by Alison Ryan
Declan laughed. “You’ve been telling me that since I was a kid.”
“Well, it’s true,” Antonia said. “Not that Geechee believe in reincarnation. But sometimes I think it’s possible. And what I know, is that you have been with one another in many lifetimes. And now this one.”
Charlotte wasn’t sure what to say to that. She had no idea what would happen with her and Declan. But Antonia seemed so sure.
“Well, anyway,” Declan said, clearly embarrassed. “I came here to make sure arrangements were made and everything should be okay.”
Antonia nodded. “Yes. I’ve talked to who needed to be talked to. We will do it like with your mother. All is okay.”
“What’s going on?” Charlotte asked.
Declan looked over at Angel Oak and didn’t say anything for a moment.
“My mother,” Declan said. “Her ashes are here. We scattered them at night after the park closed. It was her request and now it’s my father’s request that he join her here. This is where he asked her to marry him.”
Charlotte teared up thinking of it.
“I can think of no better place,” Antonia said. “To begin a love and to sleep the eternal sleep with a love than right here at Angel Oak. She will guard their souls. No haints touch these grounds.”
“Haints?” Charlotte asked.
“Evil spirits,” Declan explained.
“Oh,” Charlotte said. Coincidence she could possibly deny. But evil spirits? She was a doctor. Pragmatic and mostly unbelieving in the things she couldn’t see. But both of them seemed so sure of it, so she said nothing.
“Charlotte,” Antonia continued. “I wanted to tell you something. And I hope it doesn’t upset you and I hope it’s not out of line. May I tell you?”
Charlotte looked up at Declan. “Sure. Though I’m a little nervous.”
“I was a longtime confidant to Miss Anna,” Antonia said. “I know what she done to you. I didn’t know it was you until a few years ago when Declan told me one night. But Miss Anna had told me about a terrible thing she did. And how it hurt her heart every day to know she made the wrong decision. Your mother’s death laid heavy on her soul.”
Charlotte’s tears stung her eyes. She wasn’t sure what to make of this.
“I tell her to tell someone. To tell the family, to take it upon herself to give them justice, even if it meant they hated her. Even if it meant she’d go to jail or be ostracized. But you see, she wasn’t afraid of none of that.” Antonia looked at Charlotte now. “She was afraid to leave Declan. She didn’t want to leave him for jail, or to leave him to be hurt by people’s cruel words. She didn’t want to bring him shame or make him pay for her mistake. So she didn’t tell. And instead, the guilt of it, ate her up. Miss Anna didn’t need to go to prison to pay for what she did. It ate her alive. She would beg me to help her die. Said she felt like she was being skinned alive from the inside. She wanted to trade places with your momma more than anything. She started to drink so much, take so many pills. Wanted to numb it all away, but she couldn’t.” Antonia was almost in tears now. “I don’t know why she never told me you were the daughter. I was with her the last days of her life but she never told me. And I don’t know why I am telling you this now. Maybe so it would help you to know that she suffered. Not as much as you. Not as much as your momma, God rest her soul. But Miss Anna died very broken. Very sick from what she did. Everything we do in this life catches up. She was so sorry for it. Sorrier than any of us could fathom.”
Charlotte was sobbing now. None of it made her feel better. She always assumed it would, to know the person who killed her mother had led a terrible life and would one day hopefully die a terrible death. But now that she knew, she wished she didn’t. Suffering begets suffering and none of it is worthwhile. Charlotte couldn’t hear anything else.
“I can’t…” Charlotte said. “I can’t handle this. I don’t want anyone to suffer.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it,” Antonia said. “Oh, Charlotte I thought it would help!”
“It’s fine, Antonia,” Declan said. “We should go. I’ll take Charlotte home.”
They all stood, Antonia looking so panicked.
“I am so sorry,” she kept saying. “I didn’t mean to make you so sad.”
“It’s okay,” Charlotte said. “I’m just… It’s been a week of a lot of revelations. I need to go home.”
Declan walked her quickly to his car. As they pulled out of the muddy parking lot of Angel Oak Park, neither of them spoke. Not until they were off Johns Island.
“I don’t know what to say,” Declan said. “I wasn’t expecting her to say that. I just wanted you to see the tree and talk about my dad being scattered there when he eventually goes, and just have a moment away from things. But it made it worse and all I want is to make your life better.”
Charlotte stared out the window as the trees blurred by. “I’m not upset with her. Or you. I’m upset because of how much time has been wasted.”
“What do you mean?” Declan asked.
Charlotte turned to him. “We wasted ten years. Ten years we could have been together. All because of this fucked up tragedy involving our mothers. And you know what? It’s not all your fault. It’s mine too. I pushed everyone away, I never made it easy for you to come back, even if you’d wanted to. And you were scared to hurt me more. I know that now. So you made yourself miserable. Just like your mother made herself miserable. All over fear. Fuck fear.”
Declan pulled over to the side of the road, his hands shaking.
“So what does that mean?” he asked.
“It means fuck being afraid. I’m tired of it. I love you, Declan. Love me back and let’s get over this. Maybe it won’t be easy. There will be days it will be hard. There will be days where I don’t know if I can get out of bed, or days where I will resent your mother. But I will never resent you, Declan. And I hope you can do the same. Just love me. At the end of the day, there’s nothing else. We end up as ashes under a tree. Specks on the earth that’s just a speck in the universe. And I need to be that speck next to you, baby. I can’t go on anymore without that. I don’t want to end up like your mother- devastated and regretting all the things I should have done right. Let’s start making it right.”
Declan wasn’t one to cry. But after that speech, it was almost impossible not to.
“Charlotte,” he said. “I’m yours forever. I always was.”
“I know that,” she smiled through her tears. “Now let’s start living in that forever.”
Chapter 28
Henry DeGraff passed away five days later. Declan and Charlotte were both by his side.
He’d been asleep for almost two days by then, doped up on narcotics, waiting for his body to finally give up. In the days before that he’d made his peace with Declan. And with Charlotte.
“I’m sorry I didn’t let you in,” Henry had told her. “I hid behind a lot of things. I thought the wrong kind of things were important. It’s a damn shame you don’t know that until it’s over.”
“It’s okay,” Charlotte said. “I hold no hard feelings. I never did. Honestly, I was in awe of you. What a presence you are, Henry.”
“And what a beautiful girl you are. You could do so much better than Declan,” he said and both Charlotte and Declan laughed.
“She hasn’t figured that out yet, Dad,” Declan said.
“I hope she never does.”
They scattered his ashes at midnight a few days later. Declan didn’t cry but Charlotte did. Not just for Henry. But for her mother. For Anna. For Melanie Hopp.
The losses made it hard to want to keep living, to keep loving. But that was the cost, Charlotte supposed. The pain of losing people was the price we paid for loving them at all.
As she watched Declan scatter his father’s ashes under a full moon, she couldn’t help but be grateful that if the pain was inevitable, she would be thankful it was Declan she got to feel it for.
They made l
ove the next morning, right as the sun was peeking through the blinds of the carriage house. They were both craving the past, so they’d slept there that night. Waking up with him in her old bed gave her such contentment.
His thrusting was slow at first and she’d kissed his face as he went in and out of her. His cheeks, his mouth, his eyelids. She arched her back to come for him, to let him know what he was doing for her body.
“Yes,” she whispered. “I love you. You feel so good.”
He said nothing, just kissed her mouth long and hard as he released himself inside of her. She cried out afterwards and he withdrew and replaced his cock with his hand, rubbing her clit until she had finished again.
“I love you,” he said. “Thank you.”
“For what?” she asked. She was laying on his chest now, listening to his heartbeat slow from rapid to normal.
“For giving me another chance,” he said. “For being here through what happened to my dad. For everything. For existing in the first place.”
She grinned. “That’s a lot.”
“I could never say all the things I’m thankful for when it comes to you,” he said, taking her hand and bringing it to his mouth. “You’re my moon. Remember?”
“I do,” she said.
“Would you like to be something else too?” he asked.
“Maybe,” she replied. “What’s that?”
“My wife,” he grinned. “I used to always tell myself when I asked you, it would be here.”
Her heart jumped in her chest. She hadn’t expected it, but now that he’d said it, it was all she wanted in the world.
“Yes,” she said, tears falling down her face. “I want that more than anything.”
“I know I didn’t get down on one knee,” he said. “And I don’t have a ring. But we’re billionaires. I’ll fly you to Lorraine Schwartz herself and you pick out the biggest diamond in the world, and it’s yours. Literally, Charlotte. The biggest one any woman has ever received from her future husband.”
“We’re billionaires?” Charlotte laughed. “I don’t think so.”
“What’s mine is yours,” he grinned. “Isn’t that how it works?”
“I have no idea,” she laughed. “But I like the sound of it. And I’m not talking about the money. I just want your soul, Declan DeGraff. That’s all.”
“Well, that’s been yours since the beginning of time,” he said, kissing her softly on the lips. “And it’s yours til the end of it.”
Epilogue
A few months later… Christmas
“I can’t wait until they’re here!”
Charlotte had flown Vanessa and her father down for their engagement party in Charleston. She hadn’t planned on having one- she preferred to elope somewhere tropical if she was being honest- but Allyn Legare had insisted.
“It’ll be the event of the holiday season!” Allyn had crooned into the phone. “I mean a DeGraff wedding? Are you kidding? You’ll be all over the society section. It’s like… Kate Middleton marrying the damn Prince. Except Declan is much better looking. But it’s the whole Cinderella, commoner thing…”
“Jesus, Allyn,” Charlotte said. “Did you seriously use the word ‘commoner’ to describe me?”
“I mean it in a good way!” Allyn replied. “It’s a fairy tale! You’re proof that love can prevail over all things.”
“Even Charleston social status,” Charlotte said sarcastically. “Oh, Allyn. You’re too much.”
“You know you love me and that I love you,” Allyn said. “It’s why you made me a bridesmaid.”
Charlotte laughed. “Who knew that Allyn Legare would ever be one of my bridesmaids? Life is so weird.”
“It is,” Allyn agreed. “And I’m so grateful for that.”
Charlotte was nervous about her family coming to Charleston. Not so much about Vanessa, who she knew could handle it, but her father. He had sworn to her that he would never step foot into the state of South Carolina ever again. Especially not Charleston.
But a couple of months ago, Charlotte and Declan had flown up to Nashville so Declan could officially ask her father’s permission to marry his daughter. Declan had insisted on it, even though Charlotte thought it was a silly tradition.
“I have a feeling your father is the type that would appreciate it,” Declan had said. “And I was raised to do it. Women look forward to the ring. But men look forward to things too, you know. And he’s the only living grandparent of our future children. I want to show how much respect I have for him.”
So Declan had asked her father on a fishing trip they’d taken together on the Cumberland River. Her father had been a little surprised, he didn’t know much about Declan, but he’d been quick to say yes. On one condition.
“Make her laugh a lot,” he’d say. “Even when life is hard. It’s what I miss the most about my wife. She had a really good laugh.”
Declan nodded. “The first thing I loved about your daughter was her laugh. It’s my favorite sound in the world.”
Mr. Sanders had looked at Declan then, his eyes welling up for a moment. “Yep. It’s a good one. Sounds so much like her mother’s sometimes that my heart almost stops. It’s like having a piece of her back again.”
So when Charlotte invited Vanessa to the engagement party on her last day in Nashville, and as an afterthought mentioned the festivities to her father, she was pleasantly shocked when he immediately announced his plans to attend.
“Dad, we’d love to have you there. I’m sorry I didn’t come right out and invite you, I just know how you feel about Charleston and I didn’t want to put you in the awkward position of declining.” Charlotte explained.
“It’s time,” he’d said.
That was all.
Charlotte didn’t know what to think.
Now she was anxious. She wanted her sister and father to have a great time, especially since she and Declan had decided to make Charleston their permanent home. If they could get through this trip there was hoped they’d be back. Something Charlotte desperately wanted.
The party had been held in a ballroom at the new Gaillard Center downtown. Charlotte didn’t know most of the people in the room, but they certainly knew her. She’d had a fine time, but she’d been worried the whole thing would overwhelm her father, who was a simple man with simple tastes. He didn’t like large crowds or attention. He preferred to go fishing by himself and staying in with his free time. But every time she’d looked over at him he’d looked happy.
The stress and anxiety had caused her to be a little nauseated. The nausea had hit her randomly for the last couple of weeks but the night of the party it was especially overwhelming. She’d mentioned it to Vanessa after dinner as they sipped champagne next to an ice sculpture that Allyn had commissioned for the party. (Only Allyn Legare would do something like commission an ice sculpture for an engagement party.)
“You say this has been happening for a couple weeks?” Vanessa said, looking at her sister. “Charlotte. You’re a damn OB GYN. I would think you’d know the early signs of pregnancy.”
Charlotte shook her head. “No way. Impossible…”
But the more she thought about it, the more sense it made. She had been terrible about taking her pill at the same time every day, something she really should have known better about in her line of work.
“We need to get a test!” Charlotte said. “Let’s run to CVS.”
“In the middle of the party?” Vanessa said. “Don’t you think it can wait?”
“No. And we’ll only been gone like 20 minutes. I have to know now. I should probably stop drinking this champagne while I’m thinking about it,” Charlotte put down the glass next to the ice sculpture. “Let’s go.”
The little pink plus side had come up immediately.
“Holy shit,” Vanessa said, staring down at the test in Charlotte’s manicured hands. “What is Declan going to think?”
Charlotte smiled. She knew what he’d think. The same thing she thought.
They were going to have a baby. Someone that was part her and part him. Part Charlotte’s mother. And Declan’s parents. The new baby would have no shortage of guardian angels.
“I have to go find him,” Charlotte said. They’d taken the test in the restroom on the other side of the building for privacy.
“Now?” Vanessa said. “Sis, you’re crazy.”
“I know it,” Charlotte called over her shoulder as she walked out of the restroom. “This is what love does to a person, apparently.”
Declan was leaning against a column, laughing at a joke Winston Ravenel was telling him. Charlotte stared at him across the room, her heart racing. She wanted to capture this memory, the moment before she would tell Declan he was going to be a father. God, he was so handsome. And so happy. They both were. Ever since he’d asked her to marry him, life had been complete bliss. It almost scared her how fantastic things were.
And now, they were about to get even better.
She sashayed over to him slowly. His eyes met hers when she’d almost reached him, and he offered her his hand, pulling her into him.
“Hey, baby,” he said, kissing her hard on the mouth. “You sure do look beautiful tonight. You’re glowing.”
“Well, there’s a reason for that,” she said, smirking. “Sorry, Winston, can you give my fiancé and me a moment alone?”
“Sure,” Winston said, taking the last swallow of his bourbon. “I was thinking of talking to your sister. She sure is a pretty girl.”
“Oh, you stay far away from her, Winston Ravenel!” Charlotte poked him in the chest. “She’s pure and perfect. Do not corrupt her.”
“Wouldn’t think of it,” Winston winked at her. “I’ll leave you two be.” And off he went.
Declan looked down at Charlotte. “You get some good news? You look like you’re about to burst out of your skin.”
“I am,” Charlotte whispered, pressing herself against his chest. “Declan, I love you so much.”
