Drop Dead Beauty

by Wendy Roberts

  After Sadie took down the particulars from the caller, she hung up and headed for the door.

  “I’m going out on a job,” she called over her shoulder.

  Dean didn’t bother to respond. Most likely he was still in shock over Sadie’s slutty past behavior.

  She packed up her Scene-2-Clean work van and pointed the nose of her vehicle south toward Auburn. On the way, she took a call from Maeva.

  “How are you holding up?” her friend asked.

  “As good as can be expected. I’ve concluded I’m definitely pregnant.”

  “You saw your doctor?”

  “That’s tomorrow. After I left your place I bought out the pregnancy test selection at Rite Aid. Eight different ones said I was pregnant. If even one had wavered slightly I could’ve ridden the denial train a little longer.” She paused. “Besides, my boobs hurt like crazy, I’m simultaneously nauseous and starving, and I have to pee every five minutes.”

  “Look, I know this isn’t what you bargained for, but I’ve seen the way you look at Osbert and you’re amazing with him. You wanted kids one day, right?”

  “Sure. One day. When I was married and, you know, had nothing else to do.” She changed lanes and sped into traffic on the highway. “Truth is, once Dawn had a baby it took a lot of pressure off me. Mom was thrilled at least one of her daughters gave her a grandbaby, so she stopped asking when I’d be jumping on the marriage train and pumping one out.”

  “So when are you going to tell Owen?”

  “I e-mailed him that we should talk.”

  “Are you going to tell him over the phone? Don’t you think this would be better done in person?”

  “I’ll ask when he’s coming back to Seattle. If he has no plans to return in the near future, then I guess I can either tell him over the phone or wait until he does come back and then just hand him a five-year-old.”

  “And Zack?” Maeva’s voice got quiet.

  “I don’t know what to do about that,” Sadie replied truthfully. “I was just getting my hopes up that we’d started dating. He’s making a real effort and acting like a complete gentleman. We’re supposed to see a movie this weekend. Once I tell him I’ve got a bun in the oven and he does the math and realizes how long it’s been since we’ve had sex, I’m guessing I’ll never hear from him again.” Her throat tightened.

  “You don’t know that. Maybe he’ll be supportive.”

  “And maybe pigs will fly,” Sadie murmured. “What kind of guy says, ‘Oh, you’re pregnant with somebody else’s kid? That’s okay, how about dinner tomorrow night?’” Sadie forced a laugh. “Anyway, I’m on my way to Auburn to meet a client, so I should go.”

  “I thought you weren’t going to meet up with anyone until we figured out what to do about your increased talent?”

  “Increased talent? Is that what we’re calling it?” Sadie guffawed. “I was thinking of it as more of a pain in the ass, or the supernatural’s way to sabotage my already messed-up life.” She drew her lips into a tight smile. “Anyway, it’s a suicide so—yay for me—that means no ghosts.”

  “All right, but do me a favor and call me when you’re done so I know you’re okay.”

  Sadie agreed and then ended the call and concentrated on driving. She was meeting the client at a coffee shop a couple blocks from the house that needed cleaning. Finally she located the place and found parking out front. When she walked inside, Sadie scanned the crowded room and zoomed in on an older woman who had grief written all over her sunken eyes and wringing hands. Sadie spent a few minutes listening to the woman’s tale of woe, offering her a sympathetic ear. Then she explained how her business worked and got the name of the woman’s insurance company as well as a key to the house. The poor woman had been away on a monthlong vacation and had allowed her niece to stay in the house. Unfortunately, the majority of the time she’d “stayed,” the niece had not been alive. Heartbroken over a recent breakup, she’d taken a bottle of pills and left a note. She obviously hadn’t given much thought to the damage that would be caused to the home and to her aunt when her body went undiscovered for a couple of weeks.

  Once she was back in her vehicle, Sadie made her way directly to Forest Ridge Drive. At least, she meant to go directly. She started feeling queasy and thought a little food might help. She stopped at a McDonald’s a couple blocks away from her destination. She was inside trying to decide what to eat when the burger smell caused her queasiness to turn into full-fledged nausea. Sadie bolted to the washroom just in time to empty her stomach into the toilet. Her cell phone rang as she was getting to her feet. Instinctively she tugged the phone from her pocket, and caller ID told her the person calling was Owen Sorkin. Startled, Sadie fumbled the phone and promptly dropped her BlackBerry into the toilet.

  “Damn,” she muttered as she gazed at the phone sinking to the bottom of the contaminated bowl.

  In that moment Sadie was acutely relieved that she’d dodged the bullet of an extremely uncomfortable conversation with Owen. She wasn’t looking forward to telling him that one of his swimmers was an overachiever. She was also saddened by this unexpected and grody end to her cell phone.

  She stared into the toilet bowl for a second before simply hitting flush. Once outside the washroom the burger smells hit her again, but this time she discovered she was famished. Sadie got a burger and a milkshake to go.

  It wasn’t long before she pulled up to the Forest Ridge Drive home. True to form, the house appeared to live on the edge of a forest, or at least a lot of trees. It was a simple bungalow with an attached drive and nicely landscaped shrubbery. The air smelled of the thick, damp foliage in the area, but she knew from experience the aroma inside the house wouldn’t be nearly as fresh and the biggest pine air freshener in the world couldn’t cover up eau de rotting corpse.

  Sadie rolled up the back door of her van and pulled out a hazmat suit and her camera. She walked to the front door and paused on the stoop with the key in the lock before pulling on her respirator. Even from outside she could smell the decomposition. She opened the door and stepped inside. The décor was very 1980s, with a color scheme of gray and rose throughout. The short shag carpet had lasted well the last twenty-five years, but sadly it would not survive the pungent bouquet that now saturated the rose-colored pile.

  Sadie snapped a couple routine pictures of the living room, but the area where the body had been discovered was in a guest bedroom, so she made her way down the hall. Even though the body had been removed over a week ago, flies were thick at this end of the house, telling Sadie that the sticky fluids and remnants would cause her ample work.

  She opened doors in the hall as she walked, taking pictures of the main bathroom and master bedroom before opening a smaller room at the end of the hall. There was no mistaking what had occurred here. Sadie nonchalantly photographed the outline of sloughed skin on the floor where the body must have lain. Abruptly, she began to feel light-headed. Sadie straightened, rolled her shoulders, and took a deep breath through her respirator.

  “You can do this.”

  She walked to the back of the room, swatting flies away from her mask as she went. Although she began to feel dazed and groggy, she also had an odd mellow sensation envelop her.

  “It’s fi-i-ine,” she told herself. “You’re oka-a-ay.”

  But she stumbled around the room and smacked her head on the wall, becoming instantly aware that she was definitely not okay. Suddenly all she wanted to do was lie down on the carpet in the exact location the young woman had died. She wanted to close her eyes and sleep forever.

  Somewhere deep inside Sadie found the strength to put one foot in front of the other and bring herself outside the house. Once she’d left the building, she pulled off her respirator and took in deep, cleansing breaths. The drugged feeling was gone but a new feeling of utter despair encompassed her. She’d felt like she’d swallowed a handful of n
ighty-night pills. Exactly like the woman who’d died inside the house. Even though she couldn’t see the ghost, apparently her new pregnant self could still feel how she died.

  “This sucks!” she screamed.

  Her outburst startled a couple of crows from a nearby cedar hedge. Sadie doffed her gear and bagged it before climbing inside her van and driving back toward home. The sun was setting and it had begun to rain. She turned on her lights and wipers and concentrated on driving and also focused on sulking about her life situation. How the hell could she make a living if she was going to pawn off her jobs to other trauma cleaners? More than ever she needed to be banking funds. Who knew how long she could physically work in her condition? Sadie made a mental note to check with her supplier and order larger hazmat suits. Did they come in supersize, jumbo with expandable prego bellies?

  Her mind was a whirl of questions with no answers. When she returned home it was early evening, and she planned to call Maeva to update her about being able to feel the deaths of suicides as well. Maybe her friend could offer some advice. Sadie shuffled inside her house and was thrilled not to be greeted by Detective Petrovich. She needed to think things through. She needed a plan of attack.

  She needed a nap.

  Sadie lay down on her bed fully clothed with the idea of resting her eyes for just a few minutes. When she woke up light was streaming in through her blinds.

  “I was beginning to think you were dead.”

  Sadie sat up and blinked at Petrovich.

  “What time is it?” she asked.

  “Ten in the morning. If you hadn’t been snoring so loudly I would’ve thought you were dead for sure. I tried talking to you but you didn’t move a muscle. The phone’s been going off like crazy next to your head, but it didn’t even make you flinch.”

  Sadie sat up and stretched. She felt much better. Hairy sat on the floor of the bedroom looking up at her.

  “Guess I needed the rest.” She picked up her bunny and stroked his softness. The home phone handset had a blinking red light indicating missed calls. She dialed her voice mail and listened to a message from Owen.

  “Hey, got your e-mail about talking but I’ve had no luck reaching you on your cell phone. By the dozens of unanswered e-mails I’ve sent you, you’ve probably guessed I’m a persistent guy. So call me back.” He left a throaty chuckle followed by his phone number.

  Sadie blushed to her roots just listening to his voice. He wouldn’t sound nearly so happy-go-lucky when she told him their little romp around her house had slipped one by the goalie. She hung up the phone and sighed.

  “Well, I’m glad you’re awake because I’ve been thinking about how you can help me clear my name,” Petrovich told her. “I’ve got the perfect plan.”

  Sadie cringed at the idea of doing detective work, but truth was, she owed it to the detective. She placed Hairy back on the floor and then got up from her bed.

  “Fine. I’ll listen to your plan, but can I shower first?”

  She didn’t wait for his response but snagged her housecoat from the hook on the back of her bedroom door and walked to the bathroom. Stripping off the clothes she had fallen asleep in, Sadie stepped into the hot spray. She lathered shampoo into her hair, rinsed, and squirted on conditioner. While she waited for the conditioner to fix what a hundred dye jobs had damaged, she began to think about Zack. Then Owen. Her hand went protectively to her stomach and she burst into tears.

  When she got out of the shower her face was puffy and her eyes were pink and red-rimmed. Wrapping the housecoat around her body, she opened the bathroom door and shrieked in surprise.

  “Oh my God! You scared the shit out of me!” Sadie cried at the sight of Maeva standing outside the hall. “We really need to talk about the proper use of an emergency spare key.” She waggled a finger in Maeva’s face. “Here’s a hint: It’s for emergencies.”

  “This is an emergency,” Maeva exclaimed with hands on her hips. “I’ve been calling your cell and home phone all night and you haven’t answered either! You promised to call me after your job last night. I’ve been worried sick!”

  “Oh.” Sadie dragged her fingers through her wet hair. “Sorry about that. I fell asleep. Before that my cell phone ended up in a McDonald’s toilet somewhere near Auburn.”

  Sadie made her way to the kitchen and poured herself some orange juice. Maeva helped herself to a glass of water and they sat together at the kitchen table.

  “So, apparently, my new so-called talents aren’t giving me a free ride with suicides either,” Sadie grumbled as she slurped her juice.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, usually it’s a quiet cleanup time for me around a suicide clean. You know that. But this time, I began getting woozy and feeling stoned. Luckily I got the hell out of Dodge before the victim’s overdose totally did me in.”

  “Oh no.” Maeva looked seriously at Sadie. “I guess that settles it. You’re off work for a while.”

  Sadie tilted her head and regarded her friend coolly.

  “Maeva, in a few months I’m going to be a single mom. If anything, I need to be working my ass off just to be able to afford a couple months off.” She put her glass down.

  “Then we definitely need a plan,” Maeva announced firmly. “Have you done the math?”

  “In my head. I last had sex ten weeks, two days and four hours ago.”

  “You did that in your head?”

  “What can I say?” Sadie shrugged. “I’ve been in a bit of a dry spell and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. My doctor appointment is in an hour.”

  Maeva’s phone chirped and she glanced at the text message.

  “I should’ve thought of this before,” she said, hitting her forehead with the palm of her hand. “I should take you to see Rudie.”

  “Who’s Rudie?”

  “Rudie Hernon. He’s a friend of mine and also kind of a mentor to Seattle psychics and mediums.”

  Sadie walked over to the cupboard and took out Hairy’s kibble. She filled his bowl with food and his other with fresh water. Hairy hopped over and sniffed his food but seemed less than impressed.

  “How come I’ve never heard you mention him before?”

  “Well . . . Rudie is different. Kind of an odd duck. Still, if anybody will be able to help you, it’ll be him.” Maeva made shooing motions. “Go get ready and I’ll make you a piece of toast to munch on the way.”

  Sadie thought about all of Maeva’s misfit friends and associates, and now she was extremely curious to see what kind of person Maeva considered to be an “odd duck.”

  Sadie left Maeva in the kitchen and made her way to her bedroom, followed by Hairy. When she entered the room Dean appeared shortly after, looking pissed.

  “I wanted to talk to you about the idea I had for helping me get out of this mess,” he said.

  Sadie opened drawers and pulled out jeans, a T-shirt, and under things.

  “I know, but Maeva has an idea for someone who can help me with my situation.”

  “You’re not going to see some back-alley doctor, are you? I mean, I’m all for women’s rights and all but—”

  Sadie frowned at him.

  “No, that’s not what I meant.” Her hand went protectively to her belly. “Since this new hormonal situation has developed, I’ve had difficulty speaking to the dead, and actually, I physically experience the pain of how the person died. When that feeling takes over, I can’t communicate with the dead and I can’t help them go over.”

  “That’s weird.”

  Sadie sighed.

  “My life is weird.”

  “So given your current state you couldn’t even go to that Jonelle’s Day Spa and talk to Jane, could you?”

  “I don’t see how I can talk to your dead ex-wife in my current state,” Sadie admitted. She put a fist to her stomach as acid craw
led up her throat.

  Hairy was hopping around Dean, obviously wanting some attention.

  “Fine.” He nodded. “You go and try and fix that and I’ll share my idea with you when you get back.”

  “She’s also bringing me to my doctor appointment—afterward you can tell me about your idea. Meanwhile, share your idea with Hairy. He’s a real good listener.”

  Dean glanced down at the rabbit with a pained look on his face.

  “This is what things have come to. I’m hiding out in a psychic’s house while wanted for the murder of my ex-wife and the only one I have to listen to me is a bunny rabbit.”

  Sadie did feel sorry for Dean, but at the moment her life wasn’t exactly rainbows and buttercream frosting either.

  After chomping down some antacids, Sadie left the house. Maeva drove with Sadie in the passenger seat nibbling peanut butter on toast and wishing it was birthday cake.

  “There’s a lot of pressure to eat right when you’re pregnant,” Sadie said, eyeing the last bite of toast critically. “How do you totally change your habits for nine months?”

  “If you’re nursing, it’s even longer than nine months,” Maeva remarked, stopping for a red light.

  Sadie groaned. “I never thought of that. How did you do it?”

  “You just keep telling yourself that you’re growing a little human being inside your body and that everything you consume has to help them grow.”

  “You kept telling yourself that and it worked?”

  “Not all the time, but Terry was really supportive too. Being a caterer, he would make me tons of really healthy meals. Sometimes I’d fall off the wagon and I’d tell Terry I was on my way to visit you, but I’d drive to 7-Eleven instead. I’d sit in my car drinking a Slurpee and devouring M&M’s and an entire canister of Pringles by myself.”

  “So you screwed up once in a while. You’re still pretty perfect.”

  “It was a weekly ritual.” Maeva steered into a parking spot in front of Sadie’s doctor’s office and put the car in park. “Sometimes twice a week.” Maeva nodded toward the door to the building. “You ready?”