by Nell Dixon
"Don't leave me."
She caressed his cheek, watching with relief as his eyes closed again as he drifted back to sleep. Only then did she prop herself up cautiously on the pillow next to him.
* * * *
The early morning sound of the seagulls wheeling and screaming over the sea woke her. Jenni realized she was alone.
She listened, hoping Nate might be downstairs, but the house remained silent. She sat up and hugged her knees, trying to decide what to do.
The sitting room and the kitchen were empty, although the fire had been re-laid and a half-drunk cup of coffee stood on the counter in the kitchen. Rufus had gone too. She surmised that Nate must have taken him for a walk. Relief rolled over her and she smiled a little as she acknowledged the fear she had been nursing in her heart. Nate had gone to walk his dog. He hadn't left her.
Jenni looked out of the kitchen window, wondering how far they were from the sea, when to her delight, she discovered the wild front garden ran straight down to the shingle at the head of the small crescent-shaped bay. In the distance, she saw them coming back. Man and dog braced against the stiff breeze which blew in off the sea and whipped the waves into foaming white horses.
A chill ran down her spine as she watched them draw nearer, for Nate's face looked as bleak as the weather. A cold stranger headed back towards her.
Chapter Ten
Nate wasn't sure how far he'd walked. It had been one of the hardest things he had ever done in his life, getting out of his bed that morning, leaving Jenni still fast asleep on his pillow. Her soft brunette hair fanned out against the white cotton of the pillowcase.
He reached the top of the cliff and began to walk back towards the cottage. The mobile phone in his pocket vibrated. The number of missed messages took him by surprise as he looked at the phone. He didn't recognize any of the numbers as he scrolled through them. When he hit redial and got the news, he pushed his own concerns to the back of his mind. Whatever happened between him and Jenni, she needed him now.
* * * *
Jenni busied herself filling the teapot. She didn't want Nate to think she had been looking out for him, waiting for him to come back. Rufus came in first. His tail wagged as he dropped a piece of driftwood at her feet, a pleased expression on his hairy face.
"I've just made some tea, would you like a cup?" Her courage faltered along with her voice when she looked at Nate's face.
"We have to go back." His words took her by surprise.
"Back?" she echoed.
"Sit down, Jenni." He pulled out one of the kitchen chairs for her. The gravity in his tone scared her.
"What's the matter? What's happened?"
Nate took the teapot from her and sat down on the chair opposite hers. "I had a phone call while I was out. The only place you can get reception here is on the cliff. They've been trying to get us since early this morning."
The blood drained from Jenni's body as the implications of his words began to sink in. Instinctively she knew this news was about her. She could tell from the way he avoided her gaze. "Something's happened to Tracey?" Her voice came out as a whisper. Nate took her hands in his, his long, clever fingers curled supportively around her hands.
"She's in hospital. The police found her this morning, wandering around the streets."
Tears sprang unchecked into Jenni's eyes. "What happened?" She searched Nate's face for answers.
"They wouldn't tell me much because I'm not family. They said Tracey asked for you."
Dazed, she tried to take it all in. "Is she hurt?"
Nate shook his head. "No, mild hypothermia and shock they said. We'll know more when we get back." His eyes were dark with sympathy.
"How did they know where to find us?" she asked.
"Tracey told them where you worked. They traced us from there."
"Oh." Jenni realized he still held her hands. The warmth of his touch eased the chill in her fingers. Nate's face was sombre.
"I'm very sorry, Jenni." He squeezed her hands.
All the while she cleaned and packed, his words kept going round and round in her mind. What did he feel sorry for? The situation with Tracey? That the holiday had ended before it had begun? Or worse, did he feel sorry about confiding in her?
On the drive home, she wanted to ask him what he'd meant, but with every mile that passed, the more Nate appeared to be retreating from her.
By the time they pulled into the hospital car park, Jenni's nerves had disintegrated into tatters. Nate waited with her at the reception desk while they checked which ward Tracey was on. After a brief telephone call, a young policewoman came down to meet them.
"Mr. Mayer, Miss Blake, I'm glad you were able to come home so soon. There's no reason to be unduly alarmed, however." She gave Jenni a reassuring smile. "I'm just here to finish taking your mother's statement and to fill you in on the background before you go in to see her. She's been through a dreadful ordeal."
She led the way to a small side room. When they had been seated and a ward domestic had bought in a tray of tea, the policewoman explained what had happened.
"Your mother was found in a distressed state, Miss Blake, by the beat officer."
Nate leaned forward. "I don't know if you're aware of the circumstances, but Jenni hasn't seen her mother since she was a baby."
"I was given up for adoption. I only traced my mother recently." Jenni explained. The policewoman's brow cleared.
"Are you aware of her home circumstances?" she asked.
Nate told her everything they knew, including the findings of Mr. Field and the note Jenni had received.
"Was my mother attacked?" Jenni blurted the question. She feared her leaving to go on holiday with Nate had somehow precipitated the event.
The police officer shook her head. "Not exactly. When the beat officer found her, she was wearing just a thin nightdress. Mr. Clark, Pete, the man she lived with, had lost his temper, which I understand, wasn't unusual. He smashed the house up. Tracey got scared and ran outside, intending to go back in when he had calmed down." She paused in her narration, her pretty face sober.
"What happened?" Jenni couldn't take her eyes from the young woman's face. She felt glad of Nate's reassuring presence, even though his expression still seemed frozen in a mixture of pity and concern.
"When she thought it was safe, she went back inside. She found Mr. Clark dead. He'd left her a note. In his psychotic state he thought she had gone for good, and the balance of his mind was so disturbed, he killed himself."
Nate swore softly under his breath. Jenni gasped with horror.
"Your mother was in a state of shock when she was found. She hasn't anyone she could call. She gave us your name as her next of kin."
Jenni wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
"I'd like to see her."
Nate glanced at her. "Are you sure, Jen?" His voice sounded gruff with concern.
Jenni nodded. "She needs me, and I want to see her, talk to her."
The policewoman stood up.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Nate offered.
She looked at his face, seeing his tired eyes and the days' growth of beard he hadn't yet had a chance to shave off. Her heart skipped a beat as she forced herself to shake her head.
"Go home, Nate. You've done enough already." She knew he must want to be gone. He didn't need to be saddled with her problems now.
At first, she thought he wasn't going to agree, but something in her expression, or maybe the policewoman coming to put her arm around her to support her, convinced him to go. She allowed the officer to lead her towards her mother's room and thought her heart would break into a million pieces as she watched the man she loved walk away from her.
* * * *
The bullets of warm water pelting his skin in the shower might have been cleansing his body, but Nate found they did little to clear his mind.
An hour later, his mind still filled with thoughts of Jenni, he gave in and called the ward. The
sister informed him Miss Blake had already left. He cursed himself under his breath for having missed her, then jumped in his car and set off for Jenni's flat.
She opened the door. As he stood in front of her, his heart melted at the sight of her weary face. He could have kicked himself. He should have brought her some flowers. "I called the hospital but they said you'd already left."
"Tracey needed some rest, so I came home. I just got in." Jenni’s voice sounded totally flat.
"I brought your bag." He indicated her overnight bag, which rested at his feet. She made no move to invite him in or to pick up the luggage.
"Jenni, are you all right?" He had never seen her look so unhappy.
"I'm fine. I just need a little time to take everything in. I'd appreciate the rest of the week off, Nate, if that's okay. I want to spend some time with Tracey. I'll be there for the dance on Saturday." She picked up the bag.
Disappointment clawed at him. "Take as much time as you need. Are you sure you'll be all right for Saturday?"
"I'm sure I'll have things sorted out by then. I'll meet you at the Langstone." He had been dismissed. She didn't want him around.
"Jenni, promise me if you need anything, anything at all, you'll call me." If she just gave some sign, some hint then...
She gave him a weak smile. "I promise. Thanks for everything, Nate. See you Saturday." The door closed in his face with a click.
* * * *
Jenni leaned on the back of the closed door. A single tear tickled down her cheek. She wiped it away with a fierce dash of her hand. She would have to be stronger than this if she had to cope with seeing Nate on a daily basis.
The rest of the week passed quickly as she helped Tracey sort out a house move with the housing association, and spent time getting to know her mother better. She soon discovered that beneath her mother's bleached blonde hair and tight clothes beat a generous and kind heart. The more time she spent with her the more easily Jenni could see how so many people had taken advantage of Tracey's good nature.
Nate rang her every night after she had returned from the hospital. He sent flowers for her mother and offered financial assistance. In reply, they chatted about work, the weather, the party. Everything except their feelings. Conversation between them remained brief and punctuated with lengthy pauses. Jenni often hung up after speaking to Nate and wondered why he'd called her.
Saturday morning dawned as one of the bright, crisp, clear winter days that made Jenni want to wrap up and go shopping. She pulled on her new coat and a warm scarf before heading for the high street to browse amongst the Christmas shoppers.
She had started on her way back to the flat when she spotted the dress. She had intended to wear the red one she had worn for the dinner at the hotel, but this one beckoned her from the stand in the window of a new shop just off the high street.
"I suppose there's no harm in trying it on," she mused to herself. Then noticing the sign announcing ‘fabulous opening offers’, she decided it must be fate and walked in.
* * * *
She had felt a little guilty at going to the party and wondered if she should spend the time with Tracey. Her mother, however, had soon stopped that idea.
"Go to your party and enjoy yourself. We've plenty of time to get to know one another again now. You need more pleasure in your life."
Jenni had been surprised at her mother's statement.
"From everything you've told me, Jenni, you were a good and dutiful daughter to your parents. I don't want you to miss out on things because you feel you have an obligation to me." Tracey stroked Jenni's cheek. "I've wanted to see you for so long. I never forgot you."
Jenni swallowed hard at the sadness on Tracey's face.
"I was so young, just seventeen and your father was the same age. I thought he was wonderful." She broke off and wiped her heavily made-up eyes with a tissue. "I didn't know I was pregnant at first. When I found out it was too late to tell him. His family had emigrated to Australia. I was on my own."
Jenni cried with her, tears coursing down her cheeks as all the questions she had asked herself over the years were answered at last.
"I tried to manage, but after a while I knew I wasn't being fair to you. You deserved much more than I could give you. You were such a good baby, I knew someone else would love you as much as I did, and would give you all the things I couldn't."
She sighed. "I tried to choose the best for you, Jenni. I always wondered who you'd look like. Eric, your dad, was so handsome. You're dark haired like him. He was an art student. All the girls hung after him. He used to play guitar in a local band."
For the first time in her life Jenni felt as if she knew who she truly was as the pieces of the puzzle had all come together at long last.
* * * *
Jenni took a taxi to the Langstone just after lunch. The hotel had given her and Nate a room each for changing and storage. She dropped her bag on the bed and looked around at the expensive drapes and bedcovers. A few short months ago, she would have been overwhelmed at the chance to stay in such a beautiful place. Nate was booked into the room next to hers. They had been told they could stay the night as guests of the Langstone management.
Jenni checked all the presents on the list and ensured Nate's Santa suit hung ready on a hanger in his room for him to change into, later in the evening. Now she knew how difficult he found the Christmas period, it moved her that he cared about his employees so much that he had continued the company tradition.
Reception phoned Jenni's room just as she stepped out of the bath, to let her know Nate had arrived. She heard him unlock his door as she towelled herself dry with one of the hotel's luxurious cotton towels. It troubled her that her heart raced and her legs wobbled.
"How am I going to do this?" she whispered to herself as she listened to the faint bumps in the adjoining room. Each time she had spoken to him on the phone, she had stuttered and stammered like a teenager. His conversation had been dry and impersonal, peppered with enough pauses she wondered if he'd call back the next night.
* * * *
Nate wasn't looking forward to the evening ahead. Lots of people all enjoying themselves, drinking too much, laughing too loud and making fools of themselves under the mistletoe. He scowled at the scarlet Santa suit hanging on the wardrobe door, a neat list of names in Jenni's handwriting pinned to the front.
"I should have hired a Santa." Even as the words passed his lips, he knew he couldn't have. His employees looked forward to seeing him dress up and have fun with them once a year. The party was a real tradition. One he knew his staff enjoyed.
The only good thing was that he would have a chance to talk to Jenni at last. If he could just get her alone to discover if he had any kind of chance with her, or if he had simply left it too late.
* * * *
Jenni added the finishing touches to her hair and stepped back from the full-length mirror. The midnight blue dress fitted her like a glove. The blue chiffon around the top of the bodice softened the line of her bare shoulders and the long slit at the back revealed her long slim legs.
She jumped when a short, peremptory knock rattled her door. After a last look in the mirror and a deep breath, she pulled the door open. Nate waited for her, resplendent in a tuxedo. The combination of his brooding good looks and the formal clothing conspired to render her speechless. Her carefully prepared greeting died in her throat.
His dark blue eyes travelled the length of her body from the tip of her coiffed hair to the bottoms of her spiky heeled shoes. The intensity of his gaze seemed to scorch the bare skin of her shoulders where the soft velvet left them exposed. He cleared his throat.
"I, er, thought we might have a drink together before everyone arrives. You can fill me in on the running order." His eyes never left her face.
Jenni struggled to make the constricted muscles in her throat function. She cursed herself for behaving like an idiot as she managed to croak out an acceptance.
"In that case, I'd be h
onoured to escort you to the bar." He proffered her his arm. If he noticed the momentary hesitation before she slipped her arm through his, he didn't comment.
A lone barman polished the glasses ready for the champagne, which waited to greet each guest as they arrived, in the empty bar. Jenni felt too nervous to contemplate alcohol of any sort just yet, so Nate brought a glass of lemonade to where she stood by the picture windows, looking at the gardens which were illuminated by various coloured lights.
"It's so pretty out there. Like a little bit of magic." She spoke without thinking, fascinated by the way the plants and trees assumed new forms when bathed in colour.
"It's very pretty in here too, Jenni. You look very pretty."
She felt a rush of heat at the suggestion in his voice. "Nate, I think it might be best if we go back to the way we were, don't you?" She decided to take the bull by the horns while she had the opportunity for a quiet face-to-face chat with him.
"Best for whom, Jenni?" The anger in his voice startled her. She had been so sure he would be relieved by her suggestion. His eyes blazed blue fire in a face that had paled. "I don't think it's going to be so easy."
"It wouldn't work, Nate. We wouldn't work." Jenni tried to school her voice so she would sound cool and dispassionate, as if she had considered it objectively. She couldn't look at him, because she knew her face would betray her.
"I see." Nate's voice sounded clipped and icy. "You've obviously given it a great deal of thought. Perhaps you'd like to explain why." A muscle pulsed in his cheek and his voice held a bitter edge.
How could she explain her feelings? Nate didn't love her, he felt sorry for her and she wanted, no, needed much more than that from Nate.
She took a deep breath.
"Jenni! Are we too early?"
She turned to see a group of girls from the administration office heading towards them. It already looked as if they were in the party mood.
