by T. L. Haddix
Brandon had given Walker the cold shoulder after learning about the pregnancy, and Arlen and Trent had started a serious-looking, quiet discussion that revolved around farming, of all things, at least from what snippets Walker had heard. After the first little while, he tuned them all out. The noise hurt his ears.
All he could think about was Brooke, about how much he’d come to love her, how much he wanted to tell her that, how he wanted to see the world through her eyes, about the life he wanted to live with her by his side. About how meaningless his life would be without her in it.
There he sat, a man who’d believed he’d never find someone to love, much less someone who loved him back. He’d thought of himself as someone for whom happily ever after was more of a threat than a promise. And in a matter of weeks, that belief had been turned upside down.
Falling in love had been so simple and straightforward. There’d not been any of the pain and heartache and angst the songs and movies and books talked about. They’d just had fun with each other, and Walker had the impression that if they spent seventy years together, he’d still enjoy Brooke’s company.
To think that he could lose that, lose her, and all because he’d not been careful enough with their intimacy, was devastating. Guilt was eating him alive.
Cora sat beside him, her arm resting across his shoulders as he hunched over. She rubbed his tense muscles much as she’d done when he was sick as a child. “She’ll be okay, Caleb. The nurse just told me they’re finishing up surgery and she’ll be out in a few minutes. You have to have faith, sweetheart.”
“That’s always been more your department than mine,” he told her with a quiet, soggy laugh. “I can’t lose her, Mom.”
“Hush that. You’re not going to.”
Walker looked at her. “No?”
She shook her head. “No.”
He couldn’t find it within himself to argue with her. He wanted too much to believe what she’d said.
It seemed like hours passed before footsteps came down the hall, but the clock told him it had only been ten minutes. Jeanette came in, her hair ringed in sweat, but she wasn’t as grim as she’d been downstairs. She headed straight for Arlen.
“Well?” Brooke’s father asked.
Walker stood, bracing himself. Surely she wouldn’t be so calm if the news was bad… Jeanette held her hand out to Walker, and on feet that felt unsteady, he crossed to take it.
“She’s out of surgery and in recovery. She’s doing well enough. We didn’t have to give her as much blood as we feared, just one unit.” She looked at Arlen. “Does everyone know?”
He nodded. “Go ahead. Say what you need to say.”
“Judging from the damage, we suspect she was about five weeks along. We had to remove one of her fallopian tubes, the one where the embryo had implanted. We saved the ovary on that side though. All in all, the surgery was fairly straightforward, fairly clean. She’s not going to feel great for a few days, but she’ll be okay. We’re giving her heavy-duty doses of antibiotics just in case, but I don’t anticipate any problems.”
“Why’d she pass out?” Arlen asked. “Was it the pain?”
“The pain was part of it, I’m sure, but the majority of the cause was blood loss. She got very, very lucky. If you hadn’t acted so quickly and gotten her here as fast as you did, she could have had major complications from this,” Jeanette told Walker. “Now, I know you all are going to want to go in and see her, but she’s asking for Walker and Arlen. If you two want to come with me, I’ll take you to her room.”
“He’s not family,” Brandon said on a growl, jerking his head toward Walker.
Arlen put a hand on Brandon’s chest. “Back off, son. He has more of a right to be with her than we do.”
“Dad! How can you say that?”
“Because he loves her and she loves him. Settle down. You’ll see her soon enough. Come on, Walker.” Arlen’s tone was firm, leaving no room for argument, and he and Walker followed the doctor out the door.
Walker didn’t know if he was strong enough to face Brooke. How could she want to see him? If not for him, she’d be whole and healthy. A dark thought occurred, and he had to clear his throat to speak. “Jeanette, what does this mean for her childbearing ability?”
She gave a tired shrug. “Honestly, I don’t know that it will affect her at all. There wasn’t a lot of damage to the surrounding tissue since the pregnancy was in such an early stage, and we did preserve that right ovary. Everything else looked good, so I don’t anticipate any problems. I think that should be the last thing you have to worry about. Here we are.”
As soon as they crossed the threshold, the friendly nurse adjusting Brooke’s pillows so she could sit up smiled at them. “I believe your visitors are here, honey. Are you Caleb?”
Walker nodded, but his focus was on Brooke, who was barely able to hold her eyes open. Even so, she was smiling.
“Caleb’s here? My Caleb?” She peered in his direction with bleary eyes and held out her hands.
That did it. All the worry and fear and stress that had been building for days, it seemed, boiled over, and for a second, he was afraid he was going to choke on his tears. Moving as though he would break her if he wasn’t careful, he took Brooke’s hands and leaned in for a hug.
“Let’s give them some privacy,” Jeanette said. “Walker, the call button’s right beside her pillow. We’ll be outside if you need us.”
Brooke was snuggling into him or trying to. “It hurts when I move,” she muttered. “Stupid strings. I’m tied down with strings.”
“They’ll come off soon,” Walker assured her, guessing she meant her IV and monitor lines. He eased himself down onto the side of her bed, holding her as close as he dared. “I love you so much. I can’t tell you enough how much I love you.”
“Mm, yeah?” Her head lolled back, and she grinned at him. “You’re so sexy. I think you should be naked. The nurse said you should be too. She said you could get in here with me.” She patted the railing of the bed clumsily.
The words were so startling he laughed. And once he started, he found it difficult to stop. Stress, he knew. “I promise you, as soon as Jeanette says it’s okay, I’ll strip down and crawl in bed with you, and I’m never letting you go.”
“No?” She finally lay back with a sigh, and he felt her relax. “I think I’m going to sleep now.”
Walker didn’t move. He wasn’t able to. All he could do was sit there and watch her sleep, tears rolling unchecked down his face. He couldn’t believe she was okay. Even though she was just out of surgery, she already looked worlds better than she had when they’d come in. When she gave a soft snore, he closed his eyes on a prayer of thanks.
He swore then and there that if she still wanted anything to do with him once she was out of the hospital, he’d propose. And not just that, but he’d push for a wedding as soon as she was up for it. He didn’t want to waste another moment of his life without her in it, and he wouldn’t feel like she was his until they said “I do.”
Walker knew a lot of men had issues with the institution of marriage and not wanting to be tied down, but he firmly believed in commitment. He just hadn’t ever thought he’d have the opportunity to make such a commitment. Now that he had the chance, he wasn’t going to let go.
“I love you with everything in me,” he murmured, picking up her hand to kiss the back of it. “And I’ll love you for the rest of my days. Somehow, someway, I’ll make this up to you.”
He was hurting not just from the guilt of having placed her in harm’s way but from the loss they’d suffered, and he knew Brooke well enough to know that she’d grieve that loss too. Even if the embryo hadn’t been viable, even though they’d not been ready to be parents, they had created and lost the potential for a child.
But he wouldn’t focus on that now. He’d focus on the fact that she was alive an
d, by all accounts, on the road to recovery. Everything else they’d get through together.
Chapter Eighteen
The couch in the sunroom quickly became Brooke’s refuge. Thirteen days after her surgery, she was wasting the afternoon there, staring out at the backyard. It had been raining most of the day, and all the trees were dark with wet. Their bark was a heavy contrast to the bright, spring-green leaves budding out all over the place.
Even though she’d long cited spring as her favorite season, she couldn’t muster up much interest in this one. She couldn’t manage to give a good hoot about much of anything these days, if she was honest. Guilt and grief were weighing her down too heavily.
She couldn’t get past the idea that she’d caused the miscarriage, that her thoughts had been so negative she’d doomed the pregnancy. Of course she knew that was ridiculous, that the complication had been caused by some internal scarring on her fallopian tube due to an appendectomy she’d had when she was a teenager. But there was no room for logic within her emotional turmoil.
Everyone had been so kind, so concerned. She wished they’d just yell at her and rail and get the blame game over with already. And when she wasn’t in the depths of sadness, she understood that wasn’t a healthy perspective. But losing the baby hurt. It didn’t matter to her that the pregnancy hadn’t been viable. She’d had Caleb’s child inside her, and she hadn’t wanted it. It hadn’t been convenient. Now the child was gone, and she felt as though her heart had gone with it.
“You’re a very perverse creature, Brooke. Do you know that?” she muttered then sighed. She really should have gotten up and tried to force herself get something done around the house if for no other reason than to get her mind off things. The problem was all she wanted to do was sleep. “And wallow. Don’t forget the wallowing.”
Frustrated with herself, she got up with a growl and headed for the kitchen. She was staring at the fridge, thinking about what to fix for dinner despite the fact that she’d not had an appetite since the surgery, when the doorbell rang, making her jump. That was new, the jumpiness. Shaking it off, she hurried to the door.
When she spied Caleb through the storm door, she felt a catch in her heart. Regardless of her own internal struggle, the man still caused her to miss a breath when she first saw him after an absence, though these days the catch was often followed by a pang of grief.
“Hey,” he said with a smile as she let him in. “How are you today?”
“Okay.” Brooke gladly accepted his hug and kiss, holding on to his shoulders tightly. “Happy to see you. What have you been into? Have you eaten?”
Caleb pushed her hair back over her shoulder. “I’m good. Have you had food?”
She narrowed her eyes. “Checking up on me?”
He just lifted his eyebrows and waited.
Finally, with an eye roll and a huff, she relented. “I had half a tuna sandwich and some scrambled eggs.”
“Good.” He winked at her then rubbed the side of his face. “So… do you feel like going somewhere, maybe?”
Oh, the man was up to something. She tilted her head. “Where?”
The shrug he gave didn’t hide his nervousness at all. “There’s someplace I’d like to show you. Please? If you’re up to it, I mean.”
She glanced at the door, at the world beyond. Caleb had been so considerate of her in recent days she couldn’t say no. “Let me get a jacket and my shoes. Am I dressed okay?”
He took in the soft, oversized T-shirt and leggings she wore. “Absolutely. Wear good shoes.”
“Are we going for a walk?” She opened the closet and pulled out her light jacket.
“Not a long one,” he said, holding the garment for her.
The move made her smile. “Such a gentleman. Cora would be proud.”
Caleb kissed her. “I try.”
Despite her questioning, he wouldn’t tell her anything about their destination. When they pulled up fifteen minutes later in front of a slightly dilapidated building on a busy road not far from his place, Brooke frowned. She didn’t wait for him to open her door but got out, taking in the site with avid curiosity.
“I know this place. This… wait a minute. This is where Dr. Logue used to have a practice, isn’t it?” She looked at him quickly. “Caleb? What’s going on?”
He blew out a hard breath and held out his hand. “Come with me?”
She slipped her hand in his and followed him to the door. When she saw that he had the keys, she pursed her lips. Inside, the building was dusty, and the air was stale. The front room, which served presumably as the reception area, was devoid of furniture, but as he led her through the exam rooms while flipping on lights, she saw that a lot of the equipment was still in place.
When they reached a long room at the back, he let go of her hand and spread his arms. “What do you think?”
He watched her closely, his face guarded, but nervousness was practically coming off of him in waves. Brooke crossed to the counter that ran most of the length of the room, wiping her finger across the grime on its surface. Stainless steel shone through in the path her touch left. Here and there, the linoleum had tears, and the ceiling had stains in a couple of places. But the floors weren’t warped, and aside from needing a heavy cleaning and a fresh coat of paint or three, she could see the potential.
“I think this place is a dust mite’s wet dream,” she said seriously. “But it’s not bad.”
Caleb’s sigh was almost a whimper, and he smiled widely. “Really? You like it?”
“I didn’t say that,” she told him on a laugh, though she was starting to get just a bit excited. “I’m not ready to make a commitment just yet. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”
He walked over to the old-fashioned scale in the corner and nudged it with the toe of his boot. “You know Dr. Harvey’s family offered to sell me the clinic.”
She nodded. A few days after her father had spoken with the vet, he’d been found unconscious in his office, the victim of a massive stroke. Caleb had stepped in to help with the patients on an emergency basis. As soon as they’d learned there was no chance of Dr. Harvey making a recovery, his wife and daughters had decided to take him off life support. He’d passed not long after.
“I’m guessing from our presence here that’s not the only option you want to consider?”
He sent her a puzzled look. “Don’t you remember what we talked about a few nights back?”
To her shame, she didn’t. She covered her face. “Oh, God, I don’t. Caleb, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s okay,” he said, taking her in his arms. “I swear it’s not a big deal.”
“Don’t make excuses for me. I should have been listening, and I was wallowing.”
He cupped her cheek. “No, Brooke. You’re grieving.”
Her face dampened with tears that escaped when she closed her eyes. “I feel so guilty. It’s my fault.”
“Sure, it is. It’s mine too,” he surprised her by saying. “We got a little carried away. Maybe we should have been more careful, but we weren’t. And that’s as far as either of us is guilty. Beyond the creation of that life, none of what happened was anyone’s fault. None of it.”
“But, Caleb, I didn’t want to be pregnant,” she whispered.
“I know. I wasn’t quite ready to be a father myself. That doesn’t mean we caused the miscarriage, and it doesn’t make us horrible people. It means we’re human.”
She couldn’t believe he wasn’t blaming her, but as she searched his face, she couldn’t find a shred of blame, only sadness. “I love you, you know.”
“I know. I love you too.” He held her close, sighing against her neck. “We’ll get through this.”
For the first time since everything had fallen apart, she actually felt as though she could believe that. After a bit, she wiped her cheeks and s
tepped back. “I believe you were explaining why we’re in Dust Mite City.”
Caleb kissed her. “I was. So… Doc’s family gave me a price on the clinic.” He told her the figure, which was at least three times what she’d expected.
She whistled, incredulous. “How much? Do they think it’s gold-plated? I mean, come on.”
He shrugged. “They had an appraisal from a company in Louisville.”
“Well, I’m sure it’s a solid appraisal for a practice that’s in Louisville,” she retorted. “We’re in London though. Geez oh Pete.”
“Exactly. Anyhow, you know I met with Doc Logue here about a week ago, and he told me he wanted to sell this place. He didn’t give me a price, just told me to think about it. It’d be a lot easier to take over the clinic than start from scratch, after all, and he knew that. But after the attorney called with the price, I don’t see how it’s possible.”
Brooke was seething a little. “I’d rather see you open a practice in your barn than spend a dime on Dr. Harvey’s clinic. They’re just looking to make a quick buck. Hell no.”
He laughed. “Calm down, buckaroo. I’m not taking the offer.”
She blew out a breath, moving her bangs off her forehead. “Good. So you called Doc Logue?”
“I did, and he wants seventy-five thousand. This building, all the equipment, and almost two acres of land. All that’s included in the price.”
This time, Brooke stared at him in absolute shock, sure she’d misheard somehow. “Everything?”
“Everything. Now, there are some big pieces of equipment I’d have to get still. The x-ray machine needs replacing, and so does the heating system. There are some surgical innovations that have come along since he retired, and all the lab equipment would have to be updated. Computers for the office, salaries for the staff… it wouldn’t be a cheap venture even considering the bargain he’s offering.”
“No, but… good Lord, Caleb.” She stared at him, arms crossed, one hand up to her chin as she ran the numbers in her head. “You’d be stupid not to do it, assuming you want to start your own practice, which I think we both know you do.”
