by Terry Towers
“Trevor! Ohmygod!”
He opened his eyes partway. He didn’t seem to look at me, but through me. “G-go a-away.”
I shook my head. “No. Where’s your phone?”
He didn’t answer, but closed his eyes and moaned softly.
Getting to my feet, I ran from the bathroom, down the hall and to the living room. They had to have a phone! Who didn’t have a damned phone? I found one hanging on the kitchen wall and quickly dialled 911. When the operator answered I began spewing off the information, but I really can’t even remember what I said.
~*~*~*~
“Wh-where am I?” Hearing Trevor’s voice, I dropped the book I was reading – Wuthering Heights for English class – to the floor and ran across the hospital room to his bed.
“Trevor. Hey.” Tears filled my eyes as I looked down at him. He was so pale and I could see scars littering his body. Apparently the rumors that he’d been abused had been true. I was angry with myself for not noticing that a kid I’d gone to school with for almost ten years was in such pain. I kinda felt I was partially to blame. I could have helped, if I’d just taken notice of him sooner maybe he wouldn’t have tried to kill himself. But he always seemed to fade into the background.
“Sidney.” He closed his eyes and slowly reopened them. “Where am I? What are you doing here?” He attempted to lift his head, groaned and let his head fall back to the pillow. “I messed up didn’t I?”
I looked over at his bandaged wrist. He’d sliced one, but not the other. “Dunno. I think you were lucky.”
He huffed and turned his face away from me. I could see tears beginning to stream down his cheeks. “Why are you here?”
“I found you.”
He turned his face back to look at me. “Why? Why did you come back?”
I shrugged. “Thought you could use a friend.”
He sniffed. “Yeah.” He closed his eyes and was silent a moment. I thought maybe he’d gone back to sleep, but he finally reopened his eyes. “Has my mom –”
I shook my head. She hadn’t shown up. It had been a day since Trevor had been admitted and the cops were still looking for her. “She’ll be around soon.”
“Just as well.”
Although even if she did come around Trevor wouldn’t be going back to the trailer. My dad had mentioned this morning over breakfast when he’d given me permission to cut school to stay with Trevor that child services had been notified and they’d be taking him into foster care. I really didn’t know what foster care consisted of, but it couldn’t be any worse than what he’d been living in, could it?
I sniffed, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. “I’m sorry, Trevor.”
He gave me a confused look. “For what?”
“Not noticing you. Not seeing something was wrong. Not stopping the guys sooner.”
“Not your fault, you’re the only one who was nice to me. Ever.”
Tears flowed freely down my cheeks now. My heart was breaking for him. “I’m still sorry.”
“Are you leaving now?”
I shook my head. “Dad said I could stay until things settled.”
He nodded. “Thanks. I’m kinda tired though.”
I jerked my thumb towards the chair, “I’ll be over there, ya know, if that’s cool with you.”
He smiled, it was a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless. “Thank you.”
Aside from my going home to sleep Trevor Ward and I spent every second of every day together for the next week. My dad gave me permission to continue to cut school to hang with him until he got well enough to be released to child services. He wasn’t just being treated for the suicide attempt, he was also severely malnourished, but after a week he started looking and feeling much better.
We spent our days talking, playing cards, watching the small television in the corner of the room. We became friends. Trevor was a really cool, funny, insightful kid, it sucked none of us noticed that before. His mom was still MIA. When Trevor was well enough to be released, child services took him away from me. I’m not sure where they placed him, but it was the last time I saw or heard from Trevor. His mother, however, turned up dead due to an overdose, which I could only assume was the reason why she’d never been tracked down while he was in the hospital. Her body was found in a dumpster behind a restaurant during garbage pickup. As the years moved on, Trevor and my brief friendship with him became a distant memory.
Chapter 15
Elijah – Present
After spending the past couple of hours staking out the addresses of the two men who’d attacked Sidney I was confident it would be a quick, easy job. They were both the usual lowlifes who didn’t deserve breath. The one I’d shot was hobbling around on crutches and the other’s head was bandaged, but other than that they seemed fine. There didn’t seem to be any cops staking out their places so it would be like shooting fish in a barrel. I wasn’t going to waste time with anything extravagant. One simple bullet to the head for each of them. Considering the area they both lived in and the rap sheets they both had, no one would really question it. Just two pieces of shit, getting themselves in over their heads with the wrong people.
I whistled as I walked into the front door of the house. “Sid!” I yelled out as I began searching the rooms for her.
No answer.
“Sid?” Finished with the downstairs search I made my way upstairs, my heart sinking with each step. What if she got angry again and felt because I went to run errands after our fight that I wasn’t worth her time? God, I hated being so fucked up over her. I’ve never been so twisted up over a woman – ever. But I couldn’t help this obsession to gain her love. Just couldn’t.
It wasn’t until I reached the upstairs landing and began walking towards my bedroom that I could faintly hear crying. My pace quickened. But I stopped immediately in my tracks as I entered into my bedroom and saw her wearing a little red satin, spaghetti-strapped negligée with a photo album in her lap, fingering one of the photos.
Guess I don’t have to worry about how to tell her, I mused. The album she had on her lap contained every single picture I had from my past, which amounted to a grand total of 14 photos. Not much for the fifteen years of my life, but picture-taking and family gatherings weren’t exactly what my childhood had encompassed.
“Sid…”
She looked up, tears streaming down her cheeks, her eyes red-rimmed. She sniffed. “Trevor?”
I nodded. “That’s what it says on my birth certificate, but please don’t call me Trevor.”
She looked back down at the photo album and then picked up the book at her side. She’d given it to me at the hospital to read so I wouldn’t fall behind. But I’d never returned to that school again.
“Why didn’t you tell me who you were? Why did you keep this from me?”
“Because I’m not that person anymore. I haven’t been that person for a very long time, Sid.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not.” I sighed as I walked into the room and took the album from her and closed it. I went to take the book from her but she clutched it to her chest, so I let her keep it. It was hers anyhow. After placing the album back into the closet I retrieved the album I assume she was searching for since the convention photo of us was sitting on the dresser and brought it over to her, along with the photo. Passing both to her, I watched her sniff and then place the photo inside.
“Come on.” I extended my hand to her. “How about we go for a walk on the beach and I’ll try to fill in the blanks for you.”
She nodded, accepting my hand.
I looked at her cute, yet skimpy negligée. “Do you want to change?”
“No. I’m – I’m good.”
It was one of the most beautiful nights I’d seen in a very long time. The sky was clear with the stars sparkling like little diamonds, while the moonlight bounced off of the waves, glistening, beckoning you into the water. We walked wordlessly down the beach hand in hand. This would have been the perfec
t night had I not had a story to tell that I’d prefer to keep buried.
I honestly wasn’t sure where to even begin. Okay, perhaps the beginning would be a great place to start, but it was complicated and painful and fuck… I hated dredging up memories that I’d much prefer to keep buried. That wasn’t my life anymore and I wasn’t that person any longer. I’d just as well forget the past and move on, but maybe once I was done she’d have a better understanding as to why I felt so deeply for her.
“What happened to you when you left?” Sidney asked, breaking the nearly fifteen-minute silence.
All right, she was going to ask the questions and I’d answer them, seemed fair. “I was taken into foster care. Brought here to California, in fact.”
“Wow, Nebraska to California, that’s quite a culture shock.” She looked up at me, curious.
“Yeah, I’m not sure how it came about or why, but it happened.”
“Did you know what happened to your mother?”
“The case was never closed. They’re saying it was an OD, but someone disposed of her body, chances are her pimp.”
“I’m sorry that happened.”
I shrugged. I’d hardened my heart towards my mother a long time ago. But I did avenge her death, many, many times, Speed Daddy being a prime example of that. As fucked up as it was, it was my way of honouring her memory. “It was going to happen. It was just a matter of when. She was either going to OD or be killed. It was the road she’d taken and she wasn’t interested in getting help.”
~*~*~*~*~
Sidney
I just wanted to hold onto Elijah and never let him go. I grew up in a loving, traditional family. I couldn’t even imagine what it had been like for him then, or now. “I tried to find you a few times.”
He chuckled, giving my hand a little squeeze. “I was tossed around from foster family to foster family for a while. When I turned 18 I changed my name and that’s the end of that. It’s not legally changed, but a name on a piece of paper isn’t important. I left my old life behind and Elijah was born.”
My eyes scanned him, from head to toe and back again. “And you look so different. Your body, the clothes.”
“I got sick of being a mark and being considered some low-class loser. The gym and martial arts classes of various disciplines became an obsession for me. And as you could have guessed, if it’s not Armani, or Gucci or one of the other high end designers I’ll never wear it. I know it’s irrational and absurd, the clothes don’t make the man, but it is what it is.”
Stopping in my tracks, I gave his hand a tug, making him stop with me. “Can we sit?”
He looked down at the sand and his brow furrowed. He was still wearing a suit so I pretty much knew what concerns were racing through his mind. Suddenly he relaxed and smiled. “Of course.” Taking off his suit jacket he laid it on the sand and motioned for me to sit on it, him taking a seat beside me. We both laid back, on our sides facing each other, our heads propped up on our hands.
“Can I ask you something? Something I never asked you before, but I’ve wondered about.”
Elijah hesitated. “Sure.”
“Why did you do it?” I knew I didn’t have to specify that by saying “it” I meant the attempted suicide.
“Shit, Sid.” He sighed, raking a hand through his hair and taking a faraway look, staring off over my shoulder.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I’ve just never been able to understand why some people do it.”
“You were there the day I was almost given a shit swirly, you saved me from it. That was just one instance. I endured months of that. Fuck, years. A whole lifetime of being treated worse than a stray, diseased dog, by everyone.”
“But I told you I’d make sure they wouldn’t bother you anymore.” A gust of wind whipped a strand of hair into my face and he swiped it back.
“I know you did. But that wasn’t just it. There was also the abuse from my mother and her boyfriends. While many of those scars you asked me about were from my martial arts training and various jobs, many weren’t. The circular ones were due to my mother’s pimp using me as an ashtray for fun. Or she’d get blitzed out of her mind and hit me, throw stuff at me, whatever. Everything combined. I just had too much. I got to the point where I’d had enough. I couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel and so I just didn’t want to endure any longer. It’s hard to chase a future you can’t see.”
Tears were forming in my eyes again. I wished I’d known. I wished I’d have done something for him sooner. It was a regret that had lingered with me long after Trevor aka Elijah moved away.
“But I would have made it better.”
He gently wiped the tears from my eyes with his thumb. “That day, that fifteen-minute drive back to my house with you being so nice to me, it was one of the best fifteen minutes of my life. I was happy for those moments with you, but after you left the darkness came again and I decided it was just time to end it.”
“If I hadn’t found you…” Tears came with a force now, streaming down my cheeks. No one should ever have to endure what he did. No one should have to feel the only way out was to take their lives, it was unfair. And I kicked myself for not seeing that he was suffering sooner.
“You saved my life, Sidney. And you won’t believe how grateful I was. Want to hear a secret, something I’ve never, ever told anyone?” Reaching behind me, he fumbled into his jacket pocket and produced a tissue and handed it to me.
I nodded. “Yes.”
“When I woke up the next day in the hospital and I saw you, I thought I’d managed to kill myself and you were an angel who was there to take me to heaven.”
I choked, a mixture of a sob and laugh caught me by surprise. “Hardly.”
He shrugged and cocked a brow up at me. “Of course, I was pretty high on painkillers at the time.”
A snort of laughter shook me as I gave his shoulder a punch. “How can you make a joke about everything?”
“Bully.” He pulled me into his arms and I clung to him. This was his story, his tragedy and I was the one crying, how messed up and narcissistic was that? “I’d rather laugh than cry, Sid.” He raked his fingers through my hair, stroking my locks until I was finished crying for him. “Can I tell you another secret?”
I sniffed, pulling back from him and wiping my nose. “Not sure I can take many more. But okay.”
“That week you took off of school to spend in the hospital with me… It was the greatest week I’d ever had. You gave me the hope I needed to change and move on, Sid.”
Another wave of emotion washed over me, but I choked it back. “If you want me to stop crying, stop saying things like that!”
He reached over me again and produced a second tissue and passed it to me. “I don’t plan on discussing this with you again, it’s a closed chapter in my life, so I might as well lay it out on the line for you so you can decide whether you want to stay or run as quickly as your legs will take you out of here.”
“I don’t have any plans of going anywhere anytime soon Tr –” he frowned at me “– Elijah.” I really didn’t think there was anything wrong with Trevor aside from the fact that he’d been given a raw deal and misunderstood, but if he wanted to say goodbye to who he was then I had no right to argue the point.
He continued to stroke my hair, his fingers tugging lightly and sending delicious shivers through me. I could see he was attempting to assemble his thoughts so I didn’t rush him, waiting patiently, my eyes searching his face for resemblances of who he used to be, but aside from his eyes he really didn’t resemble anything like the boy I used to know.
“When you found me and spent that week with me in the hospital, I’d never experienced kindness like that before and I fell for you.” He chuckled. “Kindness from the most beautiful girl I’d ever met, I felt like I’d hit the jackpot to have you spending time with me.”
“I wasn’t…” I lowered my gaze, heat colouring my cheeks, but he was having nothing of it
; grasping my chin he forced my eyes back up to his.
“I fell so hard, when I was sent away the only thing I regretted about leaving was you. But I knew I couldn’t come back to you as Trevor. I didn’t want you seeing the pathetic boy who needed rescuing.”
“And that’s why you never told me who you were?”
“I’m getting to that.” He tapped the tip of my nose as if I were a naughty child. “So I’ve been following your career, keeping track of where you were. The conventions. And… Stuff.”
I crinkled my nose up at him. “Stuff.”
“Yeah. I’ve been watching you closely. Admittedly, stalker closely. And you wouldn’t believe how many times at conventions I wanted to tell you who I was, but you scare me.”
“I scare you?” That didn’t seem possible. The new Trevor didn’t come across as scared of anything. The memory of him in the alley and the way he’d handled the two men who’d attacked me. He didn’t seem perturbed in the least. It was as if it were a common-day occurrence to him, like signing my name to a photograph for a fan was for me.
“Yes. Ummm –” His brow creased and I saw him struggling to decide if he should keep talking.
“You, what? No sense clamming up now. Might as well get all the secrets out of the way.”
He took my hand and laced his fingers with mine and brought our combined hands to his chest. “For over twelve years you’ve been in my heart. You’re the good part of me. And I’ve been in love with you since the day I woke up in the hospital, Sidney.”
I opened my mouth to say something, anything. I mean, I suspected he felt that way, but at the same time to actually hear him say it… It threw me. When it was left unsaid it wasn’t scary or crazy. But said out loud…
“Look, Sid. I don’t expect you to feel that way for me.” He gave a nervous chuckle. “In my mind I’ve been in this relationship a lot longer than you have. But you wanted the truth and I’m giving it to you.”
“It sounds crazy, you don’t even know me anymore, Elijah. You barely knew me then…”
