Placing his hand under her chin, he tipped her face up so she had to look at him. His features were blurry through the shield of tears covering her eyes.
“How are you a failure?” he asked.
“I failed to keep Mateo safe. It was up to me to protect him and I let him down.”
“Natalya, there’s no way you could have known what would happen. No one could have anticipated that.”
“But I should have been the one to pick him up. If I’d been there—”
“Then the same thing probably would have happened. Or you might have been taken as well.”
“But he must be so scared. He must be wondering where I am and why I’m not coming for him. I can’t stand it. That’s why I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see him calling for me, wanting me, crying. Aedan, I—”
“Shh, lovely. Shh.”
Aedan pulled Natalya close as she cried. His guts churned at the sound of her sobbing. He couldn’t even come close to imagining how terrified she must be. No matter what had happened before, he could do nothing else but be there for her now.
“Come on, you’re going to make yourself sick,” he told her as she hiccupped. “Calm down, now. Shh, shh.” He pulled her onto his lap and rocked her like a baby. “Good girl. Shh, now.”
She calmed down, sniffling every once and a while. He sat there and held her until she fell asleep against him. It probably wasn’t the brightest idea he’d ever had.
But staying mad at her took energy he didn’t have. Plus, he felt like an asshole, kicking her when she was down. His body tightened at the feel of her against him, raging arousal coursing through his blood. They’d never go back to what they once had, but maybe there was a way for him to work through his need for her. A way to finally get her out of his system for good.
Chapter Five
Natalya woke slowly, looking around in confusion. The last thing she remembered was crying in Aedan’s arms. She turned her head toward a quiet snore to find Aedan lying beside her; one arm tucked up beneath his head.
She studied him closely, taking in all the changes that three years had wrought. They’d both changed over that time; she was no longer the naïve woman who thought she could take on anything and triumph, who thought she knew it all, who believed that there was only right and wrong.
And Aedan? Well, he was still captivating. Compelling. Sexier than sin. But with an edge to him.
“You should go back to sleep, you’ve only had a few hours,” he told her gruffly, turning to face her.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” she apologized.
“You didn’t. I was just thinking.”
“You always snore while you think?” she teased.
He grinned. “Helps get the air flowing up to my brain. You feel any better?”
“I think I almost feel worse.” A tight vice was squeezing her head, and her whole body felt heavy and leaden. But at least the nausea was gone.
Aedan rolled to his side and turned her to face him. “I’m sorry for losing my temper with you.”
“You had every right.”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t the right time. I should have been more understanding. I should have—”
She clasped the back of his head and pulled him down, pressing her lips against his, breathing in the scent of him. How often had she longed for just one more kiss? If she’d known that kiss at the airport would be their last, she’d have savored it, memorized it. Like she was doing now.
Aedan ran his tongue over the seam of her mouth. She parted her lips, letting him in. Their tongues clashed, dueled then danced together. Excitement exploded through her as her pussy throbbed with need. Reaching down, he cupped one breast. She moaned, pressing up against him.
“Aedan,” she groaned, as he pressed kisses down her neck. “Dios mío, what you do to me.”
He leaned up on one elbow, breathing heavily, devouring her with his gaze. “This isn’t the right time.”
“Yes, it is,” she countered. “I need you.”
Aedan shook his head, moving away. “I’d be taking advantage of you.”
“You’re not taking advantage of me. Please don’t leave.” Screw her pride. It had messed things up for her so many times.
“Christ, woman, you think I want to walk away? That I don’t want to fuck you? You’re not thinking clearly right now.”
“Aedan, you know how difficult it is for me to ask for what I need. I’m scared of opening myself up for hurt.” She needed to start opening up more. Leaning on someone didn’t make her weak or vulnerable, so long as she leaned on the right person.
“God, Natalya. You’re ripping me to pieces.”
“I’m sorry. Don’t you think I know the timing is crazy? I don’t know where my son is! I don’t know if he’s scared, or hurt, or crying for me. I feel so out of control because I can’t do anything to find him.”
“What do you want, Natalya? Do you want sex so you can forget everything else? Is that it?” he asked.
She stared at him with bewilderment. “Forget? I can’t forget. I want you because... because... forget it.”
She couldn’t do it. She wasn’t strong enough.
“Natalya.” He placed his fingers under her chin, raising her face so she couldn’t hide. “You don’t have to tell me. But one day, you are going to have to let someone in if you are ever going to be truly happy. I do hope you find that someone.”
He leaned over and kissed her forehead.
“What if I want that to be you?” she asked quietly, as he slid off the bed.
Freezing, he sat there for a long moment as she held her breath anxiously.
“Natalya...” He turned, and she knew from the look on his face that he was about to kindly brush her off.
She sat up. “I want you because I want to feel something other than fear, or grief, or helplessness. I want you because when I’m with you I feel safe and secure, like things are going to be all right,” she sobbed.
“Lovely—” He moved closer, his face screwed up into a mask of pain.
“I want you because I have never stopped wanting you.” She swiped angrily at her cheeks. She was so sick of crying, damn it.
“Shh.” He ran his thumb over her cheek.
“I don’t want your sympathy or your pity. I want your touch, your fire. I want you to take me. I know it won’t mean anything. I don’t expect anything more. Please don’t reject me.”
“Christ, Natalya, I’m not rejecting you. I’m not. But you need to give me time to think about this. It’s been a hell of a day and I can’t just forget everything that easily. I need time to think about this, I’m sorry.”
The door closed with a soft click behind him. She kind of wished he’d slammed it then she would have something to be mad at him for.
But this was all on her. She’d been the one to break them. She couldn’t blame him now if he wasn’t interested in fixing things between them.
Aedan leaned against the wall just outside Natalya’s room, feeling ill.
“What the hell did I just do?” He should return to her room. Take her offer. He’d dreamed about a moment just like this for years.
But he’d never imagined he’d be standing on the wrong side of the door, his balls tight with need, his dick pressing against his pants.
She wanted him. He definitely wanted her.
Could he forgive her though? Did he have to in order to fuck her?
Yes. Because this was Natalya. No matter what, he couldn’t just fuck her out of his system. If he slept with her, it would mean something to him, and he had to make sure he could survive losing her again.
With everything else going on, their timing was all wrong. But she’d said he wouldn’t be taking advantage of her.
Then again, she’d once told him that she would return to him.
Trusting her wasn’t something that would come easily.
“Aedan?”
He glanced up as Rogan strode down the passage towards him.
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Rogan’s gaze flicked to Natalya’s door then back to him. He missed nothing.
“Everything all right?”
“Is it too early for a drink?” Aedan asked with a self-deprecating grin.
Rogan snorted. “It’s not even seven in the morning.” Then he took another look at Aedan. “But it’s five p.m. somewhere.”
Aedan waved his hand. Drinking wouldn’t help. “I need a shower.”
Rogan nodded, moving past him. “I’ll start breakfast. Enjoy your cold shower.”
There was a smug note in Rogan’s voice. Bastard. He always had to be right.
You were happy with Natalya.
He had been. He hadn’t been happy since. But was the possibility of being happy enough to risk the pain of having her walk away from him again?
***
Natalya scoured the internet for any clues as to Mateo’s whereabouts. She knew that Stanton’s people were all over this, but she needed to do something.
Diego wouldn’t draw attention to himself. But she kept looking, because if she was doing something then she had less time to think about Mateo.
Or Aedan.
She’d been so stupid, coming on to him like that. Of course he didn’t want her. Why would he? She’d slammed back into his life, bringing all her issues and troubles and turned his life upside down.
Stanton’s people had already followed a number of leads. Nothing had panned out, but she had to believe that they would find her son. Allowing herself to believe anything else would send her into a well of despair.
A knock on her bedroom door had her glancing up in surprise. “Come in.”
She placed her laptop on the bedside table as Aedan walked in.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” she replied awkwardly.
“You didn’t come down for dinner.”
“I’m not feeling very hungry.”
She swung her legs over the side of the bed as he walked over and sat beside her.
“So you weren’t just avoiding me?”
She had been, but she didn’t want to admit it.
“Natalya.” His voice was firm but kind. “Look at me, lovely.”
She raised her gaze to meet his piercing blue one. God, he was gorgeous. Breath-taking. How had she ever attracted him? He could have any woman he wanted and she’d practically thrown herself at him.
And been rejected.
No less than you deserve.
A thoughtful look entered his gaze. “Why do you think I walked away from you this morning?”
“Do we have to talk about this now?”
“You’ve got a lot on your mind, and this isn’t the best time to discuss this,” he agreed. “But I don’t want you avoiding me, Natalya. Why do you think I walked away?”
She shrugged. “I deserved it, didn’t I?”
He swore vehemently. “I wasn’t punishing you, Natalya.”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you were.” She couldn’t hide the sob in her voice.
Aedan pulled her against him. “Well, if I was punishing you I was also punishing myself. Painfully.”
She snorted.
“I want you, Natalya. It’s like my body woke up as soon as you walked in that room the other night. If I ever saw you again I thought I would be cool, distant, polite. Instead all those old emotions I thought I’d worked my way through returned. I was mad. Angry that you didn’t come to me for help, that you’d tried to protect me without giving me the same option. And I was mad because I still wanted you. That hasn’t died. At all.”
“You were angry? Does that mean you’re not angry anymore?”
“I won’t lie to you, part of me is still angry. I said I would try to forgive you, but I’m not quite there yet. And I’m not sure I can trust everything you say.”
A stab of pain took her breath away. “Aedan, I’m not lying about any of this. I’ve never lied to you.”
“I didn’t mean that you were lying. Just that broken trust isn’t easily repaired, you can understand that, right?”
She guessed she could. She would never trust her brother again. Christ, had she done the same thing to Aedan? But, she’d had good intentions, and she’d never lied to him.
“I understand why you did what you did. I don’t agree with it, but I understand it. I still think you’re the most beautiful, amazing woman I’ve ever met.”
He stood and held out his hand. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat.”
Natalya slipped her hand into his. It felt so right, being here with him. He might not trust her, but he still cared about her. That was something. She would just have to earn his trust again.
***
Aedan placed a sandwich on the counter in front of her, giving her a firm look as she wrinkled her nose. With a loud sigh that made him smile, she picked it up and started nibbling on it. He didn’t care how slowly she ate, as long as she did eat.
“Do you get a feeling? About Mateo?” she asked him.
With a frown of confusion, he pondered over what she meant. Then it hit him.
“My intuition doesn’t really work that way,” he told her. “Sometimes I get a feeling about things, other times, nothing. Rogan nearly died a while back and I never had an inkling he was in danger. But the other day, I just knew that my driver shouldn’t take the I-10 and sure enough there was a three-car pile-up and casualties. I have no control over it, unfortunately.”
“So you haven’t had a feeling about whether Mateo is alive?” Her eyes were too wide in her pinched, ashen face.
“No, lovely. I have no idea.” It was kind of a relief to have no inkling. The last thing he’d want to do is to have to tell her he thought her son was gone.
“Okay,” she whispered sadly.
“I wish I’d listened to my gut when you said you were leaving,” he told her.
Brown eyes watched him questioningly.
He smiled at her. “It was screaming at me not to let you go.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“Because I didn’t think it would matter. I figured you would still go.”
“You’re probably right. I thought I could handle anything. I thought I was so strong.” Her voice was bitter.
He cupped her cheek with his hand. “You are, lovely. But being strong doesn’t mean you have to do it all alone, got me?”
“I know. Believe me, that’s one lesson I’ve learned.”
Aedan glanced up as Tanner entered the room. He momentarily froze at the look on the other man’s face. Shit. He glanced down at Natalya, who hadn’t seen him yet.
“Tanner. You have some news?” he asked as Natalya turned to look at the other man.
“Yes.” Tanner’s face was grim. “There’s been a sighting of a little boy matching Mateo’s description.”
“Where?” she asked.
“Lake Medina.”
“What? But that’s miles away from Hondo. Why would he be there?”
“I don’t know. That’s not the only thing. The woman who saw him called the police. She thinks the little boy fell into the lake.”
“No, no, no, no!”
The pain in her voice nearly broke him. He would do anything if she didn’t have to go through this.
“Natalya, I’m so sorry,” Tanner told her. “They’re getting divers ready to search the lake.”
Chapter Six
“I just don’t understand. I don’t understand,” Natalya muttered to herself as she stood huddled beside Aedan behind the police barricade. The cops had blocked off this portion of the lakefront from being accessed by the public.
Aedan was glad they couldn’t get any closer. The divers had been searching for hours now. If they did find Mateo’s body, the last thing Natalya needed to see was it being dragged up from the water.
“Lovely, why don’t we go back to Rogan’s house and wait?” Aedan tried again, but Natalya just ignored him. She’d been like this since Tanner had told them there was a possibility Mateo had b
een sighted by the lake. She’d pulled into herself. Aedan could understand it, but he didn’t like it. He wished she’d share a little of her thoughts with him so he could try and ease her terror.
Natalya looked up at him, as though fully seeing him for the first time in hours. They’d all tried to talk her out of coming here, but there had been no talking her around.
“Why would Diego bring him here, Aedan?” she asked, pressing her wrists up to her temples. “Why would he leave him?”
“I don’t know, lovely. It may not have been Mateo.” Please don’t let it be Mateo.
“But it could have been. The report said a woman saw a small boy about two or three, with dark hair and a blue t-shirt. Mateo had on a blue t-shirt when he was taken.”
Natalya placed her arms around her waist, as though trying to hold herself together. Aedan watched her worriedly.
“Mateo hates the water. He doesn’t even like to take baths. He wouldn’t go in the water, Aedan. He just wouldn’t.”
Screw this. He couldn’t take much more of her pain. He truly couldn’t. Aedan grabbed her, tugging her in tightly against him.
“No, I need…I need to…”
“Natalya, I need to hold you. Will you just let me do that?” She’d refused his every offer of comfort, but he wasn’t backing down again, and he’d use any weapon in his arsenal that he needed to.
“Okay, okay,” she replied, relaxing against him.
Aedan ran his hand up and down her back. “It could be hours before we know anything and it will get dark soon. Why don’t we go sit in the car?”
Shaking her head, she pulled away from him and pushed the heels of her hands against her eyes. “I can’t. I can’t think.”
“Then let me do the thinking for you.”
She shook her head.
Okay, time for him to step in. He couldn’t just stand by and let her suffer.
“Natalya, there is nothing you can do here. Being here is just stressing you out more. We’re going to go sit in the car before you collapse right in front of me. No arguments.”
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