by Lacey Legend
Aliyah wanted to burst into tears, but she had to get out of this house—out of her house. The thought almost overwhelmed her. She ran to the entryway and retrieved her coat. She put the Christmas star that they had tucked next to her purse on a table in the entry area with a note she scrawled on a notepad from her purse.
Brad,
Don’t try to contact me. I know you’re married. I saw the pictures in your study.
Aliyah
She knew that she only had to hold back her tears for a short while. She wanted to be home and crying into her own pillow. She decided to make a quick escape and walk down the street, calling a cab as she walked so that she wouldn’t have to see Brad again. She knew that it would tear her heart apart to see him or hear his lovely voice.
She headed outside and went down the long and winding driveway. She needed to get as far away as she could. She asked a cab to come quickly and gave a rough estimate of where she could be found. She wasn’t sure how far she would have walked by the time a cab company sent someone. She didn’t command the respect and comforts that Brad did. If he needed a ride, he could practically snap his fingers and people would be there to take him anywhere. She wondered if his wife had the same privileges. His wife. The words in her head hurt her deeply. How could he have hurt her like this? Why did she have to pay attention to this man in the coffee shop? She had just gotten her life back and had so many things to do. Instead she spent her first few months as a well woman with someone who was using her.
As she walked, hot tears rolled down her face. She didn’t care how she looked. Her new heart was broken and she didn’t know how it kept beating so steadily in her chest when she was so upset.
Just before she reached the end of the long driveway and entered the public area where she would feel safely outside of his realm, his car pulled in and stopped next to her. He jumped from the car.
“What are you doing? Where are you going? Are you crying?” Brad’s questions rolled out of his mouth.
Aliyah’s anger had done nothing but heighten since the moment she saw the pictures in Brad’s study. “I know about your wife. I know you’re married. How could you do this to me?” Her disgust registered on her face and her fury and hurt showed in the way she stood.
Brad was at a loss. He was totally taken aback by her sudden change of heart and wondered why she had gone from his sweet, loving girl to this angry woman. “I’m not following you, love. Please get in the car. Let’s settle down and talk about it.”
“Settle down? You want me to get in the car and ‘settle down’? You should have thought about that before you settled down with your wife and then started playing around with me! I thought that I… I told you that I… “Her words trailed off but her anger remained in place. “I saw the pictures of you with your wife and realized how stupid I’ve been. You’re married and you played me like a fool. I’m done with you. I don’t date married men.” She turned and resumed her march down the driveway.
Brad stood staring after her. He was in shock, but he couldn’t let her go. This isn’t how he wanted to tell her but now he had no choice. He reached her near a snow covered tree. They should have felt cold but anger, upset, and the walk had taken the edge off of the cold. He stopped her gently with one hand and said with humility, “Aliyah, she’s gone. She’s… dead.”
Aliyah could tell by his face and voice that he told the truth. His face crumbled as he continued with the tale. “I was at work. It was a nice day and I knew that she was probably riding that day. She had a gorgeous stallion and she loved to take him out. He was strong and difficult for others to ride, but she loved him and he loved her. They rode as if they were one being.” He paused and ran his hand over his forehead, brushing his hair from his face. “I got a call from the stable man. He was worried when she didn’t come back on time from her ride. He saddled our mare and went after her. He assumed that she had stopped at a friend’s house but he wanted to be sure. As he rode, he heard the sounds of a horse in distress so he went in that direction. He… found her.” Brad had to pause as tears flowed down his face. “The stallion lay with a broken leg and my wife… was crushed beneath him with a broken neck.” His head dropped and the tears poured down.
Aliyah felt that time had stopped. She stood staring at this man. She could hardly believe that they were the same two people who had happily made love such a short time before. She could hardly believe that he was telling her this story now and had kept it inside for so long. “Brad, I’m so sorry. You should have told me. It isn’t fair to keep such important things from someone who loves you so much.”
Brad looked far away into the sky where winter birds fluttered their wings against the sky. “Aliyah, I couldn’t tell you.” His pause seemed to stretch for hours.
Aliyah tried to help him get past this lapse. “Brad, your pain is valid and I want to help, but you can’t keep these things from me. I love you and I want to be there for you. I still don’t understand why it had to be a secret.”
Brad turned and looked her in the eyes. “Aliyah, she didn’t die immediately. She was taken to the nearby hospital. She was in a coma for months. As time went by, I knew that she was gone. I knew she would never come back. The doctors tried to convince me to let her go, but I felt responsible for her. I had promised her family that I would take care of her. I had bought her that stallion and I couldn’t just pull the plug on her life. I had to try my best to bring her back. I hired every doctor imaginable. They tried experimental drugs and new age methods to try to bring her back. It was a waste of time and it was a gradual process to let go.
“I finally let the doctors do what needed to be done. Her brain was so severely damaged that she would never wake up, but her heart beat on. The doctors informed that she was a heart donor, so arrangements were made…” Brad’s sentence faltered away.
It took a moment for it to sink in. Aliyah’s eyes began to widen. Her hand flew to her chest. She felt her new heart beating beneath her fingers when she realized that she was the keeper of the dead woman’s heart.
“After we buried her, I kept thinking about that part of her that lived on in another person. I wondered who it was and if they… well, deserved it. I wondered who was allowed to live when she wasn’t. I wasn’t trying to judge or do anything about it. I just felt like I needed to see with my own eyes. It was a strange feeling to know that the heart I had felt beating next to mine was still beating. So I…” He looked up at her and continued, “…tried to find you.”
The pain in Brad’s eyes bored into Aliyah’s soul. The events of the day swirled in her head and she felt that she might pass out. She stepped away from him, their eyes still locked. Brad went on, “Aliyah, I didn’t plan to fall in love with you. I just wanted to see who you were. That’s why I hesitated, because I didn’t expect to be attracted to you. I didn’t try to get with you because of… well, you know. I wanted to make sure that her heart was in a good place. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I fell so in love with you and then I didn’t want to risk losing you.”
Just then the cab she had called drove up and stopped behind Brad’s car which was blocking the driveway. Aliyah turned quickly and jumped into the cab. She gave him Amber’s address and asked him to hurry away from there. It wasn’t the first time the cabby had been called to take a girl out of an uncomfortable situation with a man and he didn’t hesitate for a moment, but backed out of the driveway and they were gone.
Brad stood staring after them as the cab drove away. His emotions were raw and he felt spent. The car carrying the staff turned into the driveway and wondered why he had parked in the middle. Brad absently got into the car and pulled to the side while life continued around him as if nothing had happened.
Aliyah always tried to contain her emotions in public, but she cried all the way to Amber’s house in the back of the cab. The man driving was used to this type of thing, but it seemed different this time. The rough man asked, “Would ya want me ta stop and get ya some water?
I’d stop the clock and get that for ya.” Aliyah thanked him quietly and quickly shook her head no. The man felt protective of this beautiful, young woman in his back seat. “Well, ya just let me know if ya needs anything. Will ya?”
Aliyah nodded slightly but wished the man would just drive and let her cry it out. She was relieved to see Amber’s apartment building and practically ran up the stairs after paying for the cab.
Amber opened the door and Aliyah practically fell into her arms. “Oh, Amber. It’s so awful.” She wept openly in Amber’s bedroom where she wouldn’t worry little Jenna. Although she was just a baby, Jenna was a sensitive soul and would have felt terrible to see her precious godmother in tears. Amber left Aliyah to cry for a good, long while. She knew that talking was futile at the moment and that Aliyah needed a glass of water, a box of tissues, and a good cry at present.
Once Aliyah started to wind down, Amber went back in and stroked her hair. By then Jenna was tucked in with her nightlight on and the sounds of the ocean sounding from her nighty night noisemaker that was given to her by Brad.
Aliyah went over the events of the day. She was horrified to find out that so many things were going on that she wasn’t aware of. She speculated that he might not be in love with her at all but merely on the rebound. Then an even worse thought came to her mind. “Oh, Amber. You don’t think he’s in love with just this heart in some sick way, do you?” Fresh tears formed and spilled onto her face.
Amber looked at her with patience and concern. “Honey, I’ve seen you two together. He wasn’t just keeping his eyes on your chest. I really think that man loves you.” She continued to stroke Aliyah’s hair and then took her hands and sat her upright so that they could look at each other. “You’re a praying person. Have you considered that maybe the love in your new heart came to you to bring love into your own life?” Aliyah’s eyes softened and she decided to consider her friend’s words.
***
Aliyah stayed with Amber all week. She needed time to figure everything out. She was so in love with this man, but the circumstances were beyond confusing. She didn’t want to see him and she didn’t want to be alone. Staying with Amber was a perfect retreat. Jenna was a handful, but she also brought laughter into her life. Jenna’s unconditional love gave Amber the strength to carry on in life and now gave Aliyah the strength to sort through this difficult riddle.
The women woke up in the morning to the cooing of Jenna in the other room. She had taken to waking up in her crib and playing with her small toys and singing to herself before standing up to the railing of the crib to yell for her mommy. They hurried around the little apartment to get Jenna ready for daycare and to get themselves ready for work.
This would have been a pleasant time for them both except Aliyah’s heart ached for Brad. She missed him so much that she cried herself to sleep every night. She had blocked his calls on her phone because hearing his voice sent her into spasms of grief that were emotionally crippling. Amber was sweet about it and didn’t have high expectations for Aliyah, but Aliyah still helped out by making dinner, cleaning up, doing dishes, and helping with laundry. She tried to busy herself through the waking hours, but at night she would wake up feeling empty and find herself reaching for the love of her life.
On the last morning before heading back to her own apartment, Amber sat Aliyah down for another heart to heart talk. “Aliyah. I want you to consider this. You were given a heart and a new chance at life, but I don’t think that’s all you received. I think it was destined for you to get that woman’s heart. It was her time and it wasn’t your time. I don’t know why this was the avenue for bringing you and Brad together, but it is a good thing. You two are right for each other. I think this heart brought life and love to you.”
The Final Chapter
Time seemed to pass with a strange slowness for her, and as the days rolled by, Aliyah found herself getting back into a more familiar routine. Her heartache didn’t seem to go away, and so it was with that aching heart that she looked down at her phone one evening and saw that James had called her, and against her better judgment, she answered the call.
“Hey baby,” he said in a low, cool voice. “I’m glad you answered. I been missin’ you. What you been up to?” he almost sounded hopeful.
She shook her head. What had she been up to? Nursing a broken heart that wasn’t even her own. “I’ve been busy,” she said quietly.
“Well, at least you answered your phone this time,” he said, and she could hear a grin in his voice. “Listen, I just called because it’s almost Christmas and I got you something. Can I bring it by?” he asked.
Aliyah sighed. “You don’t need to get anything for me, James, we’re not—”
“I know... I know,” he cut her off. “I was just thinking of you and I saw it and wanted to get it for you. So, I’m actually here at your place. I’ll come up to the door.” he spoke a little more quickly and then hung up the phone, negating her chance at telling him not to come over.
Moments later, there was a knock on the door and she sighed and opened it up, seeing James standing there with a poinsettia and a bottle of wine. She sighed and stepped back to let him in.
“Hello, James,” she said with little patience.
“Hey baby,” he answered her, leaning over to kiss her. She turned her face from him and his lips made contact with her cheek rather than her mouth. He chuckled slightly and walked into her kitchen. She followed him in and crossed her arms over her chest almost impatiently as he opened her cupboard and pulled out two wine glasses. It annoyed her that he still knew his way around her place.
He opened the wine and poured them both a glass. She was impressed that he hadn’t brought over a bottle with a screw top lid; this one actually had a cork in it. He turned and walked to her, handing her the glass of wine when he was almost next to her.
“I got this one because it was like that one we had on Valentine’s day last time, remember?” he leaned close to her as she sipped lightly at the dark red liquid in her wine glass.
“Yes, I remember. James, I’m really not in the—” she began to tell him, but he held his finger up to her lips.
“Shhh... shhh... I know, baby. I know. You weren’t expecting me, and we’re not a thing now, but I just missed you, that’s all, and it’s almost Christmas. So have a glass of wine with an old friend and enjoy yourself. You got nothin’ else goin’ on right now, do you? Ain’t got no other guy around, do you?” he leaned close to her and took a long sip of his own wine.
She didn’t have anyone. She was alone and it was almost Christmas. She hated that she felt vulnerable and hurt. She hated that his closeness and attention and warmth appealed to her. She wished that she could get Brad out of her mind for even a few minutes, just for some peace from her heartache.
“No. There’s no one,” she answered him.
James grinned and moved his free hand to her wait, letting his fingertips move slowly over her hip, squeezing just a bit as he went. He leaned his mouth close to her face and smiled.
“That’s so good, baby. I’m worried about you bein’ alone though. It’s no good bein’ alone; not having anyone here to keep you warm.” he brushed his lips along her cheek and she closed her eyes, wishing that he was not there and also wishing at the same time that he could make Brad leave her mind and ease her hurt.
“It’s cold outside baby,” he whispered, setting his wine on the counter beside him and taking hers from her hand, setting it on the counter beside his. “Let me help you stay warm. Let me make you feel appreciated and feel good. I can make you feel so.... good...” Both of his hands moved up and down her hips, pulling her body toward him as his lips moved from her cheek to the hollow behind her ear and kiss by kiss down her neck.
She closed her eyes and let her hands move up his arms to his shoulders. Maybe he could block Brad out for even just a few minutes. James, seeing that his wine and his warm touch was getting him exactly where he wanted to be, lifted his face from the b
ase of her neck and he pressed his lips softly to hers, kissing her gently; soft little kisses that grew more tender and lingered, and then his hands moved up her torso and he cupped her breasts in his hands through the material of her blouse and began to rub his thumbs in circles around her hardening nipples.
She drew her breath in and focused as hard as she could on James, trying to force all other thoughts from her mind. He opened her mouth with his and slid his tongue over hers, twisting it and sucking on it as his erection grew and he began to press himself against the outside of her. She drew her breath in sharply and he stroked the length of his arousal against her in a slow and steady rhythm.
Aliyah kept her eyes closed and focused. James’ hands slipped over her blouse and in a flash, her blouse was opened as was her bra, and her bare breasts were being kneaded and held in his hands. He pinched the tips of his fingers around her nipples and lowered his hungry mouth to them, sucking and biting at them as she wrapped her arms around his head, drawing him nearer to her. Push Brad out... she told herself. Push him out. Focus on James.
James’ hands and mouth were working passionately at her breasts until he moved his hands to the hem of her skirt and slid it up her thighs to her hips, moving one hand to cup the rounded curve of her ass and one hand to the warm center of her panties. He began to massage his fingers over the material, drawing heat from her belly toward his fingertips.
He lifted his mouth from her breast and leaned his body against her, kissing her hard on the mouth as he rubbed at her and then began to fumble with the material of her panties to get his fingers beneath them to her skin, and all the while, all she could think of was Brad. The realization that she was using James to ignore her heartache and her love for another man—her real and true love for another man—twisted at her soul, and she knew that while James was just using her as well for his own pleasure, and that he would absolutely hurt her and treat her like hell as soon as he got what he came over for, neither one of them should be using the other for any reason.
