by Carey Corp
As grim and determined as I’d ever seen him, Duncan hoisted my duffel over his shoulder. With a quick nod to Jamie and Vee, he announced, “I’ll be waiting in the courtyard.”
I stared at the floor, listening to his receding steps as I groped for the courage to say my good-byes. Jamie stepped forward and placed his hands stiffly on my shoulders. He pulled me into an awkward hug and said in a low voice only meant for me, “Dinna worry. I’ll take care of Verranica. She’s my everythin’.”
After a couple of uncomfortable pats, he let go. Before he stepped away, he said, “Since you left, my brother avoids the loch as much as possible.”
Jamie didn’t volunteer stuff just for giggles. That bit of information was important, but I failed to grasp the significance. “Why?”
“It’s not my reasoning to share. You’ll have to ask him.”
He stepped away and I followed. “Why are you helping me?”
Stopping at the door, Jamie’s gaze flickered to my bestie before settling on me. “I’m not. I’m helping Duncan.” Which wasn’t an answer. I continued to stare until he added, “He did the same for me once. And I’ll say no more about it.”
Like the mysterious man from Into the Woods, he imparted his cryptic wisdom and then slipped away.
As soon as he was gone, Vee swooped in. Her lovely face furrowed in dismay. “I wish you’d reconsider letting Jamie and me go with you to the bridge.”
I shook my head, rapidly putting an end to her request. I didn’t have the strength to draw this out. When I’d told her as much last night, she’d urged me to sleep on it. In the clear light of late morning, I wanted to prolong this moment even less. All I had to do was say good-bye, give her a hug, and get out of Dodge — or in this case, get out of Doon.
As much as I tried, I couldn’t form words. Instead, I embraced Vee with all the finality in my heavy heart. She hugged me back and was reluctant to let go when I stepped away.
“I’ve been thinking about something, and I didn’t say anything before because I didn’t want to freak you out.” She nervously cleared her throat in that way she did when she was about to say something I wouldn’t like. “If I’d never gone with you to Scotland, then you would’ve spent the summer alone in Alloway and the Brig o’ Doon would’ve opened normally for the centennial. There’s a chance you would’ve crossed the bridge with the other Destined. But because I came and we found your aunt’s stuff, it happened early.”
“So? I still would’ve been the same starry-eyed girl making the mistakes.”
“Before the ball, I urged you to be brave with your feelings. Now it’s my turn.” Moisture trembled in the corner of her eyes as she clenched my hands. “I believe your destiny lies in Doon — that it’s the Protector’s will for you to be here. So stay. If not for Duncan or yourself, stay for me. Please?” Tears rolled down her cheeks, and my own eyes began to sting in response.
Blinking furiously, I willed myself to get a grip on my own emotions. This parting would be easier for both of us if I didn’t dissolve into a blubbering mess. At least this time I could leave with the assurance of her forgiveness. “I can’t. Please, this is hard enough already. You have to let me go.”
Mournful acceptance radiated from her eyes. She swiped at her cheeks with the palm of her hand, then smiled a tight, wet smile. “Because you feel you have to, I will let you walk away . . . But, Kenna, I will never let you go.”
To emphasize her words, she pulled me into one last bear hug. She had the makings of an amazing queen. I had no doubt that the kingdom and the people were in great hands. Squeezing her even tighter, I said, “Promise me you’ll continue to defy gravity.”
With a noise that was part sob and part chuckle, she replied, “Every chance I get.”
Descending the stairs from Vee’s chambers, I wondered if she was right about my destiny. Doon was the one place where I felt alive. But in my busted heart, Duncan would always be mine. The only way to set him free was to leave.
Duncan halted the wagon at the path that would lead us to the bridge. Rather than wait for his assistance, I hopped down and began walking. It took less than a dozen steps for him to catch up. Just like when we’d arrived in Doon, he had two mismatched duffels — his and hers, slung over his shoulders.
As he silently matched his pace to mine, I puzzled over Jamie’s cryptic lake comment. I vividly remembered the lake from my previous visit. At the funeral for King MacCrae, Duncan had told me about the swans, Romeo and Juliet. Juliet had died, leaving Romeo to glide through life alone. I’d shared the story of my first kiss, never suspecting that under the alter ego of Finn, Duncan had experienced it firsthand.
We moved deeper into the gutted remains of the forest and my thoughts turned darker. In facing down the limbus, I’d confronted my own truth. As much as I’d wanted to believe abandoning my prince had been a noble act, I’d been scared. I didn’t believe in forever. Halfway through the woods, everyone leaves you. My philosophy had always been to do the leaving first.
My world revolved around Aunt Gracie until she got sick. When she asked me to come to her bedside, I ignored her dying wish. Not only had I turned my back on her, I’d forsaken Finn, who held equal sway over my heart.
Vee had been my everything first — until Jamie came along. When his love for her eclipsed mine, I knew it was only a matter of time until there was no room for me. I thought it would be better for everyone if I was out of the picture.
And Duncan . . . leaving him on the bridge meant I would never have to risk him breaking my heart in the future. Because some random day he would’ve woken up in my world and realized that I was his biggest mistake. At least that was what I believed before the limbus.
If I’d truly forgiven myself — as I believed with my whole being that I had — why could I still feel the wounds from when I was twelve? And why were there fresh ones that made it feel as if something were shredding me from the inside out? In addition to forgiveness, was there something else my heart still needed?
Duncan stopped to slip Vee’s ring on the tip of his finger. A puffy, purplish-black circle marred his right eye. After Vee and I had emerged from the limbus, it’d been swollen completely shut. At least now it was partially open. Though every time I looked at it, I had to resist the urge to kiss his boo boo.
With a nod, he said, “The Brig o’ Doon’s just ahead.”
I hadn’t planned on replying, but suddenly my mouth opened, and the words that tumbled out surprised me. “Jamie told me you avoid the loch.”
Shadows from deep within his soul surfaced to cloak him in darkness despite the shining sun overhead. “Of course he did.”
“Why?”
Duncan’s focus shifted to something in the distance. “Every time I see that blasted swan, I — ”
“You what?”
“I canna stand the sight of Romeo. Lately I’ve been of a mind that someone should put him out of his misery.”
I knew him well enough to know he wasn’t suggesting the actual murder of the bird. In his head, he was the swan. And I was his misery. Another little piece of my heart ripped apart.
Duncan and I walked in silence to where the path opened into the clearing. Since the previous evening, rains had washed most of the ash away, but the ground was still barren. Compared to the devastation on our side of the riverbank, the opposite was green and lush. The Pictish stone lay in two pieces next to the cobbled stones of the Brig o’ Doon.
Occasionally Sondheim got it wrong. Bad news shouldn’t be delivered on the weekend. Partings shouldn’t happen at a park, a zoo, or any other special place. It should occur in a time and place that can’t be spoiled. Tell me on a Monday morning at the bus stop in the pouring rain, or take me to a garbage dump teaming with flies — someplace that’s going to suck regardless.
It shouldn’t happen on a bridge . . .
The tightness in my chest convinced me that any words of parting to Duncan would cause me to break down. Before he could go any farther, I st
opped him by touching his arm. “You don’t have to do this.”
He exhaled in a huff. “Yes. I do. I told you I’d get ye back to your life, and I aim to do just that.”
I was so tired of this destructive song and dance. Sometimes I just wanted to slap him. “I’m letting you off the hook, okay. Just help me open the portal and I won’t be your problem anymore.”
The incredulity on his face stopped me in my tracks. “You were never my problem, Mackenna.”
“Good.” Grabbing my canvas bag, I slipped the strap across my torso before he could object. “Then let’s get on with our lives. Just stay here and I’ll head out to the center.”
I turned and determinedly walked across the bridge. It only took me a few steps to hear that Duncan was still following. When I spun around to confront him, he avoided my scowl by looking at his boots.
Holy Schwartz — he was irritating. “Just tell me why. Why are you so insistent on seeing me back to Chicago?”
Stubbornly, he said, “I made ye a promise. And I’m bound to see it through.”
He was really going overboard with his little object lesson. “I get it! You keep your promises and I break mine. Message received. You’re awesome and I — suck.” My constricting throat caught the last word so that it squeaked out.
Shaking his head, he continued to stare at his boots. “You misunderstand. I promised you the first time we met that I would always be there for you. Then after your aunt’s funeral, I vowed to wait for you. The following summer I came to the bridge every day. And each day the next summer. Then I started to doubt. When ye finally showed in Doon, I’d all but convinced myself you were a figment o’ my imagination. Don’t you see? I broke my word to you long before you broke yours to me. I stopped believing in you — in us. When ye abandoned me on the bridge, I realized I’d never repented for that transgression. I’d pressed you for a promise I didna deserve.”
Gently, I touched his arm. “Consider your promise fulfilled. You can go home now.”
He raised his head to pierce me with his dark, anguished eyes. “I’m trying to — if you’d stop fighting me with every breath.”
“Don’t be absurd. Chicago’s not your home.”
“No,” he said. “You are.”
I did a double take. “But you hate me for what I did.”
“Nay. I could never hate you.”
My heart began to twirl even though my brain cautioned it not to get ahead of itself. “Really? You’ve started fantasizing about killing Romeo because of me.”
“It’s just, every time I see that swan — ” His voice cracked. “I just missed you so much. My life fell apart for a wee bit.”
From where I stood, that seemed like an understatement. “You stopped going to church . . . Did I cause you to lose your faith?”
“Lose it? Nay. I might have misplaced it, but I’ve since found my way.”
“With Analisa?”
“Ah, yes, Ana . . .” He had the decency to look away. I prayed he didn’t say he’d been doing anything as cold as using her to make me jealous. But when he finally met my gaze, I could see the real and very deep emotion in his eyes.
“Do you love her?” I steeled myself for an answer I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear.
“I do care for her deeply.” He raked his fingers through his dark hair to form those swoon-worthy chaotic peaks. “I’ve told her everything about us.”
“You have?” His admission stung more than it should have.
“Aye. Ana’s been most instructional.”
He’d left me to be with her more times than I cared to admit. Although I didn’t want to think about all the ways in which she might’ve instructed him, my mind jumped to the worst possible scenarios. “I’ll bet.”
He reached into his duffel and pulled out a small leather journal similar to the one Vee had made for him. “Tutoring sessions. Ana’s been teaching me many valuable skills for the modern world.”
“Why her?”
“She’s a friend. Plus, the lass knows how to keep a secret.”
Feeling petty and small, I couldn’t help myself from asking, “You’re really not involved with her?”
“She’s Eponine — but of a platonic sort. You’re my Cossette.”
His confession was so momentous that I couldn’t breathe for a sec. That Duncan would see me that way after everything I’d done was inconceivable. When I finally found my voice, it shook. “I thought you gave up on me.”
He sniffed, his eyes pleading for my understanding. “I was sorely afraid if I told ye the truth, you’d feel trapped and leave me again. I couldna let that happen.”
“So your plan was what? To deliver me to Chicago and then just stay?”
His head bobbed in confirmation. “Our first night in the royal gardens, I promised I’d give ye my heart and never ask for it back. The last couple months have been so empty.” His hands scrubbed his face as if he was trying to pull himself together. When he continued, his voice pitched so low that it sounded like a prayer. “All I’m asking is that you let me dwell near my heart.”
Before I could answer, he cut me off. “You don’t even have to see me, but if it shouldna work out between you and uh, Weston — should ye ever change your mind — we’ll have a fighting chance.”
“I tried to tell you a couple different times — he’s not my boyfriend.” One look at Duncan’s face told me that our little misunderstanding had been tearing holes in him. “Wes isn’t a nice guy — I don’t want anything to do with him.”
He blinked at me. “What?”
Fighting the urge to look away, I confessed, “I let you believe he was important to me, but he isn’t — ”
Without warning, Duncan pulled me against him and his lips crushed mine with a savage desperation. One of his hands wound tightly through my hair while the other dug into my waist as he anchored my body to his. I felt his heart, the one that belonged to me, pounding wildly in his chest. He held me even tighter, kissing me almost too fiercely but as long as he was mine, I didn’t care. Just for this moment I would let his spell carry me away until I was brainless.
As abruptly as the kiss started, it ended — over too fast. Duncan jerked away with a gasp. His head dropped and his shadows burst forth. He buried his face against my neck, his tears wetting my skin.
When I thought about how close we’d come to losing each other — again, a sob burst from my lips. My body began to tremble against the weeping boy in my arms. Together at last, we cried, letting our emotions crash over us like giant waves . . . until we were clean.
When Duncan finally stilled, he murmured, “I’ve been so daft. You’re my heart, my home, my very soul — please believe the only world I desire is the one where you exist.”
Taking his face between my hands, I kissed the tear track on one cheek and then the other, being extra gentle around his blackened eye. “If your heart’s been in Chicago, mine’s been in Doon. I want to stay — with you. I’ve loved you every day since I was six years old . . .”
Duncan sighed. “From the first moment I laid my eyes on you.”
He kissed me again — this time with a tenderness that spoke of the promises of our future life. As I lost myself in him, I could feel the pieces of my heart begin to heal.
When we finally parted, breathless and shaking, I asked for the one thing that would make staying absolutely perfect. “I want to establish a theater in Doon.”
Duncan laughed, a deep, genuine sound that infused me with light. “I already told you I’d build ye one.”
The right answer earned him a kiss. “And you’ll try out for all the plays?”
He answered me with a playful, crooked grin. “Don’t push your luck, woman.”
“Oh, I’m gonna push.” I could say unequivocally, with every fiber of my being, that Duncan MacCrae was leading man material.
“Shall we go tell my brother and the queen?”
When I nodded, Duncan threaded his fingers through mine and lifted my hand
to his heart. Although defeating the limbus had been amazing, this was my true miracle — that my deepest desire, something I could scarcely admit wanting, had come to pass.
Now that the consequences of past mistakes had been washed away, Duncan and I could reclaim what we’d lost on the bridge. The happy ending I didn’t deserve but wished for with all my heart was mine. And although I knew my wish came at a cost, some still, small voice deep inside assured me that my prince and I had already paid enough.
EPILOGUE
Veronica
The first time I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, I devoured all seven hundred and fifty-nine pages in less than a day. Rumors had been circulating that some of the main characters were going to die, so I couldn’t stop reading until I found out if my friends Harry, Ron, and Hermione made it through to the end.
To my everlasting relief — spoiler alert — they all lived. But what I wasn’t prepared for was the grief I felt at the end of that beloved book series. There would be no more magical adventures, no more crying over Harry’s heartbreaks and triumphs, laughing at Ron’s family dramas, or cheering on Hermione as she saved the boys’ behinds — again. The series I’d spent half my life immersed in was over.
I told anyone who would listen that it felt like I’d lost my best friend. After losing Kenna for a second time, I knew how incredibly naive that statement had been. It was possible that having a limb amputated would be less painful — and probably easier to live with. I pulled my knees to my chest, and tugged the blanket tighter around my shoulders as another round of shivers racked through me. A cold I couldn’t seem to escape.
Jamie closed the door behind him, crossed the room, and then took the three stairs to the solarium in a single bound — all without spilling a drop of my tea. Inside, I smiled at his effortless grace, but couldn’t quite summon my lips to move.
“Thank you.” I took the cup, wrapped my fingers around its heat, and stared out at the panorama below. Candy-corn-colored leaves rolled like waves in the treetops, dazzling against the background of grassy hills and the sapphire loch. Fall had descended upon Doon — Kenna the Autumn Fairy’s favorite time of year.
