Revel

by Alison Ryan

  Charlotte nodded. “I understand.”

  “Mom, we’re not too young. We’re adults. And it’s stupid to pay rent at two places,” Declan said. “We’d be together all the time anyway.”

  “We can afford it, sweetheart,” Anna said uncomfortably.

  Declan sighed. “Yes, but… most people can’t. It would help Charlotte out, which helps me out. I just want her to be happy.”

  “I feel kind of embarrassed,” Charlotte suddenly said. “I didn’t want to live with Declan for money reasons. I want to live with Declan because I love him.”

  Anna’s eyes widened. “You love him?”

  Charlotte nodded. “Yes. Very much. More than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

  Anna stared at her for a long moment.

  “What about your parents, Charlotte?” Anna asked. “Would they be okay with this?”

  “Well, I haven’t talked to my dad about it yet,” Charlotte said.

  “And your mother?” Anna said.

  Charlotte looked down at her lap. “My mother died when I was thirteen.”

  “Oh my goodness,” Anna said, reaching her hand across the table to take Charlotte’s. “I am so sorry. I didn’t know. Declan hadn’t shared that with me.”

  “It’s okay,” Charlotte said, looking up. Tears in her eyes. “I know my mother and I will admit, she wouldn’t be so thrilled with my shacking up with a boyfriend. But I also know she’d want me to do what made me happy. And she trusted me. Even when I was young, she trusted me to make good decisions.”

  “Well, she raised a very lovely girl,” Anna said. “I won’t lie and say I’m thrilled with the idea. Only because I don’t think either of you realize how hard it is to live with someone. You’re in the honeymoon phase at the moment. I see how the two of you look at each other. But love is about more than that. And you have your whole lives for this kind of responsibility and commitment. But if you’re sure…”

  “I’m so sure,” Declan said, gazing at Charlotte. “And one day I’ll be asking you for Grandma DeGraff’s engagement ring. Because Charlotte is it for me, Momma. There’s nothing else I will ever want but her.”

  Both women stared at Declan, their jaws almost on the floor.

  Declan laughed. “Don’t worry, no one is getting engaged today. That’s down the road. But I have no doubt the only girl I’ll ever want to marry is the one sitting at this table.”

  After lunch, Charlotte had to leave for her shift at Dixie Garden.

  “Thank you so much for lunch,” Charlotte said. “I really enjoyed it.”

  “You’re so welcome, Charlotte,” Anna said. “You’re welcome here any time. You have a lovely day at work.”

  Declan had decided to stay behind to spend some time with his mother. Ever since Charlotte had come into his life he’d been around less, something he felt slightly guilty about. He worried about his mother all the time, and today he wanted to make up for some lost time.

  “You’re really kind to her,” Declan said as they both walked out onto the porch. “Do you like her?”

  “Of course,” Anna said. “I like her a great deal. But it scares me, what you two have. That much intensity is not healthy at your age. I’ve never known you to be like this.”

  “Because I’ve never loved anyone before,” Declan said, shrugging. “Isn’t this what you and dad were like? In the beginning?”

  “Not quite,” Anna said. “It was a different time though. But yes, I like Charlotte very much. She’s a smart girl, works hard for what she has. I admire that.”

  They both sat down on the porch swing that faced out onto the back garden of the DeGraff home.

  “Well, good,” Declan said. “That’s important to me. That you like her.”

  They swung quietly for a moment, Declan’s legs moving them back and forth.

  “How did her mother die?” Anna asked. “Do you know?”

  Declan nodded. “Yes, it’s a really tragic story. They were vacationing in Folly Beach six years ago. Her mother went to the store to pick something up and on her way back she was hit by a car running a red light. The car didn’t stop to see if she was okay. It was a hit and run.” Declan paused. “I’ve never been so angry at someone I never knew. How could someone do that? Hit someone and leave? What if they’d stayed? Maybe her mom would have lived. Maybe not. But it really destroyed their family. It’s why Charlotte ended up here. I think in a way she feels like if she’s here, where it happened, maybe she opens herself up to answers. Even though it’s impossible at this point.”

  Declan continued to push the swing while his mother listened, “It makes me feel bad that the only reason I know Charlotte, in a way, is because something really terrible happened to her. If her mother had lived, I doubt she would have ever moved here for college. You know, she got into Vanderbilt.”

  He looked over at Anna who hadn’t said anything. Her face was pale and her chin was quivering. Her hands were shaking.

  “Mom,” Declan said. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

  “Six years ago?” Anna asked. “Was it in the summer time? This time of year? Beginning of August?”

  “Why?” Declan asked. “I think so. I don’t know for sure. Why do you ask?”

  “Because,” Anna said. “I need to go inside, Declan. I really feel like I might faint all of a sudden.”

  He stood up and offered her his arm. She stood up on wobbly legs and he walked her into the house and up the stairs to the master bedroom Anna shared with Henry.

  Declan was worried. He hadn’t expected the story to upset her this much.

  “Mom, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Declan said as he laid her across the bed. “Do you want me to get you water? Do you need Dad?”

  Anna shook her head. “No, son. I’ll be okay. I just need to be alone for a moment.”

  Declan nodded. “Okay, Momma. I love you. I’ll leave you be.”

  “I love you too,” Anna said and Declan left, shutting the door behind him.

  He paused for just a moment, the sound of what might have been muffled sobs coming through the door. He reached for the knob, but decided against it, walking back down the hallway to the stairs.

  Chapter 20

  Declan couldn’t remember how they ended up at his house. He assumed they’d walked there together, or maybe he’d carried her. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that as soon as he’d touched her, it was like going back in time.

  They’d ended up in his bedroom, Charlotte stripping out of her clothes, Declan stepping out of his khaki shorts and quickly pulling his t-shirt off. Her body was golden and hot to the touch. Her breasts were large and heavy under his hands, larger even than he’d remembered, but her curves were just as smooth and sinful as he remembered them.

  The Charlotte of the future was more much assertive. She threw herself back on his bed, spreading herself open, her hair wild around her and her expression one of pure lust.

  “Do you remember what I feel like?” she asked, her voice husky. He hadn’t heard it in so long. It was the same but different.

  “How could I ever forget?” he said and he was immediately on top of her and then inside her, almost coming as soon as he entered her. She was wet and willing, but so tight around him. He slowly thrusted in and out, barely believing this was happening.

  “You feel so fucking good,” he said. Her arms were around his neck as he fucked her slowly, kissing her with each stroke. She was like liquid underneath him.

  “Please!” she called out. “More, Declan. Harder! I’ve missed you!”

  What was it about this fucking woman that made him have so many damn emotions? He hadn’t allowed himself to feel a damn thing since she’d left Charleston ten years ago. He didn’t deserve love, not after letting Charlotte Sanders go.

  Yet she missed him. Despite what had happened.

  “I’ve missed you every day since…” he said, quickening his pace. “Since I made the biggest fucking mistake of my life.”

  “Baby�
�” she said, touching his face. “Why did you leave me?”

  Tears were falling down her cheeks and Declan couldn’t take it. His heart pounded as he came inside of her, filling her with his soul, and all of the anguish of ten years. The sound of his release pierced the air, he couldn’t help but scream her name as he finished.

  “I didn’t want to leave you.”

  They’d been lying next to one another for almost twenty minutes in complete silence after getting out their aggression on each other’s bodies. Neither had known what to say.

  “Then why did you?” Charlotte asked, turning toward him. She was naked, without even a sheet to cover her. He couldn’t stop staring at her body. Fuck, she was hot.

  “It’s complicated,” Declan said. “But it was the wrong choice. I felt it as soon as I made it. At least, it was the wrong choice for me. But at the time, it was the right choice for you.”

  Charlotte’s expression changed to anger. “What the fuck, Declan? So you know what’s best for me? Please. Just admit it. Your rich daddy didn’t want you with some common girl from Tennessee. So you dumped me. That’s the message I got. Loud and clear. Don’t make it about something else. Own what you did.” She was crying now. “You killed me that day, Declan. You blindsided me completely and then didn’t even try to make sure I was okay once I was gone. I was vapor to you. A summer fuck, right? Because guys like you, once they get what they want, they get bored. Just fucking admit it!”

  She hadn’t meant to yell at him but she couldn’t help it. It was over ten years of anger coming out all at once.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, pulling her toward him. “That wasn’t it at all. I was a fucking mess after we broke up.”

  “Do you really expect me to feel bad for you?” Charlotte asked, pulling away. “Fuck you, Declan DeGraff.”

  She stood up and starting pulling her clothes back on. “It was a mistake to come over here. A big mistake.”

  Declan sat up, the sheets wrapped around his waist. He buried his head in his hands.

  “It’s not a mistake,” Declan said. “Charlotte, we ended up in Charleston at the same time. After years of being away from it. And then we end up in houses right next to each other. Do you really believe that was coincidence?”

  “Yes,” Charlotte lied. “I do.”

  Declan shook his head. “I know you better than that. This is happening for a reason, Charlotte.”

  “Fuck your reasons,” she said, pulling on her shoes. “I don’t want to hear them. Goodbye, Declan.”

  “Charlotte,” Declan said, standing up. “Don’t go. Fuck. You really want to know why I left you? Because if it will make you stay, I’ll tell you.”

  Charlotte stared at him. “Tell me. It will make me stay for now. But then I’m gone.”

  Declan’s heart was pounding so hard he was sure she could hear it. This wasn’t how he’d wanted any of this to go.

  That fucking letter, he thought.

  “I don’t know how to even say this,” he said. “Can I at least give you a preface?”

  “A preface?” Charlotte said. She rolled her eyes. “Fine. A preface and then the truth.”

  “Deal,” Declan said. “Let me preface it with this: I loved you, Charlotte. I still love you. I’ve never loved anyone else. I am not capable of loving anyone else. As punishment for what I did to you, I have not allowed anyone in. Not even close. All my passion for you I poured into my work. Into my business. I was hoping one day it could be different and that if we ever met again I could have built something for us. But as the years went on, I knew it couldn’t be. But I have never stopped wanting it, Charlotte. And I have never stopped loving you. It’s just not possible for me to. Some people, they get a piece of you, and you don’t get it back. And the part of me that is able to love, that’s the part you took. And it will always be yours, even if you don’t want it.”

  Charlotte was quiet now. Her expression had softened.

  “That being said,” Declan said, choking up. “What am I about to tell you is really bad, Charlotte. And it will change so much. It will change everything.”

  “Declan, stop it,” Charlotte said. “You’re scaring me.”

  Declan pulled her toward him and held her tight against his chest. He knew it might be the last time after what he was about to reveal.

  “My mom,” Declan said, trying to hold back his emotion. “She killed herself about seven months after you left Charleston.”

  Charlotte looked up at him. “Oh my God. Declan. I had no idea. I feel terrible. That’s so… Why didn’t you tell me? Reach out to me?”

  He shook his head. “I couldn’t. There’s more. I wish there wasn’t, but there is.”

  “Okay,” Charlotte said. Her head was against him now. “I want to hold you so badly right now.”

  He wrapped his arms around her tighter. “I love you. Well, before my mother died, actually the night after you had lunch with her, my mother confessed something very terrible to me. Something that ended up eating her alive for years, something she had never shared with anyone else.”

  Declan took a deep breath. “My mother was an addict. Pills mostly, and alcohol. She was in a loveless marriage of convenience. Expected to be the constant Stepford southern wife, always smiling. But she was in so much pain and I never understood why. But one night, after meeting you and learning about your mother, she confessed her reasons for being especially sad the previous five years.”

  Charlotte was quiet now.

  “My mother,” Declan said. “She is the hit and run driver that killed your mom. She got incredibly drunk at a party on Folly and tore through a red light in her Lincoln town car. She knew she’d hit someone but she was terrified to stop. She was scared that she’d be in trouble, which would mean she’d be in the papers. Which would inevitably sully my dad’s perfect fucking reputation. And she assumed she hadn’t caused any damage. That’s how loaded she was. So she left the scene, Charlotte. She left your mother…”

  “To die,” Charlotte finished. “Your mother. Left my mother. To die.”

  Declan was crying now. “Yes. It was so wrong, Charlotte. It was really fucked up and I told her that and I know it’s hard for you to believe it, but she knew it was fucked. She had no idea she’d hit a woman and the woman had died until a couple days later when she saw it on the news.” Declan was clutching Charlotte now. “And as soon as she told me, I knew I had to tell you. But she begged me not to, Charlotte. She said if I told you, she’d kill herself. That she couldn’t be ruined now, that she couldn’t go to prison. That she couldn’t disappoint the DeGraff name.”

  “Fuck her,” Charlotte said, pulling away. “And fuck you for not telling me, Declan. You knew I needed to know. You knew I have needed to know that my whole life. And like your mother would have served one day of jail time. Not with the kind of people you all know.”

  “Charlotte, I’m telling you that I know I was wrong,” he said. “I made the wrong decision.”

  Charlotte was backing away now, backing away from this man she now realized she never really knew.

  “And here you go,” she cried. “Breaking my heart again. I love you so much, but I also hate you so much.” She sobbed. “I wish I’d never come to Charleston. Then and now. I wish I’d never met you, Declan DeGraff.”

  And with that, she turned around, went downstairs, and walked out.

  This time, Charlotte would be doing the leaving.

  Chapter 21

  Declan was a man destroyed.

  The sound of his front door slamming shut might as well have been a death knell. It was the death of him and Charlotte for good, as he always knew it would be, once she knew the truth.

  The silence around him rung in his ears. He preferred to hear her screaming at him. Because he deserved it. And at least it meant she was still there.

  But now she was gone. He couldn’t get her back this time.

  Being with her, loving her again, just reminded him how beautiful it had all really
been. Over the years he’d tried his best to diminish what they’d had together. He’d tell himself it wasn’t as intense and amazing as he remembered, that his memory was playing a trick on him. No one could exist as perfect as her.

  But now he knew- it had been just as passionate and fiery as he’d recollected. Which made tonight’s ending that much harder for him to take.

  Declan had never been one to have suicidal thoughts. But now he understood what true anguish felt like, and why people couldn’t live with it. There was nothing he wouldn’t have done to make this different.

  But just as Charlotte wished she’d never met him, in a way he wished the same. Because, at least then, he would never know what he’d missed. He’d never have to know this kind of pain, the pain that went straight to the marrow of his bones. The kind of pain that touched every piece of his shattered heart.

  Charlotte had struggled to walk back to her house. Her sobs and wails pierced the sky. She looked up to see a blanket of stars, and how she wished she could be among them and away from this place of constant hurt.

  For just a moment, she’d made herself believe everything could be okay. His touch was just as she remembered. It brought her to her knees. His love was like nothing she’d ever experienced. She had a hard time believing anyone in the world had ever felt the kind of intense sexual chemistry she and Declan shared. His body made her feel like she was home again. She’d cried while he made love to her because she’d forgotten how much she needed it at one time, and how unbearable it had been all these years without it.

  She was ruined for anyone else. And she almost hated him for that.

  As she stumbled through the front door and finally made it to her bedroom, she collapsed on the bed, finally free to let out the emotion she’d been struggling to hold in on the walk back. Her wails had turned to screams now, screams of anger at the universe for cursing them in this way. Hadn’t God taken enough from her? Hadn’t she fought for happiness and peace enough? Yet she could never find it, not here, not in Nashville.