by Ross Sayers
‘Does it work?’
‘It’s better than nothin, but the sun’s the sun, ken whit ah mean. A wee lamp next tae yer bed isnae the sun. Ye look oot the windae and it’s still pitch black and ye don’t get confused aboot whether the sun’s fallin oot the sky and landed on yer bedside table.’
Ah nod. Another busker sets up in the middle ae the street. She hus a hale entourage wi her. Wan ae them pits up a sign: CD’s - £8. The busker starts playin and her breath fogs up and flies away aroond her.
‘Ah suppose Scotland’s bad fur it,’ ah say.
‘Ah dae sometimes wonder,’ the gurl says, ‘if mibbe ah shid move tae Australia or America or suhin. A place whaur the sun shines nae matter whit.’
‘Whit’s stoppin ye?’
She snorts.
‘Ah lot ae hings. Money fur a start.’ She takes oot her phone fae somewhaur inside her jaiket. ‘Ma fuckin iPhone broke and it’s ancient, so they’ll no even fix it. They say it’s cheaper tae buy a new yin. Ah asked tae speak tae the manager and ye shid’ve heard the way he spoke tae me.’
She makes as if tae chuck the phone intae the bin but holds back at the last minute. It goes back inside her jaiket and her hawns go back inside her pockets.
‘Ignore me, ah’m jist moanin fur the sake ae it,’ she says. She looks me up and doon, consderin her next move. Then she extends a hawn tae me.
‘Ah’m Kelly, by the way.’
‘Rose.’
Check me oot, no even stutterin or hinkin aboot sayin Daisy.
The busker keeps strummin and singin and noddin at the folk who drop a few pennies intae her case.
‘D’ye ever get that sense,’ ah say tae Kelly, ‘that ye’re right whaur ye’re supposed tae be?’
‘How d’ye mean?’
‘Lit, everyhin that’s happened so far in yer life hus lead ye tae a particular place at a particular time. That mibbe everyhin that’s happened afore wis meant tae happen so ye’d end up in the right spot?’
She chews on the chewin gum, lettin it dangle oot her mooth fur a second then sookin it back in.
‘No often, naw. Whit aboot you?’
‘Ah’m honestly no sure ae anyhin anymair. It’s a nice thought though, isn’t it?’
‘Aye. Ah don’t hink ah’ve reached ma desination yet, though. Ah’m miles aff.’
Kelly picks up her backpack fae the groond and slings it ower her shooder. She tucks her scarf deep inside the front ae her anorak and zips it up.
‘Cheers, Rose,’ she says. ‘Ah’ll be seein ye.’
‘Take it easy, Kelly.’
As ah watch her walk up the street, ah see her take a crumpled bit ae paper fae her pocket and chuck it in the bin as she goes. Ah feel lit ah’ve no done enough. Yotta said she wis gonnae dae suhin silly, but ah didnae even find oot whit. Ah try and hink ae suhin tae shout oot, but ma mind goes blank. Whit gid did that dae?
Useless as usual.
Ah tried tae help. But then mibbe that wisnae enough. Ye either help somebdy or ye don’t. Ah shid’ve done mair, asked her mair questions. Ah shidnae huv let her walk away. Whit other option did ah huv? Follow at her heels, waitin fur her tae slip up so ah can save the day? Thur’s only so much folk want tae hear fae a stranger.
Urr ye watchin Yotta? Ah tried. Ah’m tryin.
That’s when ma phone vibrates. A text fae an unknown number.
Hiya Rose, hadn’t heard from you so just wanted to check you’re doing ok
Steven, yer timin couldnae huv been better.
I’m awright thanks Steven. Listen, I REALLY need to speak to you. In person. This’ll be the last time I ever ask a favour. Tomorrow?
46
It’s Thursday night. Me and Steven urr meetin in the Botanic Gardens the morra. He’s meant tae die the day efter. Ah’m gonnae meet him and tell him he’s gonnae die. Ah’m gonnae ask him tae trust me and no go tae the game. The thought keeps comin tae ma mind that if someone telt me ah wis gonnae die if ah went tae a certain place, ah’d only want tae go tae that place mair. In fact, ma mum used tae use they kind ae scare tactics tae stop me goin oot and drinkin at parties durin high school. Ah might’ve drunk but ah least ah wisnae oot… y’know. No that Mum ever gave me “the talk”. Actually that wis probably wan ae the nicest hings she ever did, sparin me that.
Ah decided tae keep Jill in the dark aboot ma meetin wi Steven.
‘Ah hink ah’m startin tae get sick ae Paesano pizza,’ she says.
‘You take that back,’ ah say, liftin another slice. ‘Disgraceful statement.’
Ah insisted on Paesano fur tea again since, if everyhin goes tae plan the morra, this is oor last supper. The way ah see hings pannin oot is roughly…
Ah tell Steven no tae go tae the hockey
He disnae go tae the hockey, thus no dyin
Yotta appears at some point tae take me hame
Thur’s some hings ah cannae quite predict though. When will Yotta appear? If it’s Friday, grand. If it’s Saturday, ah’m usin the last ae ma winnins on a room at the Hilton on Friday night and aw ah can eat aff the room service menu.
And when ah go back, when will ah wake up? The mornin efter ma work’s night oot? That means Steven’s funeral will niver huv happened. Which means ah niver made an erse ae masel, which is a huge bonus. It also means ah niver dragged Robert tae the purvey, which is a shame.
Ah take a crispy bit ae crust and feed it tae Squeaker in ma pocket. Jill definitely caught a glimpse ae him earlier but ah hink she’s finally accepted that he’s nae danger tae her.
‘Jill, did ye niver hink aboot… sendin yer parents a message?’
‘Lit whit? Horse’s heid in the bed?’
‘Lit… a postcaird sayin ye’re fine and livin in some remote village in Guatemala or suhin.’
Ah couldnae even tell ye exactly whaur Guatemala is but ah’ve iways liked the sound ae it.
‘It’s jist gonnae bring mair questions,’ she replies. ‘Whit if they trace the postcaird back tae me? And how dae ah explain that? They’ll hink ah’m wan ae they sickos who taunts families efter a tragedy.’
‘Ah’m sure thur’s some way ye could let them know ye’re safe. Ye cannae jist leave everybody behind lit that.’
‘Wid ye jist fuckin drop it?’ she raises her voice, and ah feel lit ah’m finally gettin a glimpse at the real her, Elouise. ‘Daisy, you don’t know a fuckin hing aboot it, awright? Ah didnae ask fur this. Ah tried tae save Freddie, right, ah did everyhin ah wis meant tae. Ah talked tae him, ah did every wee trick ah could hink ae. But it didnae matter. He crashed the car anyway. Thur wisnae a second chance fur either ae us. Ah didnae belong there anyway. Ah hud tae leave.’
‘Say nae mair,’ ah say. ‘Ah’ll keep quiet and jist… eat ma pizza.’
Ah sit through the rest ae the night wi her, til she goes tae her room aboot nine. Ah owe her fur lettin me stay but it’s no exactly a time traveller’s guild we’ve got goin here.
Ah pack a bag-fur-life wi ma stuff efter Jill’s left fur work. Ah’ve iways wanted tae leave behind a dramatic note as ah leave somewhaur and this might be the only chance ah get.
Dear Jill,
Thanks for letting me stay. I hope someday you find a way to let your family know you’re safe. They deserve it. I might see you on the other side. You might not recognise me, but I’ll be the gorgeous, full-bodied one that looks a bit like Rose.
Catch you another time,
Daisy x
Ah wander doon Great Western Road in nae hurry at aw. Ah don’t know why ah’m so nervous aw ae a sudden. Tellin somebdy ye know the future and that the future involves them dyin on Saturday seemed easy last night, but noo ah’m no certain ah’ll be able tae get the words oot in any way that makes sense.
The Botanics urr quiet at this time ae year, but thur’s still folk walkin aw sorts ae dugs in the wh
ite-tipped grass. The dugs approach each other and say hullo as easy as anyhin while thur owners gie each other raised eyebrow smiles and make small talk. If sniffin yer pal’s erse is small talk fur dugs, ah wonder whit thur big talk is like.
Ah pick a bench at random and sit doon. A figure approaches fae the right.
‘Mind if ah sit here?’ they say.
‘Actually ah’m meetin someone.’
‘Someone special ah bet?’
It’s Yotta. She sits doon wi a flask ae tea and start pourin hersel a cup. Upon second smellin, it’s actually hot chocolate.
‘D’ye hink this is a gid idea?’ she asks.
‘Word travels fast. Is it against the rules? Is the universe gonnae implode when ah tell him?’
She takes a sip fae her cup.
‘Ah’m no sure,’ she says. ‘Ah’m new tae this as well, remember? But ah don’t hink the universe implodes, naw. Naw, ah’m sure they’ve got failsafes fur that kind ae hing.’
‘Ye’re as much use as a chocolate teapot, ye know that?’
‘Ye say that, but ah’d eat a chocolate teapot in a minute. It’d be delicious. A paper teapot, noo that wid make mair sense fur the purposes ae yer phrase. Cause ye couldnae eat that and it wid also be nae gid fur pourin tea.’
Yotta passes me her cup and ah take a drink. Thur’s definitely an additional, alcoholic ingredient in there. Ah finish the cup and pass it back.
‘So ye’re sure this is whit ye want tae dae? Tell him the truth?’
‘Huv ye got any better ideas?’
‘Hmm, jist the paper teapot hing. Ah’m no the ideas woman. Ah jist follow orders.’
The cap gets screwed back ontae the flask and she tucks it inside her bag. A dug runs up tae us and Yotta gies it a clap.
‘Ah wis startin tae hink ah wis the only yin that could see ye,’ ah say.
Yotta scratches behind the Cockapoo’s ears, it’s long, curly fringe restin ower its eyes.
‘Ah’m seen when ah want tae be seen,’ she says. ‘Anyway, ah best be aff. Ah’m readin this great book aboot gravity… ah cannae pit it doon. Enjoy yer meetin.’
And wi that, she disappears again, lit a human screen wipe. The dug tilts its heid at the sudden lack ae attention and walks aff.
At the top ae the hill, ah spot Steven comin doon the path.
47
‘Freezin, eh,’ Steven says.
He joins me on the bench.
‘It is aye,’ ah say. ‘It’s weather fur ducks… that don’t like water and enjoy the cauld.’
He chuckles and pulls oot a pack ae fags. He offers me yin but ah decline. Whitever alcohol wis in Yotta’s tea is still swimmin aboot inside me and warmin ma chest.
‘Thought ye only smoked at work?’ ah ask.
‘Usually ah only smoke at work,’ he says. ‘But it helps wi ma nerves.’
‘Nerves? Whit ye nervous fur?’
He looks me in the eyes and ah realise how run doon he is. How his hawns cannae keep still.
‘Well, meetin young lassies in the park disnae dae well fur ma disposition. Rose, ah’m no gonnae lie, this’ll need tae be the last time we talk. Annie, she… saw the last text ye sent and we got intae this big argument. Surprisingly enough, she isnae keen on the idea ae me meetin lassies ah don’t know and tae be honest, she’s right.
‘Ah know ye need help and that but ah’ve got they numbers here,’ he takes a scrap ae paper oot his pocket. ‘Ye can phone any these numbers, night or day, and ye’ll huv somebdy tae speak tae. Somebdy, eh, qualified tae help. No somebdy that talks a lot ae shite like me.’
Ah take the piece ae paper fae him.
‘Ah understand,’ ah say. ‘Steven, ah didnae want tae pit ye in this position. Ah swear, this’ll be the last time ah ever need tae speak tae ye. Thur’s jist suhin ah need tae get aff ma chest. Suhin ye really need tae hear. And ah jist hope ye believe me when ah tell ye it.’
‘Right, well, ah’m aw yours,’ he says, then checks his watch. ‘Fur aboot twenty minutes. And then ah need tae shoot back. Annie’s decided she really wants me tae try again wi Daisy this Christmas so we’re gonnae surprise her and take her oot tae lunch the day. Apparently, some lassie came intae her work the other day that reminded her ae Daisy and noo she’s convinced it wis some kind ae sign.’
‘Today?’
‘Aye, we’re gonnae drive ower tae her flat.’
Ah search ma memory. Mum and Steven niver turnt up at ma door fur a surprise lunch. Ah wid remember that. Ah wid definitely remember that.
‘You sure?’
‘Aye,’ he laughs. ‘Ah mean, she’ll probably tell us tae f… well, she’ll probably make up an excuse so she disnae huv tae come, but wur gonnae try.’
Ah play wi the bit ae paper and pit tiny wee tears intae it. Ah remember Frances tearin up her beermat. Ah’ve no got time tae worry aboot this. Anyway, of course he didnae go tae ma flat. Ah’m jist aboot tae tell him aboot his death the morra. That’s why they niver came tae ma door. Because ah saved him.
‘When ah tell ye this,’ ah say, ‘ye’re gonnae hink ah’m a looney.’
‘Wid it help if ah said ah awready hink ye’re a looney?’
‘A bit,’ ah laugh. ‘Ah jist… ah’m no sure how tae phrase it.’
Steven’s smile fades. He rubs his chest, face tensed wi pain. Then he starts hittin himsel harder, jabbin sharply at the top ae his ribcage.
‘Ye awright?’ ah ask.
‘Aye, jist a bit ae pain. Ah get it sometimes. On ye go.’
‘Right, so, y’see the hockey game the morra…’
He starts coughin and it gets worse fast. He beats his chest again. His face is goin a deep red.
‘Steven,’ ah say, ‘urr ye awright?’
He attempts a nod but he cannae manage it. He tries tae stand but he stumbles and lands on his backside.
‘Jist breathe,’ ah tell him, gettin aff the bench. ‘Jist breathe.’
He grabs his left arm wi his right but he cannae speak. His eyes start tae close ower and his heid goes roond in circles.
Ah lower the rest ae him tae the deck, flat oot on his back, eyes tae the sky.
A swish ae fabric and a woman appears at ma side. A jogger that’s stopped tae see whit’s goin on.
‘Is he okay?’ she asks.
‘Ah don’t hink so,’ ah say. ‘Ah hink he’s huvin a heart attack.’
The woman produces her phone fae a zip in her leggins and dials 999. Ah kneel by Steven’s side and pat him on the face.
‘Jist stay awake,’ ah tell him. ‘Steven, look at me.’
His eyes stare straight through me, up at the clouds and the burds makin a racket above us.
Oh Daisy you’ve done it again.
This isnae right. This isnae how hings wur supposed tae happen. This cannae be happenin.
48
Ah hear the jogger on the phone tellin the ambulance tae come tae the Botanics. Ma knees ache, crunchin on the solid pavement.
‘That’s the ambulance on the way,’ ah tell Steven. ‘Ye jist need tae stay awake fur a wee bit longer. Awright? Steven, stay awake, aye?’
Thur’s suhin resemblin a nod fae him. Mair folk urr gatherin roond noo. The woman on the phone kneels doon.
‘Is he conscious?’ she asks.
‘Jist aboot.’
‘Jist aboot,’ she repeats intae the phone.
‘Everyhin awright here?’ a guy says.
The crowd’s swellin roond us, people comin fae aw sides ae the park tae see whit the drama is.
‘Everyone jist get back,’ ah shout at them. ‘He needs space, jist get back, please.’
Ma voice cracks on “please”. Ah wipe ma eyes so ah can see clearly and try and get Steven tae look at me again. Ah dunno whit tae say. Ah try and mind whit folk say on the telly when someone’s i
n trouble.
‘Speak tae me, Steven,’ ah say. ‘Jist let me know ye’re still wi me.’
Ah pat him on the cheek. His eyes blink a few times quickly. He swallows and tries tae speak.
‘Tell,’ he says. ‘Tell…’
‘Tell?’
‘Tell Annie,’ he gasps.
That’s aw he can manage. His mooth closes ower lit he’s got nae breath left and it’s too much effort. He keeps blinkin though. Ah look up at the woman who phoned the ambulance.
‘How long till it gets here?’ ah ask.
‘They say a few minutes,’ she says.
‘Tell them tae fuckin hurry up.’
‘Ah hink they’re goin as fast as they can.’
‘Jist fuckin… tell them!’
She turns her back on me and speaks quietly intae the phone. Ah look back at Steven. In his hawn, his packet ae fags. Ah take it aff him.
‘These’ll be oor wee secret,’ ah say, and a tear breaks fae ma eye and lands on him. Ah wipe it aff his jaiket. ‘This wisnae meant tae happen lit this. Ye’re meant tae huv another day. Ah dunno whit ah did wrong. Ah… ah thought they wid stop me, if ah wis gonnae dae anyhin that might… Ah’m sorry.’
He looks me in the eye. He disnae try tae speak. Ah hold his hawn in mine and squeeze it. His urr rough, nae rings, but callouses dotted on his palms still.
‘Ah’ll tell Annie ye love her,’ ah say. ‘Ah’ll tell her. And then you can tell her later on, eh? When ye’re back on yer feet? Steven? Does that sound lit a plan? Steven?’
His grip loosens on ma hawn. His eyes urr still open but they don’t focus on anyhin. Thur’s shouts fae somewhaur in the distance. Fitsteps approach and the crowd clears. Paramedics crouch by ma side, thur uniforms green and clean.
‘Miss,’ wan ae them says, ‘can I ask you to move out the way please?’
Ah jump tae ma feet, terrified ah’m gettin in the road.
