by Amy Lane
“None of this means you should die old and alone, Ten.”
“You know? I’m starting to figure that out.”
Ross swallowed. “I’m… I’m sorry tonight sucked.”
“Well, it had some good points.”
Ross had to smile before kissing Tenner’s nipple, which was really too close to resist. “The sex was rocking.”
“Besides that,” Tenner said seriously, and Ross pushed up on the bed so he could see Tenner’s face.
“What?”
“Nina and I talked at dinner. You and I, sir, are officially dating out of most of the closet.”
Ross’s heart started thumping in his throat. “Most?”
Tenner looked away. “I still haven’t figured out how to tell my daughter. I’m sorry. I’ll figure it out. And until you and Nina are ready to meet, you’re in the guest room when Piper’s here. But that’s—”
“That’s fair,” Ross said, voice rough. “You negotiated that tonight?”
“Nina… she had sort of an epiphany, you know? Not… not completely, I think. But enough. Enough to say what you said, that neither of us deserves to be alone. She hadn’t realized that’s what she’d essentially done to me. She wanted to make it better.”
Complicated. Wasn’t that what Ross had said to Patrick? The whole thing was complicated. But Tenner had been working to untangle it.
“There’s so much I want to do,” Ross said, surprising himself. “I want to take you out to dinner this week. I want to take you and Piper to a Giants game one weekend. Or the River Cats. I’m not picky. Does Piper like amusement parks? I could do roller coasters. Did you know the Republic plays all summer? That’s soccer, you know, in case the other kind of ball confuses you—”
“Bite me!” Tenner laughed, and Ross was so happy, he did. A sensuous little love bite, right at the join of Tenner’s shoulder, another down his throat, another on his left pec, and one on the soft skin of his abdomen.
Tenner’s noises went from tickled to tantalized, and Ross’s body was ramping up for round two. He took a small mouthful of skin right above Tenner’s cockhead and sucked, teasing with his tongue.
“Have I bitten enough?” he asked huskily. “Because you just practically promised me a Disneyland summer.”
Tenner’s eyes went from passionate to sober. “Remember, not out to—”
“Piper.” Ross sobered too. “Baby, I can come play at your house anytime I want. You and your daughter will find your way—that is completely your decision. But you and me are a you and me, and I’m going to celebrate by sucking your cock. Do you mind?”
Tenner laughed and knotted one of his hands in Ross’s hair.
Which was the sweetest request Ross had ever heard. Ah! So much goodness—Tenner’s hand in his hair, his happy sex noises, his taste. When he let out a gasp and flooded Ross’s senses with come, it was like he was flying.
He had all the hope in the world.
ABOUT AN hour after they’d fallen asleep, Tenner’s phone rang.
“Mo—Edith?” Tenner mumbled. “What in the hell?”
Ross squinted at him. “Edith?” he mouthed.
“My mother,” Tenner mouthed back. “What do you need?” He sat up. “No. No. I told you no. I don’t care if you bring an exorcist, you can’t see her. Nina and I agreed. And no, you can’t call Nina.” He set the phone down and started to text. “She’s blocking you, Edith. I’ll file a restraining order against you guys tomorrow. I’m not kidding around. Goddam—hey!”
Ross held his hand out for the phone, and Tenner gave it to him, eyebrows raised skeptically.
“Hi, Edith? Tenner’s mom?”
“Yes,” said a sharp female voice. “Who’s this?”
“Yeah. I’m Tenner’s boyfriend. Yes, I’m in bed with him right now. We’re naked. Do you want pictures?”
He had to hold the phone from his ear when she squawked. “How dare you—”
“Look, what you’re doing right now? It’s considered harassment. When he says restraining order, he’s not kidding. But more importantly, why are you doing this?”
And that seemed to shake her. “What?”
“Why? This thing you’re doing—trying to take a little girl away from people who obviously adore her—it makes no sense. I need you to explain why to me.” God, if nothing else, he was curious.
“You don’t have any right to—”
“You’re hurting someone I care about. Isn’t that what this is about? Doing right by the people you care about? You obviously care about Piper—you want what’s best for her, right?”
“Yes. Yes, we do.” And for the first time, he heard a softening, some humanity, in that sharp female voice.
“Okay, well, that’s good. But I need you to tell me what you think she’s missing out on.”
“They don’t take that girl to church.” Ooh, she sounded sort of smug on that one.
“Well, I hate to break it to you, but I don’t go to church a lot either. My parents go, but I’m out of the country a lot. That doesn’t mean I don’t worship in other ways, you know. Have you ever seen the sunset in the Amazon? That’ll make you believe in the Divine. I mean, the forest has been really depleted—that’s why I’m there, you know.”
“I, uh, no. I didn’t know. Why are you in the Amazon?”
Okay, this was better. No defensiveness. No anger. That was one of the problems with talking to your own family sometimes. The things that made you love them also made you want to throttle them.
“I’m an environmentalist. Our atmosphere has been impacted by the fires in the Amazon. I’m sure you’ve felt it.”
“My husband’s asthma is really bad,” she said, a little tearfully. “We worry, you know. All the smog out here, and that little girl’s lungs.”
“Yeah, that’s a shame.” He meant it. Stories like this one made him want to do his job. “I’m sorry to hear that. But Piper’s happy here. She knows she’s loved. Why would you want to pull her away from that?”
“Tim…. Tim’s afraid,” she said, her voice softening. “He’s not sure he’s going to be here for long, you know? And when I get older…. Tenner was supposed to be our comfort in our old age, you know?”
“Well, he still could be,” Ross said, keeping his voice gentle. “Threatening to take away his daughter isn’t going to help that happen.”
“But what am I supposed to do?” she asked. “How do I—how do I make him my son again?”
“You have to love him for himself. Don’t you see?” Ross fought to keep impatience from threatening. “He’s… he’s such a good man. He’s such a good father. How could you not love him like he is?”
“But what he’s doing is wrong!” And Ross had her. Because she was desperate, and because this was the part when people usually recognized they were parroting something they didn’t understand.
“What’s he doing that’s wrong?” Ross asked, waving away Tenner’s outraged look. “Be specific.”
“He’s sleeping with a man!” He loved the way she said that, like Ross wasn’t the man in bed with him.
“Except we’re not really sleeping right now, ma’am. We’re having this delightful conversation. And so far, you seem to think I’m okay.”
She started to sputter, and he thought that was a start—and more than enough for the evening.
“I’m going to hang up now, okay? You must be exhausted, and I know I need my sleep. Now let’s not hear any more talk about kidnapping children and calling police, okay? Can I get your promise on that? You’re hurting Tenner’s feelings in a thousand ways. Do you want to do that to your son? Hurt him like that? Because we seemed to be getting along so well.”
“I don’t want to hurt him,” she said softly.
“Well, good. How about you send him a letter when you and the mister get home. I’m sure this whole thing will be much easier to resolve using good old-fashioned pen and paper. What do you think?”
“But the girl—”
&nbs
p; “Is very happy. And no lawyer in the world is going to take your money to take her from her parents. And if you try it, you’ll be criminals. Do you understand, ma’am?”
“Yessir.”
“That’s a girl. So I’m going to say good night, okay?”
“Good night.”
“Good night, sweetheart. Let Tenner know when you get home safely, okay?”
“Okay?”
“Good.”
Ross hit End Call and sagged against the pillows before Tenner took the phone from his hands.
“That was…. That was amazing,” Tenner said, setting the phone in the charger. “Oh my God. Ross. You’re like… like magical. You’re a lion with wings or something. How did you do that?”
Ross yawned and went back to burying his face against Tenner’s neck, which had become his favorite way to sleep.
“Nobody agrees on what my job should be,” he said on another yawn. “Nobody. And people pull God into it, and big oil and stupidly bad ideas about economic theory. And I don’t want to be a politician. I really fucking don’t. But I gotta explain to people that they’re stone-cold wrong without pissing them off. It’s a job skill.”
Tenner reached to switch off the lamp again, and Ross pulled him back as soon as darkness fell.
“It’s a you skill, sweetheart,” he said throatily. “You. Nobody else in the world could do that. Only you.”
“Keep saying sweet stuff like that,” Ross mumbled. “You never know when it’s gonna get you laid.”
Tenner chuckled, and Ross sank halfway to sleep.
“Night, Ten.”
“Night, Ross. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
He didn’t even realize what they’d said until he woke up in the morning. And by then, the words had settled into their skin, like they’d always been.
How to Always Be
REAL LIFE had to intervene sometime. Ross had needed to leave early the next morning for work, and had called Tenner at the office to… well, to see if he was okay, mostly.
“You get enough sleep?” he said over the phone, and Tenner pictured him as he’d been that morning, rumpled and shy and vulnerable.
Those words—hopeful, damning words—hovered over both of them like shady rain clouds after a scorching desert summer. The blessed life-giving rain threatened, but they needed to raise their arms and their faces to welcome it.
“Not so much,” Tenner admitted, yawning. He set his computer to rest mode and stood up, stretching. Pat was very pro on a short stretching break every forty-five minutes or so, and doing it while on the phone was the ultimate in multitasking. And for some reason today his body felt extra, extra achy. “You?”
“Slept like a baby, just not for long enough,” Ross said, yawning back. “Do you want me over tonight—”
“Yes,” Tenner said before he could think. “I mean, shit. I have to work late, and if you need to sleep….”
“I should see Pat’s kids,” Ross admitted. “There were certain promises made about my time here this go-round. You go ahead and work late. I’ll see you Wednesday.”
“Uhm….” I want you. I want to sleep next to you. I want to talk to you over dinner even if it’s about traffic or work or the weather. “I… uh….” The silence on the other end of the line was deafening. “I meant it. Last night. Don’t stay away because you’re afraid I’ll take it back.” Good. I said it. Sort of.
Ross’s laugh was soft and only a little bitter. “I love you too, Ten. I said it too, remember?”
“Yeah. But your heart is so big, and I don’t know how you can believe a thing I say if I haven’t told my daughter and—” Oh God. His voice was wobbling.
“I’m going to have some faith in us, okay?” Ross yawned again. “And seriously. Sleep. You still have dance lessons tomorrow?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. Take a picture of her in her get-up, okay? I bet she’s hella cute.”
Tenner’s heart beat a little faster. “You… you are really good dad material,” he said, like it had just dawned on him. Then… “Oh, shit—I didn’t mean…. You probably aren’t ready to…. Sonovabitch, you’re leaving in… when. I keep forgetting when. I keep trying to pretend it’s not happening, and I make all these plans in my head and—”
“Four weeks today,” Ross said, and he didn’t sound happy about it either. “And every time I think, ‘Ten and Piper at a Giants game’ or ‘Disneyland,’ I remember she has gymnastics and grown-ups have to plan for these things. And I’m nobody to her.”
“That’s not….” True? Right? Who was he to Piper? Uncle Ross? Was he even Uncle Ross? Was he Dad’s friend who came by after practice on Sunday? Tenner hadn’t even invited him the first time. “Forever,” Tenner said, coughing a little. Besides the fatigue that felt like it was draining his lifeblood, there was also a raw throat that often came with lack of sleep. “That’s not forever. I’ll talk to Nina at dance tomorrow. There’s got to be something about this in the manual.”
Ross’s laugh warmed him. “Of course, Ten. Parenting manuals have whole chapters for this kind of thing.”
“I like that you call me Ten,” he said miserably. “It’s a stupid name, and you make it sound fun.”
“Get to work so you can get home and nap. I’ll text you later.” Pause. “I really do love you.”
“I really do love you too.”
Tenner sat down abruptly, and the call ended. He logged back on to his computer and gazed at it sightlessly, trying to pull his concentration from the pile of cotton wool that his head seemed to have become.
About an hour after Ross called, Pat came by his desk with a hot mug of tea. “You look like shit,” he said amicably. “Here.”
Tenner picked up the tea, and before he could even drink, Pat closed in on him, schwacking something to his forehead and putting a hand on the back of his neck at the same time.
“Help, I’m being harassed?” Tenner managed.
“Drink your tea, son, and shut up.”
Tenner did what he was told, and Pat unschwacked the thing on his head. It said, “100.1.”
Tenner blinked eyes that had gotten increasingly heavy and tried not to wrap himself around the mug in his hands and die. “That explains the body aches,” he murmured. “I thought it was lack of sleep.”
“Yeah, well, if it’s what the kids brought home, it’s about to get ten times worse. There will be throwing up and high fever and crap that you can’t get out of your lungs with a snowplow.”
Tenner squinted at Pat in horror. “Why do you look so fucking chipper?”
“Because Desi and I called the doctor when Polly and Ally both puked, and we’ve been on Tamiflu ever since. Abner didn’t get it in time. All three kids, walking, talking scenes from The Exorcist. It’s terrifying. I was surprised Ross hasn’t given it to you yet, but apparently it was in stealth mode, like a plague cat.”
Tenner thought about their subdued morning, the sort of tiredness neither one of them could shake, the way they’d both crashed incredibly hard after Ross had gotten off the phone with his mother.
“Fuck,” he muttered. He picked up his phone and texted, Buddy, we both have the plague. Go get some Tamiflu, stat!
Even as he sipped his tea, his stomach gave an unhappy little gurgle.
Patrick took the mug from him. “I’m sorry, Ten. You’ve got about fifteen minutes to get home before the world goes tits up and purple. I’ll see you in a week.”
“A week?” His stomach gurgled again, and this time it meant business. “I can’t take a week off! I’ve got a project due for you, and softball and Piper and Ross!” Oh, he hadn’t meant to say that last one, but they only had four weeks!
“Ten-Spot, go home,” Pat said in his best “I love you, but you’re being an asshole, son,” voice. It worked, maybe because Tenner knew Pat would never ghost him as long as he kept showing up for potlucks.
Oh God.
Potlucks.
His stomach gurgl
ed again, and he gave Pat a despairing look, grabbed his keys and his phone, and bolted.
HE BARELY made it home.
An hour after he arrived, he emerged from the downstairs shower cleansed, both inside and out, and not sure he had the muscle tone left to get him up the stairs. He kept all his old robes in the downstairs closet, and had just put one on when the doorbell rang.
He staggered to the door and opened it in time for Ross to bolt inside and toward the guest bathroom. Tenner was still staring after him, appalled, when there was a honk from Pat’s Odyssey by the curb.
“We’ll bring you chicken soup tomorrow!” he called through the passenger window. “You should be able to keep it down by then!”
He drove away, leaving Tenner to stumble to the couch and park himself, dozing a little in misery for a good hour before Ross emerged in the same state, wearing another one of Tenner’s old robes.
Ross threw himself onto the other end of the couch and gave a shaky breath. “Oh my God, that sucked.”
Tenner whimpered. “Pat says we’ve got days of this.” The thought would have horrified him, if he could move.
“Yeah, but the nausea’s over in the first day.” Ross groaned. “Pat gave me a big thermos of tea and a box of the stuff to brew on our own. If I ever move again, I’ll get us some.”
“If I have to get up, I’ll raid your duffel.” Tenner listened to his stomach for a moment. Not yet. But soon.
“So,” Ross said, and Tenner could hear that familiar indomitable humor teasing his voice. “You got the remote?”
Tenner actually thought about smiling. He found it on his arm of the couch and tossed it over. “What do you have in mind?”
“Sitcoms. Something with at least five years to shotgun. You game?”
“Can we watch sports movies and explosions as palate cleansers?” Honestly, he didn’t really care, but challenging Ross let him know they were both still breathing.
“No,” Ross said, telling him the same thing.
“I’ll whine,” Tenner threatened.
