Zoë reached over and gave me a light slap round the back of the head. ‘Dial it back,’ she said, ever the pragmatist. ‘This isn’t some Shakespearian feud, it just sounds like a work thing. Let the company’s HR people sort it out if it’s a problem. You like Theo, don’t you?’
‘Yes.’ I didn’t hesitate and she shot me a quick smirk at my complete inability to hide my eagerness.
‘So, let’s bottom-line this: Dec doesn’t want to kiss you, Theo does.’
It was brutally put, but undeniably true.
‘This month is supposed to be all about you getting over Dec, isn’t it? So this is the perfect opportunity to cement that. Go against his wishes for once and do something you want to do. Even if Dec does have an issue with it, I promise you, he’ll get over it.’
Everyone needed a Zoë in their life. The way she’d laid it out made sense and my momentary panic started to subside. Still, I had to ask: ‘Wouldn’t that be a bit like using Theo like you reckon I used my past boyfriends?’
She let out a dirty cackle. ‘Trust me, from what I saw when I walked in, that boy wants nothing more than to be used by you.’
I snorted, but felt a little thrill at her words nonetheless. Could I really do it? Go over to Theo’s and pick up where we’d left off? Kiss him again even though, maybe even because, Dec wouldn’t want me to?
Then something else occurred to me, and I felt my face fall.
Zoë let out an exasperated sigh. ‘Now what?’
‘Theo was engaged to Vanessa,’ I muttered. ‘AKA the hottest woman in the world,’ I added when she looked confused. ‘How am I supposed to compete with that?’
She narrowed her eyes and then pulled me to my feet with a swift yank. ‘You can’t,’ she said matter-of-factly and when I gaped at her, a bit hurt she hadn’t even bothered with any nonsense about me being just as pretty, she added, ‘because you can’t compete with someone who’s already lost. Theo and this Vanessa chick broke up, he kissed you, i.e. you’re winning. Now stop looking for an excuse and go get your man.’
She pushed me ahead of her, escorting me to the door. Although I sometimes resented the way she poked and prodded me to her will, I was glad of it this time. I doubt I would’ve had the guts to get up off the couch, let alone into the corridor, if she hadn’t chivvied me along.
We stood outside Theo’s door for a moment, sizing up the threshold I knew so well, and then Zoë clapped me on the shoulder.
‘Good luck,’ she grinned, before reaching up to knock firmly on the door then practically sprinting down the corridor.
I didn’t have time to do much more than hiss ‘Zo!’ at her before I heard footsteps approaching and turned back just as Theo opened the door.
He was still in the shirt and grey trousers he’d been in before, but he was barefoot now; the minor exposure somehow making me feel less intimidated by the situation.
‘Hey, neighbour,’ I said, seeing that he was wearing the bland mask he’d worn during our days of waving at each other in the corridor. While preventing me from having any real idea of what he thought of me turning up after what’d just gone down between us, his non-expression did at least suggest that he was just as wary of where we were going to go from here as I was.
‘Hello.’
‘Can I come in?’
He wordlessly stepped aside and I marched into his familiar flat, stopping where the kitchen met the lounge and whirling to face him.
‘You kissed me,’ I said boldly, feeling my face heat, but determined to put it out there.
‘Yes.’
‘And I kissed you back.’
‘I remember.’
Okay, hardly enthusiastic, but it wasn’t as if I was doing much more than just stating the facts, either.
‘It was a good kiss,’ I said firmly, as if daring him to disagree, and his mask slipped, his lips curling up ever so slightly.
‘Glad you thought so.’
‘So good, in fact,’ I said, taking a step towards him, ‘that I think we should do it again.’
I was so focused on my own daring that I didn’t realise his expression had once more turned guarded until I had reached him and tilted my face towards his.
‘Giovanna.’
That was all he said, one word, but that was all he needed to say for me to realise I was not even close to the seductress I thought I was. It hadn’t really been my name he’d said, it’d been a ‘no’.
‘Oh!’ I practically leapt back from him, my hand flying up to my mouth as if I could hide how keen I’d been to put it to good use against his. ‘No worries,’ I added quickly, my face not so much hot now as actually burning. ‘I’ll just leave, then.’
God, what had I been thinking? Our kiss had been in the moment. Who did I think I was, going round to his and demanding the moment be repeated? That wasn’t how it worked! And I hadn’t even tried to do something with my hair or checked my breath or done anything to counter the fact that it’d been a long day at work and that I was hardly likely to be at my most alluring.
‘Wait.’ He caught my arm.
‘No, really, it’s fine,’ I babbled. ‘Earlier was a one-time thing, a mistake, I get it.’
‘It wasn’t a mistake,’ he said firmly, tightening his grip on me as I made another attempt to leave. ‘You’re right, it was a good kiss and an experience I’d love to repeat, it’s just . . . Giovanna, I was engaged barely two months ago.’
‘And you’re still in love with her?’ I asked, all the fears that Zoë had allayed rushing back with full force as images of the glory that would’ve been Vanessa and Theo together once more started parading through my mind.
‘No. God, no,’ he said fervently, pulling my imaginings up short. ‘It’s nothing like that, but it is fairly recent history and I don’t want you to feel like some kind of rebound. The way things finished with her, and the way things are now . . .’ He trailed off and the frustration and turmoil so clearly written across his face made his bland mask seem like nothing but a vague memory. ‘I just don’t want to give you any expectations. I’m not . . . there’s not much I can offer you right now.’
I smiled, starting to feel myself relax as I realised his hesitation had been an ‘honourable guy’ thing, not a ‘you repulse me’ thing.
‘You forget that I’m barely two weeks into remission from having a crush to end all crushes on Dec,’ I reminded him. ‘I don’t want you to feel reboundy either. Although, the truth is that stuff with him feels totally separate from stuff with you.’
It felt incredibly awkward to say, but I was glad I’d made the clarification when I saw relief literally loosen Theo’s shoulders. His reaction gave me the confidence to continue.
‘With the way things are, I don’t have any expectations about – um – us, either. Maybe we could just be casual and modern about it? You know, just keep doing what we were doing, but with more kissing and . . . so forth.’ It was just as well Theo seemed inured to my lameness around him because it didn’t look like it was going to let up any time soon.
‘Are you sure?’ He was doing the right thing, asking one last time, but I could already see that we were past backing away from what we’d just admitted to each other.
His hand on my arm had loosened, his thumb rubbing over the sensitive skin of my wrist, and I’d barely nodded before he tugged me towards him. We stood together like that for a moment, my chin tilted up, my chest brushing against his with every breath I took.
His light eyes seemed darker in his dimly lit flat, the look in them so different from anything I’d ever seen. It was desire, I realised, pure, visceral desire.
I could’ve looked at him like that for hours, admiring the effect my proximity had on him, but then he cupped my face and drew me up into a kiss and any and every other interest took a swift back seat.
His lips were light against mine at first, mere brushes that gradually became more lingering until he teased my lips apart. When he’d kissed me before, it’d been ferocious and rushed
, almost as if he’d been expecting the interruption. Now, with a promise that I wasn’t going to suddenly declare my undying love or demand that he did the same, he was surer, steadier, bolder.
As the kiss deepened, Theo moved his hands down to my waist, pressing my body flush to his. I made a noise of approval and twined my arms around his neck, threading my fingers through his soft hair, the slide of the strands an added sensation for my body, which was already thrumming with them.
Before I was ready for the kiss to be over, long before, he released my lips with a slow, sweet suction and pulled back slightly, smiling at my no doubt dumbfounded expression.
‘You okay there?’ he asked, a hint of teasing in his voice.
‘Definitely okay. Struggling to stay upright, but doing absolutely fine.’
He laughed, a proud laugh that smacked of being very well pleased with himself. ‘Weak knees, hey?’
‘Trembling,’ I assured him.
‘Well, in that case–’
I let out a little squeak of surprise as he scooped me up and carried me, bridal style, over to his couch. Sinking down into the spot where I’d spent so many nights carefully minding my own business as he got on with his work, he pulled me onto his lap and then leant in to kiss me lightly on the corner of my mouth.
‘How’s that?’ he asked.
‘Pretty good,’ I admitted, ‘although . . .’ Putting my hands on his shoulders for balance, I put one leg across his and resettled so I was straddling him. ‘That’s better.’
I tried not to squash him, taking most of my weight on my knees, but he was having none of it. With a look that clearly said ‘Who do you think you’re kidding?’ he rested his hands on my hips and, once more, pulled me towards him until I could feel every line of his hard body beneath me.
‘No, that’s better.’
He was so light and flirty, the formality I was so used to from him apparently trumped by good old-fashioned lust.
Nose to nose, we smiled at each other and then I reached up and carefully traced the contour of his jaw. Every plane of his face had such definition, like he was somehow in sharper focus than anyone else I’d ever met, and I followed the lines of it across his cheek, nose and lips until I pressed the pad of my finger against the dip made by his cupid’s bow. I could feel his pulse there, or maybe it was mine, the beat quick and strong.
‘You have such a good face,’ I told him, aware as soon as the words were out of my mouth that it wasn’t the usual phrasing of a compliment.
Theo didn’t seem to mind, however, if the way his smile widened ever so slightly was anything to go by. ‘I’m quite partial to your face as well.’ My finger moved with his mouth as he spoke and I was so interested in that interplay that it took me a moment to register what he’d said.
When I did, I pulled my finger away. ‘You don’t have to say that.’
There was the slightest constriction of his brow. ‘I know. It’s the truth. I’ve liked your face since the first time I saw it.’
There was no way I could look like anything approaching my best after the day I’d had, but Theo was as close to my face as it was possible to be, and he still liked it. There was really no other option than to kiss him again.
Desperate to feel more of him, to shuck any barrier to the warmth of his skin, my fingers moved down to the buttons of his shirt and I began to flick them open. When the shirt hung loose, he leant forward to give me room to push it off his shoulders, allowing my fingers to roam over his bare back.
And, oh, the look and feel of him was just as good as I’d known it would be. He was so solid, so real, flesh and blood in a way that daydreams and unfulfilled crushes just couldn’t compete with.
‘How do you have a desk job and a body like yours?’ I gasped as Theo started trailing kisses down the column of my throat, his soft lips contrasting with the scratch of his stubble.
He laughed, a breath of hot air across my skin. ‘Ari would say it’s from all the running from my problems.’
‘Well, keep it up.’ My head fell back as his kisses moved up to my jaw. ‘It’s working for you.’
I felt him smile against my neck and then he sat back and reached out to run his fingertips lightly over the path his lips had taken, then lower to the top button of my shirt. He wiggled it undone. For a moment he simply admired the small patch of skin he’d revealed, then he lowered his head and pressed a kiss to it, making my breath catch in my throat. He continued this pattern, reveal and kiss, reveal and kiss, with such genuine pleasure at each new part of me he saw, that it didn’t even occur to me to be self-conscious. That was until he’d thrown my shirt to one side, leaving me sitting topless astride him, and I realised I was wearing the daggiest, most unsexy bra I owned.
‘I didn’t know,’ I said hesitantly, trying to keep track of what I wanted to say as he trailed a finger along the underside of the not-as-white-as-they-used-to-be cups, ‘that this was going to happen. So I’m not . . . It’s not my best bra.’
His finger halted and he looked at the item in question. ‘Looks fine to me,’ he said huskily, ‘but I can get rid of it for you if you’d rather?’
‘Smooth.’ My laugh turned into a shriek as he swung me onto my back on the couch, somehow managing to unclasp my bra as he did so. Kneeling between my legs, he drew the straps down my arms and then let out a shuddering sort of sigh as he peeled the cups away.
‘Beautiful,’ he murmured as he lowered his head to kiss at first one, then the other of my nipples.
After that it all became something of a blur of bodies and skin and need, so much need, to see and feel more of each other. As we rid each other of our remaining clothes, it felt like Theo kissed every inch of me, like there wasn’t a single part that he hadn’t lavished attention on. I wanted to return the favour, but it was all I could do not to go totally to jelly as he nipped and sucked at me, playing with the sensitive skin of my upper thighs and then higher until I had to virtually drag his face back to mine and beg for him to get a condom. He fished one out of his wallet and then he was inside me, stretching and filling me in such a delicious way that my back arched off the couch and my knees locked against his hips, keeping him with me.
He whispered sweet words into my ear as he thrust and withdrew and then thrust again; words that formed encouragements and pleas and compliments and swirled together with the sensations of his body against and inside mine. Eventually I couldn’t take any more and released a breathy moan, clenching around him just before I felt the pulse of his own release.
Flushed, I lay beneath Theo and watched him come down from his own high, his gaze slowly refocusing on me and then the pair of us sharing a satisfied smile.
You know what? Vanessa had been right in her message at the front of the Pratt and Whitney book – the sex was so good.
*
‘Your hands are perfect.’
With her back tucked against his chest and his coat pulled over them, they lay together on the couch, Giovanna twining her fingers through his, turning them back and forth in front of her face. He was as satiated as he could ever remember being and, with her soft warmth cuddled against him and his cheek resting on her wild, sweet smelling hair, he couldn’t imagine that he’d ever want to move.
‘Is this your way of saying it’s obvious I’ve never worked a day in my life?’ he teased drowsily and she snorted.
‘Absolutely. I always like to follow any kind of intimacy with an insult. Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen and all that.’
‘You don’t need to bother. I’m keen,’ he murmured, not needing to see her face to know she was blushing.
‘Good to know,’ she replied in what, for her, passed as a credible attempt at nonchalance.
She continued to trail her fingers across his and he watched the interplay of their skin tones, hers a richer shade and marked with evidence of her profession – a story of healed burns and cuts – his supposedly perfect. He knew he shouldn’t be allowing himself the indulgence of this, of her,
but how was he supposed to resist?
If he’d been the sort of person who believed that everything happened for a reason, he’d have thought the universe had guided him to this building specifically to meet Giovanna. She was exactly what he needed in the aftermath of his break up with Vanessa, a distraction and an ally and an all-round, goddamn blessing.
Not that she was his type. Far from it. He’d always been drawn to women who were strong and confident; suave, cynical, in-control women he’d seen as kindred spirits. Vanessa had been the epitome of that, so ice cold and savvy, so much like him, that he’d thought he’d always know where he stood with her. He’d been wrong, of course, but that still didn’t explain how he’d ended up in bed – well, on the couch – with Vanessa’s antithesis.
Bright, bubbly and kind, Giovanna wasn’t like anyone he’d ever met.
Pulling their entwined hands forward, he pressed a kiss to her palm, as if in direct defiance of his own surprise at their current situation and the slight twist in his gut that told him he’d done wrong.
He’d made it clear he wasn’t her happily ever after and Giovanna’s eyes were wide open, so there was no reason to feel so guilty about burdening her with only part of his past . . . and none of his future.
13
I awoke to buzzing, the unmistakeable sound of a phone doing only a half-arsed job of being ‘silent’. I heard a softly spoken curse and then the buzzing stopped. There was a pause during which I slowly grasped where I was and what had led me here, the answer to both lying in the delicious feel of Theo still bracketing my body with his own.
Something in my chest gave a little wiggle of delight at the memory of earlier that evening, and I was smiling as I turned my head to see Theo looking down at me, his phone glowing bright in his hand.
‘Sorry,’ he whispered, and I gave a tiny shrug to show I didn’t mind in the slightest.
As I pushed away the last foggy wisps of sleep, I became acutely aware of my nakedness under Theo’s coat. The feel of the silky lining against my breasts, stomach and hips was alien, but also exciting. Sleeping naked beneath a lover’s coat felt like something a foxy temptress would do. Perhaps that was why my smile developed a slightly sultry edge to it as I asked, ‘What time is it?’
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