter, Sam. You matter.”
“I can’t do this anymore, Xander,” she said earnestly. “I’m leaving.”
Fear surged up from deep inside me, and I experienced a desperation that I’d never felt before, not even when I was a junkie who needed a fix or an alcoholic who needed a drink.
Somehow, I had to convince her to stay.
At that moment, I saw my entire life—a beautiful blonde with a heart of gold—walking down my steps, and I realized just how much she meant to me.
I needed her, but I’d pushed her away.
Now, there was nothing I wasn’t willing to do to get her to change her mind.
CHAPTER 18
SAMANTHA
“Stay, Sam. Please.”
His words stopped my progress, and I turned around to look at him, even though I didn’t really want to. The pain in his voice wrenched at my heart, and the desperation in his dark eyes nearly destroyed me.
Don’t listen. Move on. There’s nothing but heartbreak for me here. I know better than to be pulled in by him again.
Xander had issues that only he could resolve. I couldn’t fix him, and I didn’t want to. “I need to go.”
“I’m sorry, Samantha. Please. There’s nothing I won’t do to try to get you to stay. I spoke in anger. I thought you’d betrayed me, that you were using me.”
“That’s the problem. I’m not sure you can ever trust anyone.” I went back up the steps because I still had something to say. I’d had my own reasons for coming to Amesport, and I was going to tell him the entire truth before I left.
Xander followed me as I left my suitcase in the hallway and strode into the family room.
“I trust you,” he argued. “It was a gut reaction.”
I crossed my arms. “Then you need to start thinking before you react.”
“I know,” he told me remorsefully.
“There’s more to this whole story. Do you want to hear it, or do you want to continue to be a jerk?” I wasn’t going to tiptoe around him anymore. He’d hurt me, and Xander had to stop being so caught up in his own fears. I knew he was still expecting the worst from everybody, but that was no excuse.
He nodded and swallowed hard. “Tell me.”
“I’m not here just for you. I’m here for me, too. Money had nothing to do with my motivation for being here. If it wouldn’t have looked pretty damn suspicious, I would have refused any pay at all.” I took a deep breath and continued, “Maybe if anyone should feel guilty for your parents’ deaths, it’s me.”
“Why?” Xander questioned.
“Because I knew Terrence Walls, the man who killed your parents. The reason he came after you was me.”
I knew it was one hell of a bombshell to drop, but I was done holding back. After Xander had destroyed me today, there was nothing worse that could happen if I finally shared everything.
I had to give Xander credit. He didn’t fly off the handle this time. He seemed to be waiting for me to explain.
“What happened?” he prompted.
“Four years ago, I’d already finished my doctorate degree and I was doing my supervised hours required in a psych clinic in New York. Terrence was my patient. He became obsessed with me, and with finding out everything he could about my personal life. I tried to stay professional, but one day he swiped my phone from my purse and realized that I had every song you’d ever done on my cell. When I got it back, he asked me if I liked you. I told him I did, and that your music inspired me. His twisted mind took things from there.”
“Did he hurt you?”
I thought about his question for a moment before I answered, “Yes and no. It got worse after that day. He started stalking me. He had my phone number, so he’d call me day and night. I was never harmed physically, but for several weeks he made my life pretty scary.”
“How does this connect with my mom and dad?”
“Terrence built things up in his mind. He was delusional. He wanted to believe we were together, so in his mind, my admiration for you was keeping him from getting what he wanted. After a while, I think he thought you were keeping me from
loving him. It’s bizarre to us, but it’s the way he thought.” I paused before I confessed, “When I had a couple of days of peace, I thought it was over. But then he called me.” My hands started to shake and I had to sit down on the couch. The memories of the call that had changed both my and Xander’s lives forever were still fresh in my mind.
I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself before I continued, “He called me to tell me that he’d taken care of you, that he and I could finally be together. I talked him down, and figured out where he was, then called the police. They were able to track him down, which finally led to his confrontation with the police and them shooting him.”
“Shit! Then it was you who called the police? I thought I’d managed to call them, but I really couldn’t remember.”
I nodded. “He called me the moment he left your house.”
Xander dropped onto the couch next to me. “The bastard was even crazier than I imagined, and I already knew he was pure evil.”
I nodded as a tear trailed down my cheek. “I hate to admit this, but I was actually relieved when I found out he was dead. I shouldn’t have felt that way about a patient, but he terrified me, maybe because I knew the twisted ways his mind worked. I didn’t want him stalking me anymore.”
“Did they protect you in New York?”
“Somebody else was assigned as his counselor, but that only seemed to escalate the problem. I got a restraining order, but crazy people don’t much care about that legal stuff. The police couldn’t do much about the fact that he was always there, always watching me.”
Terrence Walls had made my life a frightening kind of hell that I never wanted to experience again.
“But how is any of that your fault?” Xander asked.
“His obsession with you didn’t happen out of the blue. It happened because of me.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s your fault.”
