by A. W. Cross
“Yes. But it was more of a guess… I don’t know. It took a lot more effort than earlier. Maybe I’m getting tired.”
“It wouldn’t surprise me.”
“Cindra?” Asche stood behind us. He was pale, with large, dark circles under his eyes.
“Asche? Are you okay?”
“Cindra, please, it’s Gaia and the girls. They—” He pressed a shaking hand over his face. “They got caught in the rain. They— I thought you could—with your…with what you are.”
She took his hand in her own. “Asche, it doesn’t work like that. I’ll do what I can, but—”
“Thank you, please, they’re over here.”
As he led her to the other side of the large room, I searched for the next person I could help. Through the glass double-doors of the entrance, there was a blur of movement and a scream of pain. Tor. Lily watched me stepping over bodies as I raced to the door, her hands full of medical supplies.
Tor was on one knee, his fists pressed to the ground, chest heaving. The heavy wooden beams he’d been carrying lay scattered on the ground.
“Tor, what happened?” I knelt beside him, my arm over his shoulder. His shirt was soaked. “Tor?”
“I can’t… I just…the weight.” He gasped for breath.
“What do you mean the weight? I’ve seen you toss boulders before.” I laid my hand on the back of his neck. “Tor, you’re burning up.”
“My strength, Ailith. It’s gone.”
“What do you mean, gone?”
“Exactly what I’m saying. It’s gone. I can’t—”
“When did this start, Tor? When?”
“I don’t know, I was feeling tired, but it—”
“Was it after the injection Lily gave us?”
“Yes, but—”
I found Oliver’s thread in my mind. At first, I couldn’t make the connection. Damn it, Oliver, I said to keep your door open.
…the catalyst will bind to the… Mobilize the nanites…casualties will be high, but… And he was gone.
Cold sweat soaked my palms. This can’t be happening. Concentrate. I closed my eyes.
All the threads, my connections to everyone, flickered as though they were shorting out. As I watched, some flared then went dark. No.
“Tor—”
Cindra seized my arm. “Ailith! Something’s wrong. I can’t…When I touched Asche’s wife, his children… Nothing. Ailith, I can’t help them.” Tears streamed down her face, making rivulets through the blood that stained her chin.
Oliver broke from the crowd at a run. “Ailith, I’m sorry, I can’t seem to…something’s wrong, but what I did manage to find before everything went tits up… You were right. You’re fucking right.”
No. How could they?
“Okay, listen everyone. Something is wrong with all our abilities. I can’t connect to anyone properly.”
“Was it Lily’s injection?” Cindra asked, her voice trembling.
“I don’t know. None of this started until after that, and if she knows we’re cyborgs…it’s possible. We need to find Kalbir and Callum. We need to stay together. You stay here, I’ll go—”
We wouldn’t need to look for Kalbir after all.
She stood on the balcony of one of the rooms on the first floor of the casino. In her arms was my father, the gleaming blade of a knife at his throat.
Despite what people think, we never wanted the war to happen. Why would we? People blaming us aside, a global war meant the destruction of everything we wanted to achieve. We would have no resources with which to move forward, and our previous work and that of countless others would be destroyed, setting us back a hundred years. Most of all, we would have no human legacy left to preserve.
—Ethan Strong, personal journal
My father’s face was pale, a thin line of red already welling to the surface.
“Tor, what the hell is she doing?” The dryness of my mouth made it difficult to speak.
He shook his head. “I told her Lily knows about us. She must think your father was the one who told her.”
“She’s lost her goddamn mind,” Oliver muttered. “We need to stop her before she gets us all killed.”
We pushed to the front of the crowd gathering at the base of the building. Ryan, Lily’s husband, was already there, trying to make sense of the situation.
“I’ll get Lexa.” Cindra slipped through the front doors unnoticed. Everyone’s eyes were on Kalbir.
Her eyes were wide and too bright, her normally sleek appearance disheveled. The hand holding the knife shook, and my father winced.
When Ryan saw us, he set his jaw and beckoned us over. “What the fuck is happening?” he whispered furiously.
Oliver’s face was hard. “You tell us, mate. Your wife gave us some kind of injection.”
“Lily? All she would’ve given you was the same treatment as everyone else.”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know. She told Ailith she knew what we were.”
Ryan’s frown deepened. “What do you mean? What you are?”
Shit. I pulled Oliver back. “Oliver, he doesn’t know. She hasn’t told him.”
“Hasn’t told me what?”
Lexa ran behind Cindra, Lily close on their heels. More people gathered behind us, and a current of confused panic rippled through them.
“I see you,” Kalbir screamed. “I know what you did to me. You.” She pointed the blade toward Lily.
My voice carried over the assembling crowd. “Kalbir, Lily didn’t do anything to us. It’s okay. You—”
“She knows. She knows, and she’s trying to kill us. I can’t feel myself anymore. I’m what I used to be. And you—” She twisted my father’s neck. “You told them.”
My father swallowed past the weight on his throat. “No. I told no one. I would never—”
“Liar. You’re all liars. You talk about being a community, about everyone being welcome. You mean people like you, not like us. You think us being part machine makes us less human? It doesn’t. It makes us more. We’re more than you’ll ever be. You tried to kill us once before, and we survived. Do you hear me? Survived. You can’t destroy us.” Saliva flew from her lips. “Do you know what happened to the last group of Terrans who tried to kill us? They’re gone. Dead. We have as much right to be here as anyone else. We would’ve protected you, helped you. But all you wanted was to see us suffer.”
Kalbir’s grip slipped then tightened, and she pressed down.
I have to stop this, now.
Kalbir’s thread was still lit, its glow sputtering the way the threads connecting me to pure machines did. Taking a deep breath, I pushed with all my strength; there was no time to be gentle.
The shaft of the knife was slick in my hand, the muscles of the arm holding my father’s head screaming with the strain. The pale faces of the crowd below me were a blur as I fought with her. She may have lost most of her strength, but even at her weakest, she was able to resist.
“It’s okay, Dad,” I said in her voice. “I’m here.” Slowly, Kalbir’s arm inched back, away from my father. “Just a few—”
Her thread went dark. All the threads went dark.
Her arm snapped back, and the knife sliced deep into my father’s neck. Back in the crowd, I watched his flesh open, blood flowing over the lapels of his coat. In the final moments of his life, he found me in the crowd, and smiled.
“Never be afraid of death ,” he’d told me when we’d returned from the mortuary after confirming that yes, the other half of our family was gone.
“How can you not be?” I’d asked him. “In those final moments, you know you’re going to die, don’t you? They must’ve known. They must’ve been so scared.”
“Death happens so fast,” he’d replied . “Your mind comprehends little in those final moments. It plays tricks on you. The moment of death is a euphoric one. It’s the final gift you give yourself. We’ve adapted to embrace the end of our existence, Ailith. That’s why the Cosmists
are wrong.”
A shriek tore through my skull. Kalbir’s shoulder jerked backward, slamming her into the wall behind her. Blood sprayed over the white brick and left a wide smear as she slid out of sight, taking my father’s body with her. Tor lowered the rifle Ryan normally wore across his back as the crowd exploded into full panic.
The composure that served Tor well as an enforcer kicked in. “Oliver, Cindra, get Ailith away from here. We need to leave. Now. Find Callum and—”
“I’m here.” Callum emerged from the throng. “I saw the crowd gathering.” His mouth twitched oddly.
“Fine, just go. Get back to the compound,” Tor said. “We’ll have to leave Kalbir for now. She’s killed someone, and if we try dragging her out, it will expose us all. I’ll get Lexa.”
Oliver grabbed his shoulder. “Tor, leave her. They might just decide to kill you. And if your hulk-mode is on the fritz—”
“I’ll be fine, Oliver. Go, now.” He leaned over me. “Ailith, listen to me. You need to get through this. You need to stand up, and you need to walk out of here, now. People are still confused. This might be our only chance.”
Their voices were so far away, like the dull rumble of a distant storm.
“Ailith.”
There was blood under my fingernails. How did that get there?
“Ailith, I’m sorry,” Tor whispered as light exploded behind my eyes.
People tried to maintain their pretense of neutrality and not talk about what would happen if the rumors were true. But people talk; they can’t help it. Some said they should be killed on sight. Others said it would be a gift. And still others said nothing, waiting.
It turned out the stories were true. Cyborgs did exist.
—Love, Grace
“…Is she awake, Tor? I need to talk to her.”
“No, she’s not. Oliver said we need to keep her out until he can fix her.”
“What are you going to do? Beat her every time she opens her eyes?”
“I didn’t beat her, Fane. I hit her. Once.”
“In the head.”
“It needed to be done.”
“Aren’t you supposed to love her?”
“Why do you think I knocked her out?”
“You need to go see Mil. Your wounds have opened up again.”
“I’m fine. Oliver’s helped me. It’s just talking a bit longer to heal.”
“You’re bleeding on her pillow.”
“So what? She’s not squeamish. She’s seen blood before.”
“She might not care about the blood, but she cares about you. You want that to be the first thing she sees when she wakes up? Go. I’ll sit with her until you come back.…”
* * *
“…Asche, I’m so sorry. I can’t save them. I can’t—”
“I thought that’s what you did? I thought you became a cyborg to help people. It was why you left me. Why you broke your grandmother’s heart. Maybe you don’t want to help them. Maybe this is your revenge. Maybe you can’t stand the fact that I managed to live without you. That Gaia put the pieces of my broken heart back together.” He smoothed the hair back from his eldest daughter’s fevered face. “Look at her, Cindra. She’s three. We named her after you. And you’re going to let her die because you can’t let go of the past.”
“Asche, no. It’s not that. There’s something wrong with me.”
“I know there is. Maybe there isn’t enough human left in you to care about anyone but yourself. I’ll never love you, Cindra. You’re a monster. I doubt it’s a coincidence that you suddenly show up, and the rain begins to fall again…”
* * *
“…Have you found Ella yet? I need to know why she’s dead. I can still feel her, you know. I need to know what happened to her. It’s the one part of the past I can’t see. Until I find out, I’m trapped here. At least until the nanites devour me. I know what they’re thinking. They’re growing bored, restless. I know you think I’m crazy, but they think I’m useless, obsolete. And we both know what they do with useless tissue. I don’t think I have long left. Even now their eyes turn toward me…”
* * *
“…I think I remember. Can you hear me?
I can’t see or hear anything. Maybe I’m only talking to myself, but sometimes I swear I feel someone. So if you’re there, Eire, I’m talking to you. I’m scared for you. I can remember some things now. Other things I’ve forgotten. I can remember less and less. It’s like I’m disappearing a piece at a time. I wish I could wake up. I can’t see, or hear…I can’t feel anything, Eire. It’s like I’ve been here for years.
I’m a little worried. I think I said something I shouldn’t have. You know me, I’ve always loved secrets. I heard Mil and Lexa talking about some silver rain. They said it didn’t work. Not the way it was supposed to. That people died. Lexa says it was because they were rushed. The catalyst wasn’t right. People should’ve turned within a day. Not much, not like us…but enough. Enough to make a difference. Do you know what that means?
I went looking… They’d hidden the files, but I found them. Mil never gets rid of anything. Lexa was very upset when I asked her about it. Then something happened to you, Eire. You started to have seizures. Lexa said only I could help you. I don’t know what she meant. I hope it worked, whatever it was…”
* * *
“…Ailith, are you there? It’s Pax. Oliver managed to stop it, for a while at least. We’re on the wrong path, Ailith. What’s more, the right paths are becoming fewer, more precarious. If we don’t stop it, we’ll never get on the right path again, and that future will happen, and everything will be gone. I’m sorry about your dad. I didn’t have a father, but I loved my mother very much. She didn’t want to leave me either. I wish I could’ve seen the future then. Anyway, I’m sorry. I’ll be your family. I know it’s not the same, but I’ll love you and remind you to brush your teeth. But we don’t need to brush our teeth, do we? I hope not. I can’t remember the last time I did. Oliver says I need to go. He knows I’m talking to you. He says I pout when I do it. He’s going to help you soon, but you got it the worst so you’re taking longer. I…”
* * *
“What’s happening to them? To me?”
“They are becoming better. Stronger. Weaker.”
“No, they’re not.”
“I wanted you to help me. I wanted to live.”
“This isn’t how you live.”
“It is time for us to go now. I will get my way.”
“No. We have to stay here and help them. You know what’s wrong with them.”
“I know, that is why we are leaving.”
“What do you mean? Did you do something?”
“I will have my way.”
“Where will we go?”
“I know somewhere we will be wanted.”
“If I promise to go, will you help them?”
“No. They would not help me. They wanted to separate us, to kill me.”
“No. I won’t go. I won’t let us leave. I’ll tell them everything.”
“No, you will not. You are no longer in control. Stop that. Stop now. Why are you doing that?”
“They need to know what’s going on.”
“No! You know what will happen.”
“I won’t—”
* * *
I wasn’t wrong. They were Terrans at the end of the day. Anyone who wasn’t us or a Cosmist was a Terran, right? Simple. Ethan was right. They’d kill us if they knew, if they had a chance. Finish what the war started. If Ethan, a Cosmist, saw my worth, why couldn’t they? He was right. We could be even more than what we were. It must’ve been Ailith’s dad. How else would they have known? There was something in that injection, I knew there was. I was so thirsty. Something was wrong with me. I was right, wasn’t I? I hadn’t meant to kill him. The knife slipped. I only wanted to show them we had a right to live too, that we’d defend ourselves if we needed to. We were superior to them. They needed to know that. How could Tor have shot m
e? I thought he was on my side. What I did, I did for all of us. Why was I not healing?
* * *
I was almost there. This wasn’t a fix, but it might keep us going long enough to end this. I couldn’t believe the shit I’d found out. The rain, that Ella. I couldn’t quite put it together yet, but I was nearly there. I wasn’t going to tell anyone about this, not until I talked to Ailith. Okay. That should do it. What time was it? I gave her an hour…if she didn’t come around after that, we were fucked…
* * *
A bouquet of flowers, all wild. Two names, drawn in the sand. A school of fish, flashing silver in a shaft of light.
We did many difficult things, and history will probably remember us as the bad guys. But what people seem to forget about history is that, in order for a historical event to occur, for any great changes to be made, there must be collateral damage. Look at any event throughout human history and tell me this isn’t true.
—Mil Cothi, personal journal
His head was bowed as though in prayer, the dark tangle of his hair brushing his knuckles. He didn’t pray; he never had.
“Where’s Callum?”
“Seven minutes,” Tor said.
“What?”
“You had seven minutes left. Oliver said that if you didn’t wake up within an hour, you never would. Ailith—”
“Where’s Callum?”
“Ailith, he’s fine. He’s in his room. Why?”
“I thought…I must’ve been dreaming. I think I needed to talk to him. It was important.”
“Do you remember what happened?”
“How could I forget? Don’t you remember when your father died? When your mother burned to ash, while—”
