by Grace Reagal
“Aw, Kitten. Does me making you wet feel uncomfortable?”
Making sure no one is watching us, I turned toward him with panic on my face. “I don’t know what that means. But how the hell do you know my name?”
He shrugs as if it’s common knowledge. He leans against the wall, grinning. “I’m Valentin.” As if that’s the only explanation needed.
“This is not a joke! How do you know?” My heart thumps against my chest. “You can’t know.” Dad had made sure that no one knew. That was one of my conditions.
If people know, I couldn’t be normal.
They will treat me differently.
I want to be normal.
I don’t realize how small this corner is until Valentin steps forward. He brushes a strand of hair away from my cheek. “You’re not normal, Kitten.” His voice is surprisingly soft.
I jerk away from him “Do not touch me.”
His eyes darken and he nods.
“Tell me how you know.”
He raises an eyebrow and when he speaks again, there is nothing kind about it. “Your objective should not be to find out how I know. It should be more toward what you’re going to do for me if you want me to be quiet.”
I inhale sharply, panic overtaking my senses. I hadn’t thought about that.
Before I can carefully consider my words, I blurt out, “Please don’t tell anyone.”
Valentin laughs and his green eyes light up. “Of course I won’t.”
My shoulders slump against the wall in relief and my eyes momentarily close.
I feel his breath on my ear as he says, “But you’re going to have to do three things for me.”
My eyes fly open and suddenly he’s right next to me. He smells of smoke, slightly of alcohol, and of strong, incredible cologne. “What?”
“Three things, Kitten.”
I can’t breathe when he’s so close. “Can you move away please and stop touching me?”
His palms are pressed against the wall beside me, caging me in. His lips lift up. “I’m not touching you.”
“You’re—you’re—” I sputter out, but he’s right. Technically he’s not touching me.
But this is considered blackmailing and technically it wouldn’t be illegal to kick him in the balls.
“Don’t even fucking think about it, Kitten.” His jaw tightens and his eyes turn into a green so dark that it instills fear in my heart. “You do not want to see me get angry.”
I scoff. “So this morning...that wasn’t you angry?”
“No, that was me teaching you a quick lesson. I let you go easily, Caterina.” He’s too close. He’s too close. He’s way too close. “But if you ever try anything like that again, I will destroy you.”
I gulp and lean away, turning my head so I don’t have to look at him. “You said three things?”
He grins. “You won’t know them until it’s time.” He takes out something from his pocket. It’s a phone.
“I’m going to use this to contact you. Don’t use this to reach anyone but me.” He hands it to me and my hand curls around it, confused. “But I already have a phone—”
“What did I just say?” His voice has a tone of warning.
My tongue darts out, licking my dry lips. “Only use it to contact you.”
Valentin is still for a long moment before he turns, coughs, and laughs, nodding approvingly. “Good girl. You learn fast, Kitten. That’s the only way you’re going to survive me.”
Chapter 3
Caterina
I am so caught up in what happened earlier that I don’t notice when the familiar dark car pulls up beside me. The door opens and I hear, “Get in, Kitty!”
That’s my second rule. Mom and Dad had refused to not drop me off, so I agreed, only if they stayed in the car. There were a lot of paparazzi looking to find a glimpse of them and if they find out about this school, my cover is blown.
My cover will also be blown if I don’t do what Valentin says…
My mom’s face peeks out of the car and she looks worried as she called louder, “Kitty!”
Shaking out of my thoughts, I hurry to the car, covering my face with my hair. I slide in and immediately go into the warm embrace of Mom. “How was school? Do you like your teachers? What about friends? Are people nice? Did you make some new friends?”
I pull away from her and groan. Dad, who is in the driver’s seat, looks at me from the rear-view mirror and grins. “Jess, give her some time to answer your first question.”
Mom takes me by the shoulders and looks at me for a long moment. “Did you like it?”
I nod. “Yes.”
Instantly, a dark cloud takes over the car and they both say in unison, “What happened?”
“Nothing. I’m fine, okay? It was great. People are incredible. I made a lot of friends. Everyone just loves Kitty.” My sarcasm is thick enough to cut by this point.
I hear Dad say in a warning voice, “Do not talk to your mother like that—”
But before he can finish, I plug in my headphones and turn up the volume on a Melanie Martinez song.
The headphones are suddenly jerked from my ears and Mom glares at me. “Kitty—”
“Can’t you guys just leave me alone? No girl gets taken to school and back by both parents. You guys still treat me like a little girl.”
I look out the window, my eyes blurring. I shouldn’t be getting angry at them, they didn’t do anything, but I suddenly feel overwhelmed.
There’s silence in the car, and finally, we pull up to the driveway in our home. I can see Beth and Evon playing in the pool since school isn’t going to start for them until next week. Aunt Chloe is watching them to make sure they don’t kill each other, and I see her splash Beth when she dunks Evon in the water.
When the car pulls up, they jump out of the pool and run toward us. But before they can reach us, I slam the car door shut and run into the house. I’m not in the mood to talk about my first day as a grown up.
I just want to go into my room and cry.
Nana walks out of the kitchen. “Kitty? Are you all right, amore?”
I shake my head and run up the stairs. “Don’t follow me!”
I get into the room and slam the door shut. Sliding down against the wall, I start to cry.
Dad always says it’s better to get out the tears once and for all.
Few things are worth your tears. “And nothing—absolutely nothing—is worth your tears twice, baby girl.”
So I cry and let it out once.
The first day of high school had been a disappointment.
People are incredibly mean.
I don’t have any friends.
And I’m at the mercy of a monster.
***
By the time there is a knock at my door, I have completed my chemistry homework and am reading my eight chapters for AP Sem.
I hear another soft knock and then, “Kitty? It’s me…Mom.”
I sit up on the bed and cross my legs, my book on my lap. “Come in.”
Before she even steps into the room I blurt out, “I’m sorry for the way I acted, Mom. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
I was never really good at lying or keeping things, especially from Mom.
Mom smiles as she sits on the edge of the bed. She has changed into a white t-shirt and sweats, and her hair is out, tumbling down her back. My hair used to be her length but I had cut it this summer, to get a new look for school.
She nods at the book. “Is that for Seminar?”
I smile. “Yes, eight chapters tonight.”
Her eyes widen. “Eight chapters?”
I laugh. “Yeah, but they’re not that long. And Catcher in the Rye is really interesting.”
Her eyes twinkle and I beat her to it. “Yeah, you used to read it to me when I was a kid.” I laugh. “But I never paid attention…” Her face takes on a more serious note.
“What happened today, baby?”
I set the book down and pl
ay with the hem of my pajamas. “Most of my classes were really good…”
“But…?”
“Something happened in the morning.” My hands fist in anger just thinking about it. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Does it have something to do with the bandage on your arm?”
I look up quickly and catch the worry in her eyes.
“Dad wanted to call the school to get a video of how it happened—”
I jump up and my folders fall off the bed. “What?”
Mom picks them up, laughing. “Calm down, Kitty. I talked him out of it.”
I fall back on the bed and look up at the ceiling. “Oh, my God. Thank God. Thank God.”
It’s typical of Dad to do things like this. He’s done much more embarrassing things before. In kindergarten, a boy hit me, kicking me until I fell. I told the teacher and she didn’t do anything because…I don’t think she had heard me correctly or something. I never really understood why she let him get away with it.
Then my dad found out…
And when I went to school the next day, we had a new teacher.
I look up at Mom with panic. “Mom, if I tell Dad who did it, I think he might go there and actually kill him.”
She chuckles. “Maybe not that far.”
I shake my head, looking at the picture of a big portrait of our family.
As I see my uncles in the back and me on Dad’s shoulder, I say quietly in fear, “And Uncle Ken and Smoke would probably kill him a second and third time.”
Mom hugs my side, a smile on her face. “I won’t let them know, I promise. So, was it a boy?”
I look at her dark blue eyes and I force myself, for the first time, to lie to her. “It was, but it was by accident.” Her eyes narrow and I blink innocently. “I swear, Mom. People aren’t that mean. I just…I don’t know, it just set a bad mood for the whole day, but tomorrow’s a new day!”
She nods, still looking worried. “You know, if you ever want to leave, we can get you a tutor here right?”
I shake my head and hug her. “I’m fine, Mom. I promise.”
It’s something I never want to get back into. An incident in third grade had caused me to get homeschooled and basically shut me off from all social life. Not that I had much anyway, but at least back then I had people to hang out with that weren’t like five years younger than me.
“I just…I know how mean some people can be.” She looks at me with a sad smile, “So if you need to tell me anything, I am always here, okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, I know, Mom. But I’m fine. Really.”
She beams up at me and ruffles my hair.
I’m getting better at lying already. How has this happened?
“Wash up and come downstairs. Everyone’s getting ready to eat and Annalise made your favorite dessert.”
“I’ll come down, I just have to finish up this chapter.” When she opens the door to leave, I call her back. “Mom?”
She turns. “Yes?”
“Is Dad mad at me?”
She gives me a knowing smile. “Talk to him. You know you’re his everything. He can never be mad at you for long.”
I laugh, falling back against the pillows. “I won’t be the only one after,” I nod to her belly, “they’re born.”
She shakes her head, her hair swaying. “Kitty.”
“Hm?”
She has a knowing look as if there’s something I don’t know. “You will always be his little girl. You cannot yet comprehend what you mean to him.”
***
When I come down to dinner, everyone’s eyes turn toward me. I look down sheepishly and walk to my chair.
Uncle Ken grins. “No hug for me, Kitty? I haven’t seen you in a whole week.”
Smiling, I walk up to him and give him a hug. He’d gone to London for the anniversary of his sister’s death, per his wife’s demand. It was only recently that he had started talking to his family, and everyone knew it was because of Aunt Chloe.
Uncle Smoke winks at me from the end of the table. “Hey, Kitty, you want to go to a shooting range with me this weekend?”
Beth jumps up on her seat and waves her hand like she’s in school. “Take me too, Uncle! Me too!”
Evon scrunches up her nose. “Why? I thought you were coming to my cheerleading competition.”
Beth turns and looks up at me. “Kitty, can you tell Evon that I don’t want to go to her damned cheerleading competition?”
My eyes widen and I laugh, falling back on my seat next to them.
All the adults look at Beth with a scolding look.
Uncle Ken raises a brow but before he can say anything Aunt Chloe leans forward, her lips pursed. “What did I tell you about that word, Beth?”
Mom brings the chicken to the table and ruffles Beth’s hair. “Sweetie, listen to your mom. That’s a bad word.”
Kennedy reaches out his small hands and takes a chicken leg from the tray before we can pray. “Auntie, do you know what s-h-i-t means?”
I have to cover my mouth to stop from bursting out in laughter as all the men start laughing and their wives yell at them to stop condoning it.
There you have it.
My family.
Or at least a small percentage of it.
***
Dad is in his office working when I come in nervously.
“Daddy?”
He doesn’t look up from his laptop. “Yes?” That one word tells me everything: he’s mad at me.
I blurt out while closing the door behind me, “Sorry. Okay, Dad? I didn’t mean to act like that.”
“Do you understand how hard this is for me, Caterina?”
“What is?”
“Letting my one and only daughter out without protection. I did that to give you freedom because your mother told me it was time you have independence.” He looks up from the laptop, closing it. He motions me toward the couch. “Come here.”
When I sit down next to him, he turns his eyes on me. I hate it when Dad does that because it’s the reason I’m never able to lie. He always gets the truth out of me.
“I trusted you enough to let you go to that high school.”
“I know, Dad.”
“You will always be my baby girl and there is nothing and no one in the world to convince me to let you go. So…” I gulp as he regards me with pursed lips. “So, Caterina, what are you hiding from me?”
I know that this answer is crucial. If I answer with hesitance or a flicker in the eye, he will know. Dad always knows. That’s what makes him such a great businessman.
But it sucks being his daughter because that meant I can never hide anything from him.
But I take a breath and made myself understand: you’re seventeen. You’re in high school. You’re going off to college in one year.
I need to learn to take care of myself.
So I look at him dead in the eye and utter slowly, and firmly, “I promise, Daddy, nothing happened today.”
***
When I walk back to my room, I know what I have to do.
I am Caterina mother f-ing Giovanni.
I am not going to let some little thug corner me.
Uncle Ken always tells me: “If you have a gun to your head, find a way to flip it around to the person holding it.”
I don’t know how I am going to do that to Valentin yet, but I refuse to just cower like a little mouse while he does whatever he wants. It is obvious he feeds off pain and fear. I have to show the other side of Kitty: Caterina.
The one who knows how to shoot a gun, the one who knows seventy different ways to kill a man, the one I have tried to hide because she isn’t normal and girly. I wasn’t raised by a hundred uncles and aunts to be a coward.
The phone in my pocket suddenly pings.
It’s a message from Valentin.
Valentin: Wear a skirt tomorrow.
I laugh. Guess it’s about to start.
Me: Fuck you.
I feel iffy about send
ing a curse word—I certainly would have never said it out loud—but certain situations deserve certain words.
Chapter 4
Caterina
When I get out of the car, Dad pulls me back, grinning. “Your outfit is different.”
I roll my eyes, laughing. “Dad,” I whine, “Mom is supposed to notice that kind of stuff, not you.”
Mom checks my bag again and hands it to me. “I turned off your phone so you don’t get in trouble, but call me if anything goes wrong.”
I nod, smiling. “I know. I know. Is this always going to be a thing?”
“No, just until you’re settled in.”
Mom kisses me on my cheek and gives me a thumbs up from the passenger seat. “Yeah, and I love your outfit.” She bites her lip. “Although it seems a little more…aggressive.”
Dad nods. “Exactly. Good job, Caterina.”
“Dom!”
“What? She is better when she doesn’t wear little cutesy clothes.” I had to roll my eyes at his words. Who even says “cutesy”?
“Are you insulting my choice in her outfits as a baby?”
“Babe, all I am saying is…”
I leave them, Dad teasing Mom, and they wave bye.
I pass by a window and check myself out.
This is the Caterina I brought out during fighting sessions and shooting practices.
Gray sweater and black jeans with Toms. No accessories, no jewelry, nothing extravagant.
I had tried to be girly and normal yesterday. I cut my hair to the style that I thought the girls in the school would like. I wore a light pink shirt, jean vest, and a skirt to be a “cute chick.” I had on a sweet smile and a soft voice and said the words I thought they would like.
I may not be socially aware and not up to the normal trends, but I learn from my mistakes.
And mistake number one was changing for people. I had wanted so much to fit in, I molded myself into what I thought they would want.
Mistake number two was hesitating to use the gun my father gave me when some dumb kid tried to threaten me.
