by Willow Aster
JAXSON AND I KISSED!
That was the theme of every thought I had overnight and while I got ready for school the next morning. I replayed the kiss and his reaction afterward. Maybe it was such a good kiss, he’d break up with Heather and want to be with me.
I made kissy lips in the mirror and then grimaced. I’d turned into an annoying girl overnight. One night of (phenomenal) kissing and I thought I was the shit. I grinned, remembering Jaxson saying it was the best kiss. I sighed and then saw the time and flew out the door.
I was jittery when I walked into school, and I wiped my sweaty palms on my bag. I saw Heather first, and she was holding Jaxson’s hand. My stomach fell, but I swallowed back the pain. It had been so stupid of me to think I could change anything between them. They were walking to their lockers and stopped to say hello to Miles on the way. I held back, trying to wait until they walked away before going to my locker.
I leaned against the wall and scrolled through Instagram. I have five minutes until the bell rings, I told myself. Deep breaths.
“Bells,” Jaxson called. “Hey, come here.”
I looked up and the three of them were looking at me expectantly. Another deep breath later, I walked to Miles’ locker.
“Why does he call you Bells?” Miles asked.
“Her name is Mirabelle,” Jaxson answered.
“But no one but my mum or his ever calls me that,” I said quickly.
“Mirabelle.” Heather laughed.
“I like it,” Miles said. “Bells is nice too.” He grinned.
Jaxson’s face darkened and he stared at me like he wanted me to correct Miles. I walked to my locker and looked back at Miles shyly. “Thanks.”
“There’s a party at my house this weekend,” Jaxson said. “I was just inviting Miles. You should come too.”
I was already shaking my head. “You know I’m not a party girl, Jaxson.” I looked pointedly at Heather then and said, “Your Christmas parties are about all I can take.”
She shuffled on her feet and I wondered if I saw a glimmer of fear in there. That would be a first.
“I know, but this weekend will be fun. We’re going to surf and then have a bonfire. Simple,” Jaxson added. “Come on.”
Miles walked over to me. “And I’ll be there this time—it’ll be fun,” he said.
I smiled at him. He really was so easy to look at.
“Come on, Jax, we need to get to class,” Heather said.
“One sec, I’ll meet you there,” Jaxson said.
“See you last period?” Miles asked over his shoulder.
“See you there,” I said.
Heather had walked a few feet away but stood waiting for Jaxson, watching as he moved closer to me.
“I’m going to make things right with you, Bells. Be the friend I should’ve been all along,” he said.
“You don’t owe me anything. Really. We cleared the air last night. Let’s leave it at that. We’re good.”
He glanced at my lips for a long moment and he flushed. He cleared his throat. “Right. Okay, I know. I don’t feel I owe you anything. I just want to be with you.”
I thought of all the times I’d wanted him to say those words, but even now, as he was saying them, it wasn’t how I wanted to hear them. But I’d try. I’d try not to think of him that way, once and for all. We were friends. Our lips were transcendental together, but that was beside the point. Friends.
“Fine, I’ll come to the party. Maybe Miles will bring me. I need to teach him how to surf.”
His mouth opened like he wanted to say something, but his jaw flexed and he nodded. “I’ll see you there.”
24
PAST
Scum accumulates in the most unexpected places.
I am finding that out the hard way.
I am more fortunate than I realized and for that, I say thanks to the heavens tonight.
Mira
“MUM!” I yelled. “I need a wet suit! It’s an emergency!”
I ran down the stairs and she was in the kitchen making dinner.
“Why an emergency?”
I leaned over and tried to catch my breath before spilling it all out in a rush. “Miles is taking me to Jaxson’s tomorrow night. I’m gonna teach him how to surf. My wet suit sags everywhere and my swimsuit is just…not attractive. I think it’s been three years since I wore one.”
“You’re going to Jaxson’s?” she said, setting her wine glass down. Her excitement was immediate. “I’ll take you right now.”
“Shouldn’t we eat first?”
“We might have to look at more than one place. Things are good with you and Jaxson again? When did this come about?”
“Miles,” I enunciated dramatically, “is the new guy that I went out with a few days ago. He’s so cute and nice, and he’s taking me to Jaxson’s.”
She tried to hide it with a smile. “But things are good with Jaxson?”
“We talked and things are better,” I said. “And we kissed, but it was nothing. He has a girlfriend!” I added hysterically and then slapped a hand over my mouth.
She gasped and then looked elated. “Well, not if he’s kissing you, he doesn’t…right? He ended things with her?”
I raised my head to the ceiling and groaned. “Nope.”
I really missed having someone to talk to…kissing Jaxson was something Tyra and I could’ve dissected for hours; I didn’t want to dissect it with my mother. I was just glad the bum groping didn’t slip out because I’d replayed that moment at least a thousand times in slow motion and my thoughts just seemed to be flying out of my mouth.
“He will. Don’t worry. He should have done things in the right order, but…I knew this would happen,” she whispered excitedly.
“No, no, it’s not like that. We’re not pursuing anything, so get it right out of your head. I shouldn’t have said it out loud.”
“Oh, honey. This was your first kiss, wasn’t it? How was it? Was it everything you dreamed it would be?”
I sighed, annoyed with myself for opening my mouth. But I couldn’t help but smile.
“It was…perfect,” I said. I looked down at the floor while my face burned with embarrassment.
She squealed. “I knew the two of you would eventually get there…” She clapped her hands and grabbed my arm. “Come on, we’ll eat quickly and go get you a suit that will have him eating out of the palm of your hand.”
“Ew, Mum. Gross.” I stopped her. “Listen to me. I’m not dating Jaxson, and we won’t be kissing again. It was a one-off. Okay? But I do need a suit for tomorrow.”
She smirked and twisted her lips to the side. “Whatever you say. We’ll see.”
I shoveled food in my mouth and between bites told Mum about how great Tyra’s Closet was going. We’d made an announcement and put up flyers. I’d made a Facebook event for it and it was getting a good response. Students were going to start bringing in clothes the next week.
“I mentioned it to the ladies at work too, and they all agreed to contribute.”
“Thanks, Mum. I’m excited about it. Hopefully it will make a difference for someone.”
THERE WAS a surf shop near work that I’d never been inside. It was sad to wake up to how much I’d missed out on. I’d given up things I loved because of how I looked and how out of place I felt, but I couldn’t do it anymore. Every time my stomach jolted with nerves about going to Jaxson’s house, I tried to turn my focus on surfing. And Miles. It felt good to have a new friend, and as crazy as things were with Jaxson, it felt good to have him back in my life too.
My eyes were immediately drawn to a short pink floral wet suit.
“Oh, that’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” I said, rushing to it. And then I saw the price tag. “Ugh. Not that cute.”
“Well, wait a minute, let me see,” Mum said. “How long has it been since we’ve bought you a wet suit? You should get the one you want.” She held up a black and white polka dot ruffled bikini and waved it. “And
this.”
I shook my head. “I can wait on a swimsuit. Even if I did get one, I can’t do a bikini.”
“Just try it,” she said.
THE NEXT NIGHT, with my wet suit zipped up to just the right place to be enticing but not too enticing, and cut off shorts, I grabbed my bag and opened the door. I was all set to run out, but Miles was there at the door, hand up to knock.
“Wow,” he mouthed when he saw me.
My mother rushed forward. “Oh hello. I’m Vanessa, Mira’s mum. So lovely to meet you.”
Miles shook her hand and smiled his perfect smile and I think my mum swooned right then and there. She looked at me and grinned, eyes twinkling.
“Aren’t you sweet?” she said to Miles. “Have fun, you two.”
“Should I have Mira home at a certain time?” he asked.
“Oh, I like you,” she said. “You’re going to my best friend’s house, so I know where to come looking if she’s not home by midnight. In fact, I’ll probably be over there myself tonight…” She held up her hands. “Don’t worry, I’ll stay out of sight.”
I giggled. “Love you, Mum. See you later.”
She winked and we left.
“She’s cool,” Miles said.
“She has her moments.”
“I love her accent,” he said. “Makes sense now why you still sound different...”
“Different, yeah.” I cringed.
“No, I love it. You sound exotic,” he said, grinning big.
My face heated and I hurriedly looked away. “You know, we could actually walk if you want. It’s really close.” I picked up the surfboard leaning against my garage.
“Sure, I’m good with walking. I can carry that for you.” He pointed at my surfboard.
“I’m good. Gives me something to hide behind,” I said under my breath.
“You look…incredible,” he said.
“Thank you,” I whispered. We shared a sweet smile, and I was relieved he was with me.
Jaxson’s house was a palatial spread ahead of us. There were torches lit along the path that led to the beach behind the house.
“I still can’t get over how huge this place is,” Miles said. “And he doesn’t act like some of the other people around here—like he’s better than everyone.” He looked at me. “You’re not like that either.”
“Well, you saw where I live. My house is a bite-sized snack next to this twelve-course meal. Not nearly so grand. But Jaxson and I—we come from the same place, the same beginning…”
“I don’t think you have an arrogant bone in your body,” Miles said.
I smirked. “Maybe I haven’t shown you the real me yet.”
“Guess we’ll just have to keep hanging out so you will.”
I smiled and nearly bumped into Jaxson, whose eyes were about to pop out of his head.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He took another look at me, lingering on my mouth, down the length of me and slowly back up again. My skin broke out into goose bumps. He dragged his hands through his hair and ran a hand across his face.
“Killing me,” I thought I heard him say. When his hand came off of his eyes, he let out a shaky breath. “Miles! Hey,” he said weakly. “Party’s this way. Glad you guys could make it.”
“I’ll just go set down Mira’s board.” Miles took it from me and pointed to the other boards. “I’ll be right back.” He walked down the path, and Jaxson and I watched him go.
“You like him?” he asked.
“Yeah, he’s great,” I said.
“Did you tell him we kissed?”
I looked at him sharply and then around us to see if anyone else had heard. “No! Why would I do that?”
He scowled, moving forward until his feet bumped into mine. “Are you trying to pretend it didn’t happen?”
I put my hands on my hips and wished I had grown six more inches so I could be nose to nose with him. “Are you saying you told Heather?”
“Told Heather what?”
Jaxson and I backed away from each other, both breathing hard. Heather stood there, panting and red-faced, like she’d been running.
“That Jaxson and I are friends again, and his mum isn’t even making him this time!” I said, grinning at Heather.
“Oh. Well…cool. Sort of seemed obvious though,” she said, looping her arm in Jaxson’s. “Are you ready to get in the water?”
Jaxson looked at me. “You ready to surf, Bells?”
“Sure. You still have all those extra boards? Miles needs one.”
“Right this way.”
SURFING CAME BACK to me like slipping on an old glove. I’d been worried I’d lost it, but by the second time out, I had my footing back. Miles was a natural. Between Jaxson, Derek, Heather, and me, he had advice coming at him from every side. After we’d paddled out and surfed in at least a dozen times, Miles looked like he’d been surfing forever. He was still doing the smaller waves, but a few more times out on the water and he’d be legit.
When the sun began to fade, we headed back to the shore and went our separate ways. Jaxson went to see everyone hanging out near the bonfire. Miles went into the poolhouse to change and since it was pretty full, I went up to the house. I ran up the steps and when I reached the top, I rounded the corner too quickly and ran into someone. He put his hands on my arms and held me in place.
“Who do we have here?” a man slurred. “I don’t recognize you.”
I didn’t recognize him either, and the way he was leering at me made my skin crawl. He was tall and muscular and old enough to be my dad. I pushed his hand off one arm and when he still held the other firmly in his grasp, I got scared.
“Let go,” I said.
He laughed and let go. “Relax. I don’t bite. Not here anyway.” He laughed and the smell of whiskey permeated the air. “What’s your name?” He licked his lips and put his mouth up to my ear. “Where are all your little friends?”
I backed away from him, but he moved along with me.
“You’re beautiful. I would remember if I’d met you before,” he said.
“Mr. Latham! What’s going on?”
I hadn’t seen Jaxson coming and when he put his arm around my waist, my shoulders relaxed.
“Ah, Jaxson, it feels like you’re everywhere I turn,” Mr. Latham said. “Where’s my stepdaughter?” He motioned to me. “Heather better keep an eye on this one.” His eyes got stuck on my cleavage and Jaxson moved next to him and put his arm around his shoulder, forcing him to walk away.
That was Heather’s stepdad? I shuddered. God, what was he like at home?
“Why don’t I get you some coffee? Did Mrs. Latham come too?” Jaxson asked, leading Mr. Latham to the house.
Jaxson looked at me over his shoulder, concern and fury on his face.
Thank you, I mouthed to him.
He nodded and I went in behind them. Mum was the first one I saw. She and Anne were with another woman—I could tell right away that it was Heather’s mother. She looked like an older sister instead of her mother. She was a stick, tinier even than Heather, and she looked utterly miserable.
I got out of my wet clothes and Jaxson was still in the kitchen when I went back in there.
“You doing okay?” he asked.
“I’m glad you came along when you did,” I said.
“Stay a—” he started.
Miles, Heather, and Derek came into the house then, interrupting whatever it was that Jaxson was trying to tell me.
“There you are,” Miles said. “Are you ready for s’mores?” He held out his hand, and I paused a second before taking it. When I did, he threaded our fingers together and my face grew hot.
All of the sound sucked out of the room, and when I looked up, everyone was staring at us. My mum looked amused, and I couldn’t tell what Jaxson was thinking. He looked like he wanted to hit something, but it was probably still about the whole Mr. Latham thing. I swallowed and turned to Miles.
“Lead the way,”
I said, and he smiled his perfect, sweet smile.
25
PRESENT
DD, I don’t need anyone ever again because my dog completes me. He loves me unconditionally, enthusiastically, and with such consuming passion, it’s hard to imagine anyone loving me any more than that. When I enter the room, it’s as if his world is complete—what could be better than that?
I FALL in love with Winston. It’s hard not to when he so quickly attaches to me. The day after I get him, he’s still out of it, but by the third day, he’s off of the meds and has more energy. He sits on my feet when I brush my teeth. He doesn’t let me leave his sight, and when I put his food out, he won’t eat unless I sit next to him. It takes him a while to work up his nerve to eat. He’s jumpy around everyone. On day four, he growls when Mum or Dave come to my door.
“Oh dear, maybe the name Grinch was more fitting after all,” Mum says.
I make a face and try to lull Winston out from under the bed, but he won’t come. When she’s gone, he runs straight to me and falls on his back, rolling around on the floor, nuzzling my hands.
“Gah, you have issues, don’t you.” I laugh. “Don’t we all.”
Liesl lets me bring him to work. He sits on my lap or in a little bed under the reception desk while I answer phones, and I guess he’s nervous enough with all of the extra people in the room that he doesn’t make a peep. When I get up to clean, he rushes out of his bed to follow me. Between my cast and him being underfoot, I nearly trip over him all day long.
Jaxson comes to see him every day and that afternoon when I get home from work, he’s there in a suit, talking to Dave outside. When Winston sees him, he growls.
“What’s this?” he asks. “Did he just growl at me?”
“He’s growling at everyone but Mira,” Dave says, laughing. “He’s claimed her.”
I pick the puppy up so Jaxson can pet him, and Winston’s body stiffens and he buries his head in my armpit. Jaxson looks hurt.
“He’ll come around. Right?” I ask.
He smiles but still looks sad. “It is adorable the way he loves you. But I have a bone to pick with those Amish for wrecking him.” He brightens up a little. “He just needs to get used to me. I need to be around you more, that’s all.” He lifts a brow. “How about we take him to Fiesta Island Dog Park? Take dinner with us. If he doesn’t like the water, he can still run around for a while…maybe see if he likes other dogs.”
