She would never forget Ian, and while a small part of her died that day as well, the largest part of her survived and was ready to get on with living a full and happy life. She realized the potential for tremendous heartache, but she hoped and prayed Mathew became an integral part of her bright future.
But regardless of what happened down the road, he was in her life right now, and she poured all her energy into making the spare room a comfortable, erotic space. Since it was smaller than her room, she wasn’t able to add furniture or play equipment, so she incorporated a lot of creative thinking and finagling to fit in everything she thought would be useful.
She scooted the massage table to the back and off to one side, leaving extra space for a sitting area that would be great for reclining and snuggling. There wasn’t room for a couch, so she placed two large cream-colored floor pillows side by side to make a pallet on the floor, then piled on bright, colorful throw pillows of varying shapes and sizes that could be used for reclining or propping against the wall.
She brought in the small bench she sometimes used for back massage, and while it wouldn’t work as a spanking bench, she was certain Mathew would find creative uses for it. Since there wasn’t room for large equipment like a St. Andrew’s cross, she screwed hooks into the ceiling joists that could be used with cuffs and rope.
She draped the ceiling with shimmering gauze to give the space a soft, sensual feel in addition to being stealthily kinky so anyone peeking in would see a massage room. But Mathew would find the hidden treasures tucked here and there, and she bubbled with pride as well as anticipation of his reaction.
Carl called at ten minutes to seven and canceled his appointment, and since there weren’t many errands she could run at seven o’clock on Saturday evening, she decided to test out the throw pillows by taking a short nap.
She rested her head on one of the small, soft pillows, wrapped her arms around a large body pillow, and in a matter of moments was sound asleep. Her next conscious thought was of Mathew standing over her, arms crossed, looking downright pissed.
“Hey.” She sat up, brushed her hair away from her eyes, and glanced around the room while trying to understand his displeasure. “What’s wrong? You don’t like the room?”
He closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath, and pinched the bridge of his nose. After several beats, he said, “I love the room. It’s beautiful and you did an amazing job. But I didn’t like walking into your office and not being able to find you. You took five years off my life. And when I did find you…” He threw his hands in the air in frustration. “Anyone could’ve come in here and…” His words trailed off and he shook his head, like he couldn’t finish the thought. “What the hell were you thinking leaving the door unlocked like that?”
“I leave the door unlocked all the time. In fact, state law requires it remain unlocked during business hours.”
“You being awake and working with a client is different than you lying on the floor sound asleep. I stood here staring at you for five minutes.”
“Okay, that’s kind of creepy.” The second the muttered statement left her lips, she realized her mistake. He wasn’t just a little upset; he was seething mad, and her smart comment didn’t help.
His eyes narrowed in warning. “Creepy? What if I’d been a rapist and a murderer?”
She understood fear fed his anger, but there wasn’t need for either. Her office was in a safe part of town where no one would slink around on a Saturday evening.
She pushed to her feet and reached out to stroke his face, hoping to mollify him. “But you’re not a rapist or a murderer. You’re a protector. And I’m fine.”
He caught her wrist in a solid grip and pulled her against his chest, where the steady albeit rapid thump, thump, thump of his heart pounded beneath his white dress shirt.
Her mind flashed back to his incident with Lili at Pandora’s. That night, there had been a brief moment where Muriel was concerned for Lili’s safety. After getting to know him better, she realized how asinine her fear had been.
However, she also recognized she’d probably put herself in the unenviable position of earning a punishment, at least in his eyes. Ian always insisted she not leave alone late in the evenings because of concerns for her safety. Even though she felt perfectly safe, her thoughts and feelings hadn’t meant squat to Ian. She’d been his to protect, and that’s exactly what he did.
Even though Mathew was far from accepting her as his, he’d been protecting her since Ian’s passing. And in his mind, she put herself at risk by leaving the door unlocked and falling asleep where anyone could—obviously—sneak in on her.
Mathew didn’t like doling out punishment. She didn’t like receiving it. Maybe she could talk her way out of this unfortunate situation. “I’m sorry. I understand why you think I acted irresponsibly, and I won’t do it again.”
Mathew’s eyes narrowed again and his jaw clenched. “Would that shit have worked with Ian?”
She bit her tongue as her own anger built. Ian would’ve already had her over his knee for being so lax with her personal safety. But Ian wasn’t here. Mathew wasn’t Ian. And unless something had changed since their conversation last Saturday, Mathew was a temporarily fixture in her life, which didn’t give him the right to behave as if he were her Master.
She pulled her hand from his grip, crossed her arms defiantly, and gritted her teeth. “No, it wouldn’t’ve. But you’re not Ian. And you made it clear last week you’re not interested in being my Dom, so from where I’m standing, you don’t have a say in this matter.”
He moved so quickly she hardly had time to realize what was happening. One second, she stood toe to toe with him; the next, she was bent over the end of the massage table, her dress halfway up her back. A heartbeat later, the dress was over her head, the sleeves twisted around her wrists like cuffs, with Mathew securing the hem to the underside of the table. Since he’d ordered her to not wear panties on Saturdays, half a pulse later, his palm lit up her backside with fire.
Shock rocketed through her system as she struggled to grab a breath and catch up to all that had transpired since her last cognizant thought—which had obviously been a bad one that got her into more trouble than she’d been in at the start.
“Spread your legs so they hook on the outsides of the table legs.”
Pride insisted she argue, but her inner submissive heard the deep, commanding tone in his voice and wouldn’t allow anything but absolute compliance.
He grabbed one of the throw pillows off the floor, slid an arm under her waist, and lifted so the pillow slid under her pubic bone and titled her ass up nice and high. He might not like giving punishments, but like that first night with Lili, he would do whatever was necessary to keep a sub safe.
“Let’s get a few things straight.”
Her stomach somersaulted with a strange mixture of apprehension and anticipation as he unbuttoned his sleeves and rolled them up to his elbows.
“Your safety is the most important thing in the world to me. Because you feel it’s so unimportant, you’ll get ten swats. And maybe next time, you’ll give it a little more thought. Count them off.”
She clenched her jaw and squeezed her eyes shut in preparation as he ran his hand around and around her bare ass, warming her up so she wouldn’t suffer unintentional injuries.
The first blow landed across her right cheek with so much force she gasped with shock and the need to… well, to catch her breath. Holy shit, he wasn’t playing.
“One, Sir.” Maybe if she followed all the rules and minded her manners, he would show her leniency.
Ow, shit. Or not.
“Two, Sir.”
The third and fourth came in rapid succession along the tender underside, where butt and thigh meet. Tears sprang to her eyes as she struggled to count. “Three and four.” She gasped on a sob. “Sir.”
Five, six, and seven were alternated between left and right, and while his hand must have been stinging as badly as her ass, he
wasn’t slacking off. She counted them off and held her breath, waiting for the remaining three. She should’ve known better than to expect him to follow the same pattern. Rather than landing three more swats in rapid succession, his hand rubbed the fiery burn across her ass, amplifying the heat and spreading the wildfire to every single cell.
And then, like a switch being thrown, the pain became pleasure as his fingers swept across her pussy. Mentally, she hated punishment. But her body responded to the stimulation the same as if she were receiving erotic pats on the ass. Information Mathew was also now privy to as moisture coated his fingers, allowing them to easily slide inside her. With a few quick pumps, he had her dangling on the edge of an explosive orgasm. But before she reached the ultimate peak, he withdrew his fingers and landed swat number eight.
He waited for her count before coming across the outer meaty edge of her right cheek with nine. He waited again, then landed ten in the same place on the left side.
Tears ran freely from her eyes by the time he finished, not only because of the intense assault on her ass, but from the sexual frustration of needing to come, as well as sadness for having scared him and making him believe a punishment was necessary.
Her hair was stuck to her face from a combination of sweat and tears, and he knelt beside the table to gently brush it away from her face. He ran his thumb across her cheeks to gather the tears still flowing from her eyes, then kissed her temple with so much tenderness her heart cracked open and a fresh wave of tears escaped.
“Force of will and bull-headed determination kept me going after Ian died. If something happened to you…” He shook his head and ran his hands over his face, then stood and turned away, but not before she caught the moisture shimmering in his eyes. His voice cracked as he asked, “Will you take unnecessary risks with your safety in the future, angel?”
She shook her head and sniffed back more tears. “No, Sir. I’ll be conscious of my safety at all times.” She swallowed another sob. “Thank you for caring enough to make sure I’m safe.”
“I care more than you could ever know, Muriel. Which brings me to the second thing we need to get straight.” Her eyes widened and lust dimmed her vision as he unfastened his belt, then unbuttoned and unzipped his pants to free his cock. “I never said I wasn’t interested in being your Dom. That would be a damned lie, and while I may be a lot of vile things, I’m not a liar.”
He stroked her shoulder, then continued down her spine as he walked to the end of the table. Standing behind her, he circled his hand over her ass, which still felt like it had been assaulted by a thousand stinging bees.
One hand slid under her to massage her clit, the other aligned his cock with her opening. Sliding inside at an excruciatingly slow pace, he said, “There’s nothing in this world I want more than to be your Dom… I want to be your everything. But I’m not the right man for the job.”
She wanted to call bullshit on that assessment, but before she opened her mouth, he stole her breath by driving into her and pinning her to the table. His teeth clamped down on her shoulder—not enough to hurt, but enough to hold her in place—as he drove into her over and over again.
Even though his mouth said one thing, this felt like a marking—like his body needed to claim her as his—and she was fine with letting biology take over and accept what his mind wouldn’t.
His thrusts were so hard they drove her forward on the table, adding another delicious layer of friction as her breasts scooted across the linen sheet. His fingers worked her clit, driving her to the edge of detonation.
Her legs trembled, her stomached coiled into a tight ball, her breasts, arms, and hands tingled with the impending climax, and still, he kept her hovering in that in-between space until she thought she’d lose her mind.
After what seemed an eternity, he finally growled the magical words that sent her into the stratosphere. “Scream my name and come now.”
She’d always been more of a gasper than a screamer, but this time, she held nothing back. She wasn’t sure how long the screaming and shaking lasted—it felt like hours—but when she floated back to Earth, she was utterly and completely spent.
She’d never been so thoroughly taken and used before, but at the same time, she also wasn’t sure she’d ever been so loved. She didn’t know if Mathew would ever voice those words, but the force of his feelings drove him to punish and take her, even if he never admitted as much.
As he continued to lie on top of her, breathing harshly, his arms wrapped around her like he didn’t ever want to let go.
“Sir, would you please untie me?”
He wasn’t hurting her, but she had a feeling he was more open in this moment than he’d ever been before—or might ever be again—and she wanted to take this opportunity to reach out to him again. She also needed to apologize for causing him worry and wanted to look him in the eye while doing so, so he would know she wasn’t just offering lip service.
With a deep, shuddering breath, he stood, tucked himself back into his pants, and moved to the head of the table to untie the hem of her skirt. The second her wrists were free, she shook the dress off, then sat on the edge of the table and reached for his hands.
“I’m sorry I took an unnecessary risk. I’ve always been of the opinion that the world’s a safe place, and I trust the universe to take care of me. And it has.” She smiled at him. “You’ve been watching over me, keeping me safe for the past year, and I didn’t even realize it.” She tugged on his hands, trying to get him to look at her face. “But I understand where you’re coming from and why you were worried. I promise I’ll be much more aware in the future.”
He didn’t seem to be fully online yet, so she searched his eyes to make sure he was following. “I have clients who can only come on Saturdays or in the evenings, and for that reason, I can’t change my hours.” More like she wouldn’t. She’d refused to change her hours when Ian pushed, and she wouldn’t change them for Mathew, either. But she would take precautions so he could rest easier. “If you can’t be here, I’ll call a friend and have them on the phone with me. Or maybe Lucas can stop by and walk me to my car. Does that sound fair to you?”
He closed his eyes and drew in a shuddering breath. “Yes. Thank you for understanding.” He ran his thumb across her cheek while cradling her head in his palm. “You don’t know what you mean to me. I would be destroyed if something happened to you.”
She captured his hand in hers and smiled. They’d started this conversation the week before but hadn’t been able to finish because of his panic attack. She hoped she didn’t bring on another one, but there were things that still needed to be cleared up, so she took a deep breath and dove in.
“I’m beginning to understand how much you care. I care about you too.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “That’s no good, Muriel.”
An incredulous laugh shot out of her. “What’s no good? Me caring about you?”
“Yes.” He held her hands tightly to his chest while staring into her eyes, as if imploring her to understand something critically important. “I’m no good for you.”
She huffed with frustration. “I don’t understand why you say that.”
“Come on, Muriel. You’ve heard enough about my past to know the kind of man I am. I was born with a stain that has spread and grown darker over the years.”
Her eyes narrowed with the anger bubbling in her gut. “I’ve heard about your childhood and your teenage antics. And in spite of all that, you’re an amazing man.”
He shook his head… and shook it… and continued to shake it like his neck was broken and he couldn’t stop. “You’re delusional.”
“If you see a handicapped child in a wheelchair, do you blame that child for being in that position?”
He drew back as horror colored his face. “Jesus. If you have to ask that question, I’m obviously not as spectacular as you believe.”
She smiled in the face of his anger. “And your strong reaction pro
ved my point.”
His eyes narrowed and the muscle in his jaw tensed. “What?”
“You would never think badly of a child because they’re handicapped. So why do you believe you’re any different? You had no control over your conception, adoption, or upbringing. Yeah, you made bad choices in high school, but I’m not sure anyone in your situation would’ve made better ones. If Ian had grown up in your household, he probably would’ve done the same things. You were starving for attention and had no direction. You did whatever you wanted with no repercussions, while a part of you hoped somebody noticed.”
His head dropped, probably with shame, but she refused to let him go there.
“Guess what. Somebody did. Joanne and Liam noticed, and they saw the potential in you. That’s why they brought you into their lives and showed you a better way.”
Something about the stillness of his form along with his slow, steady breathing, made her think she might be getting through, so she kept at him, even as he dropped her hands and turned away. “I’ve heard enough stories about your past to have a pretty good picture of who you were. But Joanne and Liam couldn’t be prouder of the man you are today.
“When they recount your teenage days, there’s a lot of laughter involved, as well as a ton of gratitude that they were able to make a difference in your life. They love you like their own. And they wouldn’t hesitate to set you straight, even as a grown man, if they thought you were out of line.”
“You have no idea the kind of man I am. Have you seen me in the courtroom?”
She shook her head. “No. But you’re fiercely loyal, and I’m betting that attitude carries over to your clients, as well as your friends. If you think your client’s not getting a fair deal, I don’t doubt you’ll do whatever’s necessary to protect them.”
His laugh was harsh and bitter, but she was undeterred.
“I saw a side of you after Ian died I’d never seen before. You were so patient and kind with me. I was a basket case who couldn’t think straight, but you never lost patience. You asked questions on my behalf, you explained things to me over and over and over until I understood, and you never got angry. And God… the love and concern you showed Liam and Joanne was incredible.”
Coveted (Pandora's Playground #1) Page 15
