by Lara Swann
But my mind instantly flashes back to that crazy-intense moment with Caleb - looking up at him in the hallway, full of anticipation and need and want, just standing there like an idiot waiting for him to make the move that I know he’s about to. Knowing that I should stop him, and knowing even more that I’m not going to. Completely overwhelmed by how much I want his lips on mine.
And then…nothing.
I’d been wrong. He’s not interested. Which is a good thing anyway - because he’s so totally wrong for me.
Even if I can still feel the frustrated lust of being left there, staring after him with heat simmering in my body. We hadn’t even done anything and I had no idea why I was so turned on and wanting more…but all I could think about was his body pressed against mine, surrendering to that passion…
And after he just left, I hadn’t even been able to go back into my room and get it out of my system with my favorite vibrator - not with him right next door, and those comments about how he could hear everything. There was no way I was going to give him the satisfaction of thinking that might be about him.
Even if it would have been. Fuck.
“We’ll stop talking about it when you stop flushing pink every time I mention him. Then you’ll convince me you’re not interested.” Mel smiles triumphantly at me and I know my face reddens even more at the idea of her catching a glimpse of what I was just thinking about.
Damn body. Betrays me every time.
“Mel, I mean it. He’s so not my type - his opening line on that definitely-not-a-date was about how many girls he’d slept with! You know I’ve never gone for the infuriating, cocky guys who only want to have a good time, party, drink, fuck college girls…”
I’m emphatic enough about it that Mel actually pauses. Maybe I’ve finally won this argument. After the rumors Bryan started last year, they both know I’ve got good enough reason to stay away from those jerks.
But Lily’s considering tone interrupts that thought, “I know you hate those guys, Alana, but…c’mon. However asshole-sexy he might be, Caleb’s different from them - even I can see that. How many of those idiots on campus d’you know that never miss a lecture, and spend all their time in the library? I swear he’s here as often as us.”
I blink at that, and this time I can’t stop myself from glancing over at him. He’s wearing a short-sleeved shirt today, but somehow his figure looks even better when it’s not outlined by the tight t-shirts he seems to prefer. It’s somehow less intimidating, and makes him seem far more approachable than usual.
I look back at the table before he can catch me staring, but my heart speeds up just from that brief, darting glance. Damn it.
And Lily’s right - I’ve never seen any of those assholes here in the library. Which is half the reason I fell in love with it last year. After the rumors Ryan started, I wanted to be as far away from them as possible.
But Caleb is here. Every god-damn day.
Who the hell is this guy?
“Alana?” Lily’s voice breaks through, and I look up at her.
“Sorry, nothing.” I shake my head. “Just…thinking about what you said. You’re right. Maybe he’s not like them…but I don’t get him at all.”
“Well, there’s one simple way to fix that,” Mel grins, and Lily’s mouth curves up in a smile to join her. “You could always go over there, and y’know - speak to him? Maybe get to know him better.”
She doesn’t quite wink as she says it but her voice makes the implication obvious anyway, and I laugh.
“You’re not listening to me - really, there’s no point. Nothing happened between us on Friday.” I insist, “He’s just not interested - you were wrong about that, guys.”
As disappointing as that might be.
Coming to terms with that over the last few days hadn’t been the easiest thing I’d done here, but I was getting over my injured pride - or I would be, if Mel and Lily didn’t keep reminding me.
“Hmm…” Lily looks back over at him, and I hiss at her to stop doing that. “Are you sure, Alana? He keeps looking over at you.”
“Yeah, babe, tell us what you talked about.” Mel adds, “What did he say? There must’ve been something there. He didn’t invite you out or anything at all?”
I laugh and shake my head. “Unless you count wanting to go on a run together, nope, nothing.”
Of course, Mel’s expression immediately leaps at that. “He wanted to take you on a run? Why didn’t you take him up on it then, you idiot! Definitely interested.”
“Yeah,” Lily continues enthusiastically, “He probably had the place all picked out…a light run to a beautiful, secluded location, all decked out with—”
“Yeah, sure, Lily.” I say sardonically, reaching over to shove her lightly as I laugh at them both. “The way he was talking about it - he was definitely more interested in the run than me. And that’s about my last idea of fun, ever.”
But now that they’re obsessing over it, I can’t help but wonder. Was he planning something like that? Did I get it completely wrong?
I think back to the sparkle in his eye, the way he described running, and…nope. I’m pretty sure all he was thinking about was the exercise.
At least until he started making those coarse innuendos…but that didn’t mean anything either. Stupid semi-sexual comments seem to be his default response.
“I really think you’re being too dismissive here, Alana.” Mel sighs dramatically at me. “I’m starting to wonder how we’re ever going to get through to you.”
“Yeah, girl - what if he gave all the signals, and you just wrote them off like that. And now all he can do is follow you around, pining uselessly over his unrequited feelings…” Lily’s wistful voice trails off as she rests her head on her palm in such a hopeless-romantic movement I have to fight a fit of giggles.
“Believe me, Caleb does not seem the kind of guy to pine over anything. He’s more the take-it-by-the-fist type, I think.” I grin crookedly at them.
“And what if coarse assumptions like that are the reason he’s never been able to connect with someone before? Maybe he was hoping you could be different, but now…ohh, the poor guy…” Lily’s hand drops to her heart, before Mel elbows her in the ribs.
“And when did you become the crazy romantic, babe?” Mel asks.
Lily just grins back and cuts the fake-heartfelt actions. “Hah, sorry…I think I saw too many romantic period dramas with my Mom over summer. But still…what makes you so sure he’s not interested?”
I haven’t told them about the kiss-that-wasn’t yet. The whole thing had been too awkward for me to want to repeat out loud - and besides, it would’ve only added fuel to their insistence that I was into him. But with them pressing so hard, it just comes out.
“He didn’t kiss me. When we were stood outside my door…he could have, but he just…walked away. He wasn’t into it, guys.”
There. Now they know. At least that settles it.
“That’s it?!” Mel stares at me. “That’s why you’re so convinced about this? Oh, for fuck’s sake, Alana.”
“What?” I frown at her, annoyed.
“You tell me that after insisting that this thing wasn’t a date - even inviting us along, damn it - swearing up and down that you don’t like him and rejecting his invitation to go running…after all that, you’re surprised he didn’t kiss you? He was probably just taking you at your word, babe!” Mel exclaims, too loudly yet again, but this time I’m not even irritated about it as her argument reaches some small, hopeful part of me that I hadn’t even realized existed.
“You think?” I ask slowly.
“Ugh, yeah, even I’d agree with Mel there. Maybe he’s a gentleman.” Lily’s smile has far too much sweetness and hope in it.
I just snort at the idea. “I’m pretty sure Caleb isn’t a gentleman.”
“Well, we don’t know. He’s an enigma.” Mel declares. “And you’re never going to find out if you don’t try. Believe me, babe, the ball is one hundred percent in yo
ur court, now.”
I can’t believe they’re convincing me. But they are. I’m pretty much twitching with the instinct to look over at him, and somehow going over there is suddenly becoming a good idea.
“I’m not sure…” My brow furrows, but it’s obvious my objections have run out of steam.
“Why don’t you invite him to that dance show on Saturday?” Lily suddenly suggests, “We were all planning on going anyway.”
“Ohh, that’s a good idea!” Mel enthuses, “And Lily was thinking of inviting…ohh, what was his name again?”
“Thomas.” Lily suddenly turns shy, and I only just recall the comments between them about a guy Lily had made out with at the party. “And I haven’t decided yet…maybe.”
God, have I been that preoccupied?
“Thomas? Is that the guy you kissed on Friday?” I ask, relieved for the brief interruption to facing the idea of going to talk to Caleb again.
“Yeah. He’s sweet, and…it was nice. But I’m still trying to work it out.” She smiles over at me and shrugs a little.
“Wait a minute, why haven’t we been focusing on this all week? Lily’s the one who actually seems to have done something.” I shoot Mel a look that she returns easily.
“Because she’s not in denial and doesn’t need help.” Mel gives me a sweet-sarcastic smile.
Wow. That’s the first time Lily’s love life has been rated higher than mine. Maybe I really do need to do something about this…
I want to feel offended, but I can’t quite pull it off. Instead, I just feel happy for Lily - she deserves to have someone sweet to be thinking about. Mel, on the other hand…
“And what about you, then?” I arch an eyebrow. “At least Lily and I have options we’re considering at the moment. Maybe we need to focus on helping you, instead?”
If we’re going to play this obsess-over-guys game, I’m going to make sure Mel gets at least as much grief about it as I have.
“Ohh, I don’t think you girls need to worry about me.” Mel gives a secretive smile that quickly turns into an all-out grin. “I’m perfectly capable of finding my own fun. In fact…I did only last night.”
“No way!” Lily gets in before I can, and I feel my own eyes widen in surprise.
“Okay, Mel, how is this not today’s topic of conversation? You need to tell us everything!” I insist, curiosity getting the better of me.
“Oh no, babe, I’m not letting you get distracted that easily.” She laughs and gestures behind her to where Caleb is sitting. “Go over there and make nice with the guy who obviously wants to get in your pants, and then I’ll give you the fun stories.”
I grumble at her, but my heart rate ticks up again and suddenly, whatever she’s got to say, I can barely think about it anymore.
Damn it, she’s probably right - I’m just looking for distractions. Even if they sound fascinating.
And I do want to go over there.
“Okay, okay. I’m going.” I give in, but I don’t even register their responses as I get up and decide to work out whether Caleb really might be interested - or if scorchingly hot flirtation is just his default setting.
* * *
I try to ignore the way my heart thuds in my chest as I walk over to where Caleb sits - only a few tables away from ours, and in direct line of sight of our table. Thank goodness I hadn’t looked up as much as I’d wanted to, or he would have known exactly what we’d been talking about. Or, rather, who.
He looks up from what he’s doing when I’m a couple of paces away and it feels like his dazzling green eyes go straight through me.
Stop that, Alana. You’re being ridiculous. Since when has this guy come to affect you so much?
Shaking off the feeling, I give him a smile and glance down at the desk briefly - to see the paper his pen is hovering over covered in doodles and drawings. The rest of the table seems to hold an unopened textbook, and nothing else.
“What are you doing here, Caleb?” The question slips out automatically, the same thing I’d wondered aloud to Mel and Lily earlier.
He’d never seemed like the kind of guy to take studying seriously…but he had come to the library, at least. To do…nothing?
“Daydreaming about not being here.” He gives me a rakish grin, and I can feel my lips quirk upwards as they want to respond.
I laugh and shake my head. “I don’t understand you at all.”
He sets the pen down and leans back, properly focusing on me now, and I realize I’d forgotten the pure power in that arrogant gaze. “Want to get to know me better then?”
Something shivers down my spine, and I tilt my head a little, forcing my response to be casual. “Well, I was coming to ask if you were going to the dance show on Saturday.”
“Are you going?” He fires back.
I glance back over my shoulder instinctively, towards Mel and Lily, then nod. “We were planning to, yes.”
He gives me a long look before responding, eyes gleaming. “Then yes, I think I might come along.”
Seductive bastard. How does he manage to put so much meaning into simple conversation?
And I belated realize that with the way I phrased it, I have no idea whether that counted as an invitation or not. Is he coming with me or just coming?
Ugh - maybe it doesn’t even matter with him.
“Okay then.” I nod, but hesitate before turning to leave, glancing down at what he was working on. “You’re really not studying?”
I know there’s a silly part of me that just doesn’t want to leave yet, but also - I can’t work him out. And I can’t help wanting to know more about him. To understand all these strange contradictions. Maybe I’m just fascinated by the enigma, as Mel put it, even if the man himself turns out to be wildly inappropriate for me.
“No point.” He shrugs, “That micro-cell-whatever might as well be Latin for all I know.”
“Oh c’mon, it can’t be that bad.” I insist.
Most of these first few weeks is going over old ground anyway, unless whatever they taught him at Maryland was really that useless. Which it shouldn’t be - it’s got a decent reputation.
“Hmm…” His eyes light with mischief as he gives me a considering look. “Well, maybe I’m just not properly motivated. If I joined your study group, though, I’m sure I’d find it more…interesting.”
“Umm…”
Shit.
I can’t tell if that’s a serious request, or if he’s implying something else entirely. But regardless, there’s no way that would be a good idea - for my concentration, if nothing else.
“No? Well, you could always offer to tutor me…one-on-one.” His grin widens.
I can feel my cheeks heating and scowl back in irritation. “Why does it feel like everything you say means something else?”
There. I said it. If he’s going to make everything sound so…dirty…then I’m damn well calling him out on it. I might not do all these innuendos, but I’m not just going to let him have his fun with me.
But he just laughs at that - a warm, lovely sound as it rolls out of him, genuine and open.
Then he pushes his chair back and stands up, coming around next to me and looking down with a different kind of heat in his eyes. Everything within me contracts, and he suddenly feels both too close to me, and not close enough.
His voice comes out low and deep as his head dips and his eyes sparkle at me. “Because I’m very good at sending certain signals, Alana…and, however much you might claim otherwise, your body wants to pick up on every little one.”
Fuck.
I have to fight the shudder that wants to make it’s way through my traitorous body and prove his point.
Instead, I break that too-tight tension between us and take a step back. I’m not sure why I’m resisting, but he’s entirely too sure of himself, too cocky, and these things don’t work on me. I’ve never fallen for stupid comments and heated looks before, and I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of thinking that shit
works.
My hand catches on the desk as I put more space between us and I look down instinctively, distracted again by the intricate drawings. At least it would be something else to talk about than his endless double-meanings and come-ons.
I guess it settles the question of whether he’s into you or not…unless he’s just like this with every damn girl.
“You’re pretty good at those, you know.” I shift the paper closer. “What are they all?”
Wild student, avid library-goer and…artist? I have no clue.
“Tattoo designs.” He follows my gaze, and the heat slides back into amusement as he lets me change the subject. “I was trying to decide which one I want next.”
“Next?” I glance back to him, my eyes immediately going to the glimpses of tattoos snaking out of his short-sleeved shirt.
“Yeah, next.” He grins, following my eyes briefly before his hands start working down the front of his chest.
Then his shirt is off and I’m stood there staring like an idiot.
Partly because his naked chest is a thing of complete, glorious beauty. And partly because he just stripped in the library.
“Caleb! You can’t…just—” I stutter, “This is the library—someone might see!”
He laughs again, then grabs my hand before I can protest further and pulls me back with him into the towering shelves of books. I resist for just a moment, and then I’m stumbling after him breathlessly, sudden adrenaline surging through me.
“Better?” His arch look has me laughing with him, even as I pull back and he lets me go.
“Caleb!” I can’t even form a coherent argument anymore. I just seem to be repeating his name in disbelief.
“What? You wanted to see, didn’t you?” His eyes are twinkling back at me and as much as I’m trying not to, I can’t help staring at his chest.
It’s shadowed here in the back of the library, but the hard ridges of his muscles are obvious, with striking black lines creating complex patterns and pictures across his shoulders and pecs and completely mesmerizing me.
Heat spreads throughout my stomach and I have to resist the urge to clench my thighs together as I take him in. The poor lighting and seclusion here just make it more exciting, and I’m torn between wanting these daring, exciting moments - and finding them completely outrageous.
