by Jade Winters
‘I don’t know what’s got into you,’ Lara complained as Carissa dumped her suitcase in the middle of her room. ‘Why do you want your own room?’
‘Because I need my own space. And ….’ The wound Carissa had stupidly thought was healed, opened up and she realised that it had never even closed. All she had done was put a plaster over it.
‘And what?’ Lara said, pouting like a five-year-old child.
It was then that Carissa had a moment of clarity. ‘I want you to leave.’
Lara’s mouth dropped open. ‘Leave? Why?’
‘Does there have to be a reason?’ Oh my God, I really do want her to go. I don’t want to be around her anymore. The realisation hit her with the force of a speeding train.
Lara stepped towards her. ‘Yes, there does. There’s always a reason for everything.’
Despite the chill in the room, Carissa’s cheeks heated. She crossed the room and pushed open the window, letting in some much-needed air. ‘Really? So your reason was to find yourself, but here you are, back at square one.’
‘Cass, I made a mistake.’
‘And that’s the beauty of life. You can make as many mistakes as you like.’ Carissa turned to face her. ‘It’s your prerogative. Like it’s mine to realise when enough is enough. And you know what? That time is now.’
Carissa didn’t expect Lara to come up with a viable answer. There was nothing more to be said on the matter. As far as Carissa was concerned, the subject was closed.
But Lara, as always, had other ideas. She wouldn’t let go without a fight.
‘Why give up now, Cass? When we have a chance to start afresh. It’s what your mum wants for us. What I want. We were happy once.’
‘Once?’
‘Yes, we were. Don’t try and re-write history.’ Lara reached out to grab Carissa’s hand. ‘And we can be happy again.’
Carissa took a step back, crossed her arms and said incredulously, ‘No, we can’t.’
‘Yes, we can. Things will be different. I know what I want now, more than anything.’
‘And what’s that?’
‘You … and a baby.’
Lara’s remark stunned Carissa into a long silence. Being a mother was not what she wanted from life. Especially when it entailed having a child with someone like Lara. ‘Are you joking? You think I’d have a kid with you?’
‘Why not, loads of lesbian couples are having them.’
‘You missed out the word stable.’
Lara looked puzzled.
‘You know women who can provide stability for the child. How long do you think it would be before you got bored and wanted to move on to something else, leaving me lumbered with it?’
‘I won’t. I promise. We can get married if you want.’
Carissa burst out laughing. ‘Now I know you’re taking the piss.’
‘I’m—’
‘Seriously, Lara, you should go home.’
‘And leave you to play happy families with Teal?’ Lara said, kicking off her heels before making herself comfortable on the single armchair.
‘What?’
‘That’s why you’re behaving like this isn’t it? You’ve been fucking her, haven’t you?’
‘Lara—’
‘Don’t lie. The truth is written all over your face.’
‘The truth? You’re crazy,’ Carissa said, shaking her head.
‘Am I?’
‘Yes, you are. Regardless, it’s none of your business.’
Lara studied her more closely. ‘Oh, Christ, don’t tell me you’ve actually fallen for her? You are so fucking gullible, Cass. You really want to throw what we have away for someone who doesn’t give a shit about you?’
‘Teal cares—’
‘Of course she does, that’s why she didn’t try and stop you from leaving.’
‘We have an agreement.’ Carissa paused. What was the point. Lara would never understand their relationship. The special connection they shared.
‘Oh no.’ Lara laughed. ‘Please don’t tell me you’re fuck buddies.’
Carissa winced at her crude remark. ‘We’re not fuck buddies. We’re two adults sharing a mutual—’
‘Quit the bullshit, Cass. Believe me, I can understand why you’d be embarrassed.’
There was a moment of silence and then Carissa threw her hands up in the air with frustration. Why did she feel the need to explain herself to Lara? It wasn’t as if they were together anymore, or even friends. ‘I’m not embarrassed. If anyone—’
‘Whoa calm down. It’s all right. I don’t like the idea of you sleeping with someone else and it hurts—’
‘Are you seriously going to start playing the victim in all of this. You walked out on me remember?’
‘Maybe there was a good reason—’
‘Oh get a grip. It was just you and your fucking ego thinking the grass was greener on the other side. And now you’ve found out it isn’t, you’ve come back with your tail between your legs.’
‘So you’re an expert on my life now, are you?’ Lara demanded. ‘It’s a pity you weren’t so forthcoming when we were together. If you had been, you would’ve seen the signs.’
Carissa’s eyes widened. ‘The signs?’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ Lara said, sounding deflated as she got up and walked over to the window, pulling the curtain aside.
‘Yes, it does. Tell me what I missed?’
‘All right, you want it?’ Lara spun around, her bottom lip quivering as she spoke. ‘You smothered me. I felt like I was suffocating. It was all about you.’
Carissa couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It was never about her. Talk about rewriting history.
Lara’s expression hardened a little, but Carissa kept her emotions in check and let her continue.
‘Pushing me to stay in a job I hated. My life was miserable,’ Lara ranted. ‘Is it any wonder I slept with Trudi!’ As soon as the words left her lips Lara’s hand flew to her mouth.
Trudi’s face floated into Carissa’s mind. The image of her lingered there for a minute as she remembered all of the times Trudi pushed for information on Lara. Their sex life. If they were happy. At the time, Carissa thought nothing of it. Why would she? Trudi was her best friend and Lara was her partner. But now, hearing the truth spill from Lara’s lips, Carissa knew that belief was false. Her previous life had been a lie. The regret she felt at losing Trudi was like a physical pain. Lara she could do without, but Trudi? She had been her rock. The only reliable thing in her life.
Carissa’s vision blurred as tears welled in her eyes. ‘When did it start?’
‘I … I ….’ Lara stuttered
‘Tell me when?!’ Carissa needed to know. Was it when she went on her field trips at university or was it when she stayed the odd weekend at her mum’s. Or did Lara sneak round to Trudi’s when she said she was going to the gym or to yoga, or one of the million other activities she took part in?
‘Six months ago,’ Lara finally admitted.
‘How did it start?’
‘Why do you want to torture yourself? Does it really matter?’
‘Yes, it does! To me it does!’ Carissa stumbled to the small bed and dropped onto it. ‘How could you both do this to me?’
‘It didn’t mean anything.’
Carissa looked up. ‘Then why do it?’
‘I just wanted something different.’
‘Maybe you should have gone to India sooner instead of getting into Trudi’s knickers,’ Carissa said more to herself than Lara.
‘That’s why I went to India.’
Carissa looked up at her, not quite understanding her comment. ‘What do you mean? If it wasn’t to find yourself, what was it?’
‘I needed to get away from Trudi. She was threatening to tell you the truth.’
Carissa’s voice rose a notch. ‘It just gets worse.’
‘I tried to stop it so many times,’ Lara said. ‘But Trudi wouldn’t let it go.’
‘So tha
t’s it, huh?’ Carissa said in disbelief that Lara was trying to shift the blame onto Trudi. Yes, Carissa knew Trudi had betrayed her, they both had, but one was not less guilty than the other, no matter how hard Lara tried to make it seem that way. ‘You left me in the shit because you needed a get-out clause?’
‘The most important thing is that I’m back now,’ Lara said, coming to kneel in front of Carissa. ‘I know it was a shit thing to do, but—’
‘You are so fucking delusional.’ She pushed Lara away and stood up. ‘Seriously delusional.’
‘Why don’t we go to the bar and have a drink?’
‘What for?’ Carissa said, trying to keep her voice from trembling.
‘To get things back on track,’ Lara whispered.
‘It’s not going to happen.’
‘Look, we’re even now,’ Lara said. ‘We’ve both slept with someone else—’
‘I can’t listen to this anymore.’ Carissa grabbed her case and made for the door.
Lara jumped to her feet and was at Carissa’s side by the time she reached for the door handle. Lara looked at Carissa, her face frozen with shock. ‘Don’t go! Please.’
‘I’ve got nothing left to say to you.’
‘We can’t leave things like this.’
‘Yes, we can, and we are,’ Carissa said. ‘Do the decent thing, Lara, just leave. I really don’t want to see you hanging around here. If, as you claim, you still have feelings for me, you’ll go.’
Carissa turned and walked out of the room. As she left the building, she didn’t know where she was going, all she knew was that she needed to put as much distance as possible between Lara and herself. When her feet began to tire, she sat on a bench under an oak tree and stared heavenwards. What she wouldn’t have done to be able to speak to her dad right then. Just for a few minutes. Firstly, to know that he was still around in spirit and secondly for him to tell her what to do, because she was at a loss.
Please give me a sign, Dad. Tears filled her eyes and she rummaged in her pocket for her dad’s handkerchief she always kept there. After his death, it had been in constant use. Now, not as much. As her fingers made contact with the hanky, her mobile phone buzzed underneath it. Her first intention was to ignore it in case it was Lara. But when a little sparrow hopped onto the arm of the bench, she knew her dad was sending her the person she needed most.
Carissa withdrew her phone. One message. She opened it. The message was short and to the point.
Come back. I miss you!
Emotion stuck in her throat. ‘Thank you, Dad.’
By the time Carissa reached the house, her breath was fast and laboured. She hadn’t stopped running from the second she’d received Teal’s text to the moment she’d arrived at Teal’s gate. Carissa wiped the film of perspiration from her forehead with the back of her hand as she pushed open the front door. Teal was standing in the hallway.
Her eyes bored into Carissa’s. ‘You came back.’
A smile tugged at Carissa’s lips. ‘Did you think I wouldn’t?’
‘We need to talk about—’
This wasn’t the time to talk and they both knew it. Carissa pulled Teal towards her and silenced her by crushing her lips against Teal’s. She clung to Teal, unbuttoning her shirt while their tongues moved in an unruly dance. Teal’s trembling hands gripped Carissa’s hips and she pressed tight against her, pushing Carissa against the wall. Adrenaline sent Carissa’s heart rate into a frenzy as Teal pulled up her top and slid her hands underneath Carissa’s bra.
Teal’s hands covered every inch of Carissa’s bare skin. Her breasts, the nape of her neck and her toned arms. Their hearts and breath in sync, they tore at each other’s clothes in mad desperation, as if they were lovers tasting each other for the first time. But this wasn’t the first time and Carissa would do everything in her power to make sure it wasn’t the last. Their kiss deepened, more slowly and passionately than ever before, as the stress of the last couple of hours washed away and Carissa’s carnal desires overtook everything else.
Carissa loved that Teal knew her way around her body. That her hands left a trail of heat wherever they lingered. Carissa let out a faint gasp when Teal thrust her fingers inside of her. Teal moved slowly at first, and then as the intensity built, she began to thrust harder, with more urgency.
Carissa’s climax built, a surging tide of warmth that left her limp with pleasure. One hand gripped Teal’s hip and the other pulled at her hair, as Teal pummelled into her with more force than Carissa had expected. The result was shivers of pleasure as she tried to contain the moment and commit it to memory.
Suddenly Teal stopped and dropped to her knees. Her warm tongue delved deep inside Carissa and then moved swiftly to her clit.
Carissa gasped violently as her orgasm exploded. Her juices flooded Teal’s mouth as Teal continued to suck and lick at her nub. Carissa’s toes curled, goose bumps erupted and heat washed over her like a tidal wave.
Teal rose to her feet and kissed Carissa slowly, deeply. She then took Carissa’s hand and led her to her bedroom. They collapsed onto the bed, breathless. Teal reached out with her hand and brushed back Carissa’s hair.
‘Thank you,’ Carissa said, without thinking.
Teal smiled. ‘Anytime.’
There was an unspoken agreement that lay between them in that moment, that what they shared was worth fighting for. They lay entwined for a long time, gazing into each other’s eyes. It was their only communication and somehow it meant more than words ever could.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Teal thought about a saying she had heard years earlier but had never quite understood. In that moment, the meaning was crystal clear— ‘When the man is right, the world is right’—and waking up with Carissa sleeping soundly beside her, Teal’s world was right. The best it had ever been. Propped up on one elbow, she had spent the best part of an hour gazing at Carissa. Her head was resting on one pillow and in her arm, Carissa clutched another pillow close to her chest. Carissa’s long thick lashes fluttered ever so slightly and her hair carelessly lay around her. Teal couldn’t help but admire her natural beauty.
Carissa looked peaceful at that moment but something bad had happened between Carissa and her ex the night before. Teal could tell by the way Carissa had clung to her as if she were seeking safety from a buoy in rough seas. Knowing that Carissa was normally open about her emotions, Teal hadn’t pushed when she’d said she didn’t want to talk. Teal had let it drop and given her the space she needed.
Carissa sighed in her sleep and turned over, and Teal thought that was as good a time as any to slip out for a while. Opening the front door, she stepped forward and immediately her foot stumbled on something. Teal looked down to see a carrier bag had been left on her doorstep. She glanced around her immediate surroundings to see if she could see who had left it there, but the streets were empty. Bending down, she gingerly opened it.
‘Jesus Christ,’ she said out loud and grabbed the bag by the handle. She marched to the bin and threw it in. As she did, the contents fell out. At the bottom of the bin lay an assortment of different coloured dildos: medium, large and a humongous one that had no place anywhere near a woman’s vagina. Tubes of lube and several porn magazines complemented them. It didn’t take Inspector Morse to know who had left them there—Channing. It had her signature all over it; crude and in your face.
Teal walked back up to the front door and double locked it from the outside, but even that didn’t make her feel comfortable leaving Carissa in the house alone. Especially asleep. But they needed to eat and the shop was only a few minutes away. Surely, if Channing tried to get inside it would take a lot longer than that.
Instead of walking, Teal drove to the shop. She dashed inside and made a haphazard grab at anything that was edible then rushed back home. To her relief, there was no sign of Channing in the vicinity and Carissa was still sleeping when she checked on her.
In the kitchen, Teal whipped up eggs benedict with a simple ho
llandaise sauce. She was determined not to let Channing ruin her day and pushed all thoughts of her aside. Humming to herself, she poured freshly squeezed orange juice into a glass and put it on the tray she had laid out, then headed to her room.
By this time, Carissa was awake when she pushed open the door. No doubt Teal banging around in the kitchen had woken her. Carissa’s eyes widened when she clocked the tray of food.
‘Breakfast in bed? To what do I owe the pleasure?’ she said, pulling the quilt over her naked chest.
Teal gave her a sheepish grin. ‘I thought you might need your energy levels replenished after last night.’
‘Hmm, you could be right.’
‘So?’ Teal said, laying the tray on Clarissa’s lap.
‘This is so sweet, and totally unexpected,’ Carissa said taking a mouthful of food. ‘It tastes amazing. Gordon Ramsay has nothing on you.’
‘Flattery will get you everywhere.’
‘As amazing as all this is, I won’t be able to finish it by myself.’
Teal opened her mouth and Carissa fed her small bites.
‘I suppose you’re wondering what happened with Lara last night,’ Carissa said taking a sip of juice.
‘You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. If she upset—’
‘I wasn’t upset. Not with her anyway.’
Teal gave her a questioning look.
‘She slept with my best friend. My ex-best friend Trudi, I mean. It was a shock more than anything.’ Carissa looked down at her half-eaten food. ‘I mean, I know Trudi messed around with women behind their partner’s backs but I never thought she would do it to me.’
‘Ouch.’
