Not That Kind of Girl

by Susan Donovan

  Eli reached for her and pressed her cheek against his warm, bare chest. She felt him kiss the top of her head and stroke her back. “Nobody has to make any decisions about anything right now. Except what to eat. I’m so hungry I could eat one of those elks from down the street, antlers and all.”

  Chapter 16

  Monday went by in a blur.

  Roxie and Eli did their morning hike, this time heading west toward the part of the ranch Eli called “the feed bowl”—a dip in the earth where his cattle preferred to graze. Roxie got a quickie education in all things Angus, including how the weekly livestock auction worked, price per pound, and the butchering process, which effectively eliminated her craving for a double cheeseburger.

  After a breakfast of baked apples and some of his rich, crumbly cornbread, Eli gave Roxie a reading assignment. He got her settled in the big leather couch in the main room and handed her a thick stack of printer paper he’d had bound and covered at a discount print shop. It was entitled “Stable Owner, Happy Dog—A Manual for Aspiring Pack Leaders.”

  Roxanne smiled and flipped through the booklet. “You wrote this?” she asked, looking up at him as he hovered nearby.

  “I had to. After my first few professional clients, I realized there was far too much information to pass on verbally.”

  “So will I start working with Lilith today?” she asked.

  “Not quite yet.”

  “You want me to read this first?”

  “Yep,” Eli said. “Please keep in mind that I’m no writer.”

  “But I am,” Roxie said, wagging her eyebrows. “Maybe I could whip this into shape for you. I could make you more famous than you already are.”

  Eli plopped down on the arm of the couch, intentionally sending Roxie toppling over on the cushions. They both laughed.

  “This isn’t an editing assignment, Ms. Bloom,” he said, falling on top of her. “It’s for you to read, study, and make notes for any questions you have.”

  She giggled. “You’re squishing me,” she managed to say, though hardly enough wind remained in her lungs to speak.

  “My bad,” Eli said, wrapping his arms around her and rolling to the floor, his body cushioning her landing. Roxie tossed the book across the room.

  “Hey, careful with that. It’s an original.”

  “So are you,” she said, kissing him quickly before she straddled him and began unbuttoning his pale denim shirt to his waist. When her fingers began tugging at his cowboy belt buckle, Eli laughed. “What are you doing?”

  “Getting you naked.”

  “But it’s time for reading and reflection,” he said, the amusement in his eyes deepening his crow’s feet.

  “Reflect on this.” Roxanne unzipped his jeans and pulled everything down his legs, scooting back as she went. Once she’d tossed everything to the side she crawled back up the length of his body and began kissing him again. She started at his luscious lips. She let her kisses trail along his smooth cheek, down to his chin and throat. She dragged her lips and tongue down across his chest, teasing his small, hard nipples, then continued down the center of his body. Long before she reached his belly button, she felt his erection prod her breasts.

  With a series of teasing stops and starts, Roxanne let her mouth play with him. She licked the underside of his cock and let her tongue swirl around the thick, hard root. Then she slipped her lips around the head of his penis, softly suckling at him until he began to moan.

  “Are you reflecting?” she asked.

  Eli laughed so hard that Roxanne was treated to the sight of his cock dancing and the muscles of his hard belly rippling. He covered his face with his hands and groaned.

  “You need to write your own book,” he said, his voice muffled by his palms.

  “Oh, yeah?” she asked, putting her mouth back on him. In between licks and sucks and twirls she asked, “What would it be called? I wonder.”

  Eli lifted his head off the floor and looked at her for a moment, then let his head fall back. “The Dick Whisperer,” he said.

  Roxanne let go with a raucous laugh, shaking her hair back, feeling free with the knowledge that her outburst wouldn’t bother anyone but the cattle.

  She stood up. Slowly, teasingly, she began to undress while looking down at Eli. She watched his smoky green eyes get heavy lidded as she removed her shirt and bra. She watched his chest rise and fall with ragged breaths as she ripped away her jeans, and his cock twitch as she whisked away her panties. When she was completely naked, Roxie stepped over Eli’s body and straddled him, her hair falling into her face as she smiled down.

  “Goddamn, Roxanne,” Eli said, pushing up to his elbows, shaking his head.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He sighed, closing his eyes, but said nothing.

  Roxanne was a little disappointed. She thought for sure this pose would elicit more than a shake of the head and a sigh.

  That thought had barely formed when Eli sprang up from the floor, picked her up like a big bag of dog food, and ran with her into his bedroom.

  “What are you doing, Eli?” she called out, laughing as she got bounced around on his shoulder.

  “What kind of question is that?” he asked, breathing hard. “I’m going to fuck you senseless, you naughty minx!”

  Of course, Roxie didn’t get back to the manual until evening. While Eli prepared dinner, she studied. She took detailed notes on what were the characteristics of a stable leader, plus the benefits of walking your dog, providing nutrition free of food additives and ingredients that might cause allergies, and setting clear rules for behavior at home and out in public. At dinner she asked a slew of questions, and Eli answered every one of them.

  “So,” Roxanne asked. “Can I start with Lilith tomorrow?”

  “Not sure,” Eli said.

  “But I’m ready,” she told him. “I know I am.”

  Eli grinned at her. “That’s for me to decide.”

  “You’re an awfully mean teacher,” she said, taking her dishes into the kitchen.

  Eli sneaked up behind her, propped her on the island, and ripped off her pajama pants so that he could lick her and nibble at her and torture her with his fingers and tongue until she came all over him.

  Roxanne retracted her mean teacher comment.

  Tuesday began with a hike to the farthest southern border of Eli’s ranch, marked by the rocky Snow Creek. Eli took Roxie’s hand and led her behind a huge outcropping of rock and down a path to what looked like a strange paradise. Steam boiled up from a natural hot spring.

  “Are we allowed to go in?” she asked, her eyes big.

  “It’s ours,” Eli said with a grin. “It’s part of the ranch. Do you feel like—”

  “Yes!” Roxie began stripping off her clothes.

  They lingered at the hot spring for more than two hours, taking dips, talking and laughing, making love in the water and on a sun-heated boulder.

  At one point, Roxie rested her head against a smooth rock, letting her body float in nature’s hot tub, and stared up into a blue sky dusted with streaks of clouds. Before she realized what was happening, she began to cry. Within moments, great sobs were wrenching out of her. Eli’s naked body slipped in behind her in the water. He put his arms around her and cradled her.

  “I was pregnant with Raymond’s child,” she heard herself say. The words sounded shocking spoken aloud—she’d never uttered those words to anyone, not her mother, not Josie or Ginger or Bea. She’d always thought that if she didn’t mention it, then maybe she could forget it ever happened. Of course, that didn’t work. If it had worked, she wouldn’t have spontaneously broken down here in this most beautiful and serene of places, in the company of the most loving man she’d ever known.

  “Tell me, sweetheart,” Eli whispered, his breath at the nape of her neck.

  “I didn’t even know until a couple of weeks after we broke up. Then I miscarried one night. I woke up covered in blood.”

  Eli kissed her shoulders
and held her tighter as she cried. “I am so sorry, Roxie.”

  She sniffled, nodding, deciding to herself that she might as well get to the rest of it. “I think I should tell you about my dad, too,” she said, turning so she could see his face. “My parents weren’t exactly the Cliff and Clair Huxtable types.”

  Eli smiled sadly. “Are anybody’s parents?”

  She offered him a small smile of her own. “Yeah, well, mine were more like Cheech and Chong.”

  “Ah,” he said, stroking her upper arms.

  Roxie turned and resumed her position in the water, her back to Eli’s chest, the hot bubbles skimming her chin. “My dad got tired of having a wife and kid, basically. I know that sounds awful but it’s the truth.” Roxanne felt her heart beat wildly in her chest at the memory, but knew it was a secret she needed to share with someone, just like the pregnancy.

  “I was six years old the day he left us. I heard them arguing. My mom was screaming at him and he kept saying, ‘Hey, I’m just telling you like it is.’ And he packed up his crap in his little beat-up Datsun and started to drive off without saying good-bye to me.”

  Eli’s hands stilled on her arms. “Jesus,” he whispered into her hair.

  “But I ran out in front of the car. I blocked him in. Then I stood on my tiptoes at the driver’s side window and I asked him why—why was he leaving me?”

  “That was very brave of you,” Eli said.

  “Yeah, well, I would’ve been better off just letting him go. Because what he said …” She choked, her throat closing up at the memory.

  “Go on, Roxie. Get it out.”

  “He …” Roxanne didn’t think she could do it. The words felt like shards of broken glass lodged in her throat, so sharp and jagged that they’d slice her to pieces if she tried to speak them. But then she felt Eli’s arms pull her close to his solid body. That familiar stillness seeped into her bones. Her heart steadied. Roxanne opened her eyes to see a huge, blue heaven sheltering her from above, the way Eli’s embrace sheltered her down here on the ground. “He told me he’d never wanted to be a dad. That my mom forced it on him. He said a wife and child weren’t what he pictured for himself.” Roxanne swallowed hard. “He said ‘Sorry, kid,’ and he was gone.”

  She had no idea how long she cried. Sometime later, she got dressed and they began hiking back. She felt so wobbly and scraped out inside that she nearly fell asleep about halfway through the hike. Eli carried her piggyback for a while, but she couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him so she made him put her down.

  After food and a two-hour nap in Eli’s arms, Roxanne slipped out of the bed, got dressed, and made herself a cup of tea. She wandered out onto the porch and sat on the top step, enjoying the day’s last bit of sunshine. Within minutes, Lilith found her, plopped down right next to her, and leaned against Roxanne’s body in a show of camaraderie.

  “Lily Girl, I’m so sorry I let you down,” Roxie whispered. “I know it’s been hard for you to carry all that responsibility on your own.” Roxie stroked her dog’s ears. “Things are going to be different from now on. I’ll be a good leader. I promise.”

  They sat in silence together for a long while, Roxie softly stroking her dog’s fur. Every once in a while, Lilith would look at Roxie, her sparkling brown eyes filled with gratitude. Eventually, a few more dogs wandered by. Some stayed for a bit. Some stayed longer. Eli came to join them, taking a seat on the other side of Lilith. The dogs licked him and wagged their tails in greeting.

  “You’re ready to get to work now,” he told Roxie, his voice rich and soft.

  Roxie looked over Lilith’s head and smiled at his handsome face. “I know,” she said.

  Their next morning hike was a quick one, followed by a breakfast of eggs and bacon and toast.

  Eli put the other dogs in the kennel and brought Lilith and Roxanne to the open yard in front of the house.

  “Remember, Roxie. This is not an obedience class. Obedience tricks will not change how Lilith sees her relationship to you. What we’re doing today is establishing a new world order within our little pack.”

  She didn’t miss his use of the word “our.” With Eli, everything had been “our” from the start. Roxanne suddenly smiled.

  “Yes?” Eli asked, one brow raised.

  “I just realized that you’ve been serving as pack leader for me and my dog, haven’t you?”

  Eli cocked his head and waited for her to go on.

  “You had to show me what it felt like to be calm and safe before I could even begin to pass that along to Lilith. Am I right?”

  Eli chuckled a little. “Of course. I never tried to hide that from you, Ms. Bloom.”

  “Yeah, but I only just now figured it out!” She began laughing.

  “And?” Eli asked.

  “And I should be really pissed off at you,” she said, letting her arms fall to her sides as she stared at him in awe. “I didn’t give you permission to be my pack leader. I didn’t want some man to be in charge of me. In fact, I should be calling you names right about now. I should feel, I don’t know, offended, victimized … manipulated!”

  “So do you?”

  Roxanne put her hands on her hips and shook her head. “Not really.”

  “What do you feel?”

  “I feel happy. I feel strong. I feel more powerful now than I ever have in my life.” Roxanne stood on her tiptoes and gave him a kiss. “I feel like the warrior priestess in the photograph over my fireplace.”

  “But without the spear, right?” Eli looked a little worried.

  Roxie laughed. “No spear.”

  “Hey, Rox. C’mere.” Eli pulled her to his chest and hugged her tight. After a moment he held her away so he could look in her face. “I don’t want there to be a misunderstanding.”

  She frowned, not following him. “About what?”

  Eli shrugged. “I’ve never had this kind of connection with a client before—with anyone at all, really.” He lowered his eyes for an instant before he finished his thought. “What I feel for you is just for you. What I’m doing for you and Lilith is separate. It was absolutely essential that I show you how to lead by example, but I’m not your pack leader, Roxie.”

  She smiled at him. “What are you, then?”

  “I’m your lover. I’m your friend.” Eli took her hands in his. “I’m your man, if you’ll have me.”

  * * *

  Raymond shuffled down the hall in his pajamas, avoiding the mirror that dominated the exposed brick wall of his dining room. He didn’t want visual confirmation of what he already knew. He hadn’t shaved in two days. He hadn’t showered, either, not since the cast was set on his left arm. He hadn’t worked out in nearly two weeks. He hadn’t had any decent pussy since … oh, fuck it. Pussy was the last thing he wanted. Pussy was what got him into this quagmire in the first place.

  He staggered into the kitchen, trying to summon the energy to make himself a pot of coffee. It hardly seemed worth the effort. Instead, he stood in front of the refrigerator and gulped down some unfiltered organic pomegranate juice directly from the bottle. It tasted like shit, but at least he could take comfort in the fact that he was drinking nature’s elixir of youth. He ratted through the pantry with his good arm and found a half-full box of bran flakes, then scooped a handful into his mouth. Then he scuffled his way out of the kitchen.

  “What the hell!”

  Raymond grabbed onto the dining room wall, horrified. He’d forgotten all about the mirror, and now he was face-to-face with himself—a bald, crippled old man with a broken limb and a broken libido, alone and unkempt, a deep purple juice stain dribbling down his pajama top.

  Raymond rubbed his good hand all over his face. He stumbled closer to the mirror, bringing his red-splotched eyeballs right up to the glass.

  The vicious dog hearing was in five days. In five days he would need to waltz into the Animal Control complex well prepared and perfectly groomed, cool and distinguished, at peace in the knowledge that he was t
he voice of justice and truth. In other words, he had five days to transform from Grandpa Joe into Atticus Finch.

  Then it occurred to him—none of his suit coats would ever fit over a cast! What the fuck was he going to do? What the fuck did he have to wear?

  Suddenly, Raymond felt overwhelmed by it all. He limped back down the hall to his bedroom, thinking that there wasn’t a soul on earth he could call on for sympathy and wardrobe advice. He had no platonic female friends. His man crowd had never seen him in anything less than stellar condition, and that’s the way he wanted to keep it. He could ask Yvonne to come over and tend to him, he supposed, but his secretary would surely want time-and-a-half.

  He collapsed onto his bed and pulled the covers over his head.

  * * *

  As soon as Roxie’s fingers hit the keyboard of Eli’s computer, a tingle of anticipation raced through her. She felt anxious to discover what she’d missed at www.i-vomit-on-all-men.com after her long absence. Her palms were slick with perspiration as she typed in the password that would grant her access to the inner workings of the Web site. It felt so good to be back in her reality, a world she’d created with her own imagination, passion, and vision.

  She found 197 new e-mail messages, at least a dozen from Raymond. She also found sixteen entries for the Jerk-of-the-Week contest, and thirty-four orders for merchandise.

  Roxie stared at the screen, waiting for the delight to hit her. This was where she’d always gotten a little thrill. Right about now she should be feeling giddy. Instead, there was nothing.

  In fact, she couldn’t think of anything less interesting than reading Raymond Sandberg’s rages. She felt queasy at the thought of slogging through hundreds of e-mails from hundreds of women agonizing over how badly they’d been treated by hundreds of men. And did she really want to read about the sixteen assholes who’d compete for the weekly crown? No. And the merchandise orders? They could wait until she got home.

  Roxie blinked, falling back into Eli’s computer chair and crossing her arms over her chest. “Hmph,” she said, clicking off Eli’s computer. Then she turned off the desk lamp, got up, and moved to the bank of windows on the lower level of his house, staring outside at the earth as it sloped away into the distance. She observed a group of Eli’s Angus cattle grazing down in the valley. She saw a hawk sweep down from the mountain and hitch a ride on a gust of air. She heard the happy barking of dogs, knowing Eli was out at the kennel getting everyone their evening meal.