by Lara Swann
“Shh, that’s not the point.” Mom interrupts, then looks back at me. “We need you to tell us what happened, Hanna. Everything.”
Dad nods. “And then I need to have some serious words with this young man.”
I almost groan at the thought of that. He just worked out we’re talking about a Prince here, and he wants to ‘have serious words’?
“And - just tell us. You’re really not engaged? Were you? Did you call it off? What happened?” Mom adds.
I have no idea what to say, or how to explain any of it.
“It’s complicated. I’ll explain, but in short - I’m…not really engaged. And it’s going to be called off entirely within a couple of days - I’m still leaving to meet Carly in Italy in less than a week now, and all of this will be over by—”
That just prompts another storm of questions.
“Carly isn’t with you?!”
“No wonder she didn’t answer my calls.”
“You’re leaving for Italy?”
“You are absolutely not leaving for Italy.” Dad interrupts, his eyes narrowing into a glare. “You are not going anywhere apart from right back here—”
Shit. Fuck. Damn everything to hell.
Of course they’re going to demand that. Of course they’re not just going to let me go disappearing around Europe with Carly for another couple of months.
Fuuuuck.
She’s going to fucking kill me.
That dream trip I went through all this shit for.
And I can’t even object. I can’t make the slightest argument in the face of all this.
Fuck my fucking life.
“Hanna, I hope you understand that—”
The door bursts open before I can reply, and I glance up in shock. No one walks in without knocking. Except Derek, and he wouldn’t right now—but his face appears, looking drawn and anxious.
“It’s Granna.” He says, leaning in but not crossing the threshold. “I know you’re, ah, busy, but…”
He trails off as he sees the laptop in front of me - facing away from him, thank god. If my parents see him right now…they’re already asking what’s going on.
“What is it?” I say instead.
I know him well enough that he wouldn’t have interrupted if it wasn’t important, and he’s talking about Adele…
“She’s had a fall. She…she asked for you too and I thought you’d want to know.” He glances to the laptop again. “You don’t have to come, of course, she’ll understand, but—”
Shit.
I already know I’m coming.
“Okay.” I say, even though my parents are trying to get my attention again - I doubt they can hear him, my microphone isn’t that good, but they can see my distraction and hear my end of the conversation well enough. “I’ll be right behind you.”
He nods, closes the door, and I turn back to now very angry parents.
“What do you mean, you’ll be—”
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” I say, interrupting for once. “I have to go - it’s Derek’s grandmother. She’s had a fall, and—I just need to go, too. I’ll call you again as soon as I know she’s okay, alright? And I’ll explain everything.”
They’re staring at me in disbelief, so I say the only things that might make it slightly better.
“I’m fine. I’m safe. I have - if you can believe it - had a good vacation. And I’m not staying here or marrying anyone, okay? It’s all okay, and I’m really sorry, and—and, I’ll make it up to you. Somehow. I promise. Love you both, and talk soon—bye.”
And then I cut the call before they can say anything else. It starts ringing again almost immediately, and I feel terribly guilty for closing the lid of the laptop and swinging myself out of the bed, but I tell myself that I’ll call them right back.
Right back.
I just have to know Adele is okay first.
* * *
I don’t call them right back.
Not at all.
Turns out, life just isn’t that fucking easy.
I walk into a storm of too many people speaking in overly concerned voices, what feels like the whole extended royal family, and far too many egos.
Derek spots me immediately and steps up close.
“How is she?” I ask.
Whatever else is between us doesn’t really matter right now. I’m kind of sorry for exploding at him in the car and I know he feels bad that my parents found out about us, but all of that disappears when we’re here together after something like this, and I just feel glad for that familiar comfort.
“I think—”
“Get out.” The insistent, pain-laden voice breaks through the hubbub around me. “If you’re not my sons, grandsons, or a medical professional - I want you out of here right now. And the rest of you can shut up. I can’t hear myself think.”
For some reason, she’s speaking in English - I’m not really sure why, but I’m quite glad because otherwise I might be terrified she was yelling at me specifically.
The room goes abruptly silent.
And, although there are some dark looks about it, I see people start to filter out of the room and turn to join them.
She’s well enough to be giving out demands. She should be okay, right? And Derek will tell you if—
“Not you.” That voice - slightly weaker now - comes through again.
At least three people glance back to work out who on earth she’s talking about. My stomach flutters as I realize her eyes are directly on me. I like Adele, I really do…but that’s not to say she’s not a little bit intimidating when she wants to be.
“You stay, Hanna. The rest of you leave.”
I have a moment to wonder how popular that’s going to make me with the rest of the royal family, then remember that I’m leaving soon so it doesn’t matter anyway.
I hover beside the doorway, not actually leaving, and Derek comes to stand beside me.
“So…that’s how she is.” He murmurs in my ear, and I have to bite my lip not to laugh. I’m pretty sure laughing isn’t an appropriate response right now.
“And you.” Her eyes flick to the King with a glare. “Are going to give me some god-damn brandy.”
He returns the look with an equal one of his own, folding his arms.
“The doctor’s on the way and he’ll be bringing painkillers, mother. We can’t get you drunk before that or it might interfere—”
“I can’t wait for the…god-damn…painkillers. My hip is in a million pieces and you idiots picked me up and flung me into bed. If you don’t give me something right now I’m going to pass out.”
“That would probably be the best method of pain relief.” The King points out, and she scowls at him.
But she’s losing the argument, and she knows it.
“What happened?” I murmur to Derek, trying not to draw any particular attention.
“She slipped down a set of steps - I think there was a window open somewhere, and they’d gotten wet in the rain—”
“I shouldn’t be living in a place with so many god-damn steps.” Adele obviously hears what he’s saying and latches onto it, and we both look up.
“Yes, Granna.” Derek says simply.
“I’ll have a look at alternatives once your hip is fixed.” Nicolas adds.
“If my hip is fixed.” She says. “If we can’t get an ambulance out, I’m not sure I’m going to make it long enough for the storm to blow over.”
I look at Derek, wide-eyed. “Is that true?”
He grimaces. “Hopefully not. But the storm has knocked down a slew of trees so far, and we can’t get anyone out to clear them until it stops - it’s too dangerous out there.”
I glance out the window apprehensively, hearing the wind searing past the castle walls. It makes me glad that I’m in such a strongly built, heavy structure. If that’s strong enough to knock down trees…
“We’ve got a doctor coming, but he won’t be able to do much until we can get her a hip
replacement, and it’s going to be complicated.”
My stomach drops, and I try not to let the creeping worry that things might go wrong settle inside me.
Nicolas moves to add another log to the fire on yet another demand from Adele, who I think is just talking to try and stay conscious.
The doctor arrives within the next hour, and the storm gets progressively worse outside as he confirms what we already know - that there’s not much anyone can do until we get her access to a hospital. He does at least manage to give her some pain killers, and as she starts to drift in and out of consciousness, I’m just considering heading downstairs to finish that conversation with my parents - when all the lights go out.
We all freeze - and then the King curses, for the first time I’ve ever heard.
He storms out and I’m left looking between Derek and Nicolas in the flickering light the fire is providing.
“What…” I start.
“Electricity’s out.” Nicolas answers. “It’s…not exactly uncommon, in a storm like this.”
“Might be gone for days.” Derek adds, looking over at Adele with concern before turning back to Nicolas. “This is a real one, then.”
Nicolas nods. “We’ve had reports of trees down all over the place, and people are already starting to flood into the castle for safety. I’m going to have to start organizing it.”
Derek squeezes my shoulder, and leans in to kiss my head. I wasn’t sure we were still doing that, but it feels nice and I can’t bring myself to even want to object.
“I’ll come and help - the way things are looking, it’s going to be a big job.” He turns to me. “Are you okay here with Granna for a while? I think she prefers your company to any of ours, anyway.”
“That’s not true.” I scoff, but I glance between them and nod. “But yeah, of course. I’ll help any way I can.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a storm like this before, and while it doesn’t feel so bad here inside the more-than-secure castle, I can’t imagine what it would be like to be outside right now - or in one of the smaller houses in Salda. I don’t really know what I’m doing, and I’m more than happy to defer to anything Derek and Nicolas think might be useful.
They nod and walk out, and then I’m left alone with Adele.
I breathe deeply, trying to ease the overwhelmed feeling that’s been slowly overtaking me. There’s just too much going on, and I feel like I haven’t had a moment to myself to just think since…who even knows when.
After a few moments, I walk up to where Adele is lying, bringing a chair over. I hesitate for a moment, then take her hand. It’s what I’d do if we were in America and it was my grandmother, but I don’t exactly want to wake her up because I can only guess how much she’s hurting right now.
It doesn’t wake her, though, and I just sit there like that for what feels like a long time, trying to make sense of my very conflicting thoughts and emotions.
“I want you to marry my grandson.”
Adele’s comment startles me, and I have to fight not to jump and knock the bed, which will only make things worse for her.
“Sorry, what?” I ask, looking down to see her eyes open and completely clear as she looks at me.
“You heard me. Derek. You should marry him, girl.”
I pause. Technically, that’s exactly what I’ve been working towards, and it wouldn’t be hard to remind Adele of that.
She squeezes my hand, her eyes piercing into mine. “You’re hesitating about it. You have been the whole time, Hanna - I could tell. I’m telling you, he’s a good man. You should marry him.”
I swallow. She’s thought that the whole time? And she still went to all that effort, helping me, teaching me?
I have no idea why she wants me as a granddaughter so badly, but…I’m moved all the same.
And I’m totally done lying to people about this. Especially those I care about. But she’s lying here, in pain and unable to get the kind of medical attention she needs and I can’t just give her something else to worry about.
“I…I’ll take that into account.” I say, after a while. “I…appreciate your thoughts.”
She laughs, and it’s a little bit scratchy and she stops it almost immediately because it makes her move too much, but her eyes sparkle back at me and I feel like my answer might have helped.
She drifts back into sleep and few minutes later, and I breathe deeply, trying not to think about the people that will be disappointed when I leave. I do appreciate Adele’s input, but…it’s just not that simple.
This is another country, and I can’t just…become their Princess. In a few weeks. With no thought or idea how any of it would work.
And Derek doesn’t want that, anyway.
I try to ignore the thoughts circling through my mind, and I stay there for hours, until others come to check on the Queen Mother and I feel like I can leave her for a few minutes, at least.
I head back downstairs, and the castle is more full than I’ve ever seen it - with people milling about everywhere, discussing the storm and the various damage that will need to be repaired when it lets up. It’s clearly not the first time they’ve done this.
By the time I get back to my room, though, I find that not only does the power outage mean that internet is gone - something else must have been knocked too, because there’s no mobile signal either. I stare at the little circle with a line through it for far too long, then I curse and send a huge mental apology to my parents.
I have no idea how they’re ever going to get over two blanket silences, but since there’s nothing I can do…I turn and head right back out of my room.
There’s definitely enough going on to keep me busy and distracted while I wait to grovel again.
Chapter Twenty-One
Derek
It takes a couple of days before things get back to being remotely normal.
We have more people trickle into the castle, all providing updates on things that have gone wrong in the storm, things that have broken or been destroyed or need fixing.
Again.
This must have happened at least once a year, for every year of my life. Our people are at least hardy and resilient, but every time it happens, I hate it. It feels so stupid that year after year, we can’t protect ourselves from it. We can’t mitigate the damage.
I spend a lot of time with Nicolas - we listen to reports on the damage, make lists and plans to fix things, prioritize it all and work out how our country is going to run in the meantime. For the first time in my life, I actually feel like we work well together, too. We both want exactly the same thing - to put it all right - and over the last couple of weeks, we’ve stopped getting under each others’ skin quite so much. I don’t feel like everything he says is an insult or dig at me or something I’ve done, and he isn’t quite so worried about my reliability.
It almost feels good.
Hanna, on the other hand…I don’t see much of at all. I know she’s helping just as much as we are - trying to find all the evacuees bedding and food and clothes, and enough places to sleep. The kind of thing that needs doing, and we certainly don’t have enough time for right now. It’s just another obvious indication of how much she’s started to care about Aldora, and the people here, and I admire her for it all over again.
So we’re both busy, and there’s far too much going on in the castle for either of us to catch our breath…but I’m also pretty sure that’s not why we don’t see each other. Every time I think of her, I think about the way she looked when she found out that her parents know about all this.
I also know she hasn’t been able to talk to them properly, and still can’t because nothing is back up and running yet. I can’t imagine what it was like to end that conversation in the middle of everything, and then not go back to it. I have no idea what her parents will think, but I’ve got a good idea how Hanna feels at the moment.
And I feel so fucking bad for doing that to her. My relationship with my parents might be st
rained, but from everything she’s ever said…they’re a pretty close family. And I got in the way of that, with my presumption and arrogance and this whole stupid idea.
The one that I then failed to follow through on as I’d promised, just because I was totally distracted by how much I wanted her. By the way everyone around me wanted me to have her - wanted her as their Princess.
It was totally unfair to go through with it and claim her like that, and now she’s the one offering to get us out of this mess. With her god-awful, terrible plan.
I agreed to it because I didn’t want to think about it anymore - I just wanted the few days we had left to be something to remember her by. Something for her to remember me by. Which they were…except they also gave my parents the time to start vetting her family, and ruined just about everything.
I’m back to feeling like I can’t do anything right, again. Only not because of my parents disapproval this time - no, this one is all my own.
But there’s no way I’m letting her pretend that it’s her fault that she won’t be Aldora’s new Princesca. I could see exactly how the thought of letting down everyone who has helped or supported - or hell, even just liked her - affected her. The absolute guilty misery in her expression as she suggested it. And I’m not going to let that happen.
No, when it comes to it - I’ll tell them all the truth. I’ll tell them it was all just a scheme to win their approval, and it kind of worked, and kind of backfired, and none of them will ever trust me again…but it’s better than them not trusting her.
I probably won’t be allowed out of the country for a long time after that, but…maybe that’s for the best. I’m not sure I could spend another year in Boston, with Hanna right there, simultaneously unable to resist her or have her.
It’s bad enough just around the castle - the little glimpses I get, the way we walk past each other in the halls. There are no slightly-disguised suggestive looks now. No exaggerated swing of her hips, or wandering eyes. We’re busy, yes…but we also know better.
And the only thing I feel at the moment when I look at her, is the kind of longing you get for something you know beyond all doubt you’re not going to get. As much as I want her, I don’t want to fuck up her life with something she’s always hated the idea of. I don’t want to take her away from a family and a home that love her. I don’t want to force all these crazy customs and traditions and the whole Princesca thing on her.
