Liar, the voice in her head whispered. Of course she’d thought about it. There were nights she couldn’t sleep for thinking about being with him, touching him and being touched. Her body had been on fire, aching, needing.
“He’s not interested in me that way,” she said glumly. “I don’t think I turn him on.”
Beth didn’t say anything. Finally, Cindy looked at her friend. Beth arched her eyebrows until they nearly touched her fringed bangs. “Oh, stop it,” Beth said simply. “I’ve seen the smoldering looks that pass between the two of you. I’ve seen the little knowing glances and the touches. Don’t tell me you haven’t played footsie a time or two.”
The blush burned hotter. “We haven’t really done very much.”
“But you’ve done something.”
“We’ve, ah, kissed.”
“Did he want to do more?”
“I don’t know. He didn’t say anything.”
Beth rolled her eyes. “Cindy Jones, you’re the most unaware woman on the planet. If I didn’t know for a fact that you had children, I would swear you’d never been with a man. He doesn’t have to say anything. As for his wanting more, you know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“Ah, yes, well, maybe he was a little interested.”
“It’s little?”
“Beth!”
Her friend grinned. “Then you have your answer.”
“But he’s never made a move or anything. What if it was just a normal male reaction to the situation? What if it wasn’t about me specifically?”
“Then make it about you. Mike likes you. Why wouldn’t he want to make love? All you have to do is let him know that you want to, too.”
Cindy winced. “I can’t do that. What on earth would I say? `Gee, Mike, how about a roll in the hay?’ What if he’s not interested? Besides, it’s so complicated. Where? When? And what about birth control? I haven’t been on the Pill since Nelson left.”
“Condoms,” Beth said firmly. She took a sip of her tea and leaned forward. “This is the nineties, and you have to be sensible. Something else over-the-counter, too. Maybe that sponge thing.”
“I can’t do this,” Cindy moaned.
“Of course you can. Besides, if you don’t take care of birth control and he’s not expecting the invitation, he might not be prepared. Then where would you be?”
“Don’t you think it would be easier to just forget the whole thing?”
“Yes, but is that what you want?”
Cindy didn’t know anymore. Part of her wanted to be with Mike. She liked him, he made her feel alive and attractive. He made her believe that her dreams were still possible. Part of her wanted to run in the opposite direction. She’d never done anything like this in her life.
“I’ve only ever been with Nelson,” she said. “What if we’ve been doing it wrong?”
“Then you might as well find out now.” Beth stared at her. “I don’t understand. One minute you act as if you really want to do this with Mike, and the next you make me feel as if I’m pushing you into prostitution. What’s going on?”
“I’m scared,” Cindy admitted. “I’m afraid of what will happen if we do this, and I’m afraid of regretting it for the rest of my life if we don’t. I keep telling myself that you’re right. I’ve got to get back into circulation. I want to focus most of my attention on the children, but I have to take care of myself, too. Otherwise, when they’re grown and gone, I won’t have anything. It’s just so hard to find the balance. And I’m terrified. What if he doesn’t want me?”
Beth shook her head. “You’re crazy to worry about that. You’re a wonderful woman. I’ve seen the way Mike looks at you. Of course he wants you. What man in his right mind wouldn’t?”
“Nelson didn’t.”
“He’s dating bimbos and is hardly in his right mind. All you have to do is prepare a nice dinner. A few flowers, a tablecloth, wear a dress. He’ll get the idea.”
“You make it sound so simple. What if he doesn’t?”
“Then take his gun and shoot him.”
In spite of her concerns, Cindy laughed out loud. “A great idea, only he doesn’t have a gun.”
“Not to worry. You can borrow one of Darren’s.”
“Great. Then I’d be in prison, and I still wouldn’t have been with a man.”
Beth smiled. “Are the kids with Nelson this weekend?”
Cindy nodded.
“Then that’s when you make your move. You won’t have to worry about being disturbed. I promise not to call.”
The weekend was only two days away. Could she do it? Did she want to? It seemed so calculated.
Beth rose to her feet. “I’ve got to get home and phone Darren.”
Cindy followed her friend to the door. “You can call him from here if you want.”
“No, thanks. It’s going to be a very personal conversation. I’m going to tell him that I’m grateful that we’re married and beg him to never leave me. I wouldn’t do the single thing well.”
“Tell me about it.”
Beth stepped onto the front porch and paused. “You deserve this, Cindy. You’ve spent most of your life thinking about everyone but yourself. Take a chance. Have some fun. Mike is a good guy. He won’t let you down. You don’t have to fall in love. In fact, it would be easier if you didn’t. Just enjoy the moment and keep it to remember later.”
“That’s good advice. Thanks.”
She watched Beth cross the street, then circle around to her back door. She envied her friend’s married state. There were negatives in all relationships, but the good often outweighed the bad. Sometimes it was boring, but right now boring sounded wonderful. She wished it could have been different.
Cindy walked back to the kitchen and carried the tea glasses to the sink. She couldn’t change the past, but she could affect the future. She could make choices for the right reasons, not just because she was reacting to a situation. So what did she really want?
Mike.
The answer came swiftly and without warning. She wanted to be with him and know what it was like. Beth had been right. She needed the memories to carry with her. She liked him, she admired him. She was going to miss him when he was gone, but she wasn’t in love with him. At least she’d been sensible enough to hold on to her heart.
She prayed he was interested in her that way. She was reasonably sure he wouldn’t turn her down flat. After all, the few times they kissed, it had been wonderful. It would have been easy for things to get out of hand. She thought he liked her, too. It would be as simple as friends becoming lovers. Nothing more.
So she would do as Beth suggested. She would invite Mike over for dinner on Saturday night when the children were gone and she would seduce him.
* * *
Cindy had said to arrive at six, so Mike knocked on her door at 5:59. He’d brought over a bottle of wine. When a finger of guilt tickled his spine, he reminded himself he was just being neighborly and thanking Cindy for the invitation. He wasn’t trying to get her drunk.
He was still smiling at the thought when she opened the back door. His mouth dropped open. He closed it quickly and stared.
“Hi,” she said shyly, then stepped back to let him inside.
“Hi, yourself,” he managed to say, and handed her the bottle of white wine. As she took it and moved into the kitchen, he found himself unable to look away from her long, bare legs.
He’d seen them countless times before. She wore shorts every day. So that wasn’t different. But the dress was.
He found it odd that her shorts exposed more of her legs than the dress did, yet somehow a narrow skirt falling to midthigh was about a hundred times more seductive. And she’d been damned impressive in shorts.
He swallowed hard and raised his gaze. The pale peach fabric skimmed over her hips, hugged her slender waist before molding her back to her shoulders. There was a long, slim zipper from the nape of her neck down to the swell of her buttocks. His fingers itched to pull it. Whe
n she turned, he saw the sleeveless dress didn’t dip especially low, but it outlined her full breasts. Wide straps left her shoulders bare.
It was a simple dress. Nothing about it screamed sex, or even seduction. But he’d never seen Cindy in a dress before. Desire burst to life, filling him with a nearly uncontrollable need and sending blood to his groin. In less than five seconds, he was obviously and painfully aroused.
“You look great,” he said.
“Oh. Thanks.” She touched her hair self-consciously. She’d curled it.
He moved closer. She was wearing more makeup than usual. Her eyes were dark and mysterious, her mouth full and kissable.
Slow down, Blackburne, he ordered himself. This was Cindy, his neighbor and friend. Nothing more. The dress was probably just a whim. It was Saturday night, the kids were gone and she wanted to make herself pretty. It didn’t mean a thing and he would be a fool to think otherwise.
“Do you want some wine?” she asked.
“Sure.” He took the corkscrew she offered and opened the bottle. While she was pouring, he noticed the kitchen table was bare. He peeked into the dining room. The large table had been set with a tablecloth and fresh flowers. There were two place settings at the far end. The dimmer switch was turned to low and there were candles waiting to be lit.
“Here.” She handed him the wine.
“Thanks.” He took a large swallow and nearly choked. He recovered, then coughed a couple of times.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
He cleared his throat. “Fine.”
He tugged at his T-shirt. It didn’t have a collar but he felt something tightening around his throat. Nerves maybe.
She sipped her wine. The kitchen was silent except for the ticking of the wall clock. The oven was on. He could smell something delicious.
“What’s for dinner?” he asked.
“Beef Burgundy.”
“Then I should have brought red wine.”
“Oh, I have some for dinner. I thought we could have this first.”
“Are you trying to get me drunk?” he teased.
Instead of laughing, Cindy looked away nervously. “Would you like to go into the living room?”
The living room? Not the family room? “Sure.”
He followed her. She stopped to flip on the stereo system in the corner. The CD player had already been set. At the push of the button, soft music filled the room. He sat on the sofa, wondering if she would sit next to him. Instead, she perched nervously on the edge of the wing chair opposite. Silence stretched between them.
“It doesn’t seem as hot today,” she said at last. Her gaze met his, then slid away.
“I noticed. Are the kids with their dad?”
She nodded. “Nelson promised to buy them a few more things for school. Jonathan needs a jacket for when it gets colder. His is too small.”
Silence again.
Mike leaned back in the couch and rested his right ankle on his opposite knee. Something was wrong. This was Cindy and they’d never had a problem talking to each other before. She was bright, funny and he enjoyed her company. Only the stranger sitting in front of him wasn’t the Cindy he knew. Something had happened to her. Fear mixed with an instant need to fix whatever the problem was.
“Your hands are shaking,” he said quietly. “What’s wrong?”
She closed her eyes briefly and swallowed. “Nothing. Everything. Maybe you should just leave.”
He lowered his foot to the ground and leaned toward her. “What? Leave? What’s going on here? I thought you invited me to dinner.”
“I did. I just—” She raised her gaze to his. Her irises were dark with an emotion he couldn’t read. “I thought it would be easier than this. I thought—”
“What?” He set his wine on the coffee table in front of him and crossed the room. He knelt beside her and took her free hand in his. “Cindy, it’s Mike. You can tell me anything. Did Nelson say something to you?”
“Of course not. We’re back to him honking for the children. Everything’s fine with Nelson.... It’s you.”
She spoke the last two words so softly, he wasn’t sure he’d heard them. “Me?”
“I’m...” She snatched her hand away and glared at him. “Dammit, Mike, I’m trying to seduce you. Okay? Are you happy? You can laugh now.” She set her glass on the small table to her right and clutched her fingers together.
He couldn’t have been more stunned if she’d slapped him across the face. “You’re trying to seduce me?”
“Stop repeating everything I say.” She looked at him as if he had the IQ of a snail. “What did you think all this was?” she asked, pointing at her wineglass, then plucking at the hem of her dress. “There are candles and fresh flowers on the table.”
“I noticed.”
“You did? Then why didn’t you say something, or better yet, do something?”
“Like rip off your clothes?”
“At least then I would have known you were interested.” She rose to her feet and walked into the kitchen. Once there, she stood at the sink, with her back to the room.
“What makes you think I’m not?” he asked as he followed her.
She trembled slightly but didn’t answer his question. He didn’t know whether to laugh or tell her how foolish she was being. Why did she think she had to seduce him? Didn’t she know how much he wanted her?
The obvious response was no. She was terrified of doing the wrong thing. Judging from the way she was acting, his suspicions that she hadn’t been with anyone since her divorce had to be true. He would also guess that she hadn’t been with a lot of men before her marriage. Which meant she was practically an innocent. The thought should have scared him to death. But for some macho, perverse reason, he was pleased.
“Other women have it easy,” she said. “Other women seem to find men to have sex with. But not me. No, that would be too simple.”
“How many men have turned you down?”
“Just you.” She sighed. “Look, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have changed the rules without checking with you first. It’s not fair. I guess I just sort of hoped it would all happen naturally. If you only knew how awful all of this was.”
“What’s awful? The thought of making love with me?” He leaned against the doorframe.
“No, of course not. That’s what I wanted. But there have been so many details to work out. I’ve been overwhelmed. Finding the right dress. I must have changed about fifteen times. Then I had to plan the right dinner. Something elegant, but easy to eat and prepare. And something that didn’t need perfect timing. I mean, what if you’d instantly swept me off my feet? I wanted to be able to turn off the oven and not have dinner ruined.”
“What else?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t know which tablecloth to use. Red was too Christmassy and white was too, I don’t know, weird, I guess. Like it was a wedding or something. And then there was the whole issue of birth control.”
“You planned ahead?”
“Of course. I mean, what if you weren’t prepared? I didn’t think of that, by the way, Beth did.”
“You’ve talked this over with her?”
“In detail.” She clutched the edge of the counter so hard, her knuckles turned white. He could see the muscles in her arms tightening. “She told me to go for it.”
“I always liked Beth,” he murmured, more and more intrigued by this side of Cindy. She’d really thought this through. She wanted to be with him and had made it happen. He wondered if any other woman in his life had ever cared so much. He wondered if he ever had.
“What did you say?” she asked.
“Nothing. You were explaining about the birth control.”
“I didn’t know what to get. I haven’t been on the Pill since the divorce so I needed something for me, and Beth reminded me to buy condoms. This is the nineties, and I do want to be sensible. Do you know how many kinds of condoms there are?” She spun to face him and grimaced. �
�About a dozen brands, all these different types, with strange descriptions. What does it all mean? I was so confused. I had to stand there reading packages, like some pervert. Plus, I had to drive clear into the city so I could find a drugstore where no one would know me.”
“I hope you bought large ones.”
“What?” The color drained from her face. “What did you say?”
“What size box?”
“Oh.” Some of the color returned, although most of it centered in a bright spot on her cheeks. “I don’t know. The little one. I think it has three inside.”
He pushed off the doorframe and started toward her. On the way, he paused long enough to turn off the oven.
“Mike?” She glanced around as if trying to back up. Only the kitchen sink was behind her. She was trapped.
“Only three,” he said, stopping in front of her and lowering his mouth to hers. “That won’t be nearly enough.”
Chapter Fourteen
His lips were firm. The kiss didn’t last but a moment, still she felt it all the way to her toes...and her soul. Her arms hung at her sides and she curled her fingers into her palms. She wanted to touch him, she wanted to hold him and be held, only it wasn’t that simple.
She broke free of the kiss, then sidestepped, slipping past him and the island, heading for the dining room. Once there, she stared at the perfectly set table and sighed. It had been a mistake from the beginning. She wasn’t the seducing kind.
“You can leave now,” she said.
Mike followed her. He placed his hands on her shoulders. “You can’t believe that’s what I want.”
It was a lot easier to have this conversation without looking at him, so she continued to study the flowers she’d purchased that afternoon. “I know you wouldn’t want to hurt me. We’re friends, and you care about me. That caring might make you do something you’d otherwise rather not do. I’m not saying you’d have to grit your teeth and think of England, but maybe you’re being pushed in a direction you don’t want to go. I don’t want that.”
“I’m a grown man, Cindy. I know how to say no. Right now, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. There’s no one else I’d rather be with. This isn’t about you seducing me, it’s about me finally giving in to what I’ve wanted from the moment we met. Do you know what my first thought was when I was lying on my sister’s sofa, more dead than alive?”
The Bodyguard and Ms. Jones Page 18
