I like the straightforward way in which he speaks to me. I try to be honest with him as well. As honest as I can be without mentioning anything personal.
I tell him that I graduated a couple of years ago with a degree in English and work as a freelance editor. What I don’t tell him is that I work freelance because I can’t find anything better. I don’t tell him that I have been looking for a full-time position for over a year now, sent out over a hundred resumes and cover letters and have only been asked to come in to interview for five positions. I don’t tell him that no one will hire me for anything and that I am already four months behind on my student loan payments and would be out on the street were it not for my wonderful and generous roommate.
There is a world of things that I don’t tell Tristan, and I feel bad about every single one of them.
“So why vegetarian chili?” I ask. I’m trying to distract myself from all the things that I want to tell this perfect human being.
“Why not?” Tristan’s blue eyes twinkle when he smiles.
“No reason, just wondering,” I say. “I like vegetarian chili better than regular chili, anyway.”
“Well, that’s good,” he says. “Me too. But I also don’t eat meat.”
The words surprise me. My brows furrow in disbelief. I’ve always thought of vegetarians as weak and slight in stature. I’ve never met a guy who was a vegetarian, but I always imagined them to be boring and unattractive.
Tristan is none of these things. He’s powerful and solid and defined, both in personality and body. His arms and hands are strong and capable, and yet he’s supposedly a vegetarian?
“Really? That’s hard to believe.” I smile.
“Why’s that?”
“Because…because vegetarians aren’t…” I can’t think of a word that is both inoffensive and appropriate.
“Aren’t manly?” he fills in the blank.
I nod.
“Well, I am manly, and I’m a vegetarian. I don’t see why someone has to eat animals to be considered a real man.”
His words blow me away. I’ve never given vegetarians much thought except that I’ve always thought of them as a bit too self-obsessed and egomaniacal and weak. But Tristan isn’t that at all.
“Oh, I see.” I nod.
“I didn’t mean to offend you, Annabelle. It’s just something that works for me, and that’s why I do it. It doesn’t mean that I think there’s something wrong with you.”
“I hope not,” I mumble, hating myself for thinking that there is something wrong with him. When there isn’t. He’s the most perfect human that I’ve laid my eyes on. And the fact that he is a vegetarian on top of that, someone who cares about the well-being of those who are weaker than him, makes him even more attractive.
Tristan pours me a bowl of the chili. I grab a spoon and eat more than I’ve eaten in weeks. It tastes so delicious and wonderful that I feel completely powerless in stopping myself. Once I finish one bowl, he pours me another and another. He doesn’t stop me from filling myself, and he doesn’t ask questions as to why I’m so hungry. He simply eats his bowl of food in silence, occasionally looking up at me with an inquisitive look in his eye.
After dinner, we make s’mores. I haven’t had a s’more in a decade. I love peeling off the burned parts of the marshmallow and licking the gooey, stretchy filling. After ravenously consuming two s’mores, I look up at Tristan and catch him staring at me. With the sun setting, his eyes turn a deeper shade of blue but do not lose the innocent and yet mysterious quality that draws me to him.
Suddenly, he reaches out and brushes his fingers along my bottom lip. His fingertips feel rough but soft at the same time. Slowly, he leans in close to me. I can feel his breath on my face, and I lick my lips.
He cradles my face as he buries his fingers in my hair. When I close my eyes, our lips touch.
3
His lips are soft and effervescent. His tongue feels both foreign and familiar at the same time. He tilts my head back and drops his. His lips are on my neck. He’s kissing me so slowly that I can feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
Our legs touch, and his hands slowly caress the top of my shoulders. I feel him pushing me backward onto the ground, and I let him. My legs open on their own, and we intertwine as one.
“Wait, wait,” I whisper.
Reluctantly, Tristan pulls away. His face is so close to mine that his hair falls into my eyes, and his eyelashes are giving me butterfly kisses.
“What’s wrong?” he whispers. “Do you want to take things slow?”
Yes, I do, I say to myself. This isn’t right. I’m not the kind of girl who has one night stands. I’m careful and cautious. I am the girl who has boyfriends and who always waits until at least the third date to sleep with a guy.
And yet, there’s something about Tristan that makes me feel safe and comfortable. I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. Like we belong together. I don’t feel as if I’ve just met him; I feel like I’ve known him forever.
“No,” I decide and shake my head.
“Are you sure?” he whispers, kissing my neck again.
I nod. “I just want to go into your tent. Is that okay?”
He smiles with his whole face, and his blue eyes pierce through my heart and body.
“Is that okay?” he jokes, grabbing my hand and pulling me up into the air. “Is that okay? Of course, it’s okay.”
The tent is twenty feet away, but I barely walk a step. With Tristan’s arms around me, I am as light as a feather and float into the tent.
The tent is small, meant for one person, and neither of us can stand up all the way. I dive in first, landing softly on his sleeping bag. Tristan lowers himself, slowly, on top of me. His smile vanishes, but his face keeps its whimsical look.
“What?” I smile. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life,” he says without missing a beat.
My cheeks flush. No one has ever said that to me before. The confidence in his voice is disarming.
He kisses me again. This time his lips are more forceful. He presses his whole body into mine, and every last inch of it is hard and powerful. He kisses me hard – so hard that it borders on painful. I kiss him back. I push back into him and feel him rise a little above me. I didn’t know that I could have so much power.
Slowly, our bodies start to move as one. Through his jeans, I can feel how large and hard his cock is, and I want to see it. I want to feel it in my hand. I want to taste it.
His hands start to slide down my body until they find where my dress ends. Then they start sliding back up, across the curves of my hips, up my hips bones, and stopping briefly to tease my belly button. His lips pull away from mine and land there. He’s licking my belly button and then running his tongue along the top of my panties. My body rises and falls with each kiss. I close my legs to stop myself from getting even wetter than I already am.
“Oh no, no, no,” he whispers and forces my legs open once more. My mouth dries and all moisture in my body concentrates itself in that one place between my legs.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t stay there for long. He comes back up and pulls my dress over the top of my head.
I’m not wearing a bra, and my erect nipples are holding my breasts in place.
“Oh wow, wow,” he whispers, placing the tip of my breast into his mouth.
“I love your breasts, Annabelle,” Tristan whispers.
I love the way he says my name, and I want to hear him scream it at the top of his lungs.
“Oh, Tristan,” I whisper, wanting to scream his name too, but I seem to have lost all ability to speak.
He comes back up to my face, and I can taste the sweetness of his luscious lips. As we kiss, he kicks off his loose fitting jeans.
“No underwear?” I ask, grabbing his hard, solid ass.
My fingernails are probably leaving marks, but I don’t care. The m
uscles in his butt are hard and strong, but the skin is soft and delicate. Grabbing it makes me so aroused that it’s all I can do not to push him onto his stomach and bite it.
“I didn’t have a clean pair. I’ve been out here for days.”
Yes, of course. I completely forgot where we are.
Looking up through the mesh of his tent, I can see the magnificent night sky above our heads. 80-foot pines cradle our world as we reach toward the heavens and star-studded sky.
Grabbing on to my breasts, as if for support, Tristan runs his tongue along the top of my panties again. I relax and let my legs fall open for him. With one swift motion, he pulls my panties off completely. It happens so fast that he must’ve ripped them, but I don’t care. Now my legs are tense, and the area between my legs is salivating for him.
“I want you, Annabelle,” he says and pushes himself into me.
“I want you too,” I mumble.
We move in unison, and I can feel him going deeper and deeper within me with each motion.
I wonder where he has been this whole time. It’s as if I have been missing something my whole life that I didn’t know I needed or wanted.
Suddenly, with one swift and smooth motion, he moves my leg out of the way and lies down next to me. We’re both on our sides, and my left leg is draping over his. We are still one. His fingers find my clit and starts massaging gently with each thrust.
My legs start to cramp up and then go numb, and a warm, soothing sensation starts to fill my entire body. My body is getting closer and closer to my blissful release.
“I’m getting close,” I whisper. It’s a warning, but it comes out as an apology. He is driving me wild.
“I know,” he says confidently. He continues to massage my clit and to push himself in and out of me.
Suddenly, I’m on top of him. I’m still on my back, and he’s still inside of me with his fingers on my clit, but he’s now below me. Our movements are speeding up, except that I’m no longer moving. I simply let him take me wherever he wants to go.
I give up. I give in. I let go completely. I am exposed, and he’s doing whatever he wants.
“Tristan!” I moan as ultimate pleasure starts coursing through my body. My legs go numb and goose bumps cover my body.
“Annabelle!” he screams into my ear.
“Oh, Annabelle,” he says over and over as he moves his hips faster and faster.
“Annabelle,” he whispers again when he finishes.
* * *
4
After he throws away the condom – the one that I didn’t even see him put on but was really thankful that he had – he comes back to the tent. We lie around for hours talking, laughing, and exploring each other’s bodies.
He tells me all the things that he loves about my body, and his admiration makes me think differently about it too. I thought I had big hips, but he says that they are just big enough to hold on to. I have always thought I had small breasts, but Tristan disagrees.
“They’re the perfect size. I don’t understand how you don’t see it. Look, they fit right into my mouth, hardly any spillover!”
I blush. No one has talked about my body like this before, and I feel myself falling in love with his admiration. I love the way he looks at me and the way his words make me feel.
When I wake up a few hours later, the sun is beaming down on me through the mesh screen of the tent. I’m all alone, and the combination of sleeping bag and sun is making me sweat profusely.
“Hey, how are you?” I climb out of the tent. I feel a little groggy and tired from last night, and my legs are sore. I try to hold on to the top of the tent for support, but it collapses under my weight.
“Hey, you’re finally up,” Tristan says.
His hair is tossed, and he’s not wearing a shirt. Every muscle in his strong, wide shoulders bulges as he stuffs the rest of his remaining supplies into his already overstuffed backpack.
“Yeah, sorry, I must’ve slept in.” I shield my eyes from the sun. Am I really seeing this? Why is he packing his backpack?
My backpack is near the pine tree on the other side of the campsite. I hadn’t unpacked it at all.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m sorry to do this.” He looks up and comes over to me.
“Do what?” I ask even though I already know. He is leaving. Leaving me.
“I’m sorry, but I have to go.”
“What? Why?” My voice goes high, and I want to stomp my feet. I want to do everything and anything to change his mind.
“I’m sorry, Annabelle. It just came up.” He tries to put his arms around me.
“What came up?” I pull away. “What’s so important?”
I know that I sound like a child. We just met yesterday. I have no right to make any demands on his time. He doesn’t owe me anything. And yet, I can’t help myself.
“What about everything we talked about last night? About going on today. Together? At least for a few more days? What about that?”
“I know. I know. And I really wish I could do that. I want to do those things with you. You have no idea how much. But I just can’t. It’s something for work. I can’t really explain, but I have to go.”
I shake my head.
“You’re a rafting guide, what kind of emergency could’ve possibly come up?”
He stares at me. Then looks away. The expression on his face looks as if he had forgotten that.
“I’m sorry. It’s something for my dad. It’s something I do on the side,” he says.
But the words don’t come out easily. He’s searching for them, trying to remember something. It’s a lie. I can feel it. Was all of this a lie?
He’s rejecting me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop him.
“But I want to stay in touch. We both live in LA. I want to see you again,” Tristan says, wrapping his arms around me.
I try to push him away. But he doesn’t let me.
“No,” he whispers. “I want you to know that I don’t think last night was a mistake. Everything I said was true. Everything we had last night was true.”
“If it were then you wouldn’t be leaving.”
“No, that’s not true. Sometimes there are things beyond our control.”
Tristan leans down and presses his lips to mine. I want to push him away, but,at the same time, I want to savor this moment. This will be the last time that I will see him.
I know that even though he has promised that it wouldn’t be. So I kiss him back as passionately and with the most love that I can muster. Our lips pressing hard and our tongues intertwining. I want to stay in this moment forever, but I have to be strong.
I pull away first. He’s just tilting my head to get a little bit more of a taste when I push him away.
“Okay, go. If you have to go, go!” I say and start to walk away.
“Annabelle.” He catches up to me just as I grab my backpack, tossing it onto my shoulders. It’s much heavier than I remember, and I wince from the pain.
“I don’t even know your last name,” Tristan says.
“York,” I say, immediately regretting telling him.
“Annabelle York,” he whispers. “How beautiful.”
“I have to go, Tristan,” I say, turning away from him.
I don’t want him to see the tears that are building up in my eyes. They’re tears of loss and pain. Tears of the wonderful moments we shared and how they are now gone. Tears of the pain of never having him again. But mostly, they are tears of pity over everything else that I have lost in my life and the sadness that I feel for myself in this moment.
“How can I contact you? What’s your number?” Tristan asks, refusing to let go of my arm.
I gather whatever molecules of strength I have left within me and reply, “I’m not giving you my number.”
I refuse to give Tristan my number because I know that he only asked for it to be nice. He wouldn’t be leaving right now if he actually felt the way I thought he had
felt. And asking for my number and pretending that he is going to call is a lie.
A beautiful lie that I desperately want to believe, but I can’t. I have been disappointed enough in my life.
My pride makes me walk away from Tristan even though all I want to do is run back to him, wrap my arms around him, and beg him to stay. I hate the feeling that he has over me, the feeling that makes me into a needy, helpless little girl. And yet I am stronger than that.
He’s leaving me, so I decide to leave him first. Who the hell does he think he is? Does he think that I’m just going to wait around for him? Does he think that I actually believe him when he tells me he’s going to call?
Contradictory thoughts swirl around in my head making me dizzy and tired. Last night, for the first time in weeks and months, had been a high. It made me realize that perhaps there is something about life worth living.
And right now, I feel lower than I have felt in months.
I want to run to get further away from Tristan and my feelings for him. But the bag that I carry is too heavy for that. All I can do is walk a little faster. Put one foot in front of the other a little quicker.
And the further I get away from him and the night we shared, the better I start to feel. The pines grow thicker, cradling my sorrow in their blossom. As the undergrowth gets taller and lusher and the trail gets narrower and narrower, I start to feel an unfamiliar tingling.
No matter what has happened, no matter how I feel now knowing that I will never see him again, Tristan has opened my eyes.
He reminded me of the life that I am missing, the life that I once had. He isn’t just Tristan. He’s also a symbol of life and hope and passion. All the things that have disappeared from my life over the last few months. All the things that make life worth living.
And for that, I am grateful.
5
Three days later.
I walk into our apartment and drop my heavy backpack on the ground for good. It’s the middle of the afternoon. My roommate and best friend, Maggie Mae, should be home unless she is at an audition, and I am looking forward to seeing her.
Auctioned to Him Page 26
