“No, took me a while to realize it. But I did.”
“Did you hide parts of yourself from me?”
“I was the happiest I’ve ever been when I was with you. That was me or who I thought I wanted to be if that makes sense. I wanted everyone to like me. I thought I had to be fun and easygoing all the time. I didn’t want to scare you off.”
“Aedan, I don’t scare easily. I’m tougher than you think I am. I’m not the same person I was before. I’ve learned to control my temper better. I suppose we don’t really know each other at all anymore.”
“But I want to get to know you now. I’ve missed you so much over these past weeks. I’m so sorry for taking off, can you forgive me?”
Silence greeted him.
“I promised Mateo I’d play with him when he woke up, and I want him to know that I always come through on my word. I want him to know he can depend on me.”
“Like I can depend on you?” she asked bitterly.
He deserved that. He cursed himself for being an idiot. “You can depend on me, Natalya. I fucked up, but I did it with the best intentions. I thought giving you and Mateo space was the best thing I could do for you. I want to be in your life. I want to have the right to look after you and Mateo. I want to have the right to worry about you. I may not deserve it, but I’m asking for that chance. I know I’ve got a lot to make up to you, but I swear I won’t let you down again.”
“You can’t just disappear like that. I was all on my own …” her voice trailed off.
Aedan pulled her into his arms, unable to take it any longer. He had to hold her. He was scum. A horrible person. Why had he left her?
“I’m so sorry. I will never do that again. I’m going to work on my communication. From now on, we’ll talk things through rather than making assumptions.”
“We’ve both made a muck of things, haven’t we? You forgave me for fucking up.”
He cupped her face in his hands. “This isn’t about things being even. It’s about me learning what the two of you need, and doing everything in my power to provide it.”
“It goes both ways, Aedan. I need to give you what you need, and I’m not sure I have that in me right now. I mean, look at me. I don’t exactly have my shit together.”
He grinned. “Hey, if people only ever went into a relationship when they had their shit together, then the world would be a far less populated place.”
“I suppose so.” She leaned her head against this chest. “But I really don’t have things together. I haven’t left the apartment since we moved in here. I’m so scared.”
She peered up at him. “I hate the way I feel, but I’m terrified of someone taking Mateo from me. I know it’s not fair to Mateo. He doesn’t understand. He wants to go outside, to play at the park, and I’m keeping him locked in here. I spook at any little noise. I try not to let him see my fear, but I know he must sense it. I don’t want to raise him to be afraid, but I don’t know how to get over this.”
“Oh, lovely.” Christ, how could he have let things get this bad? Rogan should have told him. Aedan ran his hand up and down her shaking back. He pulled her toward him, staring down into her haunted gaze. “We’re going to sort this out. I promise.”
“How?”
“First thing we need to do is find you a counselor. You need to speak to someone; you and Mateo. Someone who has experience with these sorts of situations.”
“Rogan already found one for me, but I refused to go. I don’t know if I can talk to a stranger.”
“I’d like you to try. You never know until you try.”
She sighed. “I suppose you’re right. I need to try.”
“Also, I think you should move in with me.”
She stiffened in his arms.
“Not as lovers, but as friends. We went through things backwards. We need some time to get to know each other again. I want to get to know you, Natalya. I want to know Mateo. Plus, I think you could use a friend right now.”
She bit her lip.
“And so could I,” he added.
“You?” she said with surprise. “But everyone likes you.”
“I don’t have a lot of true friends. Most people see me as a fun-loving playboy. Only those really close to me see the real me. Move in with me. I have a high-tech security system, a security guard and a large, fenced yard that Mateo can play in.” Not that he wanted to give her a bigger place to hide out from the world, but he wanted her close, where he could keep an eye on her and Mateo.
“I need to talk to Mateo first. Maybe he could get to know you a bit better before I make that decision?”
“Whatever you think is best. You’re the expert. I know nothing about children.” He would need to learn quick, though. Winning Mateo over was an integral part of his plan to make them a family. If there was one thing that had become crystal clear while he’d been apart from Natalya, it was the fact that he loved her.
“Nobody does when they first have a child. It’s trial by fire. You’re handed this tiny baby and just expected to know what to do with them.”
Sounded absolutely terrifying.
“Listen, why don’t you go take a long shower and relax for a bit?” he suggested. He wanted to help her relax. “I’ll listen for Mateo.”
She bit her lip. “I don’t know. He could have a nightmare.”
“Does he have them a lot?” Poor kid. Who could blame him?
“Yes, but usually at night. And he doesn’t have as many as he did to begin with.”
But he bet they were terrifying. No wonder Natalya looked as though she hadn’t slept well in weeks.
“Go on,” he urged. “If I hear him, I’ll come running to get you.”
“Are you trying to tell me I stink?” She gave him a faint smile.
“Not at all,” he replied smoothly. “You always smell wonderful to me.”
She snorted. “Charmer.”
He waited until she left the room to pull out his cell phone and call Rogan.
“You could have warned me,” he snapped as his cousin answered.
“Hello to you too.”
“Why didn’t you tell me how bad things were?” Aedan demanded.
“Because you haven’t been here. What point would there have been in telling you when you were halfway across the world?”
“I would have come back.”
“I was kind of hoping you’d both come to your senses on your own. When neither of you made the first move, I realized I needed to nudge you in the right direction. I don’t like to interfere in other people’s lives.”
Aedan just rolled his eyes.
Natalya stared at herself in the mirror. She looked terrible. Scraggly hair hung around her drawn face in clumps. Her dirty, ripped clothes were going straight in the rubbish. No wonder Aedan insisted she have a shower. She sniffed under an armpit. Yep, she stunk. It was official, she’d hit rock bottom. She wouldn’t blame him for running the other way.
His absence had hurt her. Part of her had wondered if it was his way of punishing her for leaving him. Tit for tat. But Aedan was a better person than that.
She’d spiraled into a hole she couldn’t climb out of; not taking care of herself, devoting her every waking moment to Mateo and his needs, long nights of lying awake, worrying, stressing, and jumping at every little sound. She’d gotten to the point where she was too scared to shower, in case someone snuck into the apartment.
But with Aedan standing watch she could relax a little.
And maybe it wouldn’t hurt her to eat a bit better. She stared at her protruding hip bones and grimaced. She looked skinnier than those waif-like models Aedan had dated. Maybe he’d find her more attractive like this?
No, he’d always loved her curves.
She stepped into the shower. What did it matter anyway? Her libido had died a fast death, whittling away to nothing.
When she emerged from the shower, she felt like a new woman. Wrapping a towel around herself, she wandered into the bedroom and
managed to find some clean, nearly wrinkle-free clothing. Dressed, still toweling her hair dry, she walked into the living area and came to an abrupt stop.
“You didn’t have to cleanup,” she told Aedan, feeling embarrassed.
“I needed something to do,” he replied with a shrug. “I’ve put your clothes over here, and Mateo’s are on the kitchen counter. Do you have a comb?”
“Ahh, yeah, it’s in the bathroom.”
“Go get it. I’ll comb your hair.”
She shook her head. “That’s not necessary.”
“Natalya,” he replied in a firm voice. “Go get your comb and bring it here.”
With a roll of her eyes, she stomped off, returning with the comb. “Here you go, oh master of the universe.”
“Just master will do,” he replied with a wink, from where he sat on the sofa. He took the comb and pointed at the floor between his legs. “Sit.”
“Woof. Woof.”
“Good doggy. You know, you’d look cute with some little ears and a tail. I could put you on a lead and teach you to heel.”
She sprang to her feet and glared at him, pointing her finger. “You try to put a lead on me and I’ll bite your balls off.”
He cupped his crotch, looking at her reproachfully. “Aww, no need to threaten the man jewels.”
With a snort, she turned and sat. “Man jewels indeed. You don’t have anything that fifty percent of the world’s population doesn’t have.”
He clutched his chest. “I’ll have you know that my man jewels are of a very fine quality.”
“Seen a lot of other men’s junk, have you?”
“Well, not men. But I did go to boarding school for six years.”
“You did? When?” she asked. First she’d heard of it.
“When we lived in Ireland. Before my father lost his job and we moved to the states.”
“You must have been young.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
She couldn’t even imagine sending Mateo away.
“Don’t you like what I have?” he asked, in a clearly disgruntled voice as he worked the comb through her hair.
She patted his leg; glad he couldn’t see her grin. Men were so easily upset when they thought you were disparaging their package.
“Of course I do, baby. You’ve got the finest man jewels in this apartment.”
“Hey!” he protested.
“Mama? What you doin’?” a sleepy voice asked.
“I’m combing your mama’s hair,” Aedan replied.
Mateo stared at them curiously. She tensed, ready to race over if he showed any fear. Was getting involved with Aedan really the best idea?
But Mateo just shrugged and moved over to the blocks. “Okay, but after you’ve finished you’re going to play with me, right?”
“Right.”
Maybe things would work out. Maybe.
Chapter Ten
“Here, lovely, I thought you might like this bedroom.” Aedan opened the door to the bedroom he’d chosen for Natalya.
Much as he’d love to have her in his bed, he didn’t want to push. It was enough that she’d agreed to move in with him. Over the past eight weeks, he’d spent most of his time with her and Mateo. He’d had to move some things around, and delegate much of his work, but it had been worth it. Mateo now ran to him, a wide smile on his face, and Natalya had become far less tense and stressed.
He’d found them both a counselor and escorted them back and forth to their sessions so Natalya wouldn’t feel vulnerable and unprotected. Remarkably, last week he’d actually managed to get them both out to the park. Natalya had spent the whole time on edge, looking around her. After thirty minutes, she’d insisted that they return to the apartment, but he’d taken it as a win.
“Your room, Aedy?” Mateo asked, tugging on Aedan’s hand.
His nickname wasn’t the most masculine sounding, but he didn’t care. Reaching down, he swept Mateo up into his arms. “This is your mama’s bedroom. Mine is across the hall.”
“Oh.” Mateo seemed to think that over. “Okay. I play my room. Bye.” He scrambled down out of Aedan’s arms and raced off.
Aedan chuckled. “Full of energy.”
Natalya smiled ruefully. “I know. Thanks for everything, Aedan. You’ve been wonderful through all of this. Mateo is thrilled about moving in here; he’s talked about nothing else for the last two weeks. He really likes you.”
He’d done all the research he could on raising a child. It had made for scary bedtime reading. Give him a Stephen King novel any day. Surely it would give him fewer nightmares.
“You didn’t need to get all that stuff for his bedroom, though,” she scolded. But her lips twitched with a smile.
“Too much? I went overboard, didn’t I?” Crap. The woman at the store had sure seen him coming.
She patted his arm. “It’s okay. It’s just that I don’t want him becoming spoiled, especially when I can’t buy him anything like that.”
Damn it. He hadn’t thought about how his gifts might make her feel.
“I just wanted him to feel at home, and the woman at the toy store assured me everything I got was age appropriate.”
“It is. We’ll be lucky if he ever comes out of his room.”
“Oh, he will. I promised to kick a ball around in the yard with him.”
Natalya stepped over to glance nervously out the window. “You’re sure it’s safe?”
He wished he could do more to put her at ease, but he knew it was going to take time and plenty of reassurance.
“Declan has made it as safe as he possibly can. There’s a large fence surrounding the whole property. There’s an alarm system for the house, and there are cameras throughout the yard.”
“Declan looks very… capable.”
He snorted “Don’t let his looks deceive you. This is the most work he’s done since I hired him. About a year ago, I had a crazy fan stalking me, so I hired Declan to take care of security for the house, and he travels with me out of town. But most of the time, he just eats my food, drinks my beer, and acts like this is his place.”
Before they had moved in, Aedan had made it clear to Declan that his main priority was now Mateo and Natalya’s safety.
“I want you to feel safe here, Natalya.”
“I know.” She spun to face him. “I’m being foolish.”
“No, you’re not. It’s completely understandable that you’re afraid.”
“But I feel like I should be getting better by now,” she said with frustration. “I feel fine when we’re inside, but whenever we go out, I feel like someone is watching me.”
He drew her into his arms. “That will pass. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Baby steps.”
She nodded.
“Now, it’s not just Mateo who gets some toys.” He strode over to the bedside table, opened a drawer, and pulled out a small monitor. “I’ve set up a nanny cam on the wall in Mateo’s room. When he has a nap or goes to bed at night, you can turn this on and see him.”
“Oh. That’s perfect. Thank you.” She laughed.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
He walked toward her, running a finger down her cheek. “Oh no, now you have to tell me. What is it?”
“Uh-uh.” She shook her head, taking a step back.
“I have ways to make you talk,” he said in his best Count Dracula voice.
Her eyes widened with alarm. “No, Aedan!”
She fought as he picked her up and threw her on the bed, tickling her mercilessly. He knew where all her weakest points were, and soon she was laughing hysterically, her legs curled up against her body as she tried to protect herself.
“Mercy! Mercy!” she cried.
“No mercy until you talk.”
“Sex toys!” she yelled.
He stilled, holding himself above her body as he panted, staring down at her in amazement.
“What?”
“I thought you we
re talking about sex toys.” A blush stained her cheeks.
Delighted, he grinned. “What kind of sex toys?” Arousal filled his body as the feel of her against him made his cock throb with need.
“The usual.” She avoided his gaze.
“Look at me,” he demanded. Fuck, she was gorgeous. She was slowly putting on weight; her face now had some much-needed color, and that sparkle was back in her eyes.
“If I knew you liked toys, I definitely would have bought you some.”
“Well, I did live for quite a while without sex. I had to have some help.”
“So what sort of toys would you like me to get you?”
She shook her head. “Never mind, I was just joking around. Forget it.”
Uh-uh. No way was he just going to forget about this.
***
Natalya sat up with a cry. She placed her hand over her thundering heart, hoping like hell she hadn’t been loud enough to wake up the house.
She rolled over to the side of the bed, letting her legs dangle off the edge. Placing her elbows on her knees, she rested her head on her hands.
When were these nightmares going to end? She’d told the counselor about them, and the woman had assured her they were normal and to be expected, but she couldn’t tell her when they would stop.
She dreaded going to sleep each night, knowing that she was going to have a nightmare. They seemed so real. For the first few weeks after Mateo had been rescued, she’d kept him in her bed with her. But the counselor had convinced her to attempt sleeping without him, even if she only managed it for a few hours at a time. Since Aedan had gotten her the nanny cam, she’d found it much easier to sleep at night. That was the most thoughtful thing he could have done for her. But it had been four months since Mateo had been kidnapped. She needed to be stronger than this.
But if she wasn’t in the depths of a nightmare, then she was stuck in a sizzling dream about Aedan. She’d wake up on fire, her nipples hard, her pulse racing, and her pussy clenching with need.
Having him so close and not being able to taste him, touch him...
It was pure torture.
Not that he didn’t touch her. He did. Just not the way she wanted. Small brushes of his hand on her back or holding her hand didn’t count. She wanted him to take her, taste her, fuck her into oblivion. She’d almost worn out the vibrator he’d bought her. And wasn’t that embarrassing.
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