by Alexx Andria
“I know it’s cheesy to say I fell in love with you the first moment we met but it’s true. That day on the set…I’d never seen anyone who could light up a room like you. You had an inner glow that, honestly, I never knew existed until you bounced into my life, shocking me with your touch. And then, that night…Jesus, girl, if I’d been an older man I might’ve died of a heart attack. Maybe it was my fault for falling so hard, so fast but I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I just had to wait for the appropriate amount of time to pass so I could put a ring on that finger of yours. I didn’t want you to think I was weird or some kind of stalker by popping the question the following day,” he admitted with a sheepish chuckle.
“I never would’ve thought that of you,” she murmured, caught between sadness and joy at his admission. She’d felt the same instant connection, that touching of souls that only happens in books and movies. She would never mock him for his admission. Ever. She’d been so drunk on emotion she might’ve thrown herself into his arms and said yes if he’d asked. Goodness gracious, what a mess that would’ve been. Richard would’ve found a way to ruin Miles.
“Every day spent with you was unreal. I didn’t think people could be that happy. The day you broke it off…I was actually going to ask you to move in with me.”
Tears stung her eyes and her lower lip trembled. “Really?” She couldn’t help herself. His apartment had become like home, more so than that giant monstrosity she lived in now had ever been. They’d spent countless hours loving each other in every possible room and floor as well as cooked together, muddling through culinary disasters with plenty of laughter, and even watched more than their share of B-flicks, groaning at the ridiculous one-liners and terrible acting. It’d been sublime. “I wish things had ended differently,” she said, wiping at her tears. “I really do. Deep in my heart of hearts…God, I swear it.”
“Then why did you break up with me? Was it something I did?” The note of desperation plucked at her conscious and she knew it wasn’t fair to let him keep thinking that it was something he’d done to make her run. “I never would’ve held you back in your career. I believed in you, in your talent. I wanted to help you get to wherever you wanted to go.”
That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. She couldn’t hold back any longer. This sweet, sweet man didn’t deserve the heartache she’d served up and it wasn’t fair of her to hold back the truth just to save her own feelings. Dani grasped his hand and brought it to her mouth, tenderly kissing him before she began. “It wasn’t you. It wasn’t ever you. I loved you, too. I loved you more than I ever thought was possible and the day I said goodbye…I didn’t think I’d survive it.”
“Then why?” he asked, his voice breaking. “Why’d you leave?”
Her shoulders shuddered as even saying that wretch’s name made her gut sick. “It was R-richard,” she said, shaking as the pain and humiliation came rushing back. “It’s true I was married when I started seeing you but I knew it was over with Richard and I’d been in the process of leaving him but he…he…”
“He what?”
She shook her head, that terrible day swamping her ability to speak.
“What did he do to you?” The note of alarm in Miles voice made her break down even more. “Damn it, Dani, tell me what he did to you and I’ll break that mother fucker’s face open.”
“He blackmailed me into staying. He basically forced me to leave you because I was afraid of what he’d do to my career. He even told me what to say to you,” she admitted in a shamed whisper. “I hated myself that day for what he’d made me do.”
Confusion marked his features. “What do you mean? People get divorced all the time, it doesn’t affect their careers.”
“He had something over me. Something terribly embarrassing that would’ve killed my career if it got out.” She held her breath, afraid of what his reaction would be but she’d come this far, and there was no backing down now. “Early in our marriage, Richard talked me into doing a s-sex tape” she swallowed the bile in her throat, hating the words leaving her mouth. “I didn’t realize how stupid that would be until the day he used it as a weapon. He blackmailed me into staying with him with that footage. I was afraid and I didn’t want to take the chance. Everything was just starting to go my way…I’d worked so hard…and everything was going to go down the tubes if Richard leaked that tape. And he knew it.”
“What a bastard,” Miles breathed under his breath, his nostrils flaring. “Where’s the tape now?”
“I destroyed it. That was one good thing that came out of all this. Once he thought I was under his thumb again, he let down his guard and when I found that footage I destroyed it.” She braced herself for the sharing of her worst moment of her life. “The night he blackmailed me into staying, he did more than just force me to break things off with you…he raped me in the most brutal way possible.” Her throat squeezed shut on the words, barely able to breathe, much less continue. “I should’ve gone to the hospital. I bled for days and I couldn’t sit without crying. Richard laughed and said it was penance for running around on him.” Miles’ gaze darkened with rage and she put a restraining hand on his. “It’s in the past. I’m over it. I’m just glad he’s out of my life.”
It took Miles a moment to calm himself before he asked, “Did you report it?”
She shook her head. “Richard made me believe that no one would take me seriously because no one really believes in marital rape.”
“That lying piece of shit,” he muttered with violence in his normally gentle gaze. “You should’ve reported it anyway and taken your chances.”
She shivered at the raw, primal rage in his eyes and the fear that the information had soured his feelings for her made her ask, “How do you feel about me now?”
“I feel sick,” he answered and her heart stuttered with fear until he pulled her into his arms and said, “because I wasn’t able to be there for you. Why didn’t you tell me he was blackmailing you? I would’ve done something. I wouldn’t have let him bully you, much less touch you. Jesus, Dani, right now I want to kill him.”
“You don’t think I’m disgusting for what happened?”
“Disgusting? What are you talking about? You were a victim of some asshole who was trying to hold onto his meal ticket. Of course, I’m not disgusted with you. Dani…if you’d told me…our ending would’ve been much different than it is today.”
She sucked back a wild sob. “I was scared of losing everything and I was stupid to care about something that couldn’t love me back. I was so driven by my fear of failure, of ending up like everyone back home in Miner’s Edge thought I would, that I was desperate. I thought I wanted fame but I don’t. I hate it! Paparazzi follow me everywhere and I never have a moment’s peace. The other day I found a guy camped out in my bushes in the backyard and scared the shit out of me. I had to have a nine-foot fence installed and they still find ways to take my pictures and then plaster them all over the Internet. I’m so tired of living this life. And to top it all off, I lost you in the process. I created this hell for myself and I have no one to blame but me.”
“Stop,” he said sternly, forcing her to look at him. “I don’t want to hear you talk about yourself that way. No one has a crystal ball. You chased your dreams and there’s nothing wrong with that. Hell, that’s pretty admirable. Most people give up on their dreams before giving them a real chance. You didn’t. You chased that dream until it gave you what you thought you wanted. So it didn’t turn out the way that you envisioned. So what? You adjust. It’s that simple. When I was fresh out of med school, I thought for sure I was going to love working for the Peace Corps but as it turns out, I didn’t love it and I was a bit devastated by that sudden awareness of my own shortcomings. So I wasn’t cut out to live in grass huts every day but I did discover that I could handle grass hut living in short bursts, which is how I found the Doctors Without Borders volunteer gig. And I love it. I get to help people who really need the help b
ut I don’t have to give up showering and clean clothes for years at a stretch. It’s a win-win.”
At that Dani couldn’t help but laugh through her tears. “Seriously? You’re comparing my situation with volunteer work that is so much bigger than my first-world problems? Thanks for putting it into perspective,” she said wryly.
“No, it’s not like that,” he said, laughing too. “Although someone else might point out that you’re crying about being famous and call bullshit, but that’s not me. I’m saying, adjust your sails, sweetheart. Don’t sink the boat.”
“I should’ve come to you,” she admitted, shaking her head, curling her hand around his head to draw him closer. “I was stupid to let you go. Not only are you incredibly smart, a fantastic lover, and an overall good guy, but you still manage to make me laugh even when you’re showing me how ridiculous I am.”
“Well, it’s a gift,” Miles admitted with a cheeky grin that she adored. He pushed her gently onto her back and followed, pressing her into the soft cushion with his solid body. “Now, about that fantastic lover part…seems I have a reputation to protect.”
She nodded gravely. “Oh yes. I’m not entirely sure I got a fair show of your talents in the shower,” she said, causing him to arch his brow and a giggle escaped as her fingers found the drawstring on his board shorts. “But I’d be happy to see what else you can do right now. I’ve heard good things…”
“Oh, have you? Glad to hear that the word on the street is favorable,” he said, moving to her breast and seeking out the nipple hidden behind her bikini top. “Have you heard of what I can do with these?” And then before she could quip something witty or clever, he sucked the nipple into his mouth and sucked hard, causing her to forget all about everything, which was absolutely wonderful.
Before long, she was twisting and crying out, urging him to fill her with his cock, and grabbing at him like a greedy little whore who couldn’t get enough. That was the thing about Miles, he made her insatiable. And she seemed to have the same affect on him, which was a huge ego boost.
She could spend her entire life in Miles’ arms, basking in his love and adoration, sinking into utter bliss but there was a small Debbie-Downer part of her that knew…it couldn’t last.
#
Later that day, after a few hours spent in the water, and a quickie on the empty beach, they found themselves wandering into a few of the shops in the plaza so Dani could get a feel for the island flavor and a jewelry store caught Dani’s eye and she popped inside, dragging him with her. She wandered around until she saw the soft teal of the larimar stone, the namesake of the Bell resort and exclaimed at the pretty stone. “Oh! This is pretty, what is it?” she asked and the jeweler smiled answered with a sparkle in his eye at being able to share the local gem.
“This is larimar, the only stone exclusive to the Caribbean,” he said, pulling a few pieces from behind the glass. “It is found in the Dominican Republic and is very rare. Would you like to try it on? The color would complement your skin tone very nicely.”
She nodded eagerly and the jeweler slipped the ring on her finger, looking to Miles for his opinion. “What do you think?”
“It’s beautiful,” he said, agreeing with the jeweler that it looked fantastic against her golden skin. Then he added in a silky whisper meant for her alone, “The legend of larimar is that if you take it away from the Caribbean, it will compel you to return someday.”
He pulled away and a tiny smile lifted the corners of her mouth as a moment of sweet promise flowed between them but then a shadow dimmed the lovely light in her eyes and she forced a different kind of smile as she pulled the ring from her finger and handed it back to the jeweler. “It’s gorgeous but I think I’ll pass today.” Before he could ask her why she pulled him from the jeweler’s shop and announced that she wanted to try boiled bananas.
He chuckled but at the back of his mind, he knew something was still troubling Dani…something that made her hold back from loving him again. He didn’t know if that was a blessing in disguise or simply a painful truth that he wasn’t ready to accept.
Miles took her to a hole-in-the-wall diner that the locals frequented, The Lazy Donkey, and after they gave their orders, he grasped her hand in his and decided to broach the subject that was most on his mind. “What are we doing here?”
She gazed at him quizzically and answered, “Eating boiled bananas. Or was that a trick question?”
“C’mon, babe. Don’t play dumb. You know what I’m talking about. What are we doing with each other?”
She tried a sweet smile and said, “Can’t we just keep doing what we’re doing and not worry about putting a label on it?”
He loved her smile but he wasn’t going to let her off so easily. “No,” he said firmly. “That was the problem last time and look where it got us.”
She withdrew her hand and shrugged. “Miles, I can’t go there right now. There’s too much in my life that I don’t have answers for much less what we have with each other. Let’s not ruin the day, okay?”
He frowned at her deflection and decided to just go for it. “What if I told you that I never stopped loving you?”
“Then I would say I feel the same but we come from different worlds and I don’t know that the two worlds can ever truly mesh.”
“We meshed just fine until you broke it off,” he reminded her.
A small smile at the memory curved her lips as she agreed softly. “Yeah, we did, huh?” But it faded too quickly as she followed with, “But too much has changed and trust me, you definitely wouldn’t like the world I live in now.”
“Such as?”
Dani shrugged and a bleak expression stole the joy from her eyes. “Miles, you caught a taste of my world back in L.A. and I could see your contempt quite easily. You’re no actor. What you feel is usually splayed all over your face. It’s what I love about you. There’s no subterfuge or deception. I don’t have to decipher your true meaning from what comes out of your mouth because you don’t play games like that.”
“So far I’m not seeing the problem,” he said.
She exhaled and shook her head with a groan. “Miles…I’m an actress. I’m gone three to four months out of the year and everyone is always trying to get a piece of my life. I’m always dodging the paparazzi and sometimes they tell terrible lies about me. What would you do if you saw a picture of me with a story blazed across the headline that I was screwing around? It happens. And it destroys relationships. I’ve done enough damage to you…I don’t want to hurt you again.”
As much as he didn’t want to admit that she might be right, he could see her point. He’d hate seeing her in the tabloids and it would be difficult to separate the lies from the truth. At a certain point, he would break. “So what you’re saying is we should just enjoy what we have right now and accept that when our time is over here, it’s over for good?”
She nodded sadly. “Yeah. Pretty much.”
He couldn’t accept that. Not ever. Not even if it meant that in the end, he’d get a heart full of misery for his trouble. He loved her — not in the fleeting kind of way that tickles as it passes — but in the kind of way that left a scar several layers deep and was always tender to the touch no matter how much time had passed. But she wasn’t ready to hear that. Not yet. So he’d pretend to go along with her reasoning for the time being if only to give her the space to accept that she couldn’t live without him just as much as he couldn’t live without her. And in the meantime, they’d enjoy boiled bananas.
-9-
Miles and Dani were just returning from The Lazy Donkey when Lindy Bell breezed into the lobby of Larimar, looking impossibly fabulous in spite of the hours spent traveling. Dani tried not to act star-struck but it was hard not to be affected by the reality that she was standing in the foyer, breathing the same air as someone as famous as Lindy. And the fact that Lindy was personally lobbying for Dani in Falling From Grace? Well, Dani was having a hard time keeping it together.
�
��How is it that you look movie-star fresh after an eight hour flight and yet I look like mashed donkey dung after the same flight?” Miles grinned as he folded Lindy into a hug.
“I’m used to the humidity,” Lindy answered with a laugh. “It’s in my blood.” She pulled apart and her gaze settled on Dani with open speculation, going straight to the introductions. “You must be Danielle St. Claire. I’m—”
“Lindy Bell,” Dani cut in with rabid excitement. “I’m sorry! But…I’m a huge fan.”
Lindy smiled. “Nice to meet you, too. Your work in Judgment was good. I think it takes talent to give depth to a part that’s essentially eye candy in an action flick. Has Miles talked to you about my latest pet project?”
“I have,” Miles answered for her, adding, “But maybe you could fill her in on the details.”
“Sounds good. How about we meet in the family section of the resort and we’ll hash it out over dinner.”
Dani bobbed a nod, too excited to act cool or nonchalant or every other bit of bad advice Raina had ever given her because she was standing next to the woman who was her idol and she didn’t care if she babbled or came off as an amateur rookie. Lindy waved and then she disappeared into the private section of the resort where the family lived. Dani whirled on Miles and planted a nice, long, deep and passionate kiss on him, breaking apart with a wild grin.
“What was that for?” Miles asked, his eyes hazed with sudden desire. “Not that I’m complaining…”
“Just because.” She left it at that. There was too much emotion swelling in her chest to think clearly and she didn’t want to think clearly. She wanted to roll around in all the lovely goodness permeating her soul and lifting her spirits because only God knew how long it would last and she was greedy for every blessed moment. Dani grasped Miles’ hand and practically dragged him to his bungalow, needing to feel his skin against hers to burn out some of this nervous energy or else she end up humping Lindy’s leg in adoration, effectively ruining any chance she might’ve had at looking cool in Lindy’s eyes. Unless by some strange quirk of fate, Lindy enjoyed leg humpers. Gahh! She was definitely babbling, even inside her head!
