Late one afternoon, after combing her fingers through Liam’s hair, Kiera stared out the window, taking in nothing. Amelia placed a cup of juice in her hand. “Drink this.”
Kiera raised the cup, not even tasting the liquid, and drained it. “Mom, I don’t know what else to do for him.”
“Honey, you’re doing great.”
“Am I? Because I feel like I’m failing.”
“Sweetie.” Amelia wrapped her up and rocked her back and forth. Kiera was transported back to her childhood, where chocolate chip cookies and a hug from Mom could fix all her problems. It was a feeling that Kiera had lost somewhere between IVs and debt payments. At some point she had become the parent, and in doing so had emotionally orphaned herself. With Amelia taking back the role of mother, of comforting Kiera as a child, Kiera was absorbed into the family unit wholly, which allowed her to lean into her mother’s hug and let it carry her pain as only a mother could.
She must have felt it too, because she said, “Cancer took so much from me.”
“Me too.”
“I know.” She rubbed Kiera’s arm as if she were trying to warm her up. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that, since you’ve been married, I’ve found a part of myself that I thought I’d lost—a strong part. But you needing me is good for me. I’m so sorry how that comes across. I’m not happy that you’re going through this, but I’m glad to know you still need me.”
“Mom, I always need you.”
“I know, it’s just nice to feel it.”
Kiera gave her a sad smile, noting that David had, in his absence, given her a gift. She’d have to remember to thank him if she ever saw him again.
25
When it became obvious that Liam couldn’t walk anymore, they moved a hospital bed into the front room, situating it so Liam could watch the sun filter through the trees. He’d gravitated toward that spot most days, and it seemed natural. He’d lost weight. Not wanting any life-saving measures, if he didn’t eat, he didn’t get nutrients.
Liam lay there, shaking in his bed, one afternoon while Kiera read to him.
“Mom,” he said.
Kiera set her Kindle in her lap. “You want me to get my mom?”
“No. Mom.” Liam waved his hand around, tears soaking the pillow.
Kiera got to her feet and leaned over the bed. “Liam, don’t cry, sweetheart.” Kiera dried his tears with a tissue.
“Mom,” he croaked.
Kiera searched his pleading gaze. “Do you want your mom?”
Liam calmed, and Kiera had her answer.
Taking her phone into the office, she slid the door shut. This would be her first conversation with David since he left. She’d sent a few more updates, but hadn’t been willing to establish verbal communication. She had questions she wanted to ask, questions that text messages just wouldn’t cover.
For Liam, she could do anything. Dialing David’s number, she steeled herself against the flood of emotions his voice would unleash.
“Kiera?” he answered in the middle of the first ring.
“Hi.” She pressed her palm over her mouth, grateful she’d been able to get that one word out.
“Is he …?”
“No. He’s asking for your mother.” This time, she lost it. Tears fell, her throat clogged with emotion, and she blubbered, “I don’t know how to reach her, but she needs to come.”
“How long does he have?”
“There’s no way to tell. It could be a couple days or a week. David, please. I’m so sorry you felt like you had to leave because of me. You should be here.”
Silence.
“Come, be with your brother.”
“I can’t. Not yet.”
Sobbing.
“I’ll call Mother.”
“Thank you.”
Kiera hung up and cleaned her face. David hadn’t come, but he’d done what she asked, and he didn’t sound angry; he sounded resigned. Knowing she could never remove the signs of tears, because they came fast and often these days, she pressed her forehead to the door and counted to ten—before going back to Liam’s side.
26
The next afternoon, a woman in a matching jogging suit and shiny hair ran through the front door. Kiera was in the kitchen pouring a drink and spilled orange juice all over the counter.
“My boy! My baby boy!” The woman threw her arms over Liam and sobbed into his chest.
“Mom.” Liam was able to lift his hands to rest them on her back. His face took on a contented glow.
Kiera tossed her cup in the sink, making an even bigger mess, and ran to the front door, hoping to catch David before he pulled away again. Careening around the corner, she ran right into his solid chest and fell back on her bottom.
“Geez, are you okay?” asked David as he leaned down to help her up.
“You’re here,” she gasped.
“I’m back.”
“To stay?” She folded her arms.
“To stay.”
The hurt and the pain and the sorrow exploded creating a chemical bomb inside Kiera. “You selfish son of a—!” She pounded her fists against his chest. “You left—You left! How could you do that to Liam? To me?”
“Hey.” David grabbed her wrists. Their eyes met, and the fight fizzled out like a seventh-grade science experiment. “It was Liam’s last wish.”
Kiera slumped against David for support. “Liam’s wish?” It didn’t make sense. Liam loved David.
“He wanted a honeymoon—just you and him. He wanted to know what it felt like to have you all to himself.” David looked away, his guilt showing through.
“Did you tell him you loved me?”
“No. But he could see the signs.”
“I didn’t want to hurt him.” Kiera’s forehead landed on his shoulder.
“You didn’t. Kiera, he felt—feels—nothing but love from you.”
Untangling herself from his arms, not even aware that they had encircled her, Kiera admonished, “Let’s make sure it stays that way.”
“I think it would be smart to have either one of us or both of us with Liam at all times. That way he never has to worry about us being alone without him.”
“I think that’s a good idea.” She turned to leave, and David snagged her hand.
“My feelings haven’t changed, Kiera.”
“I know.” And I’m eternally grateful. She’d texted some pretty awful things, and thought some worse ones, but David had remained true. Try as she might, she couldn’t keep the love from blooming in her heart. Kiera motioned towards the front room. “Perhaps you should be with him and your mom for now. I’ll check in soon.”
“I’m sorry you’ve had to do this alone.”
Kiera shrugged. Knowing it was Liam’s wish, she’d forgiven David one hundred percent. She couldn’t blame Liam. She just … couldn’t. “You’re here now, that’s what matters.”
“I won’t leave you again.”
“I know that too.” Kiera walked away then, overwhelmed with the implications of his promise, because she knew he wasn’t talking about the time between now and when Liam passed on. He was talking about forever—and it was a wonderful promise.
27
Obituary
Liam Tucker Bernhard passed away in his sleep on a spring day surrounded by family. He was preceded in death by his father, William Boyd Bernhard, and is survived by his wife, Kiera Bernhard, brother, David Bernhard, and his mother, Nancy Bernhard. There will be a private viewing for family and friends Thursday night at seven. Funeral services will be held Saturday morning at ten …
28
Kiera stood next to Liam’s casket wearing a black dress that brushed her knees and low flats. Trish from BMB had arrived yesterday with a garment bag and a hug. Kiera hadn’t thought about what she’d wear to the funeral and was grateful Trish filled the gap. The past week had moved with excruciating speed and unbearable slowness as they planned the services, had Liam moved to Boston, where he would be buried in the fam
ily tomb, and grieved.
Strangers offered condolences. People who had known Liam his whole life used handkerchiefs and offered sympathy while Kiera moved like a doll who had blank eyes and an empty head. She heard the buzz coursing through the family, friends, and associates over their whirlwind romance. She also heard the term gold digger tossed out like a bone in front of a mutt. Refusing to bite, Kiera hung close to Liam while David hung close to her.
David and his mom’s constant support and obvious acceptance put a damper on some of the gossip. Nancy Bernhard, as it turned out, was a kind and gracious woman who loved her family fiercely. Because of her honest love and care for Liam, Kiera had been welcomed, and heaven help the person who tried to divide asunder Nancy’s family.
Kiera didn’t care what they thought of her, but she was upset that they would think Liam stupid enough to marry someone after his money or unworthy of a lasting love. She was offended on his behalf, maybe more so because she knew he would have forgiven them with ease.
Nancy had asked her to say a few words during the service, and Kiera reluctantly climbed the stairs to the podium. She wished she’d said no even as she was grateful for the chance to share the Liam she loved.
Twisting the white handkerchief Trish had forced into her hand, Kiera began. “Liam often said that life was too short.”
She stared at a long, skinny grain in the wood that suddenly swelled to trace a knot. “Life was too short to hold a grudge. Life was too short to pass up a gelato. Life was too short for fear. For Liam, life was just too short not to make someone happy.
“I guess when you believe you’re not going to live long, you want to live your best. It’s not a lesson many people can grasp. I sure didn’t—not until he taught me how.
“As a nurse, I’ve sat with several terminal patients and listened to their regrets. Do you know what they said? They said they were sorry they didn’t call their parents more or that they missed going to their granddaughter’s softball game. They’re sorry they weren’t a good friend.
“I think if Liam were here today, he would say that life is too short for sorrow, grudges, and petty words. Liam would tell us to dance and eat gelato and love.” Kiera’s eyes lifted to find David.
“Love is sometimes the scariest chance to take, and yet, it’s what life is all about. I think that what Liam taught me most was that life, God, the world, the universe, it’s all about love. The giving and taking. The hoping and losing. The grasping and the letting go. Love is the blessed burden we bring into this life and the gift we take with us. I pray we can all love as Liam did, with cheerful abandon.”
She returned to her chair and sat between Amelia and Nancy. David put his arm behind his mom and rested his hand on Kiera’s shoulder.
He was still there. He would always be there—loving her in his way.
Despite her words, Kiera wondered if she would ever be whole enough to love David back.
29
Kiera stared out Liam’s window. All signs of cancer had been swept from the house by Ella and the hospice group. Liam’s bed was gone, donated to the organization that made him comfortable in his last days along with a couple million dollars. The television was still there, though the screen was as black as the cloud of grief that enveloped the household at Liam’s passing.
“Everything is ready.” Ella spoke softly. No one had talked above a whisper for weeks. The cavernous cabin had been a tomb of sorrow. Nancy didn’t accompany Kiera and David back, saying she couldn’t face the memories, but Kiera had to return. This was the last place Liam had been, and his spirit lingered here along with the smell of his body wash. The building was their home.
“Thank you, Ella, for all you’ve done. I’m going to miss you.”
“Thank you. This job has changed me.” Ella picked up a picture of Liam and Kiera on their wedding day. Several photos dotted the home, one of Ella’s many touches. “Do you mind?” She hugged the frame close. Kiera had an identical image on her nightstand.
“Of course.” Kiera stared at her reflection in the glass, willing it to give Ella a hug and say goodbye. But her reflection didn’t move, and Ella slipped into the hall and to the front door, which she opened just as the bell rang.
“I’m here for Kiera Bernhard and David Bernhard.”
Kiera knew it was Pamela, recognized her voice, but she had a hard time caring. Her mother assured her that at some point her ability to feel would return. From Kiera’s standpoint, that was unlikely to happen. It was impossible for a woman’s heart to stay intact when her soul mate carried part of it to the next life.
“There you are.” Pamela’s reflection joined Kiera’s in the window, and David’s soon followed.
“Pamela, welcome.” David shook Pamela’s hand. “I apologize for the state of the house; we’re going through a tough time.”
“I understand.” Pamela pulled an iPad out of her bag. “I hate to interrupt your family time—” Her eyes jumped from Kiera to David. “—but I made a promise to Liam and I’m here to make good on that promise.”
Kiera turned around.
“Would you like to sit?” Pamela motioned to the couch.
David took one end and Kiera took the other. Neither one was willing to leave the home, but they’d perfected the ability to live together while maintaining a three-foot bubble between them.
Pamela sat between them and motioned them closer. “You’ll need to see the screen.”
They scooted in as Pamela set the pad on the coffee table, using the case to prop it up. A few swipes later, Liam’s face filled the frame. Kiera’s hand went to her mouth, and she bit her cheek. The picture hanging in the guest bathroom was behind him, and he was healthy and handsome, and her chest burned.
“Excuse me a moment.” Pamela stood, pressed play, and then stepped to the side, giving Kiera and David the best view.
Liam cleared his throat. “I’m about to do something selfish and I hope you two can forgive me. Kiera, I love you with the power of a thousand years. Our souls are connected in a way I never imagined possible, and finding you while on this earth is a miracle. I love you, and I know you love me. What we have is beyond this world, but it was not made for this world. Will we be together again someday? Maybe. I’ll be hoping for it.”
Pressure mounted behind Kiera’s eyes and teeth as she fought for control. “He always knew exactly what to say.”
“David, you are the best big brother I could have ever hoped for. Your loyalty knows no bounds, and I see how you are pulled between your love for me and your love for Kiera. I’m sorry for that, but I’m not going to give her up. Not yet.
“Kiera, I’m asking David to leave for a while so I can be with you. I want this time alone with my wife. Please forgive me for this one selfish act. You have my blessing, when I’m gone, to be together if you choose.
“Kiera, you once asked me what my masterpiece in this life would be. I didn’t know it at the time, but I’ve come to realize that you and David could have a masterpiece of a life … together. I won’t haunt you—I promise. Although, if you wanted to name your firstborn son after me, I think that would be appropriate.”
Kiera laughed through her tears.
“I love you both, and above all else, I pray for your happiness.”
Kiera stared up at Pamela. “When did he send this?”
“Weeks ago.”
She hugged her stomach. Liam was amazing! His love and concern for Kiera reached beyond the grave. He thought sending David away was selfish, but he’d given Kiera more love than she’d ever known in such a short amount of time. He’d shown her that she was stronger than she ever thought and capable of loving on a level that traversed time and space.
Pamela moved the iPad and sat on the coffee table, facing Kiera. “I have made hundreds of matches in my time, and I’ve had three mismatches.”
Kiera lifted the corners of her mouth with great effort. “And I thought I was a singularity.”
“No, my dear. I don’t und
erstand why it happened, and I’m so sorry. But I need you to know this was not a mismatch. Liam was not a mistake.”
“I know that, Pamela. That’s what makes this so hard.”
Pamela took Kiera’s and David’s hands. “This is not a mismatch either.” Placing David’s hand on top of Kiera’s sent warmth up her arm. Focusing on the awakening of her soul, Kiera flipped her hand over and clutched David’s fingers.
An earnestness filled his being. “I could never ask you to stop loving Liam—that would be like asking me to stop loving him, and that isn’t gonna happen. But is it possible that you could love me too?”
Pamela, the couch, the room, the world melted away, and Kiera stared into David’s indigo eyes, the eyes of a man she had grown to love and respect. That love sputtered to life, bursting through Kiera’s heart. Pushing his hand away, she fell into his open arms.
David stroked her hair, his embrace as sure and strong as she needed. He held her tight. “We’ve unfinished business, Bugatti.”
“We do?” She gripped his shirt, unwilling to let him go just yet.
“We do.”
“Can we go together?”
“Always.”
30
Kiera, her arm looped through David’s, strolled along the streets of Rome, a chocolate gelato in her free hand. “How’s your pistachio?”
“Not bad.”
“But it’s not vanilla?”
“I heard that the first vanilla bean grew in the Garden of Eden, and when Eve was cast out for eating the apple, she took it with her.”
“You made that up.” Kiera swatted him.
The Resilient Bride Page 13
