by Lori Foster
Shadow smiled complacently at him and started to leave the bed. Brent stopped her. "I don't like these strange illnesses that keep hitting you. I'll get you a pen and paper and you make the list right here."
"I feel fine now, Brent, you don't have to coddle me."
Exasperated, he growled, "I'll damn well coddle you if it pleases me to do so!"
His outburst brought her a fat smile. He threw up his hands and left the room to locate the paper and pen.
When he returned, Shadow was sitting cross-legged in the center of the bed. She said, "All right. I'll write down a few necessities and you can explain to me what you were doing in your office with Joan."
"Doing? I wasn't doing anything with her. We talked." Brent handed her the pen and paper.
Shadow wrote a few items on the list, then asked, "About what?"
"You're not still jealous, are you? There's really no reason, honey."
"No. I believe you. But I'm still curious. She called me earlier today." Shadow peeked up at him. "She informed me that you like to make love in your office and that she was going to see you. She also made some general insults. Nothing new."
Brent flushed. "I didn't touch her."
"I didn't really think you would."
At least she trusted him that much, Brent thought. "I considered what you told me. About each person finding his own happiness. When Joan tried to resurrect the past, I asked her how much money would make her happy enough to leave me alone."
Shadow gaped. "You didn't!"
"Yes I did. She slapped me, then screeched for a minute or two, looking frankly insulted, and finally demanded I apologize." Brent smiled at Shadow's enthralled interest. "I did. And then we talked, probably for the first time. Before she left, she offered to give me back the bracelet."
Shadow waited, her eyes wide.
"I insisted she keep it. As a sort of farewell gift."
Shadow scampered from the bed and threw her arms around him. "You really are a nice guy, you know that?"
"Then you're not mad anymore?"
Shadow kissed him. "Of course not. I'm glad you were kind to her."
"And you'll quit complaining when I want to coddle you?"
"We'll deal with that on an as-it-comes basis."
Smoothing down her unruly curls, Brent hugged her, his eyes filled with tenderness. "You're incredible." She lowered her gaze, toying with his shirt buttons.
Feelings swamped him—overwhelming, invading feelings—and he shook his head to clear it. "Did your swain call again?"
"That's right! I meant to tell you. He said he got your phone number from the book. But you're not listed."
"If he knew my name, he could have called information."
"I suppose. But he said other things. It almost sounded like he'd overheard us talking." She shivered. "It gives me the creeps to think about him being close enough to listen in on our conversations."
"He won't get close to you again. I promise."
"My hero," she teased. "Brent, it's not your responsibility to make that promise."
"I'm not about to let anyone hurt you, whether you think it's my responsibility or not." The idea of anyone threatening her did more than give him the creeps; it filled him with rage and scared the hell out of him. He had a gut feeling about all this. And until that feeling went away, he planned to stay close to Shadow's side, guarding her whether she thought she needed him or not.
They went over the grocery list together, a domestic chore they both enjoyed. Of course, anything Shadow did she did with laughter and teasing and pleasure. And Shadow was so openly sexual, so honest in her enjoyment of Brent, she didn't think twice about suggesting he add condoms to the bottom of the list.
Relieved that he wouldn't have to sleep on the couch, or renovate her vacant upstairs, Brent promised to pick up an adequate supply.
He left Shadow lying drowsily in her bed, looking so soft and feminine and desirable he wished he'd already gone and was on his way home. He kissed her gently on the forehead, listened to her whispered words of love and left with his mind a jumble of emotions, some so sweet they made his teeth ache, others so all encompassing he found it hard to draw a breath.
* * *
"Do you have to work late today?"
Brent smiled at Shadow over his morning coffee. "I can get off anytime. Why? You got something special in mind?"
Appearing vaguely shy, Shadow replied, "No. I took the day off. I was just thinking we could watch a movie and maybe pop some corn. I think I could even do dinner if you're interested."
She was nervous, uncertain how they should proceed, Brent realized. It had been a long time since she'd had anyone live, even temporarily, in a house with her. Checking his watch, Brent calculated quickly in his mind, then said, "I can be home by four. Will that do?"
Shadow beamed at him. "That would be perfect. I have laundry and a little cleaning to do before then, anyway."
"Don't overdo it, sweetheart. If you're still not feeling well…"
"Oh, I feel fine now. Just a little tired, is all. But I did hire an extra girl for the shop and she's anxious for the hours. Kallie said she's doing fine, so there's really no reason for me to go in. Besides, the weather looks nasty again. And they're predicting a record low today. I just thought it would be nicer to stay home for a change."
Brent searched her face. "If I didn't have a board meeting, I'd cancel my appointments…"
"Don't be silly. I'm fine. Really."
He could tell she wasn't fine. She was nervous, probably thinking about the phone calls and how close someone had gotten to her. Brent felt the now familiar rage, but squelched it. It wouldn't do to frighten her further.
He finished his coffee, stood to put his cup in the sink, then went to Shadow, pulling her from her seat. "Give me a hug and a kiss that will last me until I get home."
Home. That sounded very nice to Brent. Shadow squeezed him fiercely, almost desperately, then curled his toes with a passion packed, tongue licking kiss. She nearly fried his eyeballs with her enthusiasm. "Be careful, Brent. The roads are icy and too many people drive like idiots in the snow."
"I will. And Shadow?"
"Hmm?"
"It was very nice waking up with you beside me this morning."
"Especially since there weren't any screams?" she teased.
"It would have been nice even with a scream." He sought words to explain to her how much it meant to him, exactly how nice it had been, but came up blank. She gave her love so freely, but it wasn't that easy for him. He wasn't now and never had been a free spirit. His businesses, his life, his background all had required iron control.
He settled on saying simply, "Thank you."
Her smile warmed and her gaze lazily caressed his face. "You're very welcome. It was my pleasure." She touched his jaw. "I like waking with you, too, Brent. You're very handsome with your hair on end and whiskers covering your face. Your eyes are so dark in the morning, very sexy. Bedroom eyes."
Brent groaned. "Keep that up and I'll never get out of here." He kissed her again, quick and hard, then grabbed his coat. "Set the alarm as soon as I'm out the door."
"Quit worrying. I'll be fine."
"We already established my right to worry if I feel like it." He opened the door, then turned to her. "Be good," he said.
Shadow gave an exasperated laugh. Closing the door after him, she said to herself, "I'm not certain you'd enjoy me quite as much, Mr. Bramwell, if I actually behaved myself." She had a lot to do before Brent got home… Home. The sound of that sent a thrill down her spine. She headed off for the laundry room, whistling happily.
* * *
She'd been right to let him move in, Shadow decided a few days later. Once she'd thought about it, it had made sense. If he didn't love her yet, familiarity might take care of that. And in the meantime, she had him all to herself.
They'd settled into a domestic routine. The weather turned abominable, but even that suited Shadow just fine. Outside of work, they spent
all their time together and were learning more about each other with every passing day.
They missed Thanksgiving. With temperatures dropping to fifteen below, the windchill was at a dangerous level. Rather than brave the cold evening, they opted for their own private dinner.
There were no more phone calls, and more important, Shadow became increasingly positive she was pregnant.
Brent hadn't asked, so she hadn't yet volunteered the information, preferring to make certain with a medical exam before telling him. But as each day went by, she felt his love grow. No, he didn't voice it, didn't say the words she wanted to hear, but he showed it in a thousand different, more important ways. And that was what mattered, she assured herself. The words would come when he was ready. In the meantime, she'd force herself to be patient, even if it killed her.
She had an appointment for Monday morning with her gynecologist. She wrote the time down on her personal calendar and then stuck it in the drawer of the phone table. It seemed, for once, that things were going right for her.
Annie called and they made plans for lunch and a day of hitting the malls. Shadow wanted to find something special for Brent for Christmas. She didn't know what it would be yet, but she'd come up with something.
She was deep in thought, contemplating shopping and loving Brent, when he came through the front door.
She went into his arms for a warm hug.
There was deep satisfaction in his eyes as he kissed her. Seconds later, he held out a small gift, beautifully wrapped in pink-and-silver foil. "I bought something for you."
Shadow stared at his hand, unblinking. "A Christmas present?"
"No. This is for now, today."
She still didn't take it. "Why?"
Brent barked a short laugh, took her hand and put the gift into it. "Because I wanted to give you something."
Her fingers curled around the small box, her hand shaking slightly. "You don't have to buy me things, Brent. I'm not Joan."
"I know you're nothing like Joan. You're not like any woman I've ever known." His voice grew soft. "I just saw this and wanted you to have it. Please. Open it."
Shadow carried the tiny package to the sofa and sat down, holding it in both hands. She gave Brent a tentative smile, then pulled loose the ribbon. She had a feeling she knew exactly what was in that small box and it made her insides quiver. She didn't want an extravagant piece of jewelry in place of Brent's love. Gaudy diamonds or flashy chunks of gold meant less than nothing to her. She held her breath and lifted the lid.
Tears immediately sprang to her eyes. The ring was exquisite, simple and elegant and so unlike anything Shadow had ever seen before, she knew it was unique, just as Brent was. "Oh." The word emerged as two syllables, breathless and filled with wonder.
Two slender bands, one silver, one gold, twisted into a lover's knot, tied around a single perfect teardrop diamond. Brent saw the tears gathering in her eyes and asked hesitantly, "Do you like it? I know it's kind of different, but that's what I wanted for you. Something as special and one of a kind as you are."
Shadow held the ring in her fist and covered her face. She felt like a ninny, but tears overflowed her tightly closed eyes.
"You can have a different ring if you like." Brent sounded uncertain and unnerved by her show of emotion. "Hell, you can have anything you want. If you'd like a bigger diamond, a different setting, I'd be glad to take this back…"
He reached for the ring, but she snatched it to her chest. "Don't even think it!" Her bottom lip quivered as she looked at it again. "Oh, Brent. It's so beautiful."
After a silence, he said hesitantly, "You like it?"
"I love it." He stared hard at her, an intense expression in his eyes, and she added, "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
His smile was slow and hot. "To match the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
"The cold has affected your brain." She continued admiring the ring.
Brent took her hand and slipped the ring from her fingers. "I've asked you before. But you're the most stubborn woman I've ever known, so I'm asking you again. Shadow, will you marry me?"
She touched his face, loving him, and nodded. "Eventually."
"That's…" He stalled, her answer belatedly registering. His shoulders shook with silent laughter. "Always the unexpected, honey?"
"Always the truth."
Brent held her hand and carefully slid the ring over her finger. It was a perfect fit. He said, "I called your mother to ask what size to get."
"Oh, no! I'll never hear the end of it now! She'll be expecting us to get married soon."
Brent grinned wickedly. "I figured as much." He ducked as Shadow playfully swung at his head. "I'll take all the help I can get to convince you." He pulled her head down and whispered against her lips, "I want you."
The sudden lump in her throat wouldn't go away. She buried her face against his neck and held him tight. Would he ever tell her he loved her? Or were the words impossible for him to say?
Her heart ached; the ring felt warm and heavy on her hand. Patience, she reminded herself. But it was hard, so damned hard. She understood his reluctance; his only experiences with women had not been conducive to trust or sharing or true love. They were mercenary relationships, superficial and short-term. Brent was used to women who wanted something from him, not himself. It broke Shadow's heart to think of how he must have felt, knowing it was his bank account they found most attractive, not the man he was, not his character. It also left her feeling utterly helpless, because she could never again plan to marry without knowing there was love on both sides. She deserved that much. She wouldn't settle for less.
Shadow leaned forward, kissing him urgently, needing to show him her love, wanting him to see how important he was to her. She kissed his face, his nose, his eyes, his jaw. She heard his chuckle of appreciation. Her hands stroked over him, pushing clothes out of her way to feel his warm flesh, so hard and smooth, so strong.
Between returning her kisses, Brent made the enormous mistake of saying, "I should buy you jewelry more often. I love the way you show appreciation."
Shadow drew back. "Damn you, Brent Bramwell," she whispered, the words hoarse with emotion. She tried hard to tug the ring from her finger, but it was a snug fit and then Brent was there, covering her hands with his own.
"Hey, come on. I was only teasing."
"It's not funny," she tried to say, but the frustration was overwhelming, making it difficult to speak. "It's impossible for you, isn't it?" she finally asked. "You can't accept that I would love you, just you, for no other reason than that you're all I've ever wanted. And I'm not talking about money, damn you, so don't raise your eyebrow at me!"
"But that's a big part of me, Shadow. I am a businessman, a successful businessman. And even if I weren't, I come from money. I could have gone my entire life without ever working a job and not wanted for anything."
"You're wrong, Brent." She gave him a sad, deliberately pitying look. "You've been wanting all your life, only you won't admit it. At least I'm honest with myself. You could come back here tomorrow penniless and I wouldn't love you any less. Money never has and never will be one of my priorities."
Brent's laugh, filed with derision and disbelief, sounded forced to her discerning ears. "You would fall in love with a man who had no prospects, no way to support himself?"
"I didn't say that. You're not ignorant. I have no doubt you're more than capable of doing anything you put your mind to. You wouldn't starve or become helpless, waiting for others to do for you. That's not part of who you are, of your character. It's not a matter of finances, either. You're strong and self-confident, independent, intelligent, creative and compassionate—"
"Enough!" He rose to his feet, towering over her. "I'm not some damn paragon of humanity! I'm not perfect."
Shadow eyed him narrowly. "No. No, you're not. You're also insecure and cynical on occasion, and entirely too hung up on maintaining control. It's why you won't admit you
love me, I think. If you do that, if you make that final commitment, I'd have a part of you, wouldn't I, Brent? I'd have some of the control. I could possibly use that against you, though exactly how escapes me since I love you and would never be able to bear seeing you hurt."
Brent turned away from her. He stalked the length of the front room a few times, and when he turned back to Shadow, she saw that he was in perfect control again, and she wanted to howl, to scream and rant and sit in the middle of the floor and cry like a baby. She did nothing, simply watching him, waiting.
"Look, sweetheart, this isn't what I intended when I gave you the ring. I thought you'd be happy about it. I want to marry you, I want to have children with you and live together and spend every available moment with you. I don't want to argue with you."
Shadow looked down at her hand. The beautiful ring caught a glimmer of light and reflected it, shining brilliantly. She wanted to take it off, to do the intelligent thing and save herself a lot of heartache. She wanted to hand it back to him and ask him to go.
But she couldn't. She shook her head, feeling more helpless than she could ever remember. She forced a small smile.
"I think I'll take a warm bath and go to bed early. I'm going shopping with a friend tomorrow. I'll be gone most of the day—that's how Annie and I shop. We do breakfast, then hit the stores, we do lunch and then hit the stores. When our legs get tired, we stop to have coffee and a doughnut or something. I haven't even started my Christmas shopping yet."
"Shadow…"
"There's some lunch meat in the fridge if you're hungry. And soup in the cabinet." She tried for another smile, but couldn't quite manage it. "I…" She shook her head, not sure there was anything else to say. She left the room in a hurry, unwilling to make him suffer through her tears. She was a coward and a fraud. She was a hypocrite of the worst sort. And she wanted so badly for Brent to love her she didn't think she could have stood there another single moment looking into his face, so filled as it was with uncertainty and confusion.
The warm bath did little to help her relax. She fought the tears, but they came anyway. She dunked her head under the water and scrubbed with a vengeance.
