If I hand Sive three hundred, she will disappear from my life as early as tomorrow. Thirty is enough to keep her happy and stuck in my house.
“I get it,” Blaze says and smirks at me. “Thirty and more drawings as soon as possible.”
“I will tell her,” I say and settle myself between Boulder and him.
“Kolya was in my office,” I say.
“A job?” Boulder asks.
I nod at him. “He said not to hurry.”
“So don’t.” Boulder brings the glass of beer to his lips.
Mia glances at me so I order a shot of vodka and coke to wash it down. Looking over my shoulder, I notice Zane who’s playing snooker with Lisa. She tries to flirt with him, but he is mute like he is bathing in his own thoughts.
“Was it difficult for Ma?” I start quietly and look at Boulder.
“What?” Boulder asks.
“The MC stuff and being your wife.”
“Why are you asking?” Boulder empties his glass and waves his hand at Mia.
“I want to know.”
“Because of that cute little thing in your house?”
“Is it serious?” Blaze joins us and leans towards me, laying his calloused hand on my neck.
“I don’t know,” I explode. “I’m just looking after her. That’s all.”
“Mother will knock all your teeth out if you fuck her and leave her after,” Boulder says. “I haven’t seen her so pissed off since Zane and you were teenagers and she found girls in your beds.”
“It’s kind of important to Ma, I guess.”
Boulder sends me a predatory glance. “Mother likes Sive. I like Sive too.”
“I love her,” Blaze says and taps the back of my neck.
“So was it difficult for Ma or not?” I bark.
“It was very difficult for her,” Boulder says, “but she’s supported me the best she could over all those years even though I couldn’t tell her everything.”
I urge Mia to pour me another shot.
Thoughts tumble in my head. Ma is a strong woman, one of us, whilst Sive is a delicate creature who needs protection all the time. I don’t think she could manage to deal with who I really am.
I know that I can’t allow myself to even think about a relationship with her. I shouldn’t plan anything and I shouldn’t even touch her but the truth is that my only desire is to keep her in my house for as long as possible.
The alcohol flows in my veins and the warmth makes my muscles relax. I put my elbows on the counter and growl at Mia to hurry with another shot. I need to escape from my internal struggle if only for a moment.
“She is sweet, ya know,” I say to Boulder.
“She looks like a fucking little goddess,” Boulder says. “Delicious.”
I raise my hand and make a threatening gesture with my forefinger. “Mine.”
Mia places three shots in front of me and flashes me a seductive smile. “Anything else?”
“Three more,” I say, swallow a shot and turn my face to Boulder. “She is mine. My little mermaid.”
“Are you in love, son?” Boulder asks, his eyes gleaming with curiosity.
I prop my elbow on the counter and rest my forehead against my palm. “I don’t know. I can’t get that chick out of my head.”
“Give it more time, see how things will progress.” Boulder raises his hand and we clink glasses.
Zane joins us and looks at me sternly. “Go home, Axel. You are drunk.”
“Shut up,” I rasp. “You are not my fucking nanny.” I pour more of the alcohol into my mouth and turn my face to Blaze. “He’s always like our family’s fucking conscience.” I empty another shot.
The alcohol makes me feel good, kills the fear sprouting at the bottom of my heart. I fear that Sive won’t want to have anything to do with me when she learns who I really am. I’ve wanted her since the moment I saw her on that road. Everything is prefect about her; everything is so fresh and intense with her, everything is just right with her.
I grab another shot glass, spilling vodka onto the counter, and swallow it instantly. My mind is a bit hazy and I start feeling unsteady and incoherent, but it doesn’t stop me from emptying two more shots. I hear myself gibberish, my problems don’t seem so bad to me any longer and everything is more funny to me.
“Go home, Axel,” Boulder says and Zane grabs my arm.
I sweep my other arm. “I can walk.”
A thought hammers in my head. I have to go to my Sive. Raising my hand, I stagger towards the exit and the boys rumble their goodbyes.
As the door swings open, the chilly air whips my face. The last remnants of my rationality tell me to leave the bike at the bar and go on foot.
“Do you need a ride home?” Wendy’s voice comes from behind me.
“Fuck off,” I mumble.
I can walk. I don’t need anybody’s pity.
“Why are you so rude?” Wendy snaps and catches up with me.
“I’m a bad rude man.”
“I’ll give you a lift, you big bad rude man,” Wendy says in a sweet voice.
It seems a good idea to me so I let her guide me to her car parked near the bar. She shoves me into the passenger seat and fastens my seatbelt.
“Funny, isn’t it?” she says, settling herself behind the steering wheel.
“What?” I growl.
“You aren’t groping me this time.”
“I have to go home,” I rumble.
She pisses me off. I have to go to my Sive. My fist slams on the inside of the car door.
“Alright, you big rude man,” she says in a loud voice and starts the engine.
The car moves forward as I rest my forehead against the window. There is blackness in my head for a moment, and then Wendy’s hand shaking my arm tears me out of my drunken nap. She’s standing at the passenger side and helping me get out of the car.
“Who is that little girl in your house?” Wendy asks, throwing my arm across her back and leading me towards the door.
“My little mermaid.”
“I didn’t know you could be such a romantic.”
We tumble inside the house, and Wendy shoves me into the couch.
“Do you want some water?” she asks and kneels between my legs, taking off my boots.
“Get out of my house,” I bark.
She snorts and sits beside me. “You’ve changed, you know.”
“So what? Get out.”
“I thought there would be something between us.” She leans towards me and kisses my neck. “I thought you would want something more stable with me. I thought you loved the fucking. It’s always good, isn’t it?” She runs her wet tongue up my throat and kisses the angle of my jaw.
My cloudy brain doesn’t want her, but my dick twitches in my pants. I raise myself, kicking the coffee table. My foot knocks it over and the bang tears at the air.
Wendy chuckles and pulls me into the couch. She removes my cut and t-shirt and I barely realise that. Everything wavers around me. Everything is so fucking slow around me.
Wendy sits on her heels beside me, and her chest clings to my back. It’s not right, and I growl with fury, but her hand slides under my waistband. My brain furiously rebels against her touch, but my dick doesn’t discern between Sive and her.
Wendy strokes me and kisses my neck. Fortunately, my drunken brain is stubborn enough and wins the battle with my stupid dick so I clumsily shove her off me and she lands on the floor.
“Get out of my house,” I say. “Now.”
My eyes lift towards the stairs and I see Sive sitting on the third step. She tilts her head and her glance sends coldness into my veins.
Chapter 14
Sive
He doesn’t want that woman. I can see it clearly, but it doesn’t change the fact that she slipped her hand into his pants. He allowed her to touch him.
“Sive,” Axel says. “Come here, baby.”
I can barely discern his words. He’s very drunk.
The woman rises to her feet and watches me with cold assessing eyes as I move closer to them and stop in the middle of the living area.
Axel staggers towards me, falls to his knees and wraps his arms around my bottom, resting his cheek against my tummy.
“I’m drunk, Sive,” he says. “I’m really drunk.”
I’ve noticed that, you moron. The blood in my veins starts to boil and I want to yell at him but my lips only curl into a polite smile that I flash towards the woman. She sends me a snarl in return.
“You are just a brief moment in his life, you little girl,” the woman says. “He always comes back to me.”
I’m certain of that. It’s obvious that they regularly enjoy each other. Axel is a man. He needs a woman. This is how things work in the world. Nonetheless, her words stab me like a knife, slap me like a real hand can slap a cheek. Jealousy spreads in my chest like I have a black hole inside.
“Get out, you bitch,” Axel mumbles and squeezes my ass with his palms.
I want to slap him in the face or even kick his crotch but I compose myself. My eyes follow the woman who saunters towards the door and disappears behind it.
“Sive, baby, forgive me.” Axel kisses my tummy and gathers up my nightdress.
“Nno, A-xel.”
A lump forms in my throat and tears leak from the corners of my eyes. A burning sensation wells up in my chest, and I suck in a breath.
Axel kisses my outer thigh and grips my hips, his fingers digging in my flesh, causing me pain. I groan and pull away from him. He is drunk. He should go to bed. I don’t want to have anything to do with him. Another woman touched him after I had touched him earlier. I wince in disgust.
Axel scrambles to his feet and pulls me into his embrace.
“Ggo tto bedd,” I say as his hot wet kisses land on my forehead.
“I love you, Sive.”
Yeah, really. You are so drunk that you don’t know what you are talking about.
I liberate myself from his embrace, hold his hand and lead him upstairs. It’s better not to piss him off, I guess. I want him to go to bed because I don’t fancy more familiarity with him tonight.
I’m moving out first thing in the morning. What else can I do?
We climb clumsily upstairs, and I shove him towards Zane’s bedroom.
“I want to sleep with you,” Axel says and smothers me with his kisses.
He wets my cheeks and lips. His hot breath smells of alcohol. I avert my face even though I want to feel his lips against mine desperately, and move back towards my bedroom, but Axel follows me and seizes me around the waist with his arms. We tumble onto the bed and his body crushes mine, knocking the air out of my lungs. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. The giant on top of me is going to kill me with his weight.
I huff. “A-xel.”
His hand squeezes my breast, and I feel his hot lips on my neck as he rearranges his body. That offers me a chance for survival and I clumsily separate myself from him, gasping and groaning.
“A-xel.” I want to sound serious, but it comes out as a squeak.
“You are so sweet. My sweet little mermaid.”
Of course, I am sweet. I can’t talk like a normal person. I won’t yell at him. I can only smile politely when I’m angry or frustrated.
Axel moves closer to me and spoons me within his body. His chest envelops my back as he buries his face into my neck. His breath scorches my skin. I stiffen in his embrace as his hands wander on my body. He squeezes my breasts and massages my tummy, his movements clumsy and disorganised. Then his hands freeze, his body stiffens against mine and soon his snoring fills the air. He is asleep. I wait a few more minutes and gently take his arms off me.
I will sleep in Zane’s bedroom tonight.
“Sive,” Axel mumbles. “Come here, baby.” He pulls me closer to him and covers us with the comforter.
I will sleep with a drunken stinky animal. Brilliant. Tears prick my eyes again. I wish that incident with that woman of his had not happened. I could still dream of our future together. I could laugh at his drunkenness instead of crying in my pain and disappointment.
The night is a nightmare for me. Axel’s snoring rasps through the air like a buzz saw working, and I roll in bed. Each time I move away from him he shoots his arms and entraps me in his crushing embrace. So I absorb the fumes of alcohol from my companion as his sweat and scent layers me. I fight for every breath. Finally, Axel rolls on his side and I have a nap.
I get up when the day is about to dawn and I go to the kitchen to make myself a strong coffee. With a mug in my left hand, I rummage around the ground floor to find a piece of paper and a pencil. A small notebook and a ball pen lie on the shelf with books on motorcycles and cars. I pick them up and settle myself at the kitchen table. Sipping my coffee, I scribble a letter to Axel. It’s easier for me to write than to talk; I don’t know why. The letter starts:
My dearest Axel,
I think your life is a bit too overcrowded for my tastes. It doesn’t mean that I don’t like you because I really do. I think I’m disrupting your routine too much. I’m grateful for your help.
It’s time for me to go now.
I wish I could talk to you like a normal person. I wish things were different, I was different.
I’m too sensitive to be your toy. I’m not stupid and I have my pride. And things like the last night’s incident make me feel so miserable.
Anyway, I loved being here. Thank you.
Well, it’s high time to find a cosy space under the bridge. I can hunt rats and eat them.
I take a shower and walk into Axel’s bedroom on my tiptoes. He turns on his other side but doesn’t wake up so I pick up my t-shirt and jeans. I change my clothes downstairs, prepare breakfast for Axel and put it into the fridge, then hold the letter to him between my thumb and forefinger and hang my bag on my shoulder.
“Where do you think you are going?” Axel rumbles behind me.
I shudder and turn around, extending my arm towards him. He looks horrible like he’s just come out of the washing machine. His face is slightly red and he has swollen eyelids and dark circles under his eyes.
I hand him the letter and wait patiently until he finishes reading. His eyes scan my handwriting, and he scrunches the letter up, tossing it onto the floor.
“What’s your fucking problem, Sive?” he growls.
I shake my head in disbelief. My fucking problem is that another woman touched him intimately. My fucking problem is that I’m jealous. My fucking problem is that I’m in love with him and what he did last night is breaking my heart.
“I got drunk and Wendy brought me home,” he continues. “Nothing happened.” He steps forward, making me step back. “I don’t even have to explain away anything.” His fingers sink into his hair. “We are not even together. Jeez, you’re not even my wife.”
Well, he is right, but nobody said that I couldn’t be angry. And I am very angry. I can’t calm that. I also don’t want to go through something like this again. One time is enough.
I smile at him because overall he is not a bad person which makes his eyebrows raise a notch at me. Correcting my bag, I turn around and rush towards the door.
“No fucking way,” he rumbles behind me and I hear his strides chasing me.
His hand grabs my arm, turning me to him, and I hiss in pain.
“You are not going anywhere,” Axel says in a cold voice. “Understood?”
His menacing glance immobilises me. He looks like a stone cold killer. My heart pounds and I pull back, trying to free myself desperately. I don’t know that ruthless man in front of me. He’s not Axel. He’s a monster.
He did that to me yesterday. First, I was scared of him, but then he touched me and I turned into a leaking, brainless sinner. I allowed him to do dirty things to me and I loved it.
But now, I’m only scared of him.
“Plea-sse,” I sob.
“Go upstairs,” Axel says, “and put one of those dresses I bought
for you on. I want you to look beautiful for me. Cook something nice for lunch and draw the rest of the boys for Blaze. He will buy all the drawings from you.”
“Nno.”
“I won’t repeat myself. You are staying with me. I will allow you to be angry with me till Saturday.” He releases my arm slowly, watching me with a rigid expression. “Don’t piss me off today, Sive. I’m in a very bad mood.”
I take a deep breath and leap to the side, but he grips my wrist, wrenching me to him. My feet entangle together and I fall down with my chin hitting the top of the coffee table. Dizziness fills my head, and I’m detached for an instant like I’m floating in nothingness, then a pulsating agony explodes in my mouth. I’ve bitten my tongue. I’m all pain, paralysed. Filled with rage.
More signals come from my body to my brain, informing me that I’m sitting on the floor and my back is resting against Axel’s chest. His arms entwine me and his folded legs guard both my sides. He kisses my temple, then opens my mouth with his thumb and checks my teeth. Blood dribbles down my chin.
Axel’s fingers examine my chin and his breath brushes my ear.
“You see what happens when you don’t listen to me, Sive?”
The smell of the alcohol in his breath is so powerful that it could make me drunk from just inhaling it, but his closeness is intoxicating to me. I’m scared and torn and in pain.
Axel tightens the embrace around me, strokes my hair and kisses the top of my head.
“We are together, Sive.” His voice is surprisingly soft. “I just need to get used to that, okay?”
No, it’s not okay. He didn’t even ask for my opinion.
“I need to piss and have a shower, Sive.”
Romantic, isn’t he? My cheeks heat up and I shrink into myself.
“And you are going with me,” he adds and rises to his feet, pulling me up. “In case you wanted to do something stupid.”
He drags me to the kitchen, empties a glass of water, growls and drags me to the front door, locking it and closing his fingers around the keys. I’m in a trap, hoping that he’s suffering from the worst hangover he’s ever had. It’s not what a proper Christian should think but I can’t help it.
We walk towards the bathroom, stopping in front of the door and Axel shoves me at the wall. I sit on the floor and he leans over me.
Rive: Little Mermaid Retold (Shadow Immortals MC Book 1) Page 17
