by Vivian Wood
He practiced his breathing exercises, filled his lungs up all the way and held it for four counts before a slow release.
Of all the women in all the world, it had to be her. Still, he didn’t question if she was worth it or if he was wrong. Everything was falling into place. But would Elijah accept it?
28
Lily
Lily reached down from the exam table and grabbed her cardigan off the chair. Her toes were frozen, even through her socks.
Why do they always make you get naked and put on these stupid paper gowns if they’re going to take forever to come see you?
When the nurse prepped Lily to see her GP, she gave Lily a look when the blood pressure cuff was released.
“That’s kind of high for you,” the nurse said.
“What is it?”
“It’s one hundred eighteen over seventy.”
“That’s … that’s not, like, bad though. Is it?” Lily asked.
“No, but you’ve always had low blood pressure according to your charts. Are you under a lot of stress lately?” the nurse asked as she made notes on her tablet.
That’s an understatement. “I guess so,” Lily said.
“Are you practicing self-care habits?” the nurse asked. “It’s important, especially as you get older.”
“I’m trying,” Lily said. She didn’t even convince herself.
“Well, the doctor will be in soon.”
Lily sat upright until she heard the door click shut. With a whoosh of air, she exhaled and looked around the room. Every movement made the paper gown crinkle. With the cardigan splayed across her thighs, she thumbed through the apps on her phone.
Don’t do it, Lily, she told herself, but she couldn’t help it. Once again, she searched “breasts tender symptoms” and watched the internet tell her she was either pregnant, dying, or both.
This is stupid, she thought as she read through the various conditions related to sore breasts. Breasts get sore! Your period is probably about to start.
But Lily couldn’t stop thinking about her mother. She was too little to remember the worst of it. Any talk about breast cancer and her mom had been veiled in front of her.
However, even as a child Lily had sought out breast cancer stories and early warning signs. Tender breasts were a common symptom.
Yeah, and it’s also a symptom of pregnancy and PMS. You’re on the pill and you’ve never had this degree of tenderness with your period—so what else could it be but breast cancer?
A sharp knock came at the door.
“Miss Hammond?” Her doctor appeared in the doorway, short and squat with thick round glasses. “I hear you’ve been having some tenderness in the breasts.”
The nurse rushed in behind the doctor and sat down in the chair in the corner. The gentle tap of her fingers on the screen put Lily on edge.
What is she writing?
“Yeah,” Lily said. “I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but my mom had breast cancer—”
“If you’re concerned about anything, it’s worth looking into,” the doctor said. “Lean back.”
Lily leaned against the coolness of the white paper that covered the exam table and let out a little gasp.
“Cold, I know. Sorry about that,” the doctor said. The middle-aged woman stared into the distance and concentrated as she palpated Lily’s breasts. Lily jumped at the touch.
“That hurts?” the doctor asked.
“Uh, yeah. Kind of,” she said.
The doctor shook her head.
“Sorry, I need to press a little deep for a full examination. Your OBGYN did a full exam eight months ago, is that right?”
“Yeah, that sounds right,” Lily said.
“And those results were all normal?”
“Yeah.” Lily winced as the doctor moved in calculated, sharp movements around her breasts.
“I’m not feeling anything unusual,” the doctor said. “You have quite a few cysts, but those are benign and normal for a woman your age. I’m going to order some blood work to rule out some other possibilities.”
“Blood work?”
“It’ll just take a few minutes. She’ll take care of that, and I’ll be back in a little while with the results.” The doctor nodded toward the nurse who tapped a few more lines into the notepad with certainty. “Any other questions?”
Could it still be cancer? Is it something worse? Just tell me what you think it is!
“No,” Lily said with a smile. “I’m good.”
“Alright. I’ll be back.” The doctor swept out of the room while the nurse prepped a needle.
“Just a little sting,” she nurse said as she tied a tourniquet Lily’s arm and searched for a vein.
“How long will this take?” Lily asked. She watched the vial fill with bright red blood.
“The on-site lab is pretty quiet right now. Not long,” the nurse promised with a smile.
“Can I get dressed?”
“Why don’t you stay in the gown a little longer? In case the doctor needs to do further examinations after the blood work.”
Lily sighed as the nurse disappeared, armed with blood and a flurry of notes. She replied to all her pending emails, scoured Buzzfeed’s LOL lists in an attempt to lighten her mood, and drafted countless texts to Cade that she never sent.
How the hell long is this going to take?
Finally, just as she thought she might die of hypothermia instead of whatever in her breasts was killing her, a knock came at the door.
“Miss Hammond?” the doctor asked as she walked in. “I have your blood results.”
“Oh?”
I’m dying. It’s some rare blood disease and I’m dying.
“You don’t have breast cancer,” the doctor said. “Your breasts are sore because you’re pregnant.”
“I’m… wait, what?”
“I take it you weren’t trying?” the doctor asked. “You’re in the very early stages. I couldn’t give you an exact timeframe without further testing, but definitely in the first trimester. First month, most likely.”
“I’m pregnant?” Lily waited for her heart to feel like it was barreling toward the floor, but it never came. Instead, a strange sense of lightness washed over her.
“Yes, you are. Do you have a professional you’d like to talk to? Your OBGYN? If not, we have referrals—”
“That can’t be right,” Lily said. “I take my birth control pills religiously. The same time I take my vitamins—”
“Miss Hammond, I’m understanding that this isn’t a wanted pregnancy. But birth control pills aren’t a sure thing. Actually, compared to other options like IUDs, they don’t have an impressively high success rate.”
“But… this wasn’t supposed to happen. Not now,” Lily said into her cupped hands. Her body was on fire. Any hint of coldness was long gone.
“I recommend you make an appointment with your OBGYN right away,” the doctor said. She patted Lily’s hand kindly. “There are options, especially this early on. Don’t make a rushed decision right now. The OBGYN we have on file for you is at Providence, is that right?”
“Yeah,” Lily said.
Her own voice sounded so far away. How could I be pregnant? Fuck, what is Cade going to say?
“I highly suggest you call today to get an appointment. The earlier you see your OBGYN, no matter what you ultimately decide to do about the pregnancy, the better.”
“Yeah,” Lily said. “Thanks. I’ll call them today.”
Somehow, she managed to get her clothes back on when the doctor and nurse left. Lily glanced down at her flat stomach.
How is this possible? She tried to come up with ways to tell Cade, but nothing sounded right. And he hasn’t even told Elijah yet. Telling my brother we’re together, or whatever, is one thing. But telling him I’m pregnant?
She couldn’t even fathom the fallout.
As Lily walked through the waiting room, she noticed a woman that had to be about ready to pop. I am so n
ot ready for this.
She ran through potential ways to start the conversation with Cade as she drove home, but came up with nothing. When she saw his Mustang parked on the street, her heart began to flutter.
Just do it. Just tell him. Get it over with.
Every step up toward her apartment felt like it took all the strength she had. Lily opened the door and saw Cade’s back in the kitchen. He was bent over the stove, the scent of grilled cheese all around him.
“Hey!” he said with a smile. “How was your appointment?”
“Fine,” she said. Lily tossed her bag onto the couch and moved into the doorway to the kitchen. She watched his broad back as he grilled the thick slices of bread. I can’t believe I messed it all up.
“So, I talked to Aiden today,” Cade said. “Smoothed things over. And Elijah—”
“You talked to Elijah?” she broke in.
“Well, he walked in on Aiden and me—”
“Don’t you think you could have told me before you talk to my own brothers? About us?” she asked.
He turned slowly and looked at her. “I thought we agreed—”
“Yeah, we agreed that we need to tell them, but not that you were going to take on the whole thing yourself!”
She felt the displacement of her anger, but she couldn’t help it. It felt too good, to buy some time. To redirect the rage at someone besides herself.
“Hey, what’s the matter?” he asked. Confusion clouded his eyes.
“What’s the matter is that you always have to be the freaking hero, and leave me on the sidelines just waiting for you to tell me when to jump. How high, all of that!”
“Lily, calm down—”
“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down.” Her voice shook with fear, and it sounded just like rage. “You don’t get to do that.”
She stormed into her bedroom, grabbed her jacket and shoved her feet into her wornout hiking boots. As she stomped toward the front door, she felt his eyes on her.
“Where are you going?”
“Out!” she yelled. “I need to be alone.”
“But I made dinner—”
“Oh, eat it your freaking self,” she said.
She slammed the door behind her with everything in her and made it all the way to the car before she burst into tears.
29
Cade
Cade waited for three hours, but Lily never came back. He’d never seen her like that before—picking fights and freaking out over nothing.
What the hell was that appointment about?
When she’d told him she had a quick appointment, he didn’t think much of it. Now, Cade realized he should have dug deeper. It wasn’t like Lily to keep secrets.
Had she gone to talk to Elijah?
By the time Cade had given up on her returning, he left the cold sandwiches on the kitchen counter and stormed downstairs to the parking lot. Tucked under the windshield of his car, he saw a yellow note in her familiar scrawl.
Went hiking at Northgate. Needed fresh air. Sorry, L.
Cade slammed the door shut and crumpled up the note.
What the hell is her problem?
His phone vibrated and he scrambled for it. Lily had turned off her phone, but maybe she was finally coming back to her senses. But it was Elijah’s name that lit up his screen.
“Hello?” he asked quietly. Cade didn’t know what to expect. What if Lily was with him? What if this was Elijah calling with a death threat?
“Hey!” Elijah said. His voice was light, happy. “Where are you?”
“Uh… just getting some gas,” Cade said as he glanced at the single pump the mechanic shop used.
“You nearby? Want to grab some coffee?”
“Sure,” Cade said. The last thing he wanted to do was get some coffee, but at least being around people would keep his mind off Lily. “Where are you thinking?”
Elijah laughed. “Where do you think? The usual. I have a craving for eclairs.”
“Uh, okay. See you there in ten?”
The last thing he wanted to do was go into Lily’s place of work with Elijah, but there weren’t any plausible excuses at the ready. He pulled the Mustang onto the main road and started toward the bakery.
Elijah was already there. He leaned casually against the truck with sunglasses perched on his nose. His eyes were impossible to read.
“Real hog, huh?” Elijah asked when Cade approached him.
“What?”
“The Mustang,” Elijah said. He slipped his glasses off. “It’s a real gas hog, right?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s not too bad,” Cade said.
“Come on. I need some caffeine. And sugar.”
The bell chimed as they entered, and Cade locked eyes with Jean-Michel at the register.
“Lily’s not working today?” Elijah asked, disappointed.
“No,” Jean-Michel said slowly. He looked at Cade curiously. “Wouldn’t he know—”
“That’s alright, we’re just taking some stuff to go. Right?” Cade interrupted.
Elijah looked at him strangely. “Are you in a rush? I thought we could eat here—”
“Young love, is always in a rush,” Jean-Michel said. “What can I get you?”
“Young love?” Elijah asked with a chuckle. “Sorry, Cade and I are just friends. Uh, half a dozen eclairs, two for here, and two Americanos.”
“Americanos,” Jean-Michel said with a sigh. “Terrible name. You should try the espresso. Or French press,” he said.
“Sure, we’ll try that,” Elijah said as he took out his wallet.
Cade felt the guilt settle in deeper as he watched Elijah pay. Secrets weighed an enormous lot. He felt the secret he kept from Elijah grow heavier every time they were together. It was almost impossible to keep himself from spilling it right on the spot.
But now? When Lily was freaking out? Obviously she didn’t say anything to Elijah, but then what else could it be? Is she having second thoughts?
The last thing he wanted to do was go and tell Elijah when Lily had come to her senses and realized she could do better.
What does she want with a broken guy who’s all messed up in the head, anyway?
“What did you say?” Cade snapped out of his thoughts at the tone in Elijah’s voice. Elijah stared at Jean-Michel in disbelief.
“I tell your friend, he better treat the young lady right.”
“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Elijah demanded.
Shit. All this planning, and the fucking Frenchman goes and spills the beans?
Jean-Michel’s eyes widened as he realized what he’d done.
“I mean nothing,” Jean-Michel said. “Just tease.”
Cade turned to Elijah.
“Come with me,” he said.
“But the eclairs!” Jean-Michel called from behind.
Cade followed Elijah dutifully out of the shop. The parking lot was deserted. Cars zipped by. Anything could happen here, anything, and nobody would see it.
“You want to tell me what the hell that guy was talking about?” Elijah demanded. His arms folded across his broad chest.
This is it. Just tell him. Tell him.
“I, uh, I don’t know what Jean-Michel knows—”
“I don’t give a fuck what he knows or doesn’t know. I want you to tell me the truth.”
“Elijah… Lily and I, we’ve been—well, we’re together.”
“And what the hell does that mean?”
Cade drew in a deep breath. At least he hasn’t kicked my ass yet.
“I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you,” he said quietly. “And, please believe me, we didn’t plan it—”
“How long has this been going on?”
“A few weeks?”
Elijah nodded. “And what do you mean by together?”
“We—”
“Are you fucking her?”
“Elijah, please—”
“Are you fucking my baby sister?” Elijah dropped h
is arms and Cade saw the balled-up fists.
“It’s not like that.” It is like that. “I—Jesus, Elijah, I have real feelings for her. Okay? We’re in a relationship, and it’s pretty serious—”
“Fuck, Cade! The one thing I told you not to do! The one thing! And you can’t even keep it in your pants. She’s my goddamned sister—”
“I know! I know, and I’m sorry! I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to lose you as my best friend. You’re like my brother—”
“Yeah, and Lily’s supposed to be like your sister! Or at least she was. I can’t believe you’d do this to me—”
“To you?” Cade asked in disbelief. “This … our relationship has nothing to do with you.”
For the first time, Cade realized that was true. What does it matter if Lily and I love each other? What does that mean to Elijah?
“She was the one person… what the fuck? What is wrong with you?” Elijah screamed. He lunged at Cade, who let his body go limp as his best defense.
“Hit me back!” Elijah screamed in his face. “Come on, you fucker, fight!”
Cade dropped to one knee and accepted the fists that showered his back. When Elijah hit his ear, he heard a sharp ringing and felt a sting that shook him to the core.
“What the fuck?” Cade looked up. Aiden raced around the corner. “Hey! Hey, both of you! I don’t know what the hell you’re doing, but a huge fire just broke out near Northgate.”
“Northgate?” Cade was breathless.
“Some idiot let a fire get out of control at the barbeque pits,” Aiden said. “You need to finish this shit about Lily some other time.”
“How do you know this is about Lily?” Elijah asked. “Shit, Aiden, if you knew—”
“Lily’s at Northgate,” Cade burst out. Both Elijah and Aiden turned to him.
“Fuck,” Elijah said. “Let’s go.” He reached down automatically for Cade and lifted him up.
“What are the reports?” Cade asked as he raced behind Aiden and Elijah toward the fire truck Aiden had parked at the end of the lot.
“Uh … up to twenty hikers are trapped,” he said. “And it’s only going to get worse if it spreads. I didn’t know. I didn’t know she was there—”
